Disclaimer: Yugi-Oh GX does not belong to me nor its characters or rights over the story.
Warn: This story may have heavy and uncomfortable themes/situations like use of drugs, violence, suicide, abuse, sexual harassment, intimate relations, rape, depression, trauma and bad language. If you do not like such, Do not read this.
Ok, I know the latest chapters were slow paced, but from now on, we're getting closer to the third season and some interesting developments!
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Chapter 25: Truth
A drop of sweat delineates his face. It's becoming hard for him to keep the collected act, but he might need to put more effort into it.
"Rie, what do you mean with 'liar'?"
He grabs her hands, slightly annoyed at her persistence, taking it away from his coat, they quiver under his grip, his insides shaking along with it. Is it even possible to make it harder on him to continue trying to understand? He's at a breaking point too.
She pulls her hand brusquely gestures angered, almost hitting his face with the burst of unbridled emotions:
"You. Liar!"
"I don't get what this is all about."
He lets out a grumble of discomfort and perplexity. She types a message in the meantime, furious at him. This time, her eyes flicker with sorrow, displaying it:
"I talked to your doctor… I convinced him to talk… I even bribed him! He told me everything about your heart issues!"
He flinches at the declaration, her hands tremble more, he snorts, mocking himself. Closing his eyes with a smirk. This is unfair. It can't be. Did she really have to go this far and dig into it? That's what he gets for having a journalist as a girlfriend.
"Rie… What are y-"
"Stop pretending! Enough!" She shouts silently. "Since when?" She walks from an end of the room to the other while raking her thoughts, a mile per minute. "Since when have you been having these health issues?!"
The words come as a shock to him. So she did find out about his recent problems. He sighs deeply, annoyed at himself for letting this happen.
"So you really know…"
"The question is simple Ryo, answer me! Since. When?"
He pulls a chair and sits down with a plop, a scoff of disbelief, there is no point in hiding anything if she already knows this much.
"Not long. A few months maybe."
"Why did you never say a word?" She almost hits the screen of the device into his face, his body unwittingly bending back a few centimeters.
"What? Should I call you here then and tell 'Hey, I'm having heart issues now'? Would you be happy if I told you that before? This isn't… This is not something I'd wish to tell you like this…"
"There you go, you're doing this again!"
"Doing what?"
She slaps his chest once more, venting her anger before continuing her frantic typing, a faint smile appears shortly on his lips, before it vanishes, his apathy makes it hard for her to read what he's thinking.
"I knew something was wrong for a long time, but today I finally got it… Why… Why did you lie just now?! Why did you not tell me anything?! Heart issues? They still don't know the cause?! You could die from it if you're not careful?! Did I really do something that warranted lying to me like this?! You could have told me anything! Why did you even..." She shudders while crying more, wiping her tears with an arm.
"You think it makes me happy to do it? That I enjoy lying to you? You are very wrong. I don't know what will happen and I don't think this is the most cheerful news."
"As if it matters! Good or bad, I want to hear it all, I want to hear the truth! What do you think you're doing?! Protecting me from the truth?! If you can't share anything with me, what does that make me? Someone who comes to your house, talks and goes to bed with you, but when it's really important, you're just treating me as a stranger! Who am I to you?! What do you really think of me?!"
His fist clench at the question. It was not a hard answer, really. Who is she? She's certainly someone he loves, even underneath that coldness, he could never forget her smile, or let go of her, but because of that he now faces a hard choice: to let her go or tie himself even more uselessly clinging to someone, knowing he might not have much time left if he keeps up his dueling.
If she could just let him go and live her life, at least he'd die in peace knowing she can live on her own. He despised himself for that. How could he pretend as if everything was fine, on top of that try to distance from her when he knew too well the reason he didn't want her close. Could he be more of yet another bad man in her life?
"Do you like to feel miserable, Rie? This is just how you will feel in the end if anything happens to me." His voice is raspy, bitter.
Too dependent on him, too reliant, he feels like they're doing the same mistakes over and over, but what if he won't be here for longer, and then, what will she do? Live the rest of her life mourning over the failure that was their relationship from beginning to end while she is shackled again by a tragic past? No, not this time, he wanted to spare her from that suffering, at least for now.
"Why are you like this, Ryo? What did you intend to do? When did you intend to tell me?"
He'd prefer if she could smile with or without him, forget he existed and have a life with no regrets, unlike him who strayed so much from the path he can barely recognize himself. Not that he regrets it.
"I told you I would not let you alone… And yet… You hide this…?!"
From her purse thrown onto the table, she quickly takes a bunch of papers and all sorts of exams she got and bangs it onto the table.
"Since when did you notice it…?" His brows furrow in a frustrated manner. "This is not fair to you Rie. Do you want me to embrace and comfort you and say everything will be alright? This is not how it is." His expression darkens with the icy, crude tone he uses "I'm not sure if I'll be fine. The inevitable may come someday and I want to make sure I won't regret anything if that day comes soon."
The last sentence strikes her with dread for a moment, a chill running down her spine, did he really use the words "go" as in die? She tumbles a step back, gulping and wondering what exactly is going on.
"Why are you surprised? Didn't you talk to the doctor? I've visited a couple by now and none of them can tell me exactly what is wrong, but those episodes where my heart struggles keep happening. Is this what you wanted to hear?"
"You're such a moron right now! You didn't need to lie! What were you even trying to do?! Just say things when it's inconvenient for you?! Is this how you 'wanted it to be'?! You can't let people into your life just to kick them away whenever you please without considering their feelings! Besides… Why right now you…"
"I'm sorry, Rie, but this was not exactly in my plans. I'm making you wait your whole life, always waiting for me, the problem is that I don't know if I have time anymore. I can't make you wait because nothing will come from it. I might just die and you will still be here, is that what you want? To remember me as someone who had you wait until I died?"
He looks down at her, her lips curve down as she again furiously continues her messages.
"You're not giving me any choice. You're always like this… You never tell me anything even when it's the most important… Even when you need it the most… I could've been here for you, back then too… Why do you always exclude me from it? I don't care about waiting, I could wait as long as it takes! But you're not interested in telling me why! You always run away from it as if this is the solution! I'm not angry only because you're having health issues, but you're doing it alone, you're leaving me all alone, just keeping things to yourself again. How do you… How do you think it feels to hear from someone that they love you and then find out they can't trust you? Just how much more are you not telling me? I thought this is what couples are supposed to do, to help each other and share everything. I don't even know what you talked about and what the doctors said to you and if there's anything we can do about it… "
"I don't know, the specialists are divided between not having a proper solution and trying surgery, but I don't want to stop my career right now to take care of this, plus, with how serious this has become, it is very likely I… Despite that, I'm not giving up on dueling right now, even if my body won't keep up with it for long. It's also possible it will recover on its own, but those are very slim chances." His eyes trail off from her face in the last sentence.
"And why did you not say anything until now? Why did I have to go and find it out on my own?"
"Would you really let me keep dueling in this state if you knew it before? Would you not have stopped me constantly try to convince me otherwise?"
"I would, but this is still… You always do this, saving it all inside you until it implodes! What are your plans? Will you just not see me until you die, and then pretend as if that's fine for you?! Running from the discussion will not save your skin, it will not change how I feel! Why were you so afraid of telling me the truth?!"
"Afraid...?"
He is slightly shocked by her words, she shakes her head in disapproval, and coming closer, not being able to hold her tears, she hugs him tightly. He can feel her fingers grasping the shape of his back.
He is running away from it? Afraid? Those words pierce his mind, dividing him. He doesn't believe it's the truth, he wasn't trying to run away, but rather avoid her future suffering and his own, even if he had to be the villain here. Is that considered fear? To not want to hurt her, to not want to deepen a bond which he cannot fully dedicate himself to?
"What are you talking about? I didn't..."
"You did…!" She finally lets him go.
"What if it's fine like that? I don't want to waste your time any longer, and this will be easier on you too. You don't need to consider me, in truth, it's fine by me if you hate or despise me, I'd be fine as long as you can live your life and forget about me." A bitter smirk sprouts on his lips.
"Forget about you...? You think of yourself as some tragic hero?! Ryo, you did it this time…"
She slaps his face hard, he feels his skin burning from the power she uses, but after doing it, she recoils her hand, in more pain than him. His eyes waver in shock as he turns his gaze back at hers.
"How could you say something like this? Hate, despise you? I would not… I already told it to you before, the reason I waited was one and the same! I wanted to be with you! How can you still say things like that? I might not agree, be mad or even frustrated at your decisions, but I would never hate you again! Yet, all you can think of is how to treat me as a stranger! Are you so afraid of the prospect that I would hate you for the rest of my life if I disagree with your choices?! Or that I would forget everything about you if you don't play this role of a jerk?!"
"I'm not… You are not a stranger, this is why this is important, do you not get it, Rie? I-" He's cut off in the middle of his sentence.
"But you're treating me like one! Always hiding things, never telling me… You really think I would have stopped you from fulfilling whichever dreams you have? That I would beg you to stop?! I'm not begging you anything, I would respect your decision, but I cannot respect the way you are treating yourself or me now..."
"Even if you do consider everything I want, am I really worth it? I'm wasting your time. Isn't it better to just let me be? I would ten out of ten times go and die in a duel rather than anywhere else."
"So what?! I knew that already, you are this crazy for dueling and you'd not even blink an eye if you had to choose, but I have been with you for this whole time, Ryo, I have been here knowing that for a reason! How can you still question yourself?! Are you really asking me to let you alone now that you're having issues?! This is not… This is not fair to me!"
She cries aplenty, covering her eyes with her hands, the sight makes him uncomfortable, but he decides to not avert his gaze, it is time to face the consequences of his own choices after all.
"Rie, I don't want you to..." He sighs ruefully. "After everything… I just wanted you to find a bit of happiness and I would be glad if you could do that without me around too."
His hands land on her shoulders, but surprisingly, she slaps them away, refusing his attempt of comforting her. She sees the iciness on his eyes falter for a moment, astounded at her reaction. She snaps pushing him again in an outburst of anger, his torso bends backwards a bit with the force:
"Stop playing the tragic hero! You think you're being cool and smart?! You're not! You're just being the most outstanding idiot I've ever met!"
He gasps at her words, never had he seen so mad in their whole time together, not even when he used her to find out about Fubuki, when he hurt people for no reason, or when he admittedly avoided turning their relationship official.
"Why do you think I would choose to abandon you? Right now? Why did you even consider that? I don't need you to choose for me! I don't want you to choose in my stead! If I could choose, I would always…" Her eyes oscillate wildly as she looks into his. "Even if it's a month, a week, an hour or even a second, I would always want your company! I would always choose to be by your side!"
His heart fails for a very short moment, strained by those words as her tears trickle down more, she places her hand on his chest, a tepid, tender feeling under her touch. Her fingers clutch his shirt, trembling from the force applied.
"How can you shove me away like this? I love you! If you're living or dying. I want to be with you regardless! I don't want to be just someone passively watching everything and being cast aside in your life…"
Her forehead rests against his chest, his heartbeat becomes heavier, bothered by the sight of her tears, she raises her head, dropping her communicator device to the ground, holding his coat with both hands this time. All he can see reflected on her eyes is his image.
"I love you, Ryo."
Those are the words he reads on her lips before she pulls him in a kiss. His eyes flicker, accepting that kiss and pulling her closer, participating in it. The sensation of her touch, her smell, the softness of her lips, everything just makes it hard for him to not want to be with her.
Why did it have to be like this? It'd be better if he was more of a person who could understand her worries and stay with her until the end. He's not, yet, she refuses to go. Why? What does she love so much about him? He saved her once, maybe twice, but… Was that it?
Truth to be told, he also doesn't fully know when he became so attached to her. Why did he even start this all, he just… Wanted to be with her. Since those times when she was just a girl, even more now that she has grown into such a wonderful woman. He just wanted to spend more time and see her laugh, know more about her and enjoy those moments as they were, he enjoyed her company and found himself longing for more of her every time they met.
Would a mutual feeling like this be enough to start a turmoil in their hearts, so big it grew over time and just proved their bond like a lapidated stone? He pulls her away gently, ending that kiss. His gaze is serious, but she can feel the tenderness on his hands as he holds her arms.
"Rie… Are you saying even if it's an ephemeral moment, you still want to spend it with me? I egotistically made you wait for the sake of my dueling, and I didn't want you to endure more hardships If it gets to the point where I'm not here anymore. I lied to you because I thought that was the best way to settle things… Still you will be with me?" A feebly sour smile comes to his lips, his eyebrows curling upwards in guilt.
"I. Respect. Ryo." She gestures. "No. More. Lies."
"I know you won't forget it easily, but you should learn how to let go of feelings that bind you, Rie." He rests his chin on the top of her head, embracing her briefly before letting her go. "I'm sorry for lying… I will not hide things from you anymore…"
Taking her communicator from the ground, she types, still agitated by all the revelations.
"If you really love me, you shouldn't prevent me from being with you through all of it even if it hurts… I won't let you shove me away… I won't… I know this is not how you truly feel… You just want to play the villain here, but I told you before, I know you're not a villain…"
She can't continue the sentence, wiping her own tears that blur her sight, stopping her from getting a focused image of him. Her words put his mind at ease, they have a calming tone. This whole time he has been worried about hurting her more, making her suffer, but for her, suffering would be to not be able to be with him until the end, what a big misunderstanding on his part, something so simple, yet he failed to notice it. A shame his mistakes just keep piling up.
"I want to ask many things, I want to hear it all, how you found it out, what will happen from now… Many, many things…" She sniffs a last time before looking into his face.
His eyes are cast unto her, but his mind is adrift in another realm. She's right, if he has no time, then he shouldn't be hesitating, pretending as if it's fine to live a life without purpose or without a greater accomplishment, then…
He should break all those shackles and unnecessary restraints he puts onto himself and just live the way he wants til the last breathe. To appreciate her company, her smell, the softness of her skin, and the warmth of her feelings… Is it fine for him to love her like this?
"You are right. I should live my life to the fullest… Instead of running from it, I will embrace it. I will not make you wait any longer Rie, instead, let's make many memories you'll never forget..."
"Ryo..."
He pulls her closer even stronger than before, kissing her. A silent, but passionate kiss. His hands delineate her back going down, he feels as she jolts from the touch, but before it escalates, she pushes him away.
Immediately grabbing her device and typing something, fidgeting as he looks at her with a half annoyed expression for interrupting it.
"What is it?"
"Ryo, your doctor told me about the problems, you shouldn't… We shouldn't be doing this…! That time too you had problems breathing, if you get too excited your heart could stop..." She nervously tries to explain.
"Who cares?" He blurts out in a blatant tone, stepping towards her and pulling her into another kiss, she resists, pushing him away again.
"I care… You shouldn't say things like this! It's serious!" She's even more flustered, her cheeks with a deep red color.
"True I could die, but at least I would die happy like that."
His hand circles around her waist, bringing her close without contest from her part as she feels even more ashamed of his brazen behavior.
"Ryo… you..."
Before she can say more, he seals her lips again, causing a muffled complaint to come out as the kiss progresses uncontrolled. He didn't expect that from trying to convince her he was done with this relationship would end up with them strengthening it even more.
He lets go of her so she can take air upon feeling the restlessness on her breathing, a faint and somewhat proud smile on his lips as he watches her. His hand brushes a strand of her behind her ear, landing on her face, startling her.
"Rie, will you accept my egotistical wishes once more?" His brows furrow upwards in rue.
She places her hand over his, her eyes wavering, she closes them saving the warmth of his touch on her memory, leaning her face on it. She lets go of it and embraces him again, rubbing her head on his chest.
A dry, subtle chuckle bursts in the air as he wraps his hand around her, she lifts her flickering gaze to look just at him. A slow, soft kiss on her lips is all it takes for her to close her eyes and let herself be loved again.
In the middle of the night
Ryo gets up from the bed, casting a glance back to check if she's still sleeping, once he confirms it, he slowly slips off the blankets and goes to the bathroom. His face drips sweat, he takes a look at himself in the mirror.
His hand unconsciously grasps his chest as he feels the pain spreading, trying to soothe his breathing for a minute, until the pain is subdued. He had it worse with the underground duels.
"You'll have to hold up until..." His thought is directed to his heart, with a bitter grin on his face. "Just a bit more… I haven't done anything worthwhile yet, did I? Until then, hang in there a bit, my heart…"
He hears a creak, the door of the bathroom opening, turning back on reflex, he sees Rie standing there, rolled on the bed sheets, a dreary expression on her face as she darts into the bathroom.
"Ryo! Are you alright?!" Pronouncing silently the words, she grabs his shoulders, almost shaking him with a gasp of despair.
He looks worriedly at her, because she is not holding the makeshift clothes, the bed sheets drop down to the ground, revealing her figure. He blushes slightly at the sight.
"I'm fine… Though my heart might not take it if you are like this..."
She hurriedly grabs the sheets covering herself again, stepping back in shame, he can't help but smile at that, she's a bit upset seeing his joking tone and muffled laugh. After dressing properly, she sits at the edge of the bed, looking at his back, he is dressing his own clothes from the opposite edge.
She crawls towards his side, sitting beside him, casting a seemingly concerned and caring glance, her eyes flicker infatuated with his figure and fearing for him.
She doesn't exactly know for how long he has been suffering with it, but to think he was in pain the whole time and never once he complained or let his cold expression falter, keeping his composure as much as he could.
"You don't need to look at me like this. I'm fine now."
"But that probably happened because..." She types, averting her gaze to the ground while showing the device sideways.
"Don't say that. It would've happened anyways. I probably won't be in the city for a long time..." He caresses her head kindly, his eyes traveling to a far away place while staring at her smooth pink hair.
"Will you promise me you won't ignore me this time… And won't try to do stupid things like telling me lies …? Or forcing yourself too much?"
"I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to…" He pauses briefly, snorting at himself. "No... I meant to avoid hurting you with the truth. I thought if you'd know, you'd hate me, this would be a lot easier if you only found out later..." He sighs in defeat. "I must say this was a tall order even for me, I can't see you hating me regardless of what I do… You've become much more resilient over the years, Rie..."
"Thank you."
"That isn't a compliment..." He smiles faintly. "But you know that I love you the way you are too."
His sudden words seem to enthrall her, bringing her attention to his face, her cheeks redden, he smiles shortly, but turns his gaze away, his eyes become distant.
"I will send you messages every day from now on. But I can't guarantee we will be seeing each other this often. Are you fine with that?"
"I would hog you forever if I could, but that is not possible. We have a commitment." She types, replying with a smile.
His hand slides behind her and with his other arm, he pulls her close again, resting his head on her shoulders, she puts the device aside, and hugs him again, ruffling his hair.
She finally understands the reason he has been acting strange, it doesn't make it any better, but at least for now they both know they want to spend this time together and enjoy it as much as they can.
"Do you not have to work?" He remains still, but she stops caressing him, rummaging the bed in search of her device.
"I'm free today, it's a holiday for the company."
"Hm… Then I can have you for the whole day."
"Wait, what? What about your work? I thought…" She fidgets embarrassed at his boldness.
"I don't mean only like that. You wanted to ask me questions, did you not?" He spurts a muffled laugh at her response "And I also don't have any appointment today…"
"You are making this up now, aren't you? How could you not have an appointment? What about the pro league?"
Her brows curl worriedly, a half conceited smile sprouts on his lips, but she finds serenity in his expression unlike his current self has displayed before.
"Even if I was, would you stop me? I'm making time for you."
He receives a call, standing up and going to a corner of the room to talk, she watches his back, she can see the severity of his tone and facial traits as he speaks. He seems like a different person from when he talks to her, she didn't pick the whole conversation, but his tone suddenly became more demanding and disdainful.
"Yes… That is what I asked. You will be angry if I don't come immediately? Well, you weren't very angry back then when you first left me, do you remember? There are plenty of other sponsors interested in my dueling."
The voice on the other side of the line gets louder, but he simply puts the phone away from his ears and ends the call with a huff full of scorn. Then, he turns around.
"So, what do you want to do, Rie?" He looks down, fixing his gaze on her face, she also looks up at him. "We have the whole day..."
"B-But you just… Did you just lose a sponsor?!"
"Don't worry. I still have plenty, I will be fine, he was not a great sponsor anyways. I am just reassessing my priorities here." He puts a hand on her face, stroking it. "Besides, shouldn't you be happy we can spend time together?"
"I can't believe you're using this smooth talking on me. But it's working."
Pouting, she pulls him close while sitting, hugging him while he stands like that, the top of her head barely reaching the height of his stomach. He reluctantly hover his hand over her hair, playing with some strands until she pulls him away and stands up.
"I want to know more about your condition..."
Her eyes seem somewhat saddened and dim as she looks at him, he scoffs in a slight annoyance and turns around, sitting on the chair near the table, she mirrors him by sitting across.
"Is that really what you want to talk about when you spend time with me?"
"Just a bit. But you don't need to if you don't want to. If it's hard, just tell me the overall situation…" She sits across from him.
"We will get there… First, tell me about your family. Weren't they harassing you again?" He supports his chin on his hand, as if he is asking a non important topic.
His display of indifference only accentuates the strain on her heart, making it beat heavier as she remembers all the messages and how long she has been trying to hold off those issues.
Clutching the cloth covering her legs, her hands tremble. She feels the borders of her eyes becoming wet again, this is not how she wanted to spend time with him.
"It's nothing important, really. You don't need to worry about it, I'm more interested in knowing things about you. Ryo, you rarely talk about yourself."
"Is that so?" He seems to ponder for a moment. "Right. I'll answer your questions..."
"For how long… Have you been in this condition?"
"Since Genex I've felt there was something wrong… But it got worse a few months ago..."
"Is this when you searched for that doctor…?"
"Yes." he sighs heavily. "A couple of them actually, albeit they all told me similar things."
"Do you know why it's happening…? You were… You looked healthy before..."
"If I had to guess, the underground duels must have had an effect on my body… I can't say I regret it, but the consequences of my choices are catching up to me." A vague smirk plays on his lips.
The chair is pushed away with an uncomfortable scratching sound, her eyes tearing up as she slaps the table, gesturing frantically and scolding him while walking in his direction.
"Don't say those things! This is not..."
Ignoring her fretting about the situation, he brings her close, his hand around her waist, pulling her in a way she tumbles, sitting on his lap. She is lost in his orbs for a moment, he seems to be appraising her face meticulously, or perhaps, just engraving the traits of it in his memory.
She slowly bows, hugging him, he replies that embrace with both his arms, resting his head on her shoulders again. His next words just strike her heart harder:
"Do me a favor and smile a bit more, right?"
"Is there nothing you can do? Is there no treatment? Can you really keep dueling like this?"
"The doctors can't come to a conclusion, even if I attempt treatment now, it's not guaranteed it will work, very low chances, they can't even pinpoint the cause of the problem which means it would lead to it eventually happening again at some point in life, besides I'd need to stop my whole life just for this… I don't want that right now."
"Even so…! If it will help, then why not?!" She grabs his shoulder strongly, almost shaking him. "Is there nothing really that can be done…? I don't want you to… Get worse…"
"I knew you'd feel like this, but I told you my condition is already serious enough that a short treatment will not help much… This is unavoidable… I suggest you don't dwell on it too much, hard as it may be."
"I just can't wrap my head around this…"
"It's a lot to swallow at once, but… You'll be fine, Rie."
The sudden affirmation makes her eyes widen, she gawks confusedly, her eyes flickering, why did he say it right now?
"Don't look at me like that. We still have a day to enjoy. I'm just… Making sure you hear everything I have to say."
Before he continues, she hugs him strongly, not letting go, his body twitches with the suffocating strength she applies. He does recognize she has been this powerful since school times, but it seems she got even more powerful since she started training in martial arts.
Wrapping his arms around, he soothes her grip with a soft kiss to her head, she pulls him away looking at him with some sort of contempt for a moment, but her expression melts while looking into his inexpressive, yet cool eyes, approaching her lips for a gentle and short kiss.
Instead of fidgeting as she would usually do, she just hides her face on his chest, avoiding showing him a reaction.
"Don't be like this, this is not the last time we will see each other." He feels her fingers pinching his skin in annoyance, chuckling very low in response. "Thank you for being here with me."
"I told you I would be here if you let me have a part in your life…"
"And I want you to be part of my life."
His coat creases in between her fingers, she quivers, sobbing as she cries, his grip tightens on her back, she wipes her tears on his coat, swallowing those bitter emotions, pulling him in for a kiss.
When they stop, her lips finally display a smile, looking into his eyes, he's lost in thought for a moment, but soon his lips also curve slightly up. Making a vow to himself to live until his last moment, even if it will be short. At least, in her heart, he would be eternal.