Top Girls: Behind the Scenes

Two weeks ago, the office of Gendo Ikari

Gendo pushed up his glasses, the bearded man smiling slightly. "Welcome to Top Gear season number six, or season twenty if we had kept to the old numbering," he explained as the producer led them out of his production office.

Satsuki Ooi followed him out, the attractive reporter asking, "Isn't it odd for NERV to be producing a television show along with fighting the Angels?"

"Morale," Gendo shrugged, "the Top Gear program keeps peoples hopes up and gives them something to smile about." He didn't mention that making NERV popular TV stars would keep the army and UN from moving against them. That, as they say, was a bonus.

"How did you pick the hosts?" Satsuki asked.

They went out of the small building at the edge of Tokyo-3. Nearby was the massive hangar they filmed Top Gear out of, as well as buildings for car maintenance and other purposes. "Did you watch the original Top Gear?" Gendo asked. "I mean, before London flooded."

"I reviewed the DVDs," Satsuki admitted. She brightened slightly as she realized what he was getting at, "You chose them based on the original hosts."

"Indeed," Gendo agreed as they went into the hangar. "Not that they're TOO alike. But I looked for similarities in our staff."

"And so you got your power trio," Satsuki agreed as they watched the three women rehearse nearby a salvaged BMW.

Satsuki could see the similarities, now that it had been pointed out to her. Misato was bold and somewhat loud, much like Jeremy Clarkson. Ritsuko was smart and precise, similar to James May. And Maya was shorter, energetic and cute, like Richard Hammond.

"So, how many NERV staff are involved with Top Gear?" Satsuki asked curiously, the two of them passing under one of the camera booms.

"Not many," Gendo admitted, "any staff are volunteers, pretty much." He smiled, "The pilots rather enjoy joining in."

"Hmm," Satsuki nodded.

Indeed the three Evangelion pilots were often in Top Gear, though usually in the background. They often played 'scientists' giving challenges to the three hosts, and had appeared in both the Christmas episodes the new series had filmed.

"Come on, let me introduce you," Gendo said, leading her over to the hosts. "Everyone, this is Satsuki, she'll be filming a segment for our DVD, as well as a web-streaming episode."

"Nice to meet you," Misato smiled, shaking her hand firmly.

"You too," Satsuki smiled.

"Welcome to Top Gear," Maya said politely.

"Hello," Ritsuko nodded, looking a little reserved.

The group ended up on the couches near the center of the hangar, where the hosts normally talk about the news and interviewed guests. Gendo left them and they settled down into a series of short interviews. Well, more like a round table discussion, but either way it'd make good material for the special later,

"Now, you do challenges in each season," Satsuki said cheerfully, "based on the original Top Gear. What's been the most exciting one you've done?"

The three women exchanged looks as they silently questioned one another. "I think the South America trip," Maya finally admitted.

"That was hairy," Misato agreed, drinking from what Satsuki assumed was a can of coffee. There was no way that could be beer, could it?

"Second Impact hit South America hard," Ritsuko nodded her agreement, "indeed the entire southern hemisphere. Did you know that there are over 200 new species that have appeared since impact? And even more have died out?"

"Here she goes again," Misato groaned, clearly having heard this talk before. She took another drink of her can of coffee or soda, CERTAINLY not beer.

Trying to head off a argument Maya said, "The animals were bad, but I think the bandits we ran into were worse."

"Were you really chased by," Satsuki checked her notes, "a group calling themselves the African Liberation Army?"

"Well, that's what they called themselves," Misato snorted in amusement, "but they were really just a band of glorified pirates. They tried to hit us as we were retracing the original Top Gear team's trip across Botswanna."

"That was scary," Ritsuko conceded. "We were driving three beaters that had survived war and disasters, that were just barely holding together. Then we had to gun the engines to escape the bandits and hope they didn't explode."

"And a film crew," Maya added.

"Poor Kaji, they nearly caught him," Misato snickered, remembering.

"But yeah, our rust heaps were a bit better than their rust heaps, and we managed to escape with our lives," Ritsuko chuckled.

"And except for a few bullet holes, unharmed," Maya nodded.

"So, are you going to try to reproduce all of the old Top Gear challenges?" Satsuki asked them curiously.

"Well, there's some we can't do," Ritsuko admitted, "the Polar Challenge is right out, for instance." Everyone nodded, conceding that global warming after Second Impact had melted the polar icecaps too much for that. "But yes, we want to at least try to replicate the challenges."

"And coming up with new challenges," Misato added eagerly. "We're looking into trying to race sports cars against Evangelions, assuming Gendo agrees."

"I'm fairly confident he will," Ritsuko smiled smugly.

Satsuki wondered why Ritsuko was so confident, but decided it wasn't her business. "Are there any challenges you're refused to do?" she asked.

"The car to boat one," Misato admitted after a moment's thought.

"You mean, building a car so that it could also work as a boat," Satsuki clarified. "Why not?"

Misato smiled, "Well the idea of doing that itself doesn't bother me, but we didn't have any models that would work."

"Most Japanese cars wouldn't work for waterproofing then taking to the water," Ritsuko agreed, "we MIGHT manage it if we could find some older US cars, but they're beyond our budget."

"They're even expensive used, now," Maya agreed.

"Best car you've driven?" Satsuki had to ask.

Maya almost instantly said, "The latest Bugatti Veyron."

"Hey, I wanted to say that!" Misato complained. She sat back, looking thoughtful, "Well, for a second choice, I am liking the Mitsubishi Lancer Evo. It's a bit too gadget heavy, especially the twentieth version, but DAMN is it powerful."

Ritsuko rolled her eyes at both their choices. "I actually like to drive something that won't mash my spine," she said dryly.

"This from the woman who owns Porsches," Misato teased.

Ritsuko sniffed, "I like my Porsche."

Satsuki finished up the interviews, then went over to talk to the director. The older man gave several good stories, then looked at her thoughtfully, "Do you really want to get a feel for Top Gear?"

"Yes?" Satsuki asked tentatively.

"Then you need to ride with the Stig."

Within minutes she was fitted with a helmet and out on the track, watching with wide eyes as the car went around the track then skidded to a stop. The Stig was behind the wheel, the mysterious, black clad woman turning her matching helmet to gaze at her patiently.

"Uhm, hello," Satsuki smiled nervously as she went around to the passenger's side and belted herself in to the racing harness.

The Stig didn't answer, and frankly Satsuki wasn't expecting her to. Like the Stig from the original Top Gear she didn't talk, never removed her helmet and no one, officially, knew who she was. Personally she suspected the Stig was really Rei Ayanami, the mysterious pilot of Unit-0, but she couldn't prove it.

"Nice day for a drive?" Satsuki tried.

The Stig just gave her a look. Then, as if certain she was belted in, the Stig put the coupe in gear and was off in a squeal of tires. Satsuki squealed in dismay, clutching the dash as they raced down the track then into a hard turn.

"Slow down!" Satsuki yelped.

Stig just ignored that, racing through the small track connected to the studio. While not as good as racing through the city, she could certainly take Satsuki for a interesting ride. And she was clearly very determined to do so.

The raced right towards one of the outside shacks, this one used for guests to the show. "Oh god...," Satsuki moaned, sure they were going to die.

With a twist of the wheel Stig put them into a power slide, then tore off down the track in a almost perfect right turn. With incredible skill she navigated the twisty section farthest from the hangar, then floored it again as they hit a straightaway.

"Eeep," Satsuki managed as they accellerated, the pressure shoving her back into her seat.

The Stig pulled another power sluid, drifting through a turn then with a screech of tires brough them to a halt... almost exactly where they started from. She seemed calm and unruffled from the trip, unbuckling and stepping out of the car with a almost jaunty step.

Satsuki unbuckled with shaking hands and nearly fell out of the car. She staggered away a few steps, dropped to her knees and promptly threw up, even as she became aware of three people coming out of the hangar towards her.

Ritsuko helped her up, smiling wryly, "Welcome to the team. Everyone who rides with the Stig does that."

"Misato didn't," Maya noted as she looked at Satsuki with concern.

"Yes, but Misato's a freak of nature," Ritsuko shrugged.

"I HEARD THAT," Misato growled.

To be continued...

Notes: Sorta a 'zero episode' I suppose. Based very loosely on the bonus features that come with the Top Gear DVDs, as well as a Sixty Minutes spot on the TV show. May or may not continue this. Also debating on revealing who the Stig is in this story...