Top Girls

Chapter 15

"Welcome, everyone, to Top Gear!" Misato declared cheerfully.

"Oh no you're not," a pretend angry voice declared.

On a large video screen suspended above the hosts, two order men appeared. One was tall, nearly bald, and had an aura of intelligence. A shorter man with steel grey hair was beside him, looking mock cranky.

"We've been invaded!" Ritsuko mock panicked.

"No! Visiting us from across the pond," Maya waved at the screen as she declared loudly, "it's the original hosts of Top Gear!"

(This had been an absolute bitch for Gendo and the staff to arrange. Both men liked their show, as far as it went, but they had moved on in their lives. They agreed to do the video feed, in exchange for a large cheritable donation...)

Sir James May noted, "Well, I was impressed by the across Japan race."

Richard Hammond complained, "But where are the muscle cars? You've GOT to do those."

"Speaking of muscle cars," Ritsuko grinned.

They switched scenes to the test track, where a grinning Misato was driving along.

"We've gotten the new Mustang Lg-55," Misato noted, "because a US loving staffer actually bought it."

(Back at NERV Aoi sneezed loudly.)

"POWEEER!" Misato laughed, flooring it.

The low slung American car roared as it raced down the track. Painted bright red, it was wider than a street car, with slim headlights and an oddly shapped front hood that flowed into the doors. A spoiler was mounted on the back, using downforce to keep the car on the road.

"This poor Mustang has a rebuilt Toyota V8 engine, with a modified twin turbo and computer aided precision fuel injection," Misato narrated, "and can go from zero to sixty in four seconds."

With a roar of engine she floored it, the car's tires squealing.

"Top speed it limited to two hundred," Misato noted, "though if you take it to an official track, the speed limited goes off, and you can get up to two sixty."

The car reached a turn and she pumped the breaks and twisted the wheel. The tired screeched and they sort of drifted through the turn.

"Unlike a lot of US muscle cars, this is NOT made of plastic," Misato noted cheerfully. "Shocking, I know. However, the shell is simply fiberglass, and the windows ARE just molded plastic." She paused and repeated, "PLASTIC!"

She pulled over and got out. "The light materials make it fast," she said, "but it lacks a rigid framework. You can actually FEEL the car shell bend under stresses of driving." Misato paused, "And I don't want to imagine how bad it'd be in an accident."

Back at the studio Hammond noted, "It's that wobbly?"

Misato nodded, "It got especially scary in corners. Without a rigid body to hold the whole thing together, I could feel it deform."

"That does sound ghastly," Sir James May agreed. Curiously he asked them, "Has anyone crashed one?"

Maya reported, "Our staff looked into it. We only found one crash on record, but it was a total write off."

"None the less, we must hand it over to our tame racing driver," Ritsuko declared.

"Some say it is the secret love child of the first Stig," Maya declared, "but the paternety test came up blank! All we know is, she's called the Stig!"

They cut back to the test track, where the Stig took off from the starting line.

"And the Stig is off!" Sir James May called, sounding amused.

"I have missed seeing a Stig drive like a maniac," Richard noted wryly.

"Lot of oversteer from the turbos and the lightness," Misato noted, "but the Stig is handling it."

"We had some rain, so the track is a bit damp," Ritsuko added as Stig literally drifted through a turn. "Was that intentional or...?"

"With the Stig, who knows?" Maya offered.

"The Stig is really flooring it in the straightaway," Richard noted excitedly.

"There's the Michael Schumaker, straight again," Misato observed, "Gambon-2... oooh, nearly lost it there!"

"And accross the line!" Richard said cheerfully.

"As much as the car annoyed me, it did manage a good time," Misato waved the paper, "Ninety eight seconds! In out top third."

Sir James May quietly noted, "They've gotten faster since our day..."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

They kept the telecommunications link running once they finished filming. "Thank you very much for doing this," Gendo noted. "It's been an honor."

"Oh god, don't puff us up that much," Richard laughed.

"Oh, do continue," Sir James May chuckled.

Misato smiled wryly.

"It really has been great fun," Ritsuko added.

"Thank you very much," Maya repeated a bit nervously.

"I will admit, I had my doubts about you doing Top Gear," Sir James May noted, "but I think you do it well."

"Come visit England some time," Richard added before they signed off. "We could give you the grand tour," he added.

"That was nice," Misato sighed. "I'm impressed Gendo talked them into it..."

"Well, there was a big charitable donation involved," Ritsuko noted.

"Don't be cynical, senpai," Maya scolded lightly, then they all headed out.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Satsuki Ooi was pouting slightly. "I didn't get to interview them!"

"Timing," Gendo shrugged, "And we didn't want to push for too much."

"Okay, point," Satsuki conceded.

"I'm surprised they joined in as much as they did," Gendo added, "the agreement was just to have them cameo, not comment on the whole show."

"I guess we got lucky," Satsuki agreed.

There was a knock on the office door, then Kaede looked in.

"Yes?" Gendo asked.

"Call from Maria Vincennes," Kaede reported.

"I have to take this," Gendo apologized to Satsuki.

"I'll catch up later," Satsuki nodded.

"Maria," Gendo nodded, "Good to hear from you. I take it you pulled strings to get us the US clearance?"

"Just a little," Maria admitted cheerfully.

"Well, thank you then," Gendo said.

"I DO intend to call the debt due, though," Maria added impishly.

"Oh?" Gendo asked.

"Have the team detour for a Nevada visit," Maria told him.

Gendo raised his eyebrows, "Has that been cleared?"

"You'll get the information shortly," Maria said, "yes."

"We'll need SOMETHING to justify the trip," Gendo pointed out.

"There's still crazies who race suped up cars across the salt flats," Maria said. "We can set up a big race for you."

"Hmm," Gendo hmmed doubtfully.

"And as a bonus," Maria added gleefully, "the hosts can race against our American Evangelion, Unit-04."

"That would be something to see," Gendo agreed. "All right, we'll start figuring out the logistics on our end."

"I'll be looking forward to it," Maria agreed.

To be continued...

Notes: I wanted to do a crossover with 'original' Top Gear, so here we go. It's HARD getting their voices right... if you feel they're 'off' just assume age plus surviving the Impact Wars etc etc.