The next morning Anakin rose at dawn, something uncommon for him, for it was about the time he usually returned home.
He went to the market, brought food, cooked it and left it on the table, so that his mother could easily reach it from her hover-chair. After that, he left a note to the still sleeping woman, alerting her he would be gone for the whole day, and went to retrieve his old speeder from the public hangar where it was parked.
Anakin did not know where Ben lived, but he could make some guesses to restrict the area. Ben had once said he wanted to be home before darkness fell, which meant his place had to be within a hour or so from Mos Espa.
Anakin felt confident he would find the other man, even in the extensive Jungland Wastes. His instinct told him so.
My instinct or my heart? He wondered as he piloted the speeder away from the settlement and toward the open desert.
Anakin had done many things in his life, but he had never lied to himself. He felt he had fallen in love with Ben that first evening— or maybe even the first time he had spotted him at the market. There was something special in Ben, something that spoke, that appealed to a part of him he had never known he had.
His gentility, his wit in the eye, his charm, the way he treated Anakin as a person and not as a piece of meat as most did. The way he listened to the story of his life, showing compassion but not pity and never, ever giving the impression he was mocking or indulging him.
More than once had wanted to reveal to Ben the truth about his condition, for he had the gut feeling the older man had not the slightest idea of why Anakin's fee was so high. However, he had always changed his mind, afraid Ben might be disgusted by what had been done to him.
Along the years Anakin had come to accept his condition and had learned to live with it, with no regret. Moreover, after having witnessed what men did when they let their libido rule their actions, he had even come to think that maybe it had been for the best. His physical development had not been hindered by the change in his physiology, but the lesser quantity of hormones running into his blood had made him calmer and less hot-headed than the other boys he had grown up with.
Now, instead, Anakin was again prey to doubts. How would Ben react when he knew about his physiology? Would he be repulsed? Intrigued? See him as a freak?
"As if this were my main problem," he muttered to himself as the speeder continued its run and the wind ruffled his blond hair. "I don't even know if he considers me more than a friend. Maybe he has not returned because of the way I looked at him that last evening…" There was only one way to know, ask Ben—but first he had to find him.
Anakin slowed down the speeder and looked at his surroundings. The flat desert had given place to rocky, barren formations that created canyons and gorges. His right hand took hold of the blaster he had taken with him as he piloted the speeder inside one of the larger canyons, his eyes scanning the top of the walls in search of Sand People or other possible dangers.
Everything was silent around him, but for the slight buzz of the engine and the whisper of the wind. It looked really peaceful and relaxing, now that the suns had yet to start scorching the barren ground with their heat. He could understand why Ben had chosen to retire here in search of peace and solitude.
Suddenly Anakin heard another noise. He tensed his ears to identify it and bit his lower lip when he realized it the sound of blaster bolts.
Who was shooting? And at whom? Was Ben in danger?
Anakin stopped the speeder and jumped off. He took the blaster from the holster and, moving as silently and quickly as he could, he followed the direction the noise was coming from.
He had to squeeze his broad shoulders between two tall walls of rock, but once he was out of that narrow passage, he found himself in an almost circular clearing.
In the middle of it there was a man dressed with tunic, pants and leather boots who was using a blue lightsabre to deflect the blaster beams a small probe droid shot against him.
His movements were quick as light, powerful yet graceful, and they filled Anakin with awe, for the man was wearing a helmet that completely blocked his vision.
Anakin was so fascinated by the whirling blue blade and the dance of jumps and leaps he was witnessing to, it took him a few moments to realize the man was bearded.
When he finally did, his mouth opened in stunned surprise. Ben with a lightsabre?
Ben, who had told him he was a diplomat.
Ben, who had said to him General Kenobi was shorter than Anakin, in his late thirties and with reddish-blond hair.
Ben, who was not afraid to live in the Jungland Wastes.
Ben, who seemed to always know what he felt and who, Anakin was certain, already knew he was there.
Ben, who had practically admitted that was not his real name…
Anakin swallowed hard as he watched as the older man powered off his lightsabre, removed the helmet and switched off the small droid. Then he took some steps toward him and said, "You are General Kenobi, aren't you?"
As Anakin had fully predicted, Ben was not surprised to hear his voice. He simply pushed his sweaty hair away from his brow and bowed deeply in salute, "Yes, Anakin. My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master, Council Member and former General of the Republic."
"Pleased to meet you, Master Kenobi," Anakin said solemnly, offering his hand, which Ben-Obi-Wan took and shook firmly.
"Aren't you angry that I didn't the truth, Anakin?"
"No, not really. I know how things are out there. If the Hutts knew you're here, they would love to capture you for ransom. However, I like to think that you would have told me the truth one day."
Obi-Wan nodded, his blue-grey eyes locked with Anakin's blue one. "Yes, I would have, Anakin. I would have because I wanted to ask you—and your mother, of course – to come to Coruscant with me when I left.
"What?" Anakin almost croaked, as his heart started running. Obi-Wan had wanted to ask him to travel with him to Coruscant? Was it because he felt something for him? Because he did not want to leave him behind?"
The questions died on his lips as Obi-Wan spoke again, "A pilot with your skills is wasted here, while the Republic diplomatic corps or security forces need people like you. The Jedi Order needs pilots too. The war caused many losses among our ranks."
"And this is the only reason you want me to come with you? You want to offer me a job?" Anakin could not help but ask.
Obi-Wan looked at him for several seconds, his expression serene and unreadable, then he murmured, "Let's go to my hovel, it will be soon too hot to stay outdoor. We will talk once we are there."
Anakin nodded, and followed as Obi-Wan showed him the way.
Obi-Wan's hovel, was small but comfortable. The Jedi Master poured some jawa juice for both of them, then sat on a stool in front of the one he had instructed Anakin to take.
"Anakin, you asked me a question back at the clearing. A rightful question given my recent behaviour, and you deserve an answer. But before I tell you my answer, I need to first explain something to you. Is that all right?" Anakin nodded and Obi-Wan continued, "What do you know about the Jedi?"
"That they're powerful warriors with strange powers. They're the guardians of the Republic and they're invincible." Anakin beamed, as his eyes drank in the sight of the man he loved, who also happened to be one of the most famous Jedi alive.
"I wish the last bit was true, but it isn't so," Obi-Wan shook his head sadly. "Too many Jedi have perished in the war and two of them were very dear to me. But this isn't important now. Tell me, have you ever heard or read about the Force?"
"The Force? I heard someone mention it, but I don't really know what it is."
"The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. People are born with the ability to sense the Force. You, Anakin, are among them."
"Really?"
"Yes. Your quick reflexes while piloting pods, your ability to see things before their happen, your skills in reading other people's feelings and moods. These are powers all the Jedi have, although we are trained to control them and to shield ourselves since infancy."
"That's why I cannot sense what you're feeling! You're shielding!" Anakin exclaimed with a triumphant smile.
"Yes, that's true." Obi-Wan paused for a moment then continued, "What I am going to explain now might be more complex, but it's necessary you know it to understand what brought me here…and to you."
Anakin sobered and leant forward, "I am listening."
"There're two sides in the Force, the Light Side and the Dark Side. The Jedi draw their powers from the first one, which embodies all the good a Knight should aspire to. The Dark Side, instead, is what you can describe as the evil incarnate. The Jedi are taught to stay away, for the Dark Side corrupts and consumes…but sometimes it happens that one of us touches it. That's what happened to me a few months ago, just before the end of the war." Obi-Wan took a deep breath and then asked, "Did you understand what I said?"
"Yes, I did."
"Good. Now, what I am going to say must remain a secret—you cannot repeat it, not even to your mother."
Anakin nodded, perplexed and yet proud Obi-Wan was going to say something so clearly important.
"As you probably know, six months ago Darth Maul, the leader of the Separatists was killed by the Jedi as he tried to kidnap Chancellor Palpatine, who was also killed in that action. But what the press doesn't know is that Palpatine, alias Darth Sidious, was Darth Maul's master and that the two of them had planned the war to take hold of the Republic and destroy the Jedi Order. They were Sith, or Dark Side users." Obi-Wan paused and rubbed his beard, before continuing, his voice now a bare whisper. "My former master Qui-Gon Jinn and I were among the Jedi who went to eliminate Sidious and Maul. During the battle that followed, my master was killed by Maul. Qui-Gon had been like a father to me since I was a teenager, thus, when I saw him fall, I briefly let my anger against the Sith fuel my power and used it to defeat Maul. You might find it natural, but it's not so for a Jedi—and especially not for a master, who should always have a perfect control. I nearly touched the Dark Side, and I didn't react well to that knowledge. I lost my peace of mind, and thus I took a period of leave from the Jedi Council and retired here, to meditate and purge myself from the darkness I sensed inside me. I had been here for two months, and I was slowly recovering, when I saw you at the market."
"Me?" Anakin exclaimed, alarmed by the way Obi-Wan had spoken. "Did I something wrong?"
"What? No! Oh, sorry, Anakin, I expressed myself badly. I meant what my recovery was slow before I met you…after I met you it became very fast."
"Oh."
"The Light Side is extremely powerful in you, Anakin. You…you shone like a small star in the Force, and your aura called me like a beacon. The light in you has dispelled the darkness inside me. That's why I liked to spend time near you, meditating or talking."
Anakin nodded, then frowned when his mind registered what he just heard. "You said liked. Past tense. Why did you use it? Because you're now healed? Or because…because you no longer like me? Is that why you have stopped coming to visit me?"
Obi-Wan closed his eyes and his voice was filled with a pain Anakin had ever heard when he murmured, "I like to stay near you, Anakin. But I like it too much. I have started developing… feelings for you-"
"Feelings?" Anakin exclaimed, as he slid down the stool to kneel in front of Obi-Wan, taking hold of both his hands. "I too have feelings for you, Obi-Wan. Very strong feelings. In fact I believe I love you. No, that's not true. I know I love you and-"
"Let go of my hands, Anakin," Obi-Wan said softly but firmly.
The younger man obeyed and the Jedi master brought his hands up to surround Anakin's face.
"Anakin, I am honoured by your feelings, but this can never be. I am Jedi and, as such, I am not allowed to love. Jedi are forbidden to form attachments, for attachment leads to possession, possession leads to jealousy, to fear, to hate. To the Dark Side-- as it was with my master and the other person I loved in my life, a fellow knight called Siri. I needed all of my restraint not to behead the bounty hunter that had killed her, and I told you what happened with Darth Maul," Obi-Wan lowered his head as his voice died.
Anakin sat back on his heels, fighting with his disappointment. It was devastating to see his hopes crushed after having seen them soar so high.
But maybe there is still hope, he thought. Obi-Wan is still recovering from his ordeal. Maybe once his master's death is more in the past and his brush with the Dark Side forgotten, then, maybe…
"Can we still remain friends? I like to talk with you," he murmured looking up at the older man with hopeful, shining eyes.
Obi-Wan smiled weakly. "Yes, of course we can."
"Are you still willing to bring me and my mother with you to Coruscant when you leave?"
"Of course! I could never leave my friend behind. You're a wonderful young man, Anakin, and if you allow me, there is nothing more I would like than make your life better. We really need pilots in the Jedi Temple, especially Force sensitive like you. The Temple will send a ship for us in two weeks."
"Two weeks? Wonderful! I will give Toradiur the two weeks notice as soon as I am back in town," Anakin beamed, his mind already filled with possibilities. Coruscant. A new job. Obi-Wan…
Obi-Wan cleared his throat to draw his attention and said, "Listen Anakin, with your permission, of course, I would like to reserve all your time at the brothel until the day we leave."
"You want to stay up all night, every night talking?" Anakin asked, not understanding, but not displeased at all by the idea.
"No, not really. I just want to help you. I have sensed how hard has become for you to do your job. I thought that if I pay for all your time from now to the day we leave, you won't have to… work again."
"You truly would do this for me? Have you idea of how much it would cost?" Anakin's eyes filled with tears as his heart swelled with love for the beautiful, kind man sitting in front of him.
"Of course, I will do it. As for the money, Jedi are not allowed many possessions, but I was permitted to keep the inheritance I received from my family. It's quite a lot and I will be very happy to use part of it to help you. I will do you it with pleasure."
"I-I have no words to thank you, Obi-Wan. This means so much for me," Anakin murmured, his throat constricted by a lump.
Obi-Wan smiled, "It means very much to me too."
Anakin felt the desire to stood up and embrace the older man, but something in the way he looked at him told him it was not the right thing to do. It was too soon.
"You must be patient, Skywalker, he thought, you must be patient.