Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
I thought of this while I was watching episode 130. It was when Naruto caught up with Sasuke after escaping Kimimaro. The flashbacks Sasuke had on his mother are the italics with dividers. I just thought the things his mother said regarding his and his father's relationship didn't seem very true.
Summary: She had always been good at lying. He just never realized it. Sasuke remembers his mom and the sacrifices she made for him. The sacrifice of trust. Oneshot.
Prevarication
"What does tou-san really think of me and nii-san?"
"What's this all of a sudden?"
-0-
Sasuke stared at the little red stain blossoming at his fingertip. He glanced down at the broken teacup, then back to his bleeding appendage. Warily, he poked it to find that it was warm, and after smearing it between his thumb and index finger, he found that it was sticky as well.
A warm, sticky, red liquid was leaking from his cut. It seemed harmless enough.
With curiosity overtaking rational thoughts, he brought his hand to his mouth. The room light glinted off the blood and Sasuke couldn't help but admire the tempting beauty of it, this only increasing his desire to taste it. But just as it was about to touch his lips, his mother ran into the room, after having been in the kitchen just moments ago making him a snack, and grabbed his wrist, her grip firm but gentle. "Sasuke-chan!" she scolded lightly as she led him away to the bathroom, "Don't do that! It's bad!"
Sasuke blinked in confusion as his mother rinsed his cut in warm water and carefully dried it off. "But…what is it, kaa-san?"
She glanced back at him and bandaged his finger. "It's called blood, Sasuke-chan. It comes out when you cut yourself and it keeps us alive. Don't drink it, it's not good for you."
Sasuke nodded dumbly, still unsure of what happened, but he decided that at three years old, it wasn't something he had to worry about.
0
He closed his eyes, relishing the feel of cool metal tearing through flesh, hot liquid oozing down his arm and spraying on his face. Countless bodies were spread out around him almost systematically like pieces of meat on a barbeque.
'You lied to me, mother.'
A cruel smile tilted his lips up as he bathed in the blood of his enemies.
'Blood's not bad.'
He licked his blade.
'Blood's not bad at all.'
-0-
"Some time ago, Dad said to me, 'As expected of my child.' He used to only say that to nii-san. So I was really happy."
"Oh. Isn't that good?"
-0-
He sniffled as he slowly got up from his position on the ground and he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. He had been running, eager to feed the new fish in their koi pond, when he had tripped on a stray stone and gone sprawling onto the hard ground beneath him.
When he tried to put weight on his right foot, he felt a sharp pain run up his leg, forcing him to lean against a nearby tree to support himself. He stared at the spilled bread crumbs scattered over the ground and felt tears push along the corners of his eyes. With a strangled cry, he yelled for his mother.
"Kaa-san! Kaa-san!"
Thank goodness his father wasn't home yet.
"Kaa-san!"
It seemed like ages when his mother finally came out, even though it was only a minute or two. "Sasuke-chan! What happened!"
When she saw her son's tear stained face, she immediately sprinted to him and appeared in front of him in less than a second. Not all her ninja skills had faded with time and motherhood.
Sasuke looked away, ashamed at his clumsiness and in pain over his sprained ankle. He wiped the tears away from his eyes but no matter how often of how hard he swiped at them, they kept coming.
His mother gently set him down on his bed and took a look at his ankle, guessing from his position earlier that he had hurt it. Sympathy laced her voice. "Does it hurt very much, Sasuke-chan?"
Sasuke shook his head furiously, wiping away at the tears even more. "N-no," he managed to stutter through his choked sobs.
His mother ran her fingers through his hair and smoothed it down, pulling a leaf out and letting it fall to the ground. "It's alright to cry, Sasuke. You sprained you ankle. It must hurt. Pain is never something to enjoy."
0
He felt his arm being twisted back, a loud crack followed by a maniacal laugh. His laugh. In another minute, one filled with swift moves that escaped the eye, a Rock-nin lay on the ground, twitching in the last spasms of life before death drowned him and his body slumped in the dirt.
He glanced at his broken arm and dislocated shoulder. He felt…pain Such an odd, unfamiliar term that this pain was, at least. The ache in his heart suddenly faded as adrenaline and endorphins rushed through his body to attend to his injury. Such bliss!
'You lied to me, mother. A little fib, you thought, but if I had known sooner…'
He tried flexing his fingers and found more of that tremor inducing feeling explode through his whole arm. Once again, he felt the hole in his heart knit itself together as it was pushed far into the back of his mind and he relished in the moment of having forgotten his grief.
'Pain isn't bad at all. Not at all.'
-0-
"But lately, tou-san and nii-san haven't been getting along. And I thought…am I just a replacement for nii-san?"
"You brother is your brother and you are you. You tou-san is always worried about you guys."
-0-
Sasuke tried to suppress his sobs as he hugged himself, hoping no one saw or heard him. Trapped in his own little world, he didn't notice the footsteps coming nearer and nearer to him until the slippered feet came into view.
His tears fell faster when he realized that he hadn't noticed his mother come into the room—hadn't noticed the door opening nor the light knock she always gave before entering.
"Sasuke-chan? Sasuke, what's wrong?"
She smelled like jasmine. She had been working in the garden again. Sasuke only shook his head. If he spoke, his voice would crack with tears.
"Oh Sasuke-chan, is this about tou-san not being able to come to the park with you?"
Sasuke shook his head again, but the increasing volume of his cries were all his mother needed to hear. She lifted him up from the ground easily and carried him out of the closet, settling him in her lap. She rocked him back and forth, as she had done when he was a toddler, and kissed him on the forehead.
"You need to understand, Sasuke, that your father has a very important job. He catches the criminals in Konoha that may threaten you or Itachi or me. He does it to protect us."
Sasuke opened his mouth, not caring if drool dripped onto his shirt or if his voice wracked with sobs, "But he never spends any time with me!"
Sasuke's mother sighed and hugged her son close to her. "It's alright to cry, Sasuke. I know you're disappointed. Just cry it all out. Nothing's wrong with crying…"
0
He stared at his expression in the water, his traitorous eyes swirling red and black and power. But there was something else. Something that fell into the pond, swirling the mixed blood with the pure water. Something else, as thoughts swirled in his head.
He lifted a shaking hand and let his fingers brush along the liquid running down his face. It was stained pink already, but the clear trails running down his face were enough to show what he thought he had been strong enough to resist.
Angrily, he splashed the water and stood up, wiping the trails away from his face with the back of his wet hand.
'You lied to me kaa-san.'
His eyes stung some more. His throat tightened. His breath hitched. And suddenly the world became blurry.
'Again. You lied to me.'
He felt a painful tugging in his heart—one he hadn't felt since the last time this had happened. Since the day he had left Konoha.
'It's not alright to cry.'
He lifted his face, eyes now bleeding his tears and heart now bleeding his soul.
'It's not alright at all.'
-0-
"In that case why is it always nii-san!"
"No, that's not true. Your tou-san, as the representative of the Uchiha Clan, has to protect the whole clan."
"What do you mean?"
-0-
Sasuke stared mournfully at the little black stone he had placed in the back of the garden under the shade of an orange tree. He bit his lip to keep from crying and his hands fisted in sorrow.
Sasuke felt his mother kneel next to him and put her arm around his shoulders. He relaxed into her hold and rested his head on her lap.
"Kaa-san?"
His voice was barely more than a whisper.
"Yes Sasuke-chan?"
He took a shuddering breath.
"Why…did he have to die?"
His mother smiled softly, the wind tousling her dark blue hair.
"It was his time, Sasuke. He's gone on to a better place. Death is only a part of life. A new beginning. And you will feel better soon. He was sick, remember? You didn't want him to be in pain, did you? Death is not evil. It just proves to show how short life is. So cherish yours, ne Sasuke?"
0
'Jasmine.'
Sasuke didn't cry. He had cried too much already and Uchiha never cried. Not in public at least. He saw his mother's closest friend bow in front of his mother's shrine and place a flower by her name. A jasmine.
He felt empty inside. As if something he never realized was there had gone missing. And he knew what it was.
When those that had gathered for the funeral left, Sasuke continued to stare at the shrine in front of him. He walked forward and slowly ran his hand down the cool, chiseled stone containing the names of those killed by his brother. Those killed in the Uchiha Massacre.
With each new name, he felt a bit of himself being chipped away.
'Kaa-san…'
"Kaa-san…you lied."
'You lied. You lied to me. LIAR!'
His fingers squeaked against the stone as he pushed harder against it, dragging his palm across the marble. "You lied to me, Kaa-san. How could you lie to me?"
'Death isn't alright. It's not alright at all. You say you went to a better place? Well what about me?"
"What about me, kaa-san?"
-0-
"It's just that Itachi is bigger than you, and he's older. Which means that responsibility will fall to him. Dad has to oversee that task, so that's probably why he's always focused on Itachi. But between the two of us, when he's with me, he only talks about you. That's why he acts so awkwardly and always seems so angry."
-0-
She had always been lying to him. He just never knew it.
-0-
A/N: Finals tomorrow! Tear tear. I've been studying like hell though. Did anyone else think Sasuke's mother was lying to him in this episode?