Author Note: I am not an expert in BDSM, so please don't use anything here as a guide. My focus here is recovering from toxic relationships. Some of the material in this fic is based on stories from real people (myself included) who have survived emotionally abusive partners. Please be cautious if you find that sort of thing triggering. If you have specific concerns please don't hesitate to ask. I don't mind giving away spoilers if it helps you protect yourself.

What the hell was I doing here?

I paused, my hand on the door to an adult shop. I almost turned around and walked away. Yet, if I gave up now, I would have to tell my therapist that I failed to complete my homework. Also, I would be no closer to solving this problem. I took a deep breath, and pulled the door open.

A dark-haired woman approached me with a warm smile. "Hello there! You're in The Right Spot. Can I help you find anything?"

I tried to answer, but my throat closed up. As if I weren't already flustered, she was gorgeous. I coughed awkwardly.

She moved a little closer, lowering her voice. "Are you new to all this?" I nodded, feeling stupid. "Well I'm glad you're here. I would be thrilled to help you. What brings you in today?"

I didn't want to admit that my therapist sent me here. I swallowed hard. "Well… I've been kind of… hesitant to be with anyone. So I guess I need to start by figuring out what I like, on my own."

Her smile brightened. "That's wonderful! Solo play is an excellent first step. Have you ever tried sex toys before?"

"No, never." It was nice of her not to assume.

"In that case, I would recommend you start with something simple." She led me over to a display wall covered with apparatus of all shapes and sizes, and she grabbed a package from a row near the bottom. "Something like this won't be too intimidating, but it has adjustable settings so you can control the vibration speed. This will give you a better idea of what works for you."

I looked it over. The toy was packaged in clear plastic. It was a light pink wand with a tapered end, and a dial at the bottom. She was right; it wasn't intimidating, especially compared to most of the products on display.

"The only downside of this brand…" she tapped the plastic with her long fingernail, "they can be a bit loud. Do you live alone?"

"Sort of. My son is away at school most of the time." Why did I tell her all that?

"Perfect. You can enjoy yourself without needing to worry if anyone will hear."

"Um, yeah." My cheeks were burning.

She seemed unfazed. "You're going to want a good lubricant with this. I find it makes things more comfortable." She picked up a small, clear bottle. "This is my personal favorite, it's smooth and doesn't get sticky."

"Great," I said, nodding. I just wanted to pay and leave before I passed out from embarrassment.

She rang me up and bagged my items in a heavy paper bag. "I'm putting my card in here as well. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to call me."

I thanked her, then nearly ran out the door.

As soon as I got home, I unpacked my new toy. My nerves were threatening to win out over my eagerness, so I hurriedly lit some candles. I laid down on my bed in the semi-darkness, and spread some lube across the vibrator. Closing my eyes, I tried to think of an attractive celebrity as I ran my hands over my body, trying to remember what used to feel good. I thought of the woman who had helped me at the shop, and that was a little better.

After a few minutes, I figured enough was enough. I turned the dial on the vibrator until it was buzzing loudly, then cautiously rubbed it against myself. It was cold. With an impatient sigh, I held it between my thighs until I had warmed up. Then I tried again. When I started to push it in, my muscles tightened. The wand felt rigid and unnatural. I took a deep breath and tried to relax.

I felt ridiculous. I was glad the lights were off. If anyone could see me, I probably looked pathetic. Just another chubby middle-aged woman, all by herself.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried moving the vibrator a little, but my muscles clenched up again. This time it hurt. I felt tears of frustration welling up in my eyes. This was a stupid idea. I got up and flicked on the lights. I looked back at the little toy, abandoned in the center of my bed. I wanted to throw the damn thing out a window, but I couldn't do that to my neighbors.

I washed it off and put it back in the packaging. I decided I would stash it away on a high shelf and pretend this never happened. As I picked up the paper bag, a little black card fell to the floor. I picked it up and looked it over. It said only Mistress Midnight, with a phone number. I had dialed the number before I had time to second guess what I was doing. It was ringing. I reached for the button to hang up, but then I heard someone pick up.

"Midnight here, what's your pleasure?" I recognized the voice of the woman from the shop.

I suddenly forgot how to speak. "Ah…"

"If you're touching yourself, at least do it here so I can watch." Her voice was sultry, deeper than when we'd spoken earlier.

I almost dropped the phone. "Sorry, um, hi."

"Hello there. I don't recognize your voice. Are you a client, or would you like to be?"

"You helped me at the store today."

"Oh, are you the lovely green-haired woman?"

She remembered. "Yes, that was me."

"I'm thrilled to hear from you! Did you try it out yet?"

"I did." Then I started to cry. As if I hadn't humiliated myself enough for one day.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I shouldn't be blubbering to a complete stranger like this. I made a fist and hit it against my thigh. Stop crying.

"Are you still there? If the product is defective I would be happy to exchange it for you."

"No, it's not the product. It's me. I'm defective." What was wrong with me? This woman was not my therapist.

"I truly doubt that, but I think I can help. Are you free tonight, let's say… around ten thirty?"

I looked at the candles burning low around my empty bed. "Yes."

"I'm going to give you my work address."

"Oh, I remember how to get to your shop."

"Not there, no, that's just my day job."

The only explanation was that I had written down the address wrong. I was standing in front of what appeared to be a nightclub. A neon sign over the door read "Curious" in looping pink cursive. There was a line of people waiting to get in, but I didn't want to stand there for an hour just to confirm I was at the wrong place. I approached the bouncer. He was a huge, muscular man wearing a short, animal print dress.

I held up the little black business card like it was a golden ticket. "I'm supposed to meet… Midnight?"

He looked me over, then looked at the card. With a nod, he swung open the door and gestured for me to go inside.

The inside of the place was even more intimidating. Music blasted in surround sound. Couples were tangled together at booths around the room, and I couldn't even comprehend what was happening on the dance floor. I stood frozen in place.

A man approached me. Every visible part of him was covered in tattoos and piercings, and he wore a long leather coat. His startling blue eyes took me in. "I haven't seen you here before."

"No, you haven't."

He stepped closer, lowering his voice. "Nice heels. I'd love to have you stomp all over me with them."

I felt my eyes widen. "Step on you?"

"You ever heard of cock and ball torture?"

My shock must have been all over my face, because he smirked.

I was saved by a familiar voice. "There you are, my dear!" It was her; Midnight.

When I turned to face her, my mouth dropped open at her getup. Most of her body was barely concealed in paper thin fabric that left little to the imagination, save for a black strap down the center of her body, connected to a belt around her waist and a collar at her neck.

"She eyed the leather coat guy. Then she took him by the chin, and his eyes closed halfway, as if he grew weak under her touch. "Sorry, Dabi, this one is mine." Then she led me away, towards the bar. "I'm so glad you made it. Did you have any trouble finding the place?"

"No, not really." I was trying not to stare at the people we passed. They wore a lot of complex leather pieces, with a whole lot of skin showing.

Midnight brought me to the bar. "Would you like a drink?" The bartender, to my relief, was in a nice suit. She nodded at him. "Put it on my tab for now."

I looked from her, to the bartender. "Uh… matcha hai?" He nodded and turned to prepare my drink. I looked at Midnight. "This isn't quite what I was expecting."

She smiled. "If I had told you over the phone it was a sex club, would you have still come?"

I laughed dryly before I could catch myself, then quickly put a hand over my mouth.

"That's what I thought. Do you want to leave?"

I shook my head. "No, but I'd rather not stomp on anyone's balls."

She chuckled. "At least not today, at any rate." The bartender slid my drink over, and I took a sip, trying not to let myself overthink. Midnight smiled. "Let's go talk in my office. It's much quieter."

I nodded. There was entirely too much going on around us out here. Midnight led the way down a short hallway, past the bathrooms, to a door she unlocked with a keypad. It was a modern-style office, small and cozy. I sat in one of the smaller chairs facing the desk.

She circled around behind the desk, sat down in the leather chair and reclined back. "I'm Midnight, as you already know. We don't use our real names here; we do our best to keep things confidential, for everyone's safety. Is there a nickname you would like me to call you?"

I thought for a moment. "Back in school, my friends used to call me Jade. It's silly."

"Jade…" She tapped a pen against her lips. "No, I like it. For your green hair, right?"

Hearing her say it, I liked it a little better.

Midnight leaned forward, intertwining her fingers. "If you're still interested, now that you know what I do, I'm quite certain I could help you."

I chewed on my lip. "I've never been with a woman."

"But you're open to the idea?"

"With you, yes." That came out way too eager.

She was unfazed. "Do you prefer men?"

"I don't really know." I shrugged. "When I was younger I didn't really put much thought into it. Then I got married, and I figured that was it. I never guessed I would be single again at my age."

"Well, it's never too late to find out." She smiled. "If you don't mind, can you tell me about your marriage? Are you divorced? Widowed?"

"Technically we're only separated, but I haven't heard from him in years. The only reason I know he's alive is when he sends money for our son." I sat back in my chair, and sighed. "When we were together, he was always very demanding. He was always pushing my boundaries. He liked to go past what I was comfortable with. At some point I stopped enjoying sex. After he left, I thought I would never want to be with anyone, ever again." I bit my lip, forcing myself to shut up. The alcohol had really made me chatty.

Midnight was nodding. "Have you talked to someone about all that?"

"I see a therapist once a month. She's been encouraging me to reclaim things I used to enjoy. Including sex."

"That's fantastic. Coming to my shop, then coming here… those are big steps. I'm honored to be part of your healing journey." She pulled a clipboard out of the desk. "One last thing before we get to the formal stuff; this is just for my own curiosity. What made you decide to pursue this now? Has something changed?"

"Well, I have a lot more free time since my boy is away at school. For the first time since his dad left, I've seriously considered dating again, but when I think about being intimate with someone, I panic."

"Is there anyone in particular you've got in mind?"

I felt myself blush. "Maybe. It could be nothing. He works at the school, and he's gone above and beyond to look out for my son. I've thought about asking him out, but I need to work through my own baggage first."

Midnight was smiling. "Everyone has baggage, but you've got the right idea. Before you take another person into your bed, you should know what you enjoy, what works for you." She tapped the clipboard. "Now, on to the official part. I'm going to ask you some personal questions, so I can better meet your needs. Since you mentioned boundaries, let's start there. What things would you rather avoid?"

"Anything with feet. My ex had a foot fetish. No offense to people who like that, but he ruined it for me."

She marked something on the paper. "Got it. What else?"

"I don't really like hickeys."

"What about them? Do you not like being marked, or is it the discomfort?"

I thought it over for a moment. "Being marked. At least, not where other people can see. I like biting, or at least I used to."

Midnight was nodding. "We could work up to that. Anything else?"

"That's all I can think of right now."

She made some marks on the paper. "What about being restrained?"

I felt myself tense up. "I didn't like it with my ex, but…"

"It's different when you trust the person in charge." She glanced over the paper. "You said you used to enjoy biting. What about other pain play? Spanking, hot wax, that kind of thing?"

"I don't know. We could try it."

She smiled. "I love that you're open to new experiences, but I won't push you too hard right away." She tapped on the clipboard. "Hmm. I'm guessing you won't enjoy humiliation or degradation."

"No, definitely not."

"You're a mother, so you're used to caring for others. I bet you'd like to be cared for." She looked over the paper again. "How about voyeurism? Do you like to watch or be watched?"

I shifted in the chair. "My ex… and I hate that I keep bringing him up, but he always wanted to fool around in places where we might get caught. Then he'd get mad when I was too nervous to enjoy it."

She frowned. "I'm sorry, but what an asshole."

"I'm just making him sound that way. He's not really a bad person, just a terrible partner."

"I doubt that. Ignoring boundaries is a huge red flag." She set the clipboard down. "We've covered your side of things, now I want to explain my part. I have a room downstairs where I do my work. Once you enter that room, I am in charge. You will do what I tell you. Are you familiar with safe words?"

I nodded, my heart racing.

"At any point, if you feel scared or panicked, use your safe word and I will immediately stop. I also use color codes. Green means go, yellow means caution, red means stop. I will check in with you as things progress. If you want to keep going, you say green. If you need something to change, say yellow. If you say red, or your safe word, we will end the session. Do you understand?"

"Yep."

She smiled. "It's 'yes, Mistress' from now on. Got it?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Good girl."

Her words made my stomach flutter.

She slid the clipboard towards me. "Read this over carefully, and be sure to write in your safe word. If you're happy with the terms, go ahead and sign it, and we can get started."

Before long, I was following Midnight back through the busy main room of the club, to a door guarded by another bouncer, then down a flight of stairs. The noise of the crowd quickly drifted away.

I followed her through another door, and my jaw dropped. The walls were covered with all sorts of sex toys and other things I didn't recognize. My eyes were drawn to a bed at the far end of the room.

Midnight trailed her hand across my back. "Since I know your history, I'm going to take it a little slower than I normally would." She stood facing me and cupped her hands around my face. "First, tell me what color you're at."

"Green."

"Wonderful." She undid the top button on my blouse, watching my face carefully. She moved to the second button, the third, and kept going until it hung open, exposing my bra. I felt the cool air on my skin, and I shivered. Then she pushed my blouse down over my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. I was breathing too fast. She touched my face. "Color?"

"Yellow."

"What's wrong, dear?"

I covered my stomach with my arms. "Can you turn the lights down?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Why?" I looked down, ashamed. "What don't you want me to see?"

"My body."

"Excuse me?" She stood before me again, looking offended.

"I know how I look; I'm not hot like you. I used to be prettier when I was younger, and thinner, but now-"

"Hush," she warned, her voice low. I shut my mouth. "There will be no more self-deprecating talk from you. Are we clear?"

"Okay. Yes, Mistress."

She circled around me, and let out a low hum. "Tell me something you like about your body."

I thought for a second. "My hair?"

"Really, dear, I have my work cut out for me." She shook her head. "I'm going to turn my back for one minute. You are going to take off all your clothes and get on the bed. The lights stay on. Got it?"

"Yes, Mistress." She turned away, and I hurried to slip off my shoes, take off my bottoms, then my bra and panties. I climbed up on the mattress, and tried to calm myself. I glanced down and noticed how wide my thighs looked, and how my breasts sagged. I repositioned myself, trying for a more flattering angle, but it was useless.

Midnight turned and sauntered towards me, a sly smile on her lips. I couldn't meet her eyes. She took my hands, lifting my arms from where I had crossed them over my body. "Why are you trying to hide from me?"

She had already warned me not to talk badly about myself. "I wish I had a good body, like yours."

"A body isn't good or bad. It's just a vehicle to get around in." She took my hands and brought them up to touch her through the thin fabric of her top. Her breasts were perfect, round and heavy. Despite everything, I felt heat pool in my belly.

Then she moved my hands to my own breasts. Mine felt soft and warm, not so different from hers. Her hands strayed up my chest to my shoulders. "Lay back." I did. She continued to run her hands over my upper body. "When you tried the vibrator at home, what didn't you like about it?" She kept touching me.

"It was cold, and too hard."

Midnight trailed one hand down my leg. "Then I won't use any toys on you today. Would you like me to get you off with just my hands?"

The thought alone made me gasp. "Yes, Mistress."

"Very well, then." She ran both hands up and down my thighs, until I was trembling. Then she gently nudged my thighs apart. I dug my fingers into the bed sheets as I spread my legs for her. She dropped her hand between my thighs, running her fingers between my slick folds. "You're so wet for me," she said softly.

I closed my eyes and focused on her delicate fingers rubbing over me. She hit a particularly sensitive spot and I moaned. She did it again, and I cried out, arching my back. Then she pulled away, rubbing my thighs again.

"Green," I gasped. "Why'd you stop?"

She was studying me. "Forgive me for bringing this up, but did your ex prefer you to be very vocal in bed?"

I felt a little sick. "Yes. He watched a lot of porn, so he had certain expectations."

"Of course. I want you to try something different here with me. Try to stay as quiet as possible."

I was confused. "Sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. You don't need to prove anything to me. I just want you to focus on yourself. Ready?"

"Yes, Mistress."

She brought her hand back and began to stroke me gently. I let my eyes shut. When the pleasure became overwhelming, my body clenched up, and I almost cried out again. Midnight shushed me gently. "You're okay. Breathe through it." I forced myself to relax, and instead of making a sound, I let out a shaky breath instead. "Good girl," she encouraged, which sent a warm shiver down my spine. We continued like this, her soothing me through the waves of pleasure.

Midnight pressed her fingers a little deeper, and I let out a sharp exhale. "Color," she whispered.

It took me a moment to find my voice. "Green, green!"

She kept her fingers moving slow and steady. "I want you to touch your body for me." I ran my fingers over my neck, then my breasts. A small part of my brain was worried about the rolls on my stomach and the stretch marks on my thighs, but Midnight's touch kept me from dwelling on it.

Each time things felt too intense, my first instinct was to moan or to cry out. Instead, I tried to focus on my breathing, until I was panting along with the motions of her hand. The sensations were soon overwhelming, and I brought one hand up to clutch at my hair. For a second I lost my concentration and let out a short, strangled groan. "Sorry," I whispered.

"You're fine," she soothed. "Do what feels right."

The pleasure was building. I was so close it was making me desperate. I threw my head back and arched my back, seeking that last little push over the edge. Yet every time I thought I was nearly there, it escaped me. Tears of frustration filled my eyes.

Midnight slid her free hand along my thighs, spreading them further open. "Relax… don't chase it, let it come to you."

She kept her fingers moving in a steady swirling pattern, hitting so many delicious spots. Instead of tensing up towards the pleasure, I made myself ease back, letting it wash over me. Before I knew it, the pleasure was building far beyond what I could have anticipated. "Mistress," I panted, "Mistress!"

"I've got you, dear." She took my hand, intertwining our fingers. "I'm right here. You're safe. Let it happen."

Another wave shook through me, and then I was done for, the pleasure taking over all my senses. It crashed through my body and pushed all rational thoughts far away. I heard myself whimpering and moaning, but it sounded distant, removed from myself. All that existed were Midnight's hands, keeping me floating and grounded at the same time. I only felt calm and good, and the relief was immeasurable.

After a while, something soft brushed over my face. I opened my eyes. I was covered in a soft blanket, and Midnight was dabbing at my cheeks with a handkerchief. I touched my face; it was damp with tears. Shame rose within me.

Midnight caught my hand in hers. "You did so well. Don't be embarrassed. You needed this." I nodded, and more tears fell. She wrapped her arms around me, blanket and all. "There you go, love. Let it out." I allowed myself to cry, releasing all my tension and unease. Midnight held me until I had no tears left, then she dried my face.

Once I was calm, she helped me up and I got dressed. As I faced her again, fully clothed, I felt oddly shy again.

She was beaming at me. "You made such incredible progress today. I am so proud of you."

I nodded, smiling back. "Thank you, Mistress, for everything." I was already looking forward to our next time together.

Author Note: Fun fact; Inko's interaction with Dabi is based on my own experience. When I first started looking into the BDSM scene, a complete stranger invited me to stomp on his balls. It was a bit startling for me!