Time elapsed, and Anakin's life took a distinctive pattern. He would arrive at Toradiur's place two hours before the sunset, find that Ben had already arrived and was waiting for him in his room, and spend the following hour talking with the older man.
Ben did not talk about himself as Anakin had done, but entertained the younger man with tales about the many words he had visited in his life.
Anakin, who had never travelled further than Mos Esley, hung on every word as Ben talked about the thick forests of Kashyyk, the strange rocky mountains of Geonosis, the clear lakes of Naboo and the spectacular skyscrapers of Coruscant.
Anakin had somehow guessed Ben was a sort of diplomat, sent here and there in the galaxy to settle disputes and local conflicts.
"You must have been very busy during the war!" Anakin commented one evening, "And I bet all the diplomats still have their hands full even now that peace has been restored."
"That's true, Anakin," Ben answered, implicitly confirming the younger man's guess about his profession.
"Have you ever met General Kenobi? The Jedi they called "The Negotiator" during the war?"
Ben's eyebrow arched, clearly surprised by the sudden question and he sat straighter on the armchair. "Why are you interested in him?"
"Oh, it's just I found admirable that during a war, when everybody was using violence and intimidation, there was someone willing to try resolving the matter without using the troops—and to actually succeed. Mother was always happy when she heard about one of his "victories", she hates violence, you know. We have never seen him on the holonet, and we heard his voice only once, but Mom imagines he is tall, and distinguished, with steel-grey short hair, he must be in his sixty or so to have all that diplomatic experience…Hey, why are you laughing?"
"Your mother has a great imagination, Anakin, but she is off target here. General Kenobi is of average height—you're about ten centimetres taller than him. His hair is reddish-blond and he is thirty-eight."
"Thirty-eight? Geez, he is only sixteen years my senior. Wizard! Mom will be surprised to know this!"
"Wizard?" Ben commented tilting his head and Anakin blushed.
"Ahem…It's an expression I used when I was a child to describe something amazing."
"I see. Then I suppose you used it many times during your pod-racing days?" Ben replied, his eyes gleaming with humour.
"You can bet on it, Ben. Have I ever told you about my first victory in the Bonta's Eve Classic? No? Well, I was just nine and I barely managed to find a sponsor willing to enter me and my pod in the race, and…."
Anakin talked during those evening encounters, telling Ben big and small episodes of his life, happy to have found someone willing to listen to him and able to see the real Anakin and not just stop at the appearance as the others did.
Anakin talked, laughed and enjoyed himself, without noticing how, little by little, he lost his heart to the older man, until the time something happened to make him realize how important Ben had become for him.
Anakin arrived at Toradiur's place half a hour before his usual time and he was delighted to discover Ben was already there, eating dinner in the half-empty hall.
The young man grinned and crossed quickly the distance separating them to sit at the table with Ben.
"Good evening, Ben."
"Good evening, Anakin. You arrived early today."
"I…well…I hoped you would be already here," Anakin ducked his head and added, almost shyly. "I enjoy your company very much."
Ben smiled, then sobered as he said, "It's the same for me. I came here on Tatooine to spend a period in solitude and ponder several matters that have been troubling my mind and heart, but I have discovered our time together is helping me more than all the time I spend alone."
Anakin felt his heart constrict in his chest with an emotion he did not want to label. "Thank you Ben, you're very nice to say so."
"I told only the truth."
"I know."
Ben's long-fingered hand was resting flat over the table and Anakin had the irresistible impulse to cover it with his own.
Their skin touched and Anakin felt a bolt of energy and contentment zip along his arm and spread in his body. It was like for the first time in his life he experienced a sense of belonging and understanding he had never felt, not even with his mother.
He raised his eyes, wondering if Ben had felt it too, and his heart fell when he saw the stricken look on the bearded face in front of him.
"Ben?" Anakin asked softly, slowly removing his hand. "What is it? Are you all right?"
The older man did not answer. He just retracted his hand, folding his arms over his chest, as the stricken, almost horrified look remained.
"Ben!" Anakin repeated, now really worried. He half-rose from his chair to touch his companion's shoulder but Ben moved away, avoiding his hand.
"I- I cannot stay this evening, Anakin. I must leave. Now. Please forgive me."
He was up and away with such speed that Anakin needed some seconds to realize what had happened. When he did, he stood up too, with the intention to follow Ben, ask what he had done and apologize if his behaviour had caused distress.
However, just before he could cross the door, one of his regular clients blocked him by the arm.
"Where are you going, beautiful?"
"I must talk with that man!" Anakin exclaimed, his eyes scanning the streets as he tried to get loose.
"You can talk with him another time. I am here for only a few hours, and I want to feel that smooth skin of yours under my hands, now," the man breathed into his ear, before running his tongue along the shell.
Anakin shuddered with revulsion and gritted his teeth not to show it. That regular was a very wealthy trader—and a generous one. He was rarely on Tatooine, but when he was, he always visited Anakin and he always left him a lofty tip. Anakin knew he could not afford to lose that tip or risk offending that costumer. He needed the money too much.
So the young whore took a deep breath, forced himself to forget Ben's stricken face, and turned to face the man now holding him by the waist.
"Tell me, handsome pirate, what would you like tonight?"
The next day Anakin was so nervous and anxious, looking continuously at the chrono, willing time to pass faster, that even his mother noticed it.
"What is it, Ani?" She was the only one who called him so. "Are you worried about something? About the job?"
"No Mom, I am not worried about the job."
"Then about what? I have not seen you like this since you stopped racing. Do you have some problem?" Shmi Skywalker insisted, her kind brown eyes shining with concern.
Anakin, who had been pacing 'til that moment, dropped to sit on a chair by her bed.
"It's just…" he ran a hand in his thick blond hair and went on. "There is a man I have met at
Toradiur's place. He has been visiting me for the past two weeks. We have talked and I like him…no, it's much more than mere liking. I can't stop thinking about him."
"Has this man been gentle with you? Or it's the one that marked your neck yesterday?" Shmi pointed to the bluish bruise Anakin sported near his collarbone. She despised the men that thought that just because they were paying a fee they had the right to abuse her son.
"No, Mom. It was not him. He has never touched me. We have just been talking," Anakin smiled as he added. "He has spent a small fortune just to talk with me."
"You eyes shine when you talk of him, my son. It's the first time I have seen it happen. I think you're in love, Ani."
Anakin's eyes widened in horror as he stood up and started pacing again. "No, it's impossible. It can't be love. I can't allow myself to fall in love! I can't afford it! I can't do my job if I am in love. It's just… I like him. He is different: kind, gentle, educated…" And handsome, with a wonderful smile. How much would I give to touch and caress his hair and skin- Anakin resolutely blocked that thought.
"Anakin, my son, you can't go on doing this job for the rest of your life. No, don't give me that look, I don't intend to start another discussion about this. It's just you deserve better than this. You deserve to know love, to find a man that will take care of you when I am gone."
Shmi swallowed hard and Anakin took advantage of it to press two of his fingers against her lips.
"Shh, Mom, don't add anything else. You know I am going to stop doing this as soon as I am able to pay for the ship Watto is reserving for me. Then I will be able to work as a private courier here on Tatooine or somewhere else. There is enough room for both of us on that ship, Mother. We will travel together among the stars, you and I."
Shmi caressed her son's cheek with her hand, her voice thick with emotion as she said, "I know you will be able to do it, Ani. You will see the stars as you long to do, but you should see them with a lover, a mate, not just with me."
"I don't like when you refer to yourself like this, Mother." Anakin replied sternly, waiting 'til his mother started to smile and added, "Now I am going to prepare dinner. The sunset is almost beginning." And I want to be at Toradiur's place as soon as possible. I need to see Ben and make it right whatever wrong I did yesterday.
It had no be.
As soon as Anakin stepped inside Toradiur's place, he knew Ben was not there. He knew it even before the brothel's owner looked at him shaking his head.
Anakin took a deep breath and lowered his head to stare at the floor, as something in chest constricted in pain and acute sense of loss washed over him.
"Please come back, Ben," he thought as the brothel started to fill with costumers now more than ever he had no desire to service.
"Well, Anakin?" Toradiur asked, as he watched the pale young man sitting in front of him.
They were in the brothel owner's private office, away from prying eyes, and the older man's
tone was serious but not angry.
Anakin bit his lower lip. "I am unwell."
"It is the third time in as many days. That man you refused to attend this evening is one of your regulars."
"I am unwell," Anakin stubbornly repeated, keeping his head turned to look outside the window.
Toradiur gave up all pretension, "Look at me and tell me what is the problem."
Anakin wrung his hands, trying to find a convincing excuse, since it was clear Toradiur was not believing he was sick.
"There is no problem, Toradiur. It's just that I feel unwell. I am tired."
Toradiur looked at him sharply, "You aren't unwell. You're in love!"
Every protest Anakin wanted to voice died on his lips. Toradiur was right. He was in love, he could no longer deny it. He was in love with Ben and he could no longer bear to let other men touch him. Worse, he was so worried about the fact Ben had not showed up at the brothel since the evening he had rushed away, that he was not able to sleep and eat. He was terrified Ben had left Tatooine and could not even contemplate the possibility he might never see him again.
Anakin stood silent and the brothel's owner let out a curse. "I should have known he would cause problems with his blue eyes and his good manners. He is different, like you. I should have known you would have been attracted by him. After all, you have never been so eager to go with a client as you did with him!"
"Tor, it's not what you think!" Protested Anakin, his mind racing frantically as he tried to find the words to placate the other man. He needed to go on working to buy his ship, but he found himself night after night wishing that nobody asked for him.
"No? It isn't what I am thinking?" Toradiur arched an eyebrow.
"No-No-No!" insisted Anakin. "It's only-"
"It's only that you can't stop thinking about that man!"
"No-"
Toradiur raised his hand, interrupting whatever Anakin wanted to say, then tiredly rubbed his eyes.
"Listen Anakin, take a few days of vacation. Go to Watto's shop, tinker with some droid, dirt your hands with oil and grease. Take the speeder, go out for a trip with your mother. Relax, enjoy yourself and then return here when you feel better—and don't worry about the money. I made a lot of credits betting on you when you raced, this is the time I repay you."
"Tor, I have no words to thank you…" Anakin murmured, moved by the kindness he had heard in the other man's voice.
"Then don't do it. Now go out of here, I have work to do."
Anakin smiled broadly, and stood up, quickly leaving the room. He felt like a big weight had been taken off his shoulders. He was free. If only a few days he was free from his work, from the brothel, from his clients.
What would he do now?
The answer was simple.
He would go to find Ben.