"Balloons- check!"
"Clown shoes- check!"
"Clown?" Luan peered into her mirror, and sure enough her costumed form was as intact as it had been a minute ago. A quirky smile crossed her face, and she impulsively gave her red nose a quick squeeze, prompting a squeak to emit from the bulbous accessory. "Heh- check!"
Some people might have been surprised to see a teenage girl so eagerly dressing up in a clown costume in the middle of the afternoon. But for Luan Loud, putting on the costume was a at least weekly occurrence with her business.
Even before Lori had needed to leave her job and she'd felt the need to pull some of her own weight.
Speaking of weight, she huffed a little as she lifted up her box of party supplies and started making her way downstairs.
"Make way, Party Prankster at work!" She cheerily called out to the hallway, it wouldn't do to get bowled over by Lynn or blown up by Lisa when she was all set for work after all, and trying to manoeuvre in clown shoes?
Forget about it.
To her surprise though, the hallway was mostly empty as she came in- a blessing for her to be sure compared to usual 'negotiation' of right of way (push, shove and occasionally punt someone else if you want to get through) but still a bit odd-
Unless she accounted for the new boy of course.
Lincoln stood in his doorway with a shocked expression, Luan herself was confused but then she remembered that he'd never seen her in her full costume before- so she cheerily lowered her box of goodies and playfully struck a pose;
"Hey Lincoln, what do you think of my business suit!?"
"Business suit?" Lincoln looked her up and down in confused, then he remembered her business card. "Oh, you're going to a party?"
"Yep, Ms Havenshaw's son is having his eighth birthday and she wanted the best clown-slash-mime-slash-magician in town!" Luan puffed up her chest with exaggerated pride, and a few sparks of the genuine sort ignited in her chest as Lincoln's lips twitched and a little snicker escaped the quiet boy. "Hey… wipe that smirk off your face!" She winked at him to distract him, and while his eyes were trained on her face…
Slpphh!
Her left arm was free to reach up to her fake flower and spray his face with a jet of water!
"Ah!" Lincoln gasped as his features were doused, and for a second Luan wondered if she'd taken things too far him, but he wiped away drips to reveal a happy, if chagrined expression. "Hah… so you're going to your job?"
"Yep!" Luan cheerfully confirmed, kneeling down to pulled her box to her stomach again. "Funny Business is my business after all!"
Lincoln nodded, and something Luan wasn't quite fast enough to catch crossed his face as he looked at her box. "… D-do you need some help?"
Luan's eyes flickered to her box again, "uh… yeah actually! I've already got most of my stuff in here, but there's a box of pies downstairs in the kitchen I could use some help with."
"Uh- okay!" Lincoln rapidly nodded, and he followed Luan as she started down the stairs.
"My Dad helps me out by baking my cream pies," she explained. "I go through a lot with my slapstick routine- so we worked out it was cheaper to just make them at home. Dad's a pretty great cook too- he knows exactly how make the right balance of squish and stick for a good trick!"
She laughed a little at her own wordplay as the two entered the kitchen, where Lynn Sr was quietly finishing up a crossword. On the kitchen table before him was a moderately large cardboard box whose flaps were half open reveal some padding and stacks of square Styrofoam containers that Lincoln guessed the pies were in.
"Oh, hey kids!" Lynn looked up from his crossword and quietly put it away, "already ready Luan?"
"Only if you're ready to go!"
"Ah, but are you ready to be ready?" Lynn Sr' eyes twinkled.
"Oh, I'm not sure…" Luan 'suddenly lost her confidence', "I'm not sure if I'm ready to be ready… but my nose sure is!" She reached up and squeezed her bright red nose.
Squeak.
The two chortled, and Lincoln stood there with a mixed of confusion and… envy? Envy the strange connection the two shared.
Finally though, Lynn Sr noticed him, "oh, hi Lincoln." He suddenly stood up with a fair bit more maturity, "sorry I missed you there."
"O-oh, that fine." Lincoln assured him.
"Lincoln's helping me carry some things to the car for my show!" Luan cheerily informed him.
"Is that so?" Lynn Looked Lincoln up and down, "tell you what, why don't you take Luan's box and she and I can handle the pies?"
Lincoln silently nodded, knowing very well his thin arms didn't exactly look like they had the fortitude to handle a heavy weight.
Which was true. Lincoln was about as far from a jock as one could be, though fortunately, while the box Luan handed to him was a fair bit heavier than he expected- it was still pretty light.
The three walked together, with Lincoln going first since he could still use one hand to open doors while Luan and Lynn Sr worked together to carry the box of pies steadily to the Van. Lincoln doubted it was really heavy, but from the way the two worked together to stop any shifts or sudden movements, the pies could probably smush really easily even in their extra packets.
Lincoln just mainly kept his eyes in front though, he was almost at the Van now anyway so no need to-
There was a sudden weight on his shin, and Charles' familiar 'woof' came up from beneath the box he was carrying.
"Oh, hey Charles," Lincoln laughed as he felt Charles' nose snuffling in curiosity at the box- thankfully he was too small to actually get up and damage anything. "D-down boy!" He commanded, but Charles was a tad more persistent-
"C'mon boy," Lynn Jr's rough voice suddenly interrupted, and Lincoln was surprised as Charles' weight left his leg- and the girl herself appeared in his vision before him with a wide-eyed Charles in her arms. "Sorry Linc, I thought Lana was with him."
"Uh- yes, so did I." The first thing Lincoln had done when he'd gotten home was make sure Charles' water bowl had plenty in it and let Lana take him to play with the other pets while he got his stuff upstairs. "Um, h-he doesn't like being held."
"Oh," Lynn looked down at the perturbed dog and knelt down to release him. Immediately Charles rolled onto his feet and bolted back around the house- and a second later Lana's voice could be heard welcoming him back. "Sorry about that."
"It's okay, he's just shy." Lincoln assured her.
"Are your things in the Van Junior?" Lynn Sr called to her as he and Luan made his way to the Van.
"Sure are!" Lynn hopped on over and held open the trunk door. Luan and Lynn Sr lifted their box up as one and deposited the box carefully within. Lincoln followed them with his own, and found both the larger box of pies and some… football equipment already tucked in?
"Junior's team needs to train for this Friday," Lynn Sr caught Lincoln's expression. "We'll be dropping her off before Luan's party and picking her up on the way home."
Lincoln nodded in understanding. Of course, Lynn would need the usual things for her sports.
But that didn't help the way his stomach turned when he saw her helmet and pads.
Not wanting to linger on the sight too long, Lincoln carefully put his own box just before the pie one and stepped back. Lynn Jr promptly slammed it closed, and scampered to the passenger seats with a whoop of glee.
"Dang it," Luan sighed. "I wanted to ride in the front."
"Sorry Lu', at least you still have the good seat in the back." Lynn Sr comforted her with a pat to her shoulder, then he looked at Lincoln. "Are you coming with us or…?"
"Uhm…" Lincoln hadn't planned any such thing.
But on the other hand, the only thing he had to do upstairs was his homework- and he'd just get frustrated at that until Lisa started helping him on Saturday. He could draw… but he didn't feel the right 'spark' at the moment, and if Mom caught him downstairs watching T.V. or something she'd probably push him to do homework anyway.
And even though he didn't really want to go watch Lynn's game for… reasons. Spending time with Luan had been fun so far, even if he didn't exactly want to be her assistant or anything.
"W-would I need to go on stage or anything?" He hesitantly asked the clown. "If I went with you, I mean."
"Of course not," Luan assured him. "Unless you're signing on to be my assistant?"
"N-no," Lincoln quickly corrected. "I just want to go out for a bit."
Luan and Lynn Sr looked at each other for a moment, before Luan looked back at him; "would you mind helping me set some things up then? And maybe help me behind the stage? You'd be behind there most of the time anyway and I'll let you have some party cake!"
Lincoln turned it over in his mind, for a moment. But there wasn't really that much of a reason for him to refuse all things considered- aside from the way his skin itched at being around strangers. But he'd be hidden anyway, so…
"Okay!" He surprised himself with how sharply he agreed, "j-just let me tell Mom."
"Mom…"
Rita stood up in the garage and wiped away the sweat from her brow. Before her was her once-reliable five-seater, the bonnet popped open so she could resume the ritual of half-muttered curses, prayers and the odd mechanical make-do that comprised her never ending battle to keep the long past its prime vehicle road worthy. Lincoln's words however pierced her frustration and she turned to him with gratitude at the excuse to Do Something Else; "hello Sweetheart!"
Mom was wearing her 'mechanic uniform' (namely old clothes stained with oil) and her bare skin was covered in grease and stress-sweat; clearly, she wasn't having a good time.
But she never did when she had to work on the car.
"Are you okay Mom?" Lincoln looked behind her to the open bonnet, it was far from the first time he'd seen her in this position, but now… "Lynn has the van, do you really need to do this?"
"Oh, it's fine dear," Rita sighed. "But the doctors have managed to just squeeze us in for tomorrow morning and I need to get the car moving if we don't want to make Lynn late for work."
"We're going to the doctor's?" Lincoln queried in confusion.
"You're overdue for a checkup dear," Rita reminded him. "And we should go and see them anyway to sort things out there."
"Okay… but won't I be late for school?" Lincoln offered. He didn't really mind since he wasn't 'doing well' there anyway, but… "maybe we could go some other time?"
"Doctor Greenwich's schedule is packed for the next few weeks," Rita sighed. "We should get it done sooner instead of later- I don't think we'll get a lucky cancellation again any time soon."
"Alright then," Lincoln reluctantly nodded.
No one really liked going to the doctor's, but if Mom said he had to then that was that.
It was probably a good thing it was happening tomorrow at least, if it'd happened today then he didn't know if Ms Patterson would have-
The competition!
"Oh- Mom!" He gasped, "I-I..."
"What is it sweetheart?" Rita frowned; it wasn't like Lincoln to get this nervous around her.
The boy in question had a bit of a conundrum to face though;
He'd accepted Ms Patterson's offer right off the bat without really thinking things through- if he wanted to go the competition in person, he'd need Mom or Lynn to take him.
"Uhmm, there's an art competition," he quietly offered. "My new Art teacher told me about it and I… sort of accepted it."
"That's great!" Rita smiled, pleased to see her son pursuing his passion, but her lips tugged down. "But I get the feeling there's more to it?"
"Well, it isn't exactly a school competition," Lincoln shifted awkwardly. "It's a big one."
Rita could hardly imagine Lincoln getting into a competition as being a bad thing, but nonetheless she knelt down to his level; "how big?"
"Do you remember the Great Lakes City one?" Lincoln suggested, then quickly explained as Mom's eyes widened. "It's not that one- not yet- or probably at all! It's just that Ms Patterson offered to let me go to one of the regional competitions that could let me go to that one and I forgot to ask if-"
"Oh, honey that's wonderful!" Rita felt a warm glow of pride form in her chest- if she wasn't so oily she would have had a hard time resisting the urge to draw him into a hug.
"-But we might need to go for into the city," Lincoln reluctantly revealed, biting his lower lip. "The first one shouldn't be too far away, but if I get into the big one after it would mean going to Great Lakes."
"Ah…" Rita nodded as she understood now, and rose up to look at her own vehicle. It wasn't even the real problem though, even if they couldn't borrow Vanzilla she and Lynn had already taken a lot of time off their work recently (and Dr Feinstein could only be so understanding for a new employee) especially since she'd had to ask for tomorrow morning off as well…
"… it's fine." She decided and turned to reassure Lincoln. "If the worst comes to worst, Pop-pop can probably take you on the bus, you could even make it a day out together!"
"Y-yeah!" Lincoln brightened up at the prospect, "I'll ask him on Friday!"
"I'm sure Dad will love it," She smiled down at him, but while she would have loved to spend a little more time with her little man, the car wasn't going to fix itself. And she was pretty sure Lincoln had a little something he was supposed to be doing… "and I'm sure that you're on top of your homework too, right young man?"
"Oh, right!" Lincoln sheepishly nodded, "but-um- actually I came to ask if I could go out with Luan?"
"Luan?" Rita raised an eyebrow at the conveniently timed excuse. "Where with Luan exactly?"
"Oh- um, to her job!" Lincoln quickly explained, his reddened cheeks showing that if nothing else- he knew just how suspicious he sounded. "I-I'm just going to help around the back of the stage!"
"Really?" Rita knelt down again with a half-smile, both slightly sceptical and yet delighted at Lincoln reaching out to one of Lynn's girls, "all right then, but if you're fibbing..."
"I'm not!" Lincoln promised again, "really!"
"Well, all right then," Rita nodded to him. "Have fun!"
Lincoln rapidly nodded, and swiftly made his way out of the garage to Vanzilla. Rita stood up and watched as Lynn climbed into Vanzilla's driver's seat, Junior already sitting next to him while she could see Luan's ponytail occasionally bobbing into sight from behind Lynn's head. She raised up a greasy mitt to wave at him, and her love smiled and returned it.
The old engine spluttered to life, and after a moment of doubt- kept itself going. Lynn backed the ancient vehicle out of the driveway, and Rita only had a second to spy her son's signature beanie in one of the back seats before they drove out of sight.
"It's good he's bonding…" she sighed to herself, "especially after-"
"Who's bonding?"
Rita jumped in surprise, and turn to find a certain grubby, red-hatted tomboy next to her. "Lana!" She gasped, pressing her hand to her chest on instinct. "I thought you were with the pets!"
"Yeah, I was," Lana shrugged. "But they got tired and went inside."
"Charles got tired?" Rita found herself slightly sceptical.
"Him and the rest." Lana shrugged.
Rita would have found that unlikely, she knew from experience just how energetic Charles could get when he became familiar with someone; but Lana Loud was anything but an ordinary six year old. If anyone could tucker Charles out, it would be the absurdly capable little girl before her. "I hope you all had fun at least?"
"Oh yeah, tons!" Lana grinned up, "but they're done now so I figured I go see what's goin' on in here."
"Ah, nothing much I'm afraid," Rita raised her hand to indicate the open bonnet that revealed the failed engine. "I'm, just trying to get my car working before we need it tomorrow- but I can't seem to find what the problem is, nevermind fix it!"
"Eh, mind if I take a look at her?" Lana offered up with a raised hand, "I'm pretty good with a wrench."
Again, Rita would have normally never even considered allowing a small child anywhere near her car engine- but she'd seen some of the things the girl was capable of- and she knew that somehow the red-capped child was more at home in a garage of heavy tools and machines than Rita was.
"Well, okay, but be careful- I don't want you getting hurt." Rita backed away.
"Sure thing," Lana waved her concerns off as she crouched before the car- then jumped and pulled herself up on the grill. She held herself steady with one hand as she held the other above her eyes and examined the engine. "Jeeze, this old girl's had it rough!"
She whistled at the sight of the scuffed metal and the mix of parts that were clearly far from a factory fit with odd dribbles of oil from ill-fitting connections. Rita found herself blushing in embarrassment as the juvenile reached her free hand forwards and plucked at a rubber band holding some loose parts in place.
"I'm kinda impressed this bucket of bolts even ran at all!" Lana looked to Rita with clear surprise, but no malice or judgment.
"We had to make it work with what we could get." Rita sighed, "I know it's not a professional job, but Dad- Lincoln's grandfather- and I managed to keep her up and running…"
There was a groan of strained metal, and one of those patchwork connections suddenly slipped free. A little stream of oil began running out from under the aged vehicle between the two females.
"Mostly."
"Well mostly ain't gonna gonna cut the mustard," Lana whistled again, "mind handing me that socket wrench over there?" She pointed to one of Lynn's old tools lying in the corner.
Rita raised an eyebrow, but compliantly went and gave the tool over to the child handle first.
It was an absurd image, not the least because how ridiculously oversized the tool was in her hand- but in how easily Lana reached over and tightened a certain nut that Rita had been certain was quite secure. The little stream of oil started tapering off, and Lana leant back. "Well, that's a start, but you're gonna need a mechanic to sort her out." She flashed her a gap-toothed smile. "Lucky for you, I'm the best in town!
Just sit there and she'll be good as new in no time!"
Rita couldn't help but be amazed as Lana hopped up on the grill and practically dived into the engine, almost swimming through the complicated mess of haphazard repairs and very lethal machinery like it was nothing as she darted from component to competent with nigh-impossible speed and dexterity.
"Spark plugs need work- this timing belt's older than me- or Dad! Clutch's seen better days too and most of this is oil being someplace it shouldn't be and there not enough where it should!" Lana popped her head up from the thing with a reassuring smile though; "but we've got this-old cars like these were built tough!"
Rita shook her head in amused disbelief; "Dad- Lincoln's Pop-pop said the same thing." A vision of Albert bemused at the handy tomboy working on the car floated into her mind's eyes; "I think you two would get along pretty well."
"Sweet, if he's anything like Lincoln we'll be just fine." Lana agreed with her ever-present casual cheer. "Anyways; she's gonna need new parts- but I think I've seen some stuff in the junk yard that might do. Should be fairly easy to get somethin' to work for her."
"Maybe…" Rita frowned, "I'll have to ask Lynn first."
Capable or not, Rita was quite certain that Lynn would like a heads up at least before letting his six-year-old dig through heavens only knows what.
"Sure thing," Lana held out the wrench for Rita to take. "But tell you what, if you wanna be my afternoon assistant I can probably get her going for a day or two anyway!"
Rita held back a laugh at the prospect of being ordered about by a child, but took the tool nonetheless and raised to her head in faux-salute. "Offer accepted Ma'am!"
"Sweet!" Lana grinned and pointed at a crimper, "now get me that wire stripper- we're gonna need to get deep in there."
Lincoln didn't exactly enjoy his ride over.
It wasn't bad by any means. It was just…
Weird.
The Lynns were in the front, and Luan was sat just next to him.
"Don't forget to take the first left off the roundabout!" Luan reminded Lynn, "I know they can throw you for a loop! He! He!
Geddit?"
The unseen Lynn Junior groaned from her seat.
"Aw, don't worry Luan, worst comes to worst; we'll be all right!" Lynn chortled back.
There was a sound of facepalm from Lynn Jr's seat.
But the father-daughter antics weren't what made the journey strange. Sure, they were kind of annoying but Lincoln had had worse travel experiences.
No; what made it strange was the thing strapped in to his right.
The wooden dummy Luan had dubbed 'Mr Coconuts' had been buckled in just after Lincoln, much to his surprise as Luan insisted that he ride with them like 'he' was a person. Lincoln had been mostly okay with it at first, since even though it was kind of weird it wasn't his place to judge, but the dummy's face had articulation to let it move its eyes, mouth and neck. And while the dummy's face had been left forward facing when they'd first driven away, somehow every bump and shift carried through the van's (more than a little creaky) suspension jostled the puppet and his features little by little until he was staring right at Lincoln with sceptical eyes.
"Whaddya starin' at ya mook!?"
Lincoln yelped and scrambled back, inadvertently squashing Luan.
"Oh I'm s-sorry!" He gasped, "I…"
He trailed off as he realised that Luan was shaking, but not with anger. Rather the yellow-clad girl had her hand clamped over her mouth to muffle her giggles.
Lincoln paused, then looked at the dummy again with suspicions of his own.
Did Luan...?
"HAH!" Luan's sudden release of laughter shocked him again, and he couldn't help but glare at her as she openly guffawed to his side. "Oh…
Sorry Lincoln," she sighed and drew away a tear with one finger. "I couldn't help myself; it was too good a setup to let go!"
"Setup?" Lincoln examined the dummy again, "you planned this?"
"Wouldn't be the first time," Lynn Jr muttered from up front.
"Not exactly," Luan pointed towards the dummy. "Mr Coconuts and I go way back, so I just don't like leaving him in the trunk."
"Trust me kid!" Lincoln jumped a little again as the voice seemed to come from the dummy, but he could see Luan's lips moving a bit in the corner of his eye. "You'd have to be a real dummy to fold me up like luggage- I'm a stand up kinda guy!"
Lynn Jr groaned again from the front, and there was a ratting sound from her door.
"Junior!" Lynn scolded, "wait until the van stops!"
Lincoln looked out the window, and his stomach dropped a little as he saw the familiar shape of a football field just past the carpark they were stopping down at.
"I'm not taking any more puns before practice!" Lynn cheered as she all but booted the front passenger door open and scampered around the side of stationary vehicle. Lincoln twisted to see her pop open the back door and pull out all her gear in one easy go, "it's not bad luck but I still don't want any!"
"Sure thing Lynn," Luan winked at Lincoln though, "just be sure to stay hydrated- it would be a real shame if you have to get a penal-tea!"
"Ughhh…" Lynn's face screwed up as she slammed the back door closed and quickly marched away with a massive bag under one arm. Then she paused, and turned to face the van, her eyes finding Lincoln's.
Then, to Lincoln's utter perplexment; she stood up straight and solemnly raised her right hand to her temple in a salute, like a solider acknowledging a fallen friend's sacrifice.
Lincoln (having not a clue what she was doing) just hesitatingly waved in confusion.
"Don't mind Lynn," Lynn Sr spoke up, "she just doesn't share our love of a good pun."
"Yeah, you could say…" Lincoln could hear the smirk in Luan's voice. "She thinks it's a bit of a pun-ishment!"
Lincoln winced as the remaining Louds chortled together, and he looked back at Lynn Jr again.
The two met eyes again, this time with mutual understanding.
But Lincoln could do little but wave again as the Van resumed its journey, and left Lynn Jr to her game. So Lincoln resolved himself to settling down and keeping his eyes forwards (away from the creepy dummy still staring at him), but as for his ears…
Well, there was nothing to be done.
The journey came to end a long ten minutes later and Lincoln almost stumbled out after Luan.
"Ah… nothing like a good warmup before a show!" Luan stood upright with enthusiasm, "thanks Dad!"
"Oh, I dunno Sweetie, seems like a stretch to me!" Lynn chortled, and Lincoln couldn't help but wilt a little more.
The boy looked up for a distraction, and found himself looking at one of the many suburban houses that made up Royal Woods. It wasn't anything special, just a single story with a big (compared to his own house- the one back in Hazeltucky, not Lynn's) back yard, but it had the same warm, homey 'feel' to it that seemed to radiate throughout Royal Woods. Much unlike his home town's terse and threadbare atmosphere.
"Oh!" Lincoln repressed a jump at Luan tapped his shoulder, he looked over to her. "You don't get carsick, do you?"
"Uh… no?" Lincoln hesitantly issued, not wanting to offend Luan with the truth.
"Okay?" Luan raised an eyebrow, but pressed on anyway. "C'mon then, we need to get the pies and stuff in the yard before Dad finishes up the stage!"
"The stage?" Lincoln had been expecting they'd be going to some kind of venue, one enclosed with a stage of its own. Not just someone's house. "What kind of stage?"
"You'll see," Luan smiled and motioned him over to the car, "but we need to get the pies first- it's a staple of the stage after all!"
Bad puns aside though, they still did need to get the things to wherever the show would be taking place, so Lincoln obediently helped Luan with the box of pies. They carried them past the house, and into the back yard where they found Lynn hurriedly putting together the last parts of a metal frame , a bit like a tent's but whose poles were a lot thicker and the structure thereof was entirely flat and lower to the ground. Next to him were a few heavier boxes whose open lids revealed one with some wooden panels and another with some metal poles and coloured fabric.
"Whew!" Lynn swiped his sweated forehead with the back of his hand as he finished up the last of the frame, "I don't know how Leni does it..."
"Want us to help out, Dad?" Luan queried as she led Lincoln to behind the frame. He followed her lead as she bent at the knees and deposited the box to the ground.
"Oh, um…" Lynn checked his watch and shook his head. "Yeah, yeah that would probably be for the best." He admitted. "We've only got half an hour before the Havenshaw's want their show!"
"Good Gravy!" Luan gasped, and practically launched herself towards the box with wooden panels within, "quick Lincoln- follow my lead!"
He, of course, did exactly that. Lincoln wasn't exactly the most physical of specimens, but all he had to do was help Luan carry out the surprisingly light wooden panels and affix them where Lynn pointed out. Before long, a seemingly solid wooden stage was taking form.
"Dad and Leni usually come out a bit before and set up for me," Luan explained as they slotted in another piece to the frame. "That way I can have a real stage anywhere I want. It's a real selling point for parties if you look professional too!"
"Do you bring it to all your parties?" Lincoln looked at the surprisingly wide stage. It was quite impressive, but…
"No, there's a lot of setup involved." Luan admitted. "But whenever someone's around to help me out I'll bring her out, usually either Dad or Leni since she made it for me."
"L-Leni made this?" Lincoln stopped in incredulity. From what he had seen; Leni Loud was the least 'handywoman' kind of girl he could imagine!
"Yeah, she's great with woodwork." Luan smiled, "and a lot of other things too, she's the repairwoman of the house, she even helped Lana make up your room!"
Now that gave Lincoln pause; he couldn't imagine the… well-dressed girl in a workshop. Like, what if I break a nail!? The Leni within his mind gasped at the mere idea.
"Oh, I know she doesn't look like it-ugh!" Luan gasped as she and Lincoln pulled up another wooden panel from the box. "But she's even better than Lana at some things… just make sure you explain what you want when you're talking with her."
Lincoln gave her a quizzical look.
"Let's just say that 'making a bed' can mean more than one thing, and if you're not clear; you could end up with a whole new one when you just meant changing the sheets!" Luan exclaimed. "You should've seen what happened when Lori told her to run a bath!"
She leant in; "it took us three days to get it back in the house."
Lincoln… would have been doubtful. But after Lisa's laboratory, he could only nod and take the absurd story at face value; what else could he do at this point?
Still though, they had a job to do so Lincoln and Luan went at slotting in the poles that would hold up the stage's fabric back and sides. Before long, the entire thing was set up and Lincoln found himself before a stage that if he hadn't put it together himself, he would have sworn it had to have been made by the house owners as a permanent feature.
"Ah... just in time," Lynn Sr sighed as he stood up and pressed his hands to his back like Mom did sometimes. He checked his watch. "You've got five minutes Hon', I'll be back in… two hours?"
"Make it two and a half, I think this'll be a big one," Luan cheerfully nodded to Lynn- who merely shook his head and chuckled.
"All right then, you two have fun." He made eye contact with, and nodded to Lincoln, then turned to depart.
"Okay then…" Luan turned back to Lincoln, and her smiled dipped for a moment. "Hey, so… I know you're not really that, um… 'social'?" There was a question her voice, and Lincoln realised she was trying to avoid offending him.
"Uh, yeah that's right." He nodded; he didn't really mind how she put it. He knew what he was like after all, and it wasn't like she was trying to bother him.
"Okay, well, I'm going to try and keep you around the back," Luan pointed to behind the stage. "That way you can just lift it up and slide things over when I ask for them. But if you're having second thoughts, now's the last chance you'll have to leave for the next few hours."
"Uhhh…" Lincoln looked around the yard, and though it was quiet now (except for Lynn talking to an older woman he guessed had hired Luan), he knew it would be loud and rowdy soon enough. But he'd said he'd help, didn't he?
And he wanted Luan to be open to certain questions, helping her out was the best way he had for that.
"I'll be fine," he nodded.
"Great!" Luan perked up, and promptly started pulling the empty boxes behind the stage. "Let's get ready!"
Lincoln obediently helped her carry the things, they weren't heavy with their contents gone but they were bulky. After that, the two brought the actual props around the back and Luan started pulling things out.
"Okay…" she looked down at assorted, brightly-coloured tools in thought. "I think the old tricycle routine'll be a good opening, and after that…" she looked over to Lincoln in thought. "Hmmn, you know, Lynn said you had a good aim, how do you feel about throwing some things at me from behind the curtain?"
Lincoln hesitated, "ah… wouldn't the audience be able to see me from some angles?"
"Not if you stand up close!" Luan led him around the stage again, and hopped up upon it, only to all but press herself to one of the curtains that framed the centre.
Lincoln trundled along around the front, and sure enough no matter what position he took, Luan herself was hidden unless he squashed himself to the front of the stage on the far side.
"Ah… okay," Lincoln had to admit she had a point. "But what would I be throwing? I've never really thrown much besides Charles' ball."
"Oh, just some fruit, pies…" Luan started counting off her fingers as she stepped into the middle of the stage proper. "Maybe the odd dummy…"
"Dummy?" Something caught his eye and he turned to see Mr Coconuts sitting on the stage edge with crossed arms.
"Quit eyeballin' me Kid!"
Lincoln repressed a shudder. Even though he knew the voice was coming from Luan, the fact that he was sure they'd both left the dummy in the car and just the natural creepiness of the puppet unsettled him.
"Ah… maybe?" He offered up to Luan. "I've never thrown pies before..."
"That's okay!" Luan grinned at him; "sometimes the crowd finds it funnier if the joke 'falls flat'." She laughed. "Come on, if you really whiff it, you can hop back behind the stage anyway like we said and I'll just swap to the next bit alright?"
"Hmnn…" Lincoln honestly didn't want to go on the stage. But Luan seemed to be sincere so… what was the harm?
"Okay…"
"WHERE'S THE CLOWN!?" A high-pitched voice screeched from the other side of the curtain. "I WANNA SEE THE CLOWN!"
A chorus of excited and impatient demands echoed in his wake, causing a shudder to run down Lincoln's spine.
It turned out that rumbunctious, sugared-up five-year-olds weren't exactly the most patient audience.
"Psst!" Lincoln jumped a little, but turned to see the confident visage of Luan- still in full clown costume and now effortlessly balanced on a unicycle. "Don't worry about it, just do what I showed you and everything will be fine!"
Lincoln didn't trust his tongue, so he just nodded and grabbed the thin rope near his hands. A few seconds later Luan tipped her gloved hand to him, and he started pulling it to him as fast as he could.
It took only a moment for the curtain to part, and though Lincoln couldn't see anything but the sunlight reflecting off the wooden stage, he sure could feel the sudden cheer as Luan revealed herself with a little bow on her unicycle.
"Thank you, thank you!" She announced, "and welcome to today show's show; and for our first performance…"
Lincoln gulped, tied the rope to its knob and quickly fished through the readied props beside him.
"… we'll begin with an act I think you'll find quite… a-peel-ing!"
She drew out her hands, and Lincoln eyed her steady palm for just a moment before he lobbed the thing as accurately as he could.
But his heart fell as the object arced through the air and fell short-
Only for Luan to effortlessly cycle just a little over and tilt just right for her to catch the Apple in her left hand, before she steadied herself and started tossing it into the air while she returned to centre stage.
"Whoops!" She chortled, and the crowd murmured with surprise. "We almost had a spill there- but not to worry; no one's pear-fect after all!"
Lincoln hastily grabbed the next fruit, spurred on by his cue, and this time aimed a little higher.
The green fruit easily found itself in Luan's other hand, the clown moving with deft speed to catch Lincoln's imperfect throw and start juggling the pear with the apple before the increasingly awed crowd.
"Wow, you know you guys are great!" Luan grinned, "I was worried you'd be a bunch of sour lemons!"
Again, Lincoln grabbed the respective fruit from the increasingly sparse bag behind him- and once more Luan easily added it to her juggling act.
"But I guess you've got better o-range of tastes than that!"
The orange went next.
"So there's next to no chance you'd get melon-choly!"
Lincoln hesitated as he fished out the last, far larger fruit in his hands. The green melon looked far too hard for what Luan wanted him to do…
He looked up again, and Luan's eyes darted over to him for a split second.
She gave him a subtle nod, and the slight give in the melon's skin reminded him that Luan had chosen this particular fruit herself.
Biting his lip in trepidation- but not wanting to disappoint her; he drew it over his head and lobbed it at Luan with everything he had!
And this time the fruit struck true-
Right into Luan's face!
The melon burst into green chunks and a spray of red- splattering across the stage from the impact point.
"Woa-woa-woa!" Luan gasped as she suddenly lost control of her unicycle, and Lincoln's stomach dropped-
As Luan fell to the floor, and all of the other fruit all happened to drop onto her head one by one from the air.
The crowd fell silent and Lincoln silently wondered if he'd be on the end of Lynn's wrath- but he gasped as Luan suddenly jumped up, none the worse for wear from the slapstick.
"Wow, that could've been a close call- but…" she drew her finger through some of the pulp on her costume and licked it. "It's looks like it was a fruitful fakeout! Ha! Ha!
Geddit?"
A cheer rung from the crowd, and Lincoln dropped to his knees in relief.
But not for too long; the show had to go on after all!
If Luan Loud was suffering any kind of bruises from her on-stage antics under her costume and liquid-resistant makeup, then she certainly wasn't showing it. The various toys, props and assorted pastries he'd thrown her way seemed to just bounce off her more than anything else- much like she did from the stage on the occasions she 'tripped'.
Lincoln's keen eyes took in the details that many would have overlooked though, and he quickly realised that her movements were telegraphed- she always turned a little before every hit or twisted to bounce off some specific part of her body when she dropped to the floor.
He'd heard of wrestlers and acrobats who learnt to 'sell' being punched or falling from great heights without being actually hurt, maybe Luan trained like them?
"Sorry to fall flat so often…" Luan's voice came over, interrupting his musings- and prompting him to get the next piece ready-
Luan had given him a written list and next was-
Another pie!
He quickly fished through the nearly emptied box next to him, and pulled out one of the last pie containers, before pulling it out. The inside already had a good covering of cream over the bottom, but according to Luan it was a thicker kind that really 'makes that ideal kind of squish you know?'. Lynn apparently baked them at their home, but that thick cream on the bottom wasn't that great visually- 'it'll just get a few bits on me but mostly drop off!'- so Lincoln had to quickly get out a can of whipped cream and
Splrrut!
A thick layer of flurry cream whorls appeared across the top of the pie, perfect for making a comedic mess on anyone's face (or clothes).
"… I had big dreams about being a real comedienne…" Luan sighed as she dramatically turned toward him, and Lincoln carefully balanced the pie in his hand before flipped around to line his shot. "… But I guess that was just a-"
Splrskshhh!
The pie splattered across Luan's face, and sure enough the sound was practically something from a T.V. show. The remains slid off as Luan blinked through, her eyes apparently unaffected by the cream. The tip of her tongue poked through the thick white covering on her lips, and she turned to the audience with a smile;
"- Pie in the sky!"
Cackles of laughter echoed through the crowd, and Luan chortled with them. The Clown grasped her ever-present fake flower and aimed it at her face-
Sprlsh!
In an instant her face was cleared of the cream by the surprising strength of the little hydraulic. She gave a quick nod to him and Lincoln quickly pulled out her list from his pocket again.
There was only one item remaining and Lincoln gulped he looked back in the box.
Sure enough; The Puppet was there. Staring at him.
"And now for a special guest!" Luan called out to the crowd, and Lincoln swallowed down his discomfort. He could practically feel Luan drawing closer, so he closed his eyes tight and reached down.
His fingers flinched back as they touched synthetic hair but he made his hands go down so he could grab the puppet's torso with both hand pulls to him up.
He opened his eyes to Find Mr Coconut's eyes staring into his.
He shuddered again, expecting Luan to voice him once more, but she was probably too busy so he just turned so he could hand him off before she got any funny ideas. Just in time in fact as Luan was nearly there, and she quickly reached in to take him into her hands
"Everyone!" She turned to the audience with her ever-present smile, holding the puppet behind the curtain for a moment; "give a warm welcome to Mr Coconuts!"
The crowd cheered as she presented the dummy, and Lincoln sighed in relief as she began her last act. Knowing that there was nothing else for him to do for now; he just got on with gathering up all the used packets and props so they could be put away.
All the while Ignoring Mr Coconut's creepy voice answering the crowd's many questions as best he could.
Lincoln cleaned up behind the curtain until Luan hopped offstage and started handing out balloon animals to the other kids, then he spent the rest of the party more or less hiding behind the closed curtains as he got out a portable mop and bucket to take care of the messes from the food-based gags before they got into the wood. It wasn't long before there wasn't a dirty spot on the stage and everything but Mr Coconuts (since Luan had taken him to 'talk to the audience' some more) and the stage itself was packed up, so he just sat down and tried to relax for a bit instead.
Honestly, it'd been hard.
Sure, Luan could make up for his poor aim and he hadn't had to actually go on stage. But the noise had been unsettling him for far, far too long. He felt nauseous and there was a headache pounding behind his eyes.
Even though there had been some fun parts, if he'd known he wouldn't just be behind the stage, there would've been no way he would've come-
"You did great!" Lincoln winced as Luan cheerily drew herself up onto the stage next to him. "Especially for a first timer, maybe you should…"
He felt her eyes on him.
"… Are you okay?"
Lincoln's cheeks flushed, and he made himself straighten up so he could look in her direction. "I-I'm fine."
The girl towered over him even though she knelt to look him over. Her characteristic smile was rapidly fading on her face, her features now freshly clean of any makeup. She gently put the ever-creepy dummy down to sit down next to him.
"Oh…" Luan sighed. "Sorry Lincoln. I just get so into my show sometimes- and I knew you had it in you… but I should have remembered that you're not really, well…"
She was clearly trying to find a way of saying it without being mean.
"I-it's fine," Lincoln lied. "I-I could have said no."
"Well; all right then, as long as you're okay," Luan seemed to buy it, and relaxed a little. "But yeah; you were great back there! I mean; usually I have to practice with my assistant for a good few hours before they can land a pie like that- and the girls always get distracted with something, like Lana and bugs or Luna with music or Leni with anything- and you didn't even knock me off my unicycle like Lynn! Or even…"
She looked around like she was expecting someone to spy on them, then leant down to his ear to whisper; "steal the show like Lola; she's a real drama queen! She even tried stealing Mr Coconuts' thunder one time!"
Lincoln numbly nodded, not really knowing Lana's twin well enough to say either way, but something odd occurred to him; "… what do you mean replace your dummy?"
"It's a long story kid!" Lincoln repressed a jump as The Voice came from The Dummy again, and he found Luan had picked him up once more. "But let me tell you; it doesn't matter what you're made of- if you're in the limelight that little lady wants a piece of the action!"
"Lola was supposed to be helping me with my ventriloquist act," Luan sighed. "But it was only supposed to be as an announcer- but then she just wouldn't leave the stage!"
"Uh… okay." Lincoln nodded along, "d-do you always bring your du-puppet along for shows?"
"Not always," Luan admitted. "I don't just do clown shows or ventriloquism after all," she started counting off the fingers on her free hand. "Stand-up for the older crowd, mimes, even a little magic here and there; I've got something for everyone!"
"But me and her are a team!" Mr Coconuts piped up. "And don't you forget it new guy!"
The puppet folded his arms and turned his head in a way that seemed to make him jealously pout. Despite himself little couldn't help but laugh a little at the absurdity of it all, and when he looked back up, Luan's smile had returned.
Lincoln could even feel one tugging at his own lips.
But he had a reason to spend all this time with Luan besides just getting to know her, so he tried to keep himself as casual as possible as he asked; "a-anything else?"
"Like what?" Luan adjusted herself.
"I-I don't know, I-I just heard some things at school." He offered. "They said you've done a lot of things-"
"Ooohh, you mean my pranks," Luan's smile gained a new edge, and a dreadful chuckle drew up out of her chest.
"Oh, you've done it now Kid," Mr Coconuts somehow said at the same time.
Lincoln's eyes widened, and he scooted back away from the cackling loon beside him. Luan's eyes turned to him, then suddenly all her dark humour fled her and she was a normal girl again;
"No, wait I- oh- I'm sorry!" She gasped, and her eyes were suddenly filled with worry; "it's just that sometimes I get too far into my pranking and… well… I go little too far."
"H-how's 'too far'?" Lincoln demanded.
"Nothing the prankee can't handle!" Luan insisted, "usually it's just my Dad and Sisters since they're pretty used to it- I only break out the real stuff on April Fools anyway!" She tried to assure him; "it's not fun if you do them on someone who can't handle it, I-I wouldn't do it to you; I promise!"
"I…" Lincoln swallowed.
"Anywhere near her house is a warzone… even the police won't come near there on April First!"
"...flooded out their entire house with mustard..."
"And then there's what she did to us…"
He remembered the pale faces of the boys at the table as they described Luan.
But at the same time, Stella said they'd done something to her right? And Luan's eyes, her face were so earnest that he wanted to believe her.
Besides; she'd done nothing he'd seen to make him believe she was some kind of psycho like everyone else had said. No, everything he'd actually seen her do with him up to today had been nothing but kind.
So, he chose to believe her.
"O-okay," he finally nodded, "i-if you say so."
Luan seemed to accept that, and the two of them managed to have a little bit of fun until Lynn came to pick them up. Luan and her dad would need to go back for the stage another day.
After that, Lincoln didn't really do too much else. He just marched up the stairs as quickly and quietly as he could and laid down on his bed for a while. He was just too tired after everything and he couldn't really do his homework anyway.
But his mind was still too active to sit still.
So, after a little while of fruitlessly trying to rest; he did what he always did:
He drew.
He took out his sketchbook from his bag and at first, he tried to keep drawing his old house, wanting something familiar to ease his nerves over school. But he just couldn't feel the flow with it, there was something else that fit better…
So, he stopped and let his mind flitter through on its own for a bit.
Then he flipped his sketchbook open again, and almost on their own his hand stopped at a new page. The soup of ideas stirred within his mind's eye, and what bubbled up was a new image of… something warm and content.
In an instant the picture was committed to memory as easily as any real life one, and his arm inexorably moved to carve it into the empty space.
The background was first, simple trees, shrubs, ponds and the odd playground. Then then the four stick-like forms of what would become the inhabitants of this little world, two were mostly the same size, but the remaining pair were short and stubby- though with one still slightly larger than the other being almost just a flat oval with some littler ones attached.
His hands moved quickly, faster, and faster as his focus turned time and fatigue into suggestions to be ignored and before long-
"GIRLS!" Lynn's voice echoed from upstairs, "DINNER'S READY!"
Lincoln blinked, and his pencil slowed as his reverie was broken.
Before him was an almost complete sketch- still with assorts structural lines to be erased and the colours needed to be done, but it was clear to him what he had made;
A day at the park.
There, before him were Lynn, Luan, Lana and Charles all playing together, with Lynn cheerfully beckoning him over. Charles and Lana were already racing after the ball whose arc clearly came from the viewer's hand, and Luan had a mischievous grin as she snuck up behind Lynn.
It didn't show it yet, but when Lincoln had truly finished it, it would be a supersaturated, sun-drenched dreamscape. A moment of combined happiness that never happened, but also kind of did.
But either way, Lincoln needed to go eat dinner before he could do anything. So, he carefully closed his sketchbook and hid it away under his bed with his other drawing tools, and quietly made his way out of the room.
All the while unaware of the eyes watching him from the vent.
A/N:
Special thanks to Nuuo and Blaze1 for Beta-reading.
Luan's puns are far more difficult to write than they have any right to be, kudos to the show writers for managing her wordplay so easily. This chapter was approximately nine-thousand words, so it should make up for last time's (and possible next chapter's if the content isn't quite enough) wordcount.
As it is; due to a brush with a certain illness and a few other real-life events across the last month, the next chapter may be delayed. If that happens, then it should be up come the end of next month regardless.
On a happier note; someone was kind enough to make a Tv Tropes page for this fic. While I'm not sure if it's been present since before or after I adopted the story, it is appreciated nonetheless.
See you next time :)