Notes: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Warning: Slight end of series/movie spoilers.

---x---

He didn't remember coming back through the Gate, which probably was better for him this time around. It wasn't pleasant, and it wasn't informational. It was in fact a holy terror, and the sort of experience that would leave you with nightmares for the rest of your life.

Maybe it still would for him. Because even if he couldn't picture what had happened, even if he didn't hear the screams and cries, he could still feel it. This time through wasn't like the last time he took this trip back to his own world. There was no prying open of the Gate, no valiant return to save the day, no collapse in a dramatic entrance that would prove to his opponents that he was not someone to be counted out. He was the Fullmetal, and he was not to be taken lightly.

Yet he was thrown through those doors this time, like the other side didn't want him anymore.

It was Alphonse that had found him, which could have been considered precisely appropriate given the circumstances. It was Alphonse that scooped him up despite not being nearly strong enough to hold him for long, and stumbled to the hospital with his big brother on his back. He staggered inside, gave the older Elric to the doctors, despite their patronizing looks and his own thoughts of, Yes, they know who we are…and waited.

And it was Alphonse who that night cried over Ed's body in the cold, sterile, white room, and prayed to some God that he didn't honestly believe in…prayed that his brother would be ok.

---x---

It didn't take long for him to receive the news, there in his secluded outpost in the cold where he was sure to be unhappy with his thoughts and emotions and everything he always avoided. He condemned himself to this, and that he knew, but then the day – this day – arose.

Fullmetal had returned.

Mustang couldn't forgive himself for not being there right away, but he could get to Edward as soon as humanly possible. And so he did. He arrived at the hospital, and despite the questioning and disdainful looks and his own thoughts of, Yes, I'm back ...he followed the directions down the hall and entered Edward's room.

He didn't exactly expect the old Edward, but he hadn't expected this. It occurred to him then that he'd been fooling himself. The boy – boy…man? – was in a hospital. How else could he look?

Not like this. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

While Edward slept, silently and peacefully, Mustang sat on an uncomfortable chair, unfolding and refolding the piece of paper that was wearing where he held it between his calloused fingers. When it was delivered to him by a nameless soldier, he had read and reread it. On the trip to the hospital, he repeated the words to himself, read them again just to make sure he'd understood it correctly. Three words, how could he mistake them? Now here in the room, the words hadn't changed, he knew that…but he read it again.

He's back.
-Al.

Simple. Simple words that he'd been waiting to hear for three years. Words that could get him out of that self-inflicted prison, away from the fears of his future and threats from the past.

It wasn't exactly fair, he supposed then as he stuffed the paper into his jacket pocket, expecting a boy – MAN, Roy – a man who couldn't even stand on his own to somehow fix the broken heart, mind, and ego of a man fallen from grace. Not that Ed even had to do anything. Just watching him, his shallow but steady breaths causing his chest to rise and fall slightly, his blonde hair tangled but laying gently across his scraped face, the face that even in sleep held such sorrow and pain and yet at that moment a sense of serenity…just watching him gave Roy that sense of security and responsibility he'd been missing for so long.

He longed to see those golden eyes. Those eyes would show the Ed he missed.

And in what seemed to be too eerie a coincidence, they flickered. Roy thought for a moment he'd imagined it.

"Mgnf…"

He couldn't help when he inhaled sharply and held the breath there. His grip on the chair tightened. This is real. He's back.

"Edward?" Roy whispered, hesitant and uncertain, scared that somehow speaking any louder could scare him away

"Mmmph…" Ed turned his head slowly, his eyelids still heavy, leaving just a slit for him to see through. "Co…Colonel?"

Roy found it odd that the first thing he thought to himself was, He remembers me.

Like Ed could ever forget.

For once in his life, Mustang was almost speechless. What do you say to a person whom you regarded as dead, to someone you spoke to at night because you figured in another world he could hear you? "Edward. I…you…how do you feel?"

"I feel like hell, what do you think?" Ed struggled to sit up in his bed, causing Mustang to creep forward in his chair and with a gesture, command Ed to not move. The blonde obeyed. "Would it be dumb of me to ask where I am?"

Roy laughed to himself. "Not at all, Fullmetal."

He decided not to go into it just yet that he should no longer be addressed as Colonel, that things had changed and Edward was now in a world different from that he left. He stuck with what mattered.

"You're safe now." Ed's eyes, the fiery golden ones of Roy's memories, made it clear that that wasn't the response he was looking for. "You're in Central, at the hospital. Try not to move that much because as far as I know, you're still-"

"Where's Al?"

A smile crept across Mustang's face. Maybe not all that much has changed. "Al's fine. I assume he's gone to reach Ms. Rockbell and Lady Pinako. The nurse said he waited here for quite some time. He's the one that found you and sent word to me that you had returned."

"What do you mean, 'sent word?'" Ed shifted around, and this time Roy's gentle hand motions didn't stop him. Upright and now fully aware, much to Roy's surprise, Ed looked around the room, inspected his surroundings. "It was probably just a trip to HQ for him to tell you."

It made Mustang uncomfortable to take this route in the conversation, and it showed on his face: furrowed eyebrows, a slight frown, and his eyes trailing down to fall on the white and gray speckled tile. "I was, er, out of the office."

He wasn't lying.

---x---

Ed didn't get it. He mirrored Roy's face, only his wasn't one of pain and uneasiness, it was one of confusion and desire. He wanted to know, and though he realized Mustang wouldn't tell him, he'd been gone so long and there was so much he knew must have happened.

But this was a new Edward. A wiser, more mature Edward. And he let it go.

"Taking a vacation again, eh?" he said, trying to force a smile to accompany his desperate, failed attempt at clever banter.

Roy's head remained down. His voice was lower than Ed ever remembered it when he said softly, "Not quite."

The room fell silent, and remained that way until Mustang rose and crossed the room to the doorway. Peeking his head out both ways down the hall, he closed the door quietly so as not to draw attention, setting Ed a bit on edge. The dark haired man moved back to his chair, carrying Ed's complete attention, and he sat back, almost comfortably this time. He looked directly into Ed's bright eyes, his shadowy ones a stark contrast, and gained the confidence that he never seemed to lack before, and asked, "Ed. Where have you been?"

Ed couldn't honestly say that he was surprised by the question, but that didn't mean he was prepared for it. Where have you been? It echoed in his mind, and he knew Mustang was waiting. The man was sitting there as he closed his eyes tightly, gripped the white sheets in his fists, and fought the images in his mind. Where have you been?

"Fullmetal?"

"No."

Roy was visibly taken aback. He didn't press, and while Ed figured he himself had become wiser, it appeared Mustang had become more understanding.

"You don't have to talk about it."

Just as Roy could always find the right words for every situation, Edward Elric was never one to be unable to express his thoughts. Here he searched, though. He rifled through his mind for the words strong enough to convey his memories. Memories? I don't even remember coming back here. There were flashes of images, and he was still squeezing his eyes tight, and the sheet even tighter. A tension in his chest threatened to cut off his breath all together and he felt then the way he'd felt when he had come through the Gate.

The Gate. He remembered that. And he remembered how it was opened again. And he remembered all he had to do, and who and what he was leaving behind…

"I can't think about what I've done."

It was an obscure response, of that Edward knew. And he should elaborate, for Mustang's sake, but how could he? The things he held in his past…the thoughts and feelings and all that he'd done to others and himself…those weren't things that anyone should have to know.

He couldn't look Roy Mustang in the eyes. Not after all that he'd done.

---x---

The silence in the room resumed. Mustang sat with his elbows on his knees, hands folded. So this is the new Edward Elric. This is what has happened to the Fullmetal.

It wasn't the time to speak, not yet. So he watched, which just so happened to be one of the things he missed most about his previous time with Edward. Deep behind that tousled hair and tightly closed eyes, there was a mind that he could tell, as anyone could, was busy with distracting thoughts and sometimes devious plans. It was entirely possible, of course, that Roy just enjoyed observing the natural, unnoticed beauty that was Edward Elric, but that was something the older alchemist would never admit. This time he was sure he was watching because there was something conspicuously different about Ed.

He had been gone a long time, and considering cities were nearly destroyed within days when Fullmetal was sent on a mission, anything could have happened over three years. But this was something different, and Roy could tell just by watching the way Ed refused to release the sheets from his grip, refused to open his eyes…that this was no ordinary change of character or nature people go through over time. This appeared to be a complete altering of spirit; Edward was not one to appear broken. He was never one to show emotion so openly, unless it was anger.

This was not anger.

This was pure anguish.

Instinctively, Mustang leaned forward and lightly placed his hand on top of Ed's balled up fist, causing the younger man to wince and pull away, eyes closed even tighter now.

"Don't," Edward said, quickly and firmly, but this time Roy felt he had to press on. The thought of Ed suffering was something he refused to let stand; Roy had failed him last time but he wouldn't let it happen again.

"Edward," he began, setting his hand down more firmly this time and not allowing Ed to pull away, "I feel like I need to pass on to you something that was told to me once, years ago."

One golden eye half opened. His hand loosened a bit, and Roy could tell he had the younger man's attention…which was good because Roy still wasn't entirely sure this was something he was ready to talk about openly. But if there was ever a time and ever a person that was perfect to hear it and relate…this was it, and Ed was that someone. He wrapped his fingers around Ed's thin hand.

"We've all done things we're not proud of, of that you can be sure. What you have to realize is that those are not the things that define us as people." Ed's eyes were fixed on Roy's; his hand was no longer fighting the comforting presence of another atop it. "I don't know what you've been through these past years. But just know that we've all been through things we feel we will never get past. I had to learn this, just as you will have to now.

"It is important to remember, Fullmetal, that your shadow is never larger than yourself."

They sat there for a moment, and Roy could see in Ed's eyes that his mind was mulling over the words just spoken to him. For that second, Mustang questioned what he'd said. Did he say it right? Did he do it justice? Would the effect be the same on Edward as it was on himself? There wasn't too much time to worry about that, as a small hint of a smile had crossed the blonde's face and his fingers slightly wiggled underneath Roy's palm.

"I hope that's not supposed to be some life lesson," the younger man laughed, "because it's a joke. Everyone knows your shadow is bigger than you when the sun is rising or setting." With that he slid his hand out from under Roy's, possibly only because it had taken him that long to really recognize the fact that it was Mustang's hand sitting there.

Ed's reaction didn't surprise Roy. If truth be told, he was rather expecting that response. It was, in fact, the exact same thing he'd said to Maes Hughes upon receiving those same words as advice so long ago, when he held a gun to his mouth and dared himself to pull the trigger. And now here he was, delivering the same message to what he recognized then as a younger version of himself: exploited, depraved, and forced to grow up too quickly.

It was almost eerie, Roy realized, how similar he and Ed really were.

"True, but that's only for a portion of the day. There are those times when your shadow dwarfs you, but you only need to wait a bit…and with time you will be the larger once again."

Edward only blinked. And this time, he had no cocky comment, not even to what Roy realized could have been mistaken for a short joke, what years ago would have sent the young alchemist on a screaming tirade. Ed's lips parted slightly, and it seemed for a moment that he was going to respond…but the desire must have passed him, or perhaps he just realized that there were no words that needed to be said. Roy wasn't sure, but either way, there they sat.

The silence could have been mistaken for tension, but it was comfortable for them both. Edward knew nothing of what was going through Mustang's mind at the time, and Roy knew nothing more than he. But it didn't matter. This was a clean slate, for them both it seemed, and Roy very well could have thanked Edward for coming back, for forcing him to reevaluate the shadows he was running from and look forward.

But it was Edward who moved to speak first, and Roy thought he heard "Thank" escape the younger man's lips, but he couldn't be sure over the sudden commotion in the hallway of voices that he was sure he recognized as soldiers who should know better than to cause such a ruckus in a public establishment…but rarely applied that knowledge.

"Ungh! Stop pushing!"

"Well get moving! I want to see the little-" And with that, Havoc came tumbling through the door, followed closely by a flushed Breda and disheveled Fury. "-Boss!"

With his messy hair and cigarette poking out from behind his ear, Jean gathered himself and saluted Edward, a genuine smile crossing his face that was mirrored by the other two men who followed him in his gesture.

Edward glanced back at Mustang for a brief moment, a look exchanged between them of understanding and thanks, and then turned his attention to his new visitors. "Who are you calling so small he's mistaken for a bed bug?" he said jadedly through a weakened smirk.

Havoc just laughed. "It's good to have you back, Boss. Hope we're not disturbing you…" His eyes fell on Mustang, who now sat, legs crossed and hands folded in his chair, his old familiar smug grin across his face.

"Not at all, Lieutenant, not at all," Roy said. Standing up, he patted his hand on Ed's lightly, then crossed to where Havoc stood. "I was on my way out. I'm afraid I've got some duties I need to attend to. Watch Fullmetal, will you? I think he's plotting his escape out of here already."

And then he left, just like that, with only a crooked smirk back at Edward, which was really all that was needed.

---x---

Now Ed didn't understand why Roy left so quickly, and even more so he didn't understand why he wanted the older man back so desperately…but there wasn't much time to dwell on that, as he now had three very excited, very talkative, and very loving old friends to catch up with.

They told him of the military changes, of what Mustang had done and where he was now. They told him about Alphonse, and of course of where he was at the moment, which was, in fact, in Risembool retrieving Winry and Pinako. And they stayed for an hour and told him everything, and by the time they left he was exhausted and happy to finally be alone, which was something he most definitely didn't see coming.

There, finally alone with his thoughts, with what Mustang had said and now what Havoc and Company had added…he was stuck between satisfaction and regret, with an slight edge towards the latter. He was home, finally, which was everything that he wanted…but there was a gnawing at his stomach about what he'd left behind on the other side, what he'd done there, and what he'd done in order to get there and back. It was those thoughts that may have kept him up all night, and when the sun was rising and he was still staring at the ceiling, oblivious to his surroundings, he asked to no one in particular, "How do I fix everything I've done?"

"You don't," a deep voice said from the doorway, and a startled Ed wondered exactly how long Mustang had been standing there. The man entered the room, his long black coat covering him and dabbled with raindrops from an early morning shower, and extended his arm back to the door, ushering in a practical mirror image of Edward, donned in a familiar red coat.

The younger Elric practically pounced on the bed, and to call their embrace a hug wouldn't do it justice; it was a rejoining of a single soul.

"You simply move on."