Is Revenge Worth It?

Disclaimer

Nothing Supernatural is mine; I have borrowed for a while. I'll give them back, I promise – apart from passing a little time with them, I have made no profit from this endeavour – so please don't come looking for me.

Summary: Sam seeks revenge.

Warning: Character Death (lots of Dean and Sam angst)

Rating: some swearing (naughty boys! Wash their mouths out)

Chapter 3 – Finally you're listening

'How stupid is it for me to sit here, hand on your jacket, pretending to talk to you as if you're sitting next to me. There's just this feeling that I've got that you're here but if you were, I'd know, wouldn't I? It wouldn't be just a feeling. I just… Dean, right now, I feel so alone.'

You're not alone Sam. I won't let you be alone. Just listen for me, you'll hear me. I know you will.

The car stopped at the side of the road, Sam pulled Dean's jacket onto his lap then rested his head on the arm he had still balanced on the wheel. 'Dean I never thought it would come to this, I always thought I'd be able to walk away from him. But I can't forgive him for this, for what he did to you. He has to pay.'

'No Sam. You have to let it go'

Dean knew that Sam hadn't heard him. Could he? Would Sam know it was him? It was worth a try. He focused attention, energy, effort on the tape playing and… stopped it, let it play a bit more then stopped it again. Off…on…off.

Come on Sam. It's me. Help me out here. Do you know how hard this is? God, how do those freaking poltergeists do this?

'Dean?'

On-off. 'At last, Sammy boy.'

'So I'm not imagining this. Right?'

On-off 'Geez, Sam. This is one hell of a conversation we're having.'

'Are you okay?'

Stupid question, Sam. What do you want me to say – yeah, it's great I'm dead or no I'm being tormented by my younger brother, he's still asking stupid questions. On-off.

'Dean? How do I know whether this is yes and not no?'

Huh! College-Boy. I can't answer that by turning the tape on and off.

'College-Boy! Dean, did you just say College-Boy?'

Yeah Sammy I did. Please tell me you can hear me now. 'Cos it'll be so much easier to talk that way. Better than twenty questions with a tape player.

'Dean, say it again. I can almost hear what you're saying or at least I think I can.'

Well, Wonder-Boy. Psychic, my ass! I've been talking to you since before you left that motel. You've been ignoring me for long enough. Figured it was the same as usual. You never did pay much attention. Huh!

'I thought… I mean, I had this feeling…it was like you were there, I thought I heard you but I couldn't make it out exactly… and then… well it was like you were saying one thing and then the opposite.'

Yeah, right. Well, don't worry about that now. Just listen up and I'll say it loud and clear now. Don't go, don't do this. What happened is done, we can't change it. Just let it go. I don't want you to ruin your life over this.

'Over this? Dean, I can't just let him get away with what he did. You're dead and where's he? He didn't even come and see you.'

Sammy, it's not like that. He didn't want this to happen. Please let's go find somewhere for you. Stop now. I don't know. What about us heading back to Stanford? Give that Becky a call, I'm sure she'd help.

'You say that, like we're going together.'

Well, I'm not getting out here. We're in the middle of nowhere. Why would I want to stop here?

'Dean, you're dead.'

No Shit, Sherlock! Did you think I hadn't noticed?

'I don't know, Dean. You're behaving as if life can just go on as normal.'

Okay bro. Calm down. Maybe it's not exactly 'as normal' but our life has rarely been normal by anyone else's standards. Yeah! You're right, I'm dead but I'm your brother and for now at least I will stick around and haunt your ass. I've got to make sure you look after my car after all. This Impala may look a little worn on the edges, but she's a fine car, she's done me proud

'Dean, I don't care about the car…'

Listen, you better start caring about the car. She took on a semi and survived, dude, this car is a marvel, a wonder of the modern world, a unique vehicle unlike any other. You had better look after her or I'll get really pissed.'

'Fine. I care about the car. She's an amazing piece of engineering. What I was going to say was I care more about you.'

Hey, I'm fine. I'm here, aren't I?

'Yeah, but you shouldn't be. Isn't there somewhere else you should be?'

Nowhere important. Music's good here.

'Dean?'

So Stanford or what about that Sarah chick with the antiques. She was alright.

'Dean?'

Leave it Sam.

'Why are you here? Why aren't you…?' Sam wasn't sure where Dean should be but here was definitely not the place.

No rush. Thought I'd hang on for a bit.

'Can you do that?'

Seems like.

'What's it like?'

What?

'You know. Being dead, what's it like?'

Smashing. Finished with the stupid questions now? Can we get on?

'I worry about you. You're not normal.'

Tell me something I didn't already know. Where are we going then?

'To find him.'

I thought we'd already established that as a bad idea.

'No. We'd established that you think it's a bad idea. We didn't discuss what I thought.'

Sam, please.

'Why do you want to let him get away with it?'

It's not that. It's not about him. It's… Sam, it's over, all I want now is for you to be okay and if you do this, I don't want to even consider what it will do to you.'

'He killed you.'

'No he didn't. I did. It was my decision. I just consider it lucky that I didn't get you killed as well.'

'It wasn't like that.'

Hmmmph! I could have said no. I could have stopped. I could have taken more time. You told me often enough. I didn't listen and take notice.

'You pick now to work out that I knew what I was talking about.'

I knew.

'You do realise that saying things like that will only make me feel more pissed off, don't you?'

What was I going to do if I stopped? How could I have lived with myself if people got killed and I hadn't tried to stop whatever it was?

'What about all the ones who'll get killed now, now you're not here to sort it out ever? I understood. I didn't expect you to stop, just to slow down a bit, take care of yourself.'

Sorry.

'Sorry! You're sorry! For Fuck's sake, Dean. Sorry doesn't cut it. You're dead!'

Yeah and if I'd known… well it's too late for that Sam. Just know this, I'd do it differently if I could but I know that what happened it wasn't Dad's fault, it was mine. The decisions were mine. Anyway, it's time you started looking for somewhere to sleep tonight so you'd better get your sorry ass into gear and get moving.

'Fine but this isn't finished.'

It never is with you. We passed a motel about 10 miles back.

'We'll keep going for the next one.'

It's the wrong direction and trust me the next one is miles further and it's a real dive – absolutely disgusting. You really do not want to stay there. Hell, it's that bad, I'm dead and I don't want to stay there.

'Dean, I get what you're saying. We'll just have to keep driving until we reach the one after.'

My car, my rules.

'Dean, you're dead, what exactly do you think you're going to do about… argh, Dean stop it.' The engine roared to life and the wheel began to turn beneath Sam's hands.

Do you know I think I'm really getting the hang of this now?

'Dean, stop it.'

When I started it was hard just to turn the tape on and off but it's just a matter of learning how to focus.

The engine roared again and Dean laughed.

'Okay, okay. We'll go back to the last one although I don't see what difference it makes to you.'

They drove in silence until they reached the motel. 'I'm just going to check in.'

Good idea Sam. I'll just wait here for now, shall I?

'Yeah sorry. I'll be…. I'm going…' Sam climbed out of the car and headed for the reception.

Author's note: Please, please review. I'm posting this because of the number of people who have put it on alert, not the number of reviews, which actually make me think it can't be very good!