—
So I goofed pretty hard here. I gathered together all my snips into one file to better organize them, but I lost 16b without noticing. So instead I wrote a new 16b, which became 17c after some edits. The plotline changed significantly as a result, but I think it was for the better.
—
I found reasons to visit the lower floors more often. Side quests, rare materials for limited-edition items, and the occasional search for lore that could help in finding the secrets of higher-level floors. But while these missions were occasionally useful, ultimately they were divergences from my main goal. The reason why I indulged in them was obvious, though it took some time to admit. I missed them.
I didn't always find Sachi and her group since officially befriending them through the system would lead to too many questions, assuming it worked at all. But with a good guess of their of their abilities and the aid of my keen eyesight I was usually able to find them. They shared delicious cooked food with me and in return I hamstrung a few monsters for them to easily pick off. I justified it as power leveling them for the sake of the overall mission, but that wasn't the true reason I kept finding them. I was lonely.
I hadn't fully realized it before, or at least hadn't acknowledged it. I'd pushed on alone for level after level, harder and harder until my feelings were left behind. But now that I'd felt it again, the warmth of human companionship, a hollow ache overtook my heart at the thought of leaving it behind again. I needed them desperately, and after a certain event I thought I might not be wrong to give in to that need. It might be more dangerous to continue on as I had, no matter how quickly I'd progressed.
The event that so scared me was horrifying because of how mundane it was. I woke up after a short and fitful sleep. Stretched. And then I hunted down a unicorn ox on the 40th floor and ate its best organs raw with a fair degree of relish. But what was truly terrifying was that it wasn't until many hours later when I sat by Sachi's campfire twenty floors down that I remembered that what I'd done wasn't normal. I was acting more like a wolf than a human being, and I'd been doing it for so long that I'd stopped noticing.
Something needed to change. I needed to change. I'd been progressing rapidly through the floors but I could feel my progress slowing, and now I thought I knew why. I'd always been a strategic gamer, someone who min-maxed and weighed every option before progressing. But lately I'd just been relying on instinct and reactive fighting to see me through, never pausing to think or readjust my strategy. It wasn't until human contact had forced me to stand still for a moment that it became obvious I was reaching the limit of where beastly cunning could take me.
Knowing I needed to change didn't make it any easier to do so. I liked being around people again, particularly people that didn't hate me, but it made the awkwardness of my body even more apparent. Everything about my body felt wrong, and any familiarity I'd gained with it over the months just made it feel even more unnatural. I'd managed to ignore it by constantly hunting, but my form itched at me whenever any of Sachi's party looked at me. And so while I couldn't bear to leave them alone for long, I couldn't stay near them for very long either. I was like a moth drawn to a flame, flitting around them without ever truly joining them.
I'd ignored my changes as best as I could since the beginning, but I knew now that that couldn't go on. Regardless of what I'd told myself my body was changing my mind. Both the shape of my predator attributes and whatever feedback systems were installed in the death game were affecting how I thought and felt, and I didn't even want to think about what being in my sister's body for so long was doing to me. And with the months continuing to drag on, it was clear that I couldn't afford to wait until I beat the game. Something had to be done to restore my body and clear my mind, and I was determined to see it through. The game had changed me, so the game could change me back. I just had to figure out how.
I'd found it. Or at least I hoped I had.
Rumors had begun to mount the closer I came to the 50th floor. Cautious whispers from npcs, cryptic writings in the ruins of a civilization destroyed by some so-called divine source. In the real world it would just be a myth, but in Aincrad it added up to an item of great but unusual power. A divine crystal of rebirth and reincarnation.
The holy item was said to be capable of reversing all afflictions. Of restoring the body to its base state and changing a hero's fate. Or in gaming terms, I guessed it would revert a player to normal and allow them to re-class. The latter was an option more important to me than it used to be. It had become increasingly clear that my strategy of glass-cannon dagger fighting was reaching its limits. Virtually undodgeable aoe abilities had nearly taken my life a dozen times already, and dagger-resistant foes made things even dicier. Kicking had sufficed in earlier levels, but that required a higher strength than the daggers to be effective and my all-agil build didn't quite cut it. Nor did my utterly useless secret skill, [dual wield]. Being able to perform two-handed sword skills was pointless when not only did I not use swords, I'd stopped using the system-assist entirely by level five. The added power just wasn't worth the locked-in followthrough.
But while my gamer side loved thinking about the possibilities that would come from reclassing my character and the advantages it would bring in getting me out of the game faster, I was most excited about the chance to fix my body. My ears were perky and alert atop my head, eyes shiny and bright. I hadn't achieved my goal yet but I finally had a direction to run in.
Thankfully I didn't have a wagging tail to give away my excitement but the group seemed to notice anyways. Sachi gave my ears a scratch that had me embarrassed but too contented to pull away. I did dodge Tetsuo's attempt to do the same though, and gave Ducker a falcon-eyed glare when he tried throwing a stick.
"What's got you so excited girl?" asked Sachi.
I wanted to reply and happily tell her about how I would soon be human again, but I couldn't. I'd tried practicing but I still couldn't get the words out, and my scratchy high-pitched voice was too unpleasant for me to practice for long. I wished I knew if it was because the changes to my body had broken some link or understanding between my real-life mind and the avatar, or if it was the months of isolation and sleep deprivation that had robbed me of my ability to speak. Either way, I didn't think I'd be pleased with the answer.
Without being able to speak I could only express my joy in other ways. I stayed a little longer with them than normal, and hunted down plenty of mobs for them to finish off. I even found a magic shroom for Sachi that would give a temporary speed boost. But then I had to go. I needed to get stronger in order to regain my form and join them for real. If I failed, I wasn't sure how much longer I could stay sane.