Chapter 3: The Broken Road

By: Miss Antagonist/Darkness Daresay

Y'know I'd really appreciate reviews. )) Good or bad. I love flames. They're interesting. But I love good reviews too. Then I'll love you. Haha.

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"How is he?"

She shook her head. "Not doing too well. Dr. Kadowaki's intent on keeping him in the infirmary for another few days."

"But he's… okay, right? Right?"

"Selph… honestly, I don't know. He's… a wreck. A complete wreck. He hasn't spoken a word since he returned."

"Hey, we've dealt with this before, Quistis. Squall's strong. We can do it again. We always, always manage to come out okay!"

"It's different this time, Selphie. He's emotionally broken too." Quistis said hazily.

"What…you mean…?"

"Yeah…" Quistis smiles sadly. "He remembers her."

"Can you move your arm?"

I nodded as Dr. Kadowaki fussed over my injuries some more. I leaned against the wall tiredly. I had been sitting on that cold metal table for ages to come. And my real problems were yet to be treated.

Inside the pocket of my leather jacket, I feel with my fingers the envelope that the stranger had handed me two nights ago. I had fiddled with it during my slow, one and a half day journey back to Balamb Garden. It was thin, and a little small. I could immediately tell that nothing more than paper had been placed inside it. But what did the paper say, I wondered.

"…anything else bothering you, Squall? Medically speaking, I mean."

Dr. Kadowaki snapped me back into reality. I shook my head no. She gave me a look then said, "Alright. Off you go then I suppose. Oh, wait a minute, I think…"

There was a sound at the door. Without even finishing her sentence, Kadowaki left me again and I continued to fiddle with my… clue. I turned it and turned it inside my palm, inside my jacket pocket, trying to decide whether the truth was an option for me. Deciding whether I should burn that mystery or reveal at least a small piece of the puzzle.

"Squall?"

I looked up, both Kadowaki and Quistis were looking right back at me. I said nothing. Last time Quistis came for me at the infirmary was when I was scarred by Seifer. That time seemed so long ago. Yet I feel the same. The same silent, fearful person.

"Squall, over here. I need you to sign something." Kadowaki called. I stood up and walked over to her, slowly.

"Are you…" Quistis began to ask me as I passed by her.

I ignored it.

"Alright, squall, you're free to go." Kadowaki told me after I signed a log-in sheet of some sort, "But Quistis here would like to see you for a moment so I told her she could take you to your room."

I stood up and walked past them both slowly, looking at Quistis in the eyes as I passed by her. I made my own way to the door and left.

Mere seconds pass.

"Squall." I heard the familiar clinking of Quistis' boots behind me.

I stopped but I didn't look at her.

"We need to talk about this." She said quietly.

"…we don't." I said quietly the first two words I'd spoken since I'd returned to Balamb Garden.

"Yes, we do." She replied, "You know you want to know the truth… We all miss her but Rin-"

"Hell, Trepe, just shut up! I don't want to hear it!" I shouted. "Don't' even say her name! Don't talk like she's…" My sentence never finished. Quistis flinched, as though she felt I was going to hit her again. I didn't want to. I just wanted her to stop talking. Every word she said was verifying everything that I still kept up in the air, the things I didn't want to believe.

Neither of us said anything for a minute. Then finally Quistis spoke. I could tell she was trying to steady her voice and select her words cautiously.

"Squall…" she spoke very softly. "I know you have questions. And I can try to answer them for you… if you want me to. When you want me to… just look for me. Okay?"

I didn't say a word, just stared after her and let the clinking sound of Quistis' heels fade away farther and farther, 'til I couldn't hear it anymore.

I didn't want Quistis' help. I didn't want anyone's help. I was defiant. I was a rock. I didn't want Rinoa. I didn't need Rinoa.

Fuck, I didn't even give a damn about what happened; didn't give a damn if she was gone. I didn't care if everyone was staring at me in the hallways or that I could practically feel the only piece of possible truth I had burning a hole in my pocket. I didn't care that some creepy stranger was stalking me. I didn't care that my arm was hurting like hell or that I was acting like a vulnerable child.

I don't care about these things…

I don't care.

But I care about her.

I cared about her. I cared about Rinoa. But now, I can't. Love has transformed from blessing to curse in mere days.

The weight of my newfound burden had finally begun to sink in.

Normally, thinking itself is something I hate. Cause I do too much of it. But now, all I can think about is her. And all I can do is think. Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa.

I couldn't sleep. Not only could I not sleep, I wasn't even attempting to sleep. All I could do was say her name over and over in my head. And before long, I felt numb to the pain. My mind fell into a trance. The trance lasted for hours. Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa…

Then finally…

"…Rinoa…?" I whispered.

The trance ended. My thoughts ended.

Silence.

I lifted my hand to my eyes.

And discovered that tears were falling steadily.

I couldn't tell if I had been holding them in all this time, or if they came because of the silence that came after saying her name and not hearing her call back to me. In any case, they were there. They were falling uncontrollably. I was just… crying… I didn't feel any sobs coming and I didn't make any sounds.

But the tears didn't stop coming.

I didn't feel anything. I lost the only thing that made me feel whole. I was always a lonely person, always the loner. She helped me feel happiness even though I was the way I was. But now, I really was alone again. I was back to feeling empty.

Rinoa…

I just needed to cry.

After a long time, a few hours at least… my eyes were dry. My mind was made up.

I was going to open that fucking envelope and read that fucking paper.

The night was still dark, but outside my window, I could see a trace of the sun rising over the horizon. I stand up and walk over to my desk and chair. I turn on the lamp but the sudden brightness blinds me for a few seconds, so I sit down.

The last night, I had hung my jacket on that chair, so I reach for it and quickly, before I could change my mind, search for that one envelope.

At first I think I'm dreaming… but then I rush in my search, my hand brushes through then desk and knocks the lamp down on my arm. The heat burns and then I know I'm really awake.

And I've lost the only thing that could lead me to any sort of answer.

I lost it.

I lost everything.

…………………

End of nightmare, start of nightmare.

Quistis woke up as the first few vague rays of light shone on her face. The sun had only begun to rise and already she was up. She always woke up early, always before anyone else was awake. This morning though, she recalls going to staying up, just staring at the ceiling 'til past midnight… her sleep for the rest of the night was solid and steady. Once she stopped asking herself the same questions over and over, her tired mind fell fast asleep.

Sitting up, she stares outside… the sky was still dim, but you could see the sun peeking out.

There's a sound at the door. Just a slight sound of something rustling…

She moved over to the over side of the room and opens her door.

There's no one.

Strange. She thinks. The quiet rustling sound starts again and bewildered, Quistis opens her door and looks outside.

She's startled. At first, the complete randomness of the situation makes her want to laugh but she quickly regains her composure. Thank God I wake up early.

She taps the sleeping figure on his shoulder.

"Squall…?"