Disclaimer: Yugi-Oh GX does not belong to me nor its characters or rights over the story.
Warn: This story may have heavy and uncomfortable themes/situations like use of drugs, violence, suicide, abuse, sexual harassment, intimate relations, rape, depression, trauma and bad language. If you do not like such, Do not read this.
Kias: Thanks for the review, if by any chance you find out what is off (any scene or so you thought was off) about Ryo's character, tell me in a review or in PM so I can see to fix his characterization. Anyways, I hope you're enjoying the story.
I shortened the Shou vs Hell Kaiser duel, but I wanted to have some dialogue in between them, also changed a bit how some students are freed from the light of destruction.
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Chapter 23: Cyberdark
Shou rushes towards the entrance of the academy's main building. His eyes open wide when he sees the many students on the sides and his brother confronting Ed.
Ryo stares blankly, his eyes narrowing as Shou turns around to defy him. Now, that's something he hasn't seen him doing often, a smirk appearing on his lips as he hears the next sentence:
"If you want an opponent, duel me instead, brother!"
It's true, Kaiser's greenish eyes hold no resentment towards the other pro duelist, he is collected and serious, the composure of someone that has been a professional duelist for some amount of time.
"Brother, no…" His bangs cover his eyes before he raises his eyes with a resolute glint. "Hell Kaiser! If you want to duel someone, then duel me!"
The fiery, resolved expression of his younger sibling amuses him internally. That Shou who used to cry in defeat and belittle himself, unable to grow out of his misery as a duelist is now standing up and challenging him? Despite knowing his fame?
"Fine, but if you want to duel me, it will be my way. The Hell Kaiser's duel. A style that was born after I've gone through the hell of underground duels. Are you ready for that, Shou?"
"Underground duels?"
His chest tightens hearing those words, even more when his brother opens the suitcase carrying the electrodes used in the illegal side of the card games. Just how much has his brother changed? How much has he fallen from his former glory? And what has he been doing when he was out of the spotlight of the major league?
When he asks himself all those questions, he can only notice how much they've been apart and how little he knows about his brother or what happened to him after he graduated from school.
The battle is ruthless. At the very start, Shou is forced to activate his permanent trap, Life Force, but can't handle the impact of the device after losing life points. The electric current is so intense, it runs through his veins burning through his blood.
He has only felt smaller shocks, but those were already so unbearable, has his brother been enduring this this whole time? How could he?
He can't stand to look at the one who he once admired as the strongest, the Kaiser looking at him with such cruelty. After the first life-point damage is dealt to his older brother, he can see the dark electric rays flashing for a moment, but Kaiser doesn't flinch, he laughs at that pain. A feeling of uneasiness and terror fills Shou's heart.
"Brother… This can't be right… This isn't a duel, this is just torture! How can you be happy with this?!"
"I wonder for how long you'll rant about what a duel is. Do you even understand it yourself, Shou, what dueling means? You put everything at stake to achieve victory, only one can emerge victorious, you saw plenty of it too, Shou, real duels between life and death, you remember it too, don't you?"
His eyes distance from the silhouette of his younger brother, reminiscing about the shadow duels both with Rie and with the seven stars. Shou's expression twist anguished at the remembrance too.
"In a true duel you either win or lose, there's no in between of draws and no time for hesitation! If you waver like this, you'll never be able to surpass me, Shou!"
The tension swells, Shou scowls indignant at the sight of what his brother has become, of how affected he was by those losses in the pro league. The spectators are silent, that has become much more than a simple siblings quarrel but they are afraid of interfering.
"Why would you say this…? Your respectful spirit was your whole lifestyle, since you were young, you always had respect for dueling and for people!"
"I've changed my lifestyle."
His blood runs wildly listening to those words from his older sibling, Shou cannot stand it anymore, his voice is graver and fiery as he declares with utmost confidence:
"Brother, I… No, Hell Kaiser, I'll show you that you are wrong!"
His efforts to save his brother continue, by summoning his Cycroid and equipping a magic to it, he has the monster attack directly his brother. When the damage is dealt, all they can hear is a low grunt, but the Hell Kaiser never loses his composure.
With the last shock sealing the results of the duel, Shou drops to his knees, his glasses falling to the ground, in a depressed mood.
"I just don't know… My brother anymore… Why did he never say… Brother, I used to respect you and your lifestyle, but now I can't even recognize you…"
"I don't have room for feelings of respect in my matches, absolute victory is the only path I take and that's all I will respect! You should grow out of your meek personality and become more too, Shou!" He blurts in a cold, sardonic tone.
The spectators and friends of Shou watching it are shocked by his affirmation beyond words. His heart that respected dueling was tainted by a darkness they could not fathom.
"I will disregard ethics, rules or anything if I need it to achieve victory, I don't care what anyone will say about it! There's no way I'm ever losing again! Anything!" He yells like that is his new creed for life. "I don't expect you understand it now, Shou, but you'll come to your senses eventually, there are things you simply cannot afford to lose."
The last sentence leaves the observers perplexed, Ed's eyes squint, what exactly did he mean with that? Because right now, it sounded as if he's not talking about duels at all.
Shou's eyes blur, flickering wildly, he can't even get a proper sight on his older brother now, tears dropping down his cheeks, he clutches his fists. Losing his consciousness after enduring all the shocks:
"I just wanted… To talk to my old big brother again… I can't..."
"Shou!" Judai shouts out loud from the side. "Shou..." Judai is afflicted watching the results "Wait, don't sleep now, Shou!"
He yells, his voice soars through the skies. The birds fly away in the forest. Ryo disappears from sight among the woods. His steps halt and his eyes dart to the side when he perceives a pair of blue eyes observing him.
"Rie…?"
There is a trepidation in her orbs, of anguish and despair. She steps closer hesitantly, showing the screen of her device, almost angry at him.
"Why did you do this?! Ryo! He's your brother! He's your younger brother! Why did you…? You told me you stopped it… Being like that… I believed you! Why were you dueling like that now?!"
"You saw that duel? I told it before, it doesn't matter who my opponent is, I will achieve victory by any me-"
Before his lips can fully complete the sentence, a strong slap hits his face, turning it to the side, he is astounded for a moment after the noise it made. His cheek is bright red from the force she applied, he touches the area, looking at her amazed, gaping slightly as she holds her own hand back, her eyes wavering with tears.
"How can you be so cruel…?"
The sentence ensues a reaction on his expression, his eyes open slightly, impressed by how shaken she was. A rueful, provoking smirk comes to his lips.
"Do you despise me now, Rie?"
His eyes have an arrogant aspect on the surface, but she can see more into it, a pinch of guilt and a somewhat saddened glint to them, the person he expected the most to be supported by just angrily lashed onto him.
Not even during their school times has she been like this, the only time she ever raised her hand was on his behalf, when he wanted her to be frustrated and discount it on him. She lowers her gaze, shaking off her head. As if he is asking if her feelings are shallow enough to be unsettled by this.
"Are you furious on Shou's behalf? It must have looked ruthless to you, but even he must learn to change and stand up for his own victory."
Her hands tremble as it reaches to his face, startling him a bit. Her fingers are freezing, he appreciates the sensation of her touch, but instead of showing it, he takes her hand and coldly puts it away.
"This is me right now. Whether you accept it or like it, it's your own decision to take. I won't resent you if you choose not to be by my side. But Rie, there are some things we all must learn, be it a harsh path or not, you should know that too."
He brings her hand close and kisses it gently, his lips blazing on her skin, but it lasts so shortly she can only feel a lingering sensation. He lets go of her hand, in defeat. If she can't stand him the way he is, he will just make her suffer like this.
"It's not only on Shou's behalf. I'm angry at you on your own behalf too!"
His expression spurs a reaction, amused at her hectic typing, as she puts a hand on his chest. That layer of coldness coming from him just seems to disappear when he faces her like this.
"You say you seek and thirst for victory, but what is there in the end for you? If all you want is strength, what will be left at the end? Will you be satisfied just crushing more and more people and live your life like this? Ryo, I'm afraid of the emptiness you will find at the end of this path… I'm afraid for you too..."
Her vision becomes foggy, watching the sight of his silhouette now is solitary, just like the time she couldn't help him. Indeed as someone who seeks only power, there is no space for respect or anything else in his life now. The enjoyment that comes from victory is ephemeral, he knows that better than anyone. Yet…
"Why do you always assume I will leave you alone? I wouldn't… It feels like you're afraid I'd let you be, but how could I…? I can't watch you throw yourself into darkness anymore…"
He feels a pull on his coat, looking at her message. Both her cold hands come to his face, directing his gaze towards her. Even without words, he knows what she means to say.
"I'll be by your side. But I can't support you when you do this to yourself and to others, Ryo!"
He dwells into her eyes, watching the tears drop down inexpressibly, under that quiet façade, he's shaken for a brief moment, conflicted. His fingers wipe her tears, in an almost unconscious way. And with a brusque pull, he hugs her tightly, closing his eyes.
"Don't cry..."
Amidst his turbulent thoughts, he finds peace in that embrace, the warmth of her feelings spreading through his body, her hands clutching his back, he appreciates the sensation. Unfortunately, he cannot give up on this lifestyle, he chose to be the strongest. He can't stop, not for her and not even for himself. He is determined to see it through the end. Because he doesn't want to lose anything else.
"Shou needs to stop following my shadow and trail his own path, this is what I wish for him. He needs to stop respecting me to go his own way and find himself in his dueling too… He accepted the conditions of the duel, I see no reason to be concerned over it."
"Ryo..."
"I'm glad to have heard your feelings again, Rie."
His eyes are transfixed on her face as he carefully pulls her shoulders away from him, in a dim, serious tone. He bends over, kissing her forehead caringly, she can see an affectionate glint in his greyish-blue orbs. She steps back saddened, as if rejecting his affectionate gesture.
"I can't believe you'd treat your own brother like that… You shouldn't… Ryo, you really shouldn't act like this… You know that… You need to sort your thoughts better, we can talk another time."
She shakes her head in disapproval, biting her lips bitterly and scowling at him. Flabbergasted, he watches as she takes her leave, casting a last glance back, a feeble, consternated smile springs on his face, but she turns her sight away. That scene is saved in her mind, making her heart ache.
He feels even more lonely than before. Her figure vanishes in front of his eyes. He walks deeper into the forest after she leaves, a sudden throb assaults his heart. His hand lands on his chest, a soft burning sensation prickling it.
"Did I feel this sad seeing her cry? Does she have this big of an influence on me…?"
He frowns, wondering what that sensation could be. Ignoring that incident, he continues on his path, all by himself. A life that abounds power and satisfaction in victory, this is what he decided back then. Yet, why is that her words resonated within him?
Those countless victories, this abundance of strength, an overflowing vigor, is this really all there is to this path or will he find something else there? With a scoff, he dismisses those thoughts, huffing at the notion of changing yet again. He won't be a loser anymore, ever. Fists clenched, he occults himself in the island, in search of more opponents that can quench his thirst for the win.
Meanwhile,
Rie visits the infirmary. Her eyebrows come together in sorrow, listening to Shou's mumbling, he repeatedly calls his brother in his dreams.
"Shou-kun..."
Her chest feels quelled upon the sight. Did he really have to crush his brother for the sake of something as flimsy and insignificant as victory and force him to be apart from the sense of admiration? No, it felt like he talked to his brother through that duel, but which sort of message did he convey by hurting him so much? Why does he insist on it? Even so, when he looked at her just moments ago, she could see the kindness inside him again, the tenderness he used to display.
He has become so much more crude than she remembers, not that it didn't help him in certain areas of his life, but his obsession with victory sometimes scares her that he's losing himself into this path he's taking, just how far is he intending to go?
A few hours later, Shou's tired eyelids struggle to open, soon the sight of the infirmary is clear. Beside his bed, he sees a pink-haired woman placing a vase with flowers. She is startled upon noticing he is awake, he recognizes her, this woman is…
He stretches his hand, opening his mouth to speak but she darts away quickly, he sighs in dismay. That feeling is interrupted when she comes back with Ayukawa sensei, the school nurse.
"Shou-kun, how are you feeling?"
His brows twist upwards, he wants to say "awful", but in truth he doesn't physically feel that bad. His heart is another matter. She examines him thoroughly while Rie waits outside. The instant the nurse comes out, she jumps in anxiety.
"You can talk to him now, but try not to be long, he still needs to rest."
She nods firmly, entering the room again, taking a seat beside Shou. His eyes are cast downwards, to the bedsheets. After what happened, it's no wonder he feels this way. His eyes lift after a few seconds, noticing he is under her watch.
"Rie-san..." He tries to be polite "Why are you visiting me?"
"I came to the island for work. I also saw Judai-kun and the others… Fubuki-san too… I wanted to visit you all."
"Thank you."
His mood is gloomy, she lowers her gaze too, a sense of compassion as her eyes flicker remembering the reason he was there.
"I'm sorry for what happened between you and your brother."
"You saw that?" He gasps, but all that energy disappears in a second "That's right… Back in school you and my brother were close, weren't you…?"
His brows furrow. She feels a bit shy with the word "close", they were more than just that currently, but the thought alone makes her blush, there's no need to mention that now. She did not come here to talk about herself after all.
"Yes... I apologize for his behavior."
"You're apologizing for him?" His brows raise in curiosity "You don't need to." A bitter smile. "My brother… It's fine, I just couldn't reach him yet. But I know… Deep in there, he is still my brother. I'll always respect him. I…" He tries to look fine, but she can see his efforts for a smile crumbling as his lips tremble.
"Shou-kun, you've grown so much. I must thank you, back when I was in school too. I heard you and the others tried to get to my files in the guard's office."
He gapes as the memory comes to mind, it is true they all colluded to make it happen and in the end, even after they got the files, it was all for nothing because there was nothing registered on them.
"It was not useful... I'm sorry for..." The gloominess creeps back to his expression.
"Even so, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. For everything."
"How have you been? I haven't heard from everyone who graduated last year in a while…"
"I'm working on an article about the tournament. I had everyone give me their insight. I will want yours too, when you recover."
"That sounds nice…" His eyes avert to a distant land and his mind drifts away "Have you seen my brother recently...?" He casts a side glance to look at the message she types. "Ah, don't misunderstand me, I was just asking if you have seen him on the island..."
"Yes. But I haven't seen him since he dueled you..."
"I see… He is probably still somewhere…" He sighs heavily in disgruntlement.
"Shou-kun. Don't worry too much," She pats his shoulder, calling his attention "Your brother may have changed. But we know deep inside, Ryo is still there, right? Don't give up yet. On yourself or on him."
"Rie-san..."
"This is something your brother taught me too."
His eyes become teary, he removes his glasses and wipes those tears with an arm, nodding to her with a firmer expression, she replies with a smile. His mood improves, but when she is about to leave the infirmary, another person is brought in, her eyes opening wide. It's Asuka. Fubuki comes along with Judai and they both wait, walking around anxiously while Ayukawa makes a diagnosis.
"She's just unconscious. She needs rest now, but otherwise she's fine."
"What happened?" Rie approaches Fubuki who took a seat nearby his sister's bed.
"You know Asuka has been walking around with those people clad in white, right…? When me and Judai were walking near the forest, we heard some screams and a strange light flickered for a moment from inside the forest, when we came to check what it was, Asuka and four other people were unconscious, but while everyone else was just spread on the ground, Asuka was sitting leaning on a tree as if someone put her there…" He dazes off at the last part.
She gasps. Someone defeated them for sure, but what about the screams? And the strange light? Does that mean Asuka will be back to her normal self when she wakes up or what will happen to her?
"Fubuki, she's a strong girl, she will be fine! We can talk to her when she wakes up."
Rie lands a hand on his shoulder, he is startled for a brief second, looking at her, before his gaze directs towards his sister, wavering at the sight.
Later on, they found out that Manjoume was going around dueling people after being freed from the light's influence, but when asked, he said he wasn't the one that dueled Asuka. Judai also said it wasn't him, he and Fubuki were together at the time.
"Who would have…" The pink-haired girl ponders while watching over her friend.
A few days pass by, the tournament is still ongoing and Rie has been busy trying to interview some students who got released from the influence of their brainwashing, their testimonies are very confusing and their memories are hazy.
Shou's condition improves enough that he can leave the infirmary and Asuka finally wakes up, after a few exams Ayukawa calls both Fubuki and Rie out since they have been watching over their friend for the last past days.
"Is there anything wrong with her?" The brother guesses from the expression the nurse has.
"Technically, her physical health has no issues, but the problem is… Her mind. She's very confused like the other students that were brought here, so it would be good if you two can talk to her. If you think something is wrong, tell me."
Fubuki has a worried glance as he comes closer, Asuka is awake, but her mind still seems off. Rie starts the conversation with a text:
"Asuka, how are you feeling?"
"Rie, Fubu-nii… I don't know… I don't feel sick or anything, but I can't remember much of what happened… I'm sure I was having a duel with someone before my mind went blank, but I don't remember who and I vaguely remember dueling Manjoume-kun before that, but..."
The other two exchange a worried glance. How do they tell her that months passed ever since that happened?
"It's fine, you don't need to force yourself now, you should rest."
It's but a few days until Asuka notices how much of her memories she lost. Months of a vague remembrance of who she was and what she did and a saddening tale about what happened to her friends.
When she's out of the infirmary, she sets on a mission. The memory is faint, but she is sure that the one who helped her recover her senses and get rid of the light's influence was…
"Ryo!"
She calls out after spotting him, his figure clad in dark, he stares at her idly, not showing a hint of emotion on his expression. Her brother dueled him and lost, she heard how he's been acting.
"Ryo I know it was you who…" She shakes off her head. "I want to know what you've been up to. Just like before… So, let's duel!"
His eyes narrow, he finally dedicates more attention to her, activating his duel disk as a response, a clean duel. The results of that duel to be told another time.
Around that time,
While going out of the building main, Rie receives a message, checking her phone briefly, her eyes narrow in confusion, there is no name for the sender and the number is unknown. This is not the first time she received messages like this and her boss wanted her to know that as an investigative journalist she might find herself some enemies along the way, but she checked it anyway.
"I know you're secretly dating someone. Stay away from that man and forget him."
Her brows twitch, angling down in annoyance. Who is the person and what are they talking about? With a sneer, she deletes the message angrily and ignores its content.
Unlike what everyone expected, not only the Genex took part in the island at the time, but a much bigger and ominous plot, while the society of light almost fully wiped the academy and the light of destruction possessed Saiou.
The following events were secret, but breathtaking, with both Ed Phoenix and Judai confronting the light of destruction to save the world from the beam of destruction of the powerful satellite whose keys were handed to both boys.
Catching wind of the situation, Rie is contacted by the principal, after the defeat of the enemy. He gazes strictly at her, a tone of worry abiding his expression, his fingers laced together.
"Rie-kun… You probably know why I called you here, but even if it's your job to spread news, I would politely ask you to be mindful of how you tell this story… If possible, avoid divulging names of the involved…"
She seems amused for a moment, but types surprising the principal with the collected, yet relieving answer:
"Of course. I wasn't planning on making a fuss out of it, my interest was the Genex and I was only told to cover that, so it's not a problem if the story about the light of destruction is vague…" She chuckles.
"I'm glad to hear that. Now, there is something else I'd like to talk about..." He peeks at her expression. "It's about you. I am not sure how much you know, but..."
He stands up, going to his drawer on the office table and taking out a file with a bunch of paper sheets. Her eyes are filled with anxiety, her eyebrows curling up in concern.
"Please, stay calm and listen to what I have to say… Those documents wound up in my office this morning. I don't know who sent them or how they found it out, but… They regard the case from almost two years ago..."
Her expression dims out as she listens to the mentor telling her about the profiles that were sent on the students that committed the unforgivable. Their crimes and ultimately, he offered her to show their faces.
Some scenes come back to her mind, their smiles, that day, it's vague, but she can still remember, then the image of Ryo pops on her mind, his smile and the first time they were together. What he said back then...
She stretches her hand before he hands the files to her, her expression was a mix of disgust, fear and a sense of lightheadedness, as if the world started swirling around.
"Please, stop. I left that behind me long ago..." Her eyes drift into the distance, then she looks at him with distaste curving her lips down. "I'm happy those people were found, but I don't want to see anything else. Thank you for telling me, Samejima sensei."
"I see. I'm sorry, Rie-kun. I know this must have been an unnerving topic, but I wanted you to know. They will be sent to inquiry and expelled from the academy. I hope this gives peace to your heart."
Her eyes flicker, afflicted, tearing up. He sighs in a compassionate tone, going to her side as she cries, patting her shoulder. Who did that and why, she doesn't know, but whoever it was, she hopes they will be rewarded for their efforts.
With many thoughts in mind, she comes back to the city, and at the office of her boss, after writing her article, she presents it to him. A heavy sigh comes out of his mouth, he raises a brow looking at her with a distrustful and rather confused glance.
"This is good, Kinomoto, but… There is something I need to ask..." He taps his finger on the table, searching for the right words "Is this really all? I've heard many things, that the academy had a strange cult at that point and talks about world destruction, really bad stuff, but I don't see much of it here."
"I'm sorry, I was so concentrated on the Genex I only caught up a few details of the whole world destruction scheme at the end of it…" She smiles politely, but he sees a deceitful trait in her expression. "And your son seems to be doing fine too." His brows twitch at the last part.
"I see… Well, you did what you were asked to, I can't say otherwise. It's a good report, but that's about it, you need to work more next time, you hear me?"
"Yes, sir!"
As soon as the door behind her closes, she lets out a sound sigh of relief. Putting a hand to her chest, her colleagues cast a glance at her, she looks around and they immediately fidget, averting their gazes and going back to their tasks.
It's been a few days since she came back, but it has been like that since, she feels all the eyes on her and they whisper behind her back. Not that it was much different before, but it puzzles her that it's even worse.
More than that, Tonomiya came back after a long full month break. She doesn't know why, but he is utterly horrified whenever she is close by, he avoids her and does everything in his power to stay as far away from her as possible, even evading her gaze.
"Did he finally learn his lesson after the underground duel pit?" She ponders, with a hand on her chin.
While coming back to her desk, she overhears some colleagues speaking on the nearby table, they seem too distracted to notice her quiet presence.
"Even that Tonomiya became a kitten around her… Seriously, what is wrong with that girl? She can't even speak, but has so much influence."
"You don't know? I heard he was beaten up so hard by her boyfriend because he was sniffing too much about her past. Got a broken nose and arm and since then he doesn't even want to speak about the incident. I think Tonomiya was used as a rug to wipe the floor."
"She has a boyfriend?"
"Apparently. And he didn't like Tonomiya."
"But who likes that guy anyways? You remember he harassed the other trainee too until he got her on his bed? I'm pretty sure he was trying to do the same with Kinomoto. Did you see his lecherous eyes looking at her boobs? Ugh."
"That guy really had it coming."
"Hey, I hear her boyfriend is crazy and hot, you think he is dangerous? We better not provoke him too. But he must really like her, she is mute and all, maybe he just likes her body?"
"You bet there is something off there."
Their giggling stops when they hear Rie's footsteps approaching and catch a glimpse of her face. They can't directly look her in the eyes, averting their gazes and dismissing the topic.
"What are you two talking about? Who did what to Tonomiya?!"
She displays the screen, they gulp nervously and divert the attention, ignoring her questioning. The sweat drips from their faces.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Excuse me."
"Excuse me too." The other one clears her throat.
She gasps in reaction, but cannot prevent them from leaving in a weirded fashion. A scowl forms on her face, they said something about her boyfriend? The only person that comes to mind is Ryo, but who would know about their relationship? And why would he beat someone? It doesn't make sense.
Now that she thinks about it, Ryo never really officialized their relationship, did he? It's not like she expected for him to reveal it in front of the cameras that he is compromised, but what are they, then?
They've been seeing each other and spending time together, not only normally, but intimate time together too in many forms. Yet, she can't deny a feeling of bother pinches her heart. The last time they discussed, it was perfectly fine to be as they were, but how long will it be until they can stop pretending as if they're having separate lives? Though, at this point she wonders if they will still be together considering all that happened at the academy island.
She left him alone, very disappointed and in a tone of a broken up relationship. Does he even care about them? Or about what happened, she wonders. That obnoxious side of him that only wants to hurt people, why is he still doing that? She'd thought his underground dueling career had come to an end long ago.
A deep sigh comes out of her lips, it's pointless to think about it now. Maybe the next time they meet, she can ask more, if he is apt to answer. Back at her apartment's building, she is struck with astonishment upon seeing a dark figure leaning against the wall, near the doorstep.
"Ryo…?"
A fast tapping of feet until she is in front of him, he stands straight with composure, a very subtle curve appearing on his lips.
"Here. Why?" she asks in signals.
"I thought it would be nice to visit you for a change of pace. Plus, we need to talk."
Her eyes avert from his, a slight hint of contempt and insatisfaction. She reluctantly moves her hands to open the door, inviting him over, unsure of which exact reasons he'd have to come here for the first time. Whenever he contacted her, she always went to his apartment, plus they haven't been in contact since what happened in Genex, as usual he would not speak for some time, as if taking a long moment to think on words, he'd never been a genius at communication, despite her being the one troubled with physical limitations.
He scans the place as he steps inside, taking off his coat to hang it at the entrance. The space is smaller than his, has she been living here alone ever since she got the job? They have been together for a while, however there were still many things about her he didn't know, a shame on his part.
She pulls a chair purposefully strong, it screeches while moving, so he can take a seat, his brow curling upward in guilt watching her icy and annoyed behavior, her lips almost pouting.
"Should I have given you a notice in advance? I thought It'd be a good surprise."
He accommodates himself on the edge of the desk instead, a nerve almost popping out on her forehead, she's more riled at his actions now, is he doing that out of spite? To provoke her? With an earnest and anxious gaze, she seeks an answer in his eyes.
"Before. Ryo. Never. Come." Her gaze drifts off into the distance "Now. Come. Why?" she concentrates on his expression, his reply is but a faint smile, her cheeks are coated by his hand.
"Does it matter? I'm here to see you. Do you not like it?"
Her hand rests over his, for a moment he wonders what she plans, her fingers carefully wrapping around the sides of his. With a gentle movement, she takes that hand away from her face, letting it go, disappointment written all over her expression, this demeanor of his won't allure her.
"Hurt. People. Hurt. Brother. Why?"
His fist almost clench at the refusal, he sighs deeply and lands both hands on the edge of the desk he uses as a seat. His eyelids shut for a moment, is he considering what to say? Searching for an explanation or just taking a moment to breathe?
"I told you before, Rie. My perspective changed, even if I hurt people or if they are left in the mud, that will not change my chase for victory. Plus, Shou needed a harsher lesson than the ones they give in the academy-"
Her slender fingers grab his shirt, making him gape while too struck by confusion to finish the sentence, she yanks him, forcing him to read her lips as she pronounces quietly and angrily:
"No excuse."
"Are you still mad at that?"
A rueful smirk plays on his lips, but it disappears turning into apathy. She lets him go, his eyes seem distant, her lips tremble, curving down, she grabs her device to type more clearly, showing it right near his face.
"You are causing pain to others and yourself, for what? Victory? Your brother, your friend, principal Samejima, everyone was trying to bring you back, they all liked you the way you were, Ryo! I know you've been through some terrible situations, but you've learned and you changed from that. You don't need to keep hurting people. Why are you still doing this? Since when did you become so little and petty? You are more than this."
The last part ensues a scowl on him, bothered by the way she worded it, Him? Little and petty? No, there was much more to it. He was humiliated, suffered many losses, until he stood up and noticed his old self could never achieve more, this why he changed, he went through a lot too and for a good reason.
"Why?" She gestures in signals this time.
"I wanted a change to bring about power, one that cannot be easily dissolved or crumpled."
"I'm not saying you should remain the same always, it's fine to have different approaches in life, but you don't need to hurt people, you were already plenty strong, you didn't need to prove anything!"
"Not enough." His gaze lands on the ground, his voice sounding hoarser than usual "Never enough." His grip on the edge of the desk firms, so tight she questions whether he will break it.
"I thought we could walk together, but you want to be alone. It might have been painful for me to watch, but I still wanted to try… I really wanted to try. But you just hurt everyone and disappointed them for something idiotic like a victory! They were all trying to reach you too… Shou, Asuka, they dueled you because they wanted to talk to you! To know what happened!" Her gaze is cast down in a depressive stance as she shows the last part "I love you, but I can't support you when all you're doing is destroying yourself and breaking everyone around you. I cannot watch you destroy yourself more. And are you even taking this relationship seriously? You don't want anyone to know about us and you don't want to use protection, what are we doing exactly?!"
She lowers the screen, putting it aside, a minute of a tense silence, her hand reaches to his, landing over it, his grip on the table diminishes by her touch alone, her blue orbs fixated into his, delving into the depths of the emotions he encases inwardly.
Beyond his collectedness, she can feel tepidness and concern, her palms touching his face, gently brushing her finger against his skin. Slowly and unconsciously, she brings herself close, almost bewitched by those greenish orbs of his, he also seems enthralled by her touch and the affection he sees in her eyes.
Her hands trails off from his face, dazzling him for but a second before he hears her typing again. Her brows arching up, a saddened glint trembling in her orbs.
"You have to stop hurting yourself and everyone else. Even if you want victory, that is not the way to get it, you'll just lose more than you gain in the end. You're just breaking yourself apart."
"You can say that, but I..." He is stopped when her hectic typing surpasses the slow speed he tries to gather those words.
"Why did you come here? If you don't intend to change anything, if you're still recklessly pursuing whatever it is that you want, why did you come here? There is no point, is there? You're just running away from everyone, pretending this is a cool path that will make you stronger, but there is nothing waiting for you there in the end. This victory you want is an empty shell. You'll get nothing back from it. And you're not thinking about us both…"
His lips hesitate, a trepidation in him as he is baffled by her flickering eyes, her hand reaches to his face again, pulling him close, her soft lips touch his forehead, a lingering warmth left on the spot, she backs off to look at him, her hand still keeping the place on his face.
"When will you stop falling down? Hurting yourself? Didn't you have enough? Because I'm done watching over you like this. We both know we've had enough pain back in school, no more. It has to stop. I want to help, but you need to accept it for this to work. You can't be chasing after this empty sense of victory forever. And we can't be pretending we're having a very mature relationship here with you avoiding important aspects of it."
His lips seal shut, his breath is hitched for a moment, but the only response he gives is a grunt of discomfort, his mind seems to drift off, avoiding eye contact. He knows it's true. He has been winning non stop ever since his change, and the glory that it brought went over his head.
Not only that, all the things he kept inside him, albeit Rie was the one who had all the traumas during their school life, he couldn't help but notice he was the one having a harder time to forget it, she moved on and he couldn't. Even though he should be the one helping her through it, how could he possibly do it if he can't even help himself first?
He did get results for this change of attitude, he settled many feelings that were devouring his insides, but seeing her eyes so honestly pleading him to stop hit him heavily with the notion he might have stranded off for too long, if he is hurting the only person he cared about the most, he has to be doing it wrong. Why does his interior feel like it was turned completely upside down?
He promised himself he would not care. He wanted to be callous and try a different stance. Being confronted by her like this just proves how weak this resolve was. How utterly wrong he has been in thinking he could do it thoroughly and with everyone around him. Rie has been worrying about so many things all this time and he didn't know it until it strained them this much, rather, he chose not to know, he could've simply asked. This certainly doesn't sound cool or like any victory to him.
Despite all the people he still harmed all the ones who hurt her and did his best to try and keep her safe, why did he bother if he was trying to not involve himself? True enough, even though they did share times of intimacy and not only physically, he still seemed distant. But why? If he indeed loved her as much as he preached, then he could never...
His eyes finally lift, gazing straight into hers, a conciseness imbuing them, if it was possible to call it that with how apathetic his semblance looked.
"I know I've done many things you disapprove of and that I have been wrong in many things. But at least you… I didn't want to hurt you in any instance… Not even once."
She exhales, it sounded as if she had been holding that breath for so long it came out relieved as she let it go. The borders of her eyes start to blur, before she has the chance to observe his reaction, he pulls her close in between his legs, eliminating the distance between them, his breath close to her neck and his scent invading her senses.
"The only victory I need right now is for us to work… I can't lose you. Not after everything..."
His grip unusually tight around her, making it hard for her to break that closeness, her hands gliding on his back, his embrace felt it had the exact amount of space to fit only her in. After a long moment, she pulls him away slightly.
"I know it's hard for you to admit things to apologize for… And I should have acted differently too… I can't agree with any of your tendencies of harming people, especially people who loved you, plus even though we have been in this relationship, you always try to avoid the more important topics or dismiss them."
"It's true I felt uncomfortable with certain topics, but that doesn't mean I didn't give enough thought to it, fair enough, I may have made wrong decisions… I wasn't aware you felt like this…"
"Of course you weren't, you rarely talk, you don't want to." Her gaze lowers, flickering, she wipes the tears before they have the chance to drip.
"You could have also told me before."
She hears an uncomfortable grunt from his throat, his warm hand caresses her cheek tenderly, his eyes fixating on hers. He thought his change also made him more mature, and even though he has grown since back then, there are so many other steps to give, a feeling of disappointment making his interior feel unwell.
"I'm sorry if this hurt you, Rie. I want you to know that's not what I wished for."
"It's not only me you should be apologizing to. How could even think hurting people was a course of action? I know you had hard times and were hurt and it wasn't easy for you too, but this doesn't justify or give you the right to even think you can hurt people like that."
"You can say that, but I already did. And I can't say I regret all the people I've hurt, even if I know some things were unnecessary."
"How can you say that?" Her messages become more frantically typed.
"I do understand your point, but what I am saying is, I can't undo all those things. What should I do? I messed up and there is no going back with that."
"That's not true… It's never too late, you should know about that… You should know that, you told me that before…" Her hand grips the hem of his coat, his lips open slightly shocked at her. "If you really believe what you did is wrong, then just do it differently next time, apologize, make up for your mistakes! You shouldn't be acting like an idiot and pretending you can't do anything. When you meet them again, don't hurt them anymore. Please. If you are truly strong, you should be protecting, not harming. This is really… Ryo, you're not a villain, don't try to be one. I know… You're not."
"Rie..."
His voice comes out like a failed whisper, conflicted feelings stirred inside him, the turbulence of those emotions crumbles the indifference on him, his orbs waver subtly, afflicted with those words.
"You. Me. Together." She gestures the last part in signals.
He drops from the desk, wrapping his arms around her steadily, bending over her shoulders, their legs brushing on each other almost too welcomingly. She corresponds to that embrace, giving herself into his warmth. A faint smile is etched on his lips when they make some space between them.
"Are you not angry at me anymore Rie?"
His sudden question catches her by surprise. She pauses the typing, connecting the pieces in her thought process.
"I can't say there aren't things I'm unhappy with, but for now, I am glad we could talk like this. You came here, because you wanted to talk, right?"
"You're too soft..." He supports his hands on the table with a mocking, bitter smirk, his hair falls over his eyes, she can't fully see his expression "You should be more mad."
"Why do you want me to get mad at you so badly? What it will solve even if I do, tell me." Her brows furrow upward, her reply leaves him slightly astounded. "Even if I did, that would just break my heart… I don't want reasons to be mad at you, I want reasons to smile with you."
"And I even prepared a plan B… In case you'd still be mad..."
Rummaging on the pocket of his pants, he takes out a hair clip, it is shaped like a lily, fully metallic, her hands accept it uneasily, her eyes wandering on his. She doesn't say anything, but he knows exactly what she is about to ask.
"This is your belated birthday gift… I didn't give you one earlier this year… Did I? You're older than me again now…" A sneer. "Well, consider it as an apology gift too. I thought it would fit your hairstyle." His hands brushes slightly on some strands of her hair, letting it slide on his fingers, appreciating the slim, glossy texture, portraying how his gift would match it.
"You didn't need to… But it's very pretty, thank you." A soft smile flashes briskly on her lips.
"I see… I assume this means you forgave me? But is this fine by you? I might disappoint you even more..." The coldness is back to his eyes, she can't figure out whether he is trying to hide his true emotions or if he seems somewhat disappointed in himself.
"I never said that. I don't expect you to be perfect… I told you what I think, even if you still can't fully comply with all I want, I would not love you less, but we oughta try harder, because it would hurt me more to see you destroying yourself and others… Besides, why are you suddenly asking this?"
"Suddenly…?" He seems somewhat shocked by her words. "So this is how it looked to you..."
His eyes squint subtly, she can't tell again what he is thinking under that serious, impenetrable expression. It's unlike him to be acting like this.
"It's not like we did this step by step anyways..." A forced and embarrassed smile comes to her lips. "We've skipped a couple of steps along the way in our relationship. Regardless, I am happy we are here now. I just want… We both take it seriously."
His lips open to contest, but he silences with the declaration. Indeed, the promise they had was fulfilled in a very distinct way than what he had in mind at first, yet he feels the fulfillment of it is lacking.
"I would love to spend more time with you and have a life together more than what we have now, Ryo, but I would like you to also find yourself and where you stand before we can both stand together permanently."
He gapes at the sentences. True enough, he has more than a thirst for victory as it is and he has no plans of ceasing his win streak so early, at the same time, certain complex circumstances arise in his life. She asked him to change the way he has been doing things, should he listen or should he embrace it all and continue his pursuit of power?
The decision is his alone, but he knows his step is about to slide off the way more if he tries to continue exactly as he is. More than that, this void inside him, no matter how much he wins, simply does not give him any fulfillment anymore. Not the way it used to.
"That said, I do have a million problems with many things like how we've been pretending as if our relationship should be a secret. I know it will be a mess once people find out, but I don't want to live a life in secrecy either and we will need to work that out. Regardless of all this, I promised to be by your side, and I know you came here because you also cherish our relationship, that speaks a lot to me. I can't say you've done everything correctly, but I will wait until you feel better and mull it over and help you if you need, so we can both walk together."
"You will wait…?" His eyes open wide in astonishment.
"What are you so amazed about? I told you waiting is not a problem, at least until you settle those feelings of yours, but I will certainly be unhappy if you disregard everything we talked about and go your own way, leaving me behind again, never speaking to me, not letting me into your life."
He feels there is a scolding tone on the words, but she still tries to keep her promise of waiting for him? Despite all he did and said, she is still waiting? Right, she was never the type to break up promises even back then. Still…
"You're too lenient." He scoffs, but inwardly relieved to hear those words.
"It's because I love you." She replies followed by a smile. "But don't abuse it too much or I will be harsh, you can both build and destroy feelings like love, you know?"
"Right."
He closes his eyes, a sigh imbued with relief coming out of his lips. He stands straight and without much of a sign, he pulls her closer in an embrace, startling her. His fingers grazing slightly on her skin, pulling her close as if he has been longing for that embrace.
His stiff shoulders finally relax, his head plopping onto her shoulders, his face sinking on her neck. Her arms wrap around him even more, the fact he seemed to find comfort in her arms and felt relieved after talking to her, leaving him with the question of why he didn't just do this before? It takes long minutes for him to let her go from that position.
"I also wanted to talk about other things…" He sits back on the desk, his gaze a bit lost in the room.
"About what?" She steps back taking some distance shyly.
"About having intimate relations without protection. I know our last talk ended unresolved and none of us bothered with it, you probably think I am taking it lightly, but I want you to know what I said before stands, even if something were to happen, I'd not leave you alone at that, I will take responsibility for my actions. That said, if it bothers you, we can use protection."
"I understand. I felt uncomfortable before, but It's fine now."
"I thought you didn't like being 'irresponsible'." He quotes his own words with irony.
She gasps subtly at the remark, her gaze averting to the side for a moment, then she looks at him earnestly.
"I won't say those things anymore, neither I intend to make it look like I'm just fooling around with you, I'm serious about our relationship. Also, I wanted to ask you about our first night…"
The puzzled expression of hers denounces she is not aware why he is mention it right now, he continues in a calm tone:
"No matter how much I think about it, it feels like I forced you to do it, I wanted to apologize for that… Indeed I was driven by my feelings, but I should have considered you more, I never asked how you felt about it. I wouldn't forgive myself at all if that is really the case…"
She shakes her head aplenty to indicate that is not quite right, but after seeing his apathetic gaze staring at her, she resorts to the text messages:
"I was confused back then because of all that happened, but it doesn't mean I didn't want to… I wanted to be with you and I trusted you… I admit it might have not been the best moment, but I don't regret it… I don't regret anything. I didn't feel forced to it, rather, I found out my feelings about the matter too, so you don't need to think like that…"
He stretches his hand, a fond smile forming on his lips, his palm upwards, an offer she accepts, his fingers enclosing around her hand swiftly, but carefully.
"I want to be with you Rie, that is the most important part for me. And I'm glad to see you feel the same."
He pulls her in an embrace again, his eyes closing in peace of knowing it was not over for them yet. Her hands sliding up his back, pulling him close. That day, he leaves on a better note than when he entered her apartment.