Is Revenge Worth It?

Disclaimer

Nothing Supernatural is mine; I have borrowed for a while. I'll give them back, I promise – apart from passing a little time with them, I have made no profit from this endeavour – so please don't come looking for me.

Summary: Sam seeks revenge.

Warning: Character Death (lots of Dean and Sam angst)

Rating: some swearing (naughty boys! Wash their mouths out)

Chapter 4 – As if one ghost wasn't enough!

Dean looked up as Sam headed away across the car park. He sighed. Sam was never one to give in easily and Dean was tired. He'd got more control than when he started over the things around him and having got Sam's attention, he seemed to have triggered some connection between them so they could actually talk and not just communicate through the on-off of the tape player and boy was that a relief. He was grateful that Sam hadn't realised that he could either rev the engine or turn the wheel but he couldn't actually do both at the same time, otherwise they might still be heading for the other motel. The other reprieve had been Sam taking him at his word about the next motel being a dive. In truth, Dean had no idea where the next motel was or what it was like, but he'd achieved his objective, Sam had turned round and stopped the desperate onward plunge towards his father. He had time, not much, but at this point every little was going to count.

He closed his eyes to rest and wait for Sam to return.

As Sam walked across the car park heading for the motel office, he cast a look back over his shoulder at the Impala. It looked empty. Stupid really, what was he expecting? He couldn't see Dean when he was in the car, why would he be able to see him from half way across the car park?

Sam, Sam, listen to me.

He turned round. It didn't sound like Dean and he couldn't see anyone. There was something distinctly feminine about the voice. He turned back to the motel entrance.

Sam, stop! Listen to me. You mustn't stop here, you need to keep driving.

'What? Why? Dean was right, I'm tired I need to rest, we're here now. I'll continue in the morning.'

No Sam, now! Dean is wrong, he means well, but he doesn't know what he's talking about. He's been turned; you know what he's like? Daddy's good little soldier. He's just trying to protect him. He doesn't care about you, Sam. He's just trying to stop you doing what you need to do. You need to do this, you'll feel better afterwards. You need to tell him to leave you alone and you need to keep driving.

'No, Dean wouldn't. I don't, can't believe that. Dean has always cared about me, that's been part of his problem. He cares too much, he puts everyone else first.'

Sam, I said NO! You mustn't stop here. You mustn't listen to Dean anymore. He's just trying to stop you! Sam, go!

'I…I…' Sam was at a loss, what should he do? 'Who are you?'

It's me, Sam. I've been waiting for so long for you, watching you, looking out for you, waiting until you were ready to recognise that I was here, my baby. I love you, Sammy; I want what's best for you. Listen to me.

'Mom?'

Let's go, Sammy. Come on, we'll go find him. We'll put this all right. It will be better afterward. It'll be better for Dean this way. We'll make him understand when it's over.

'I can't drive with him in the car. He'll turn the car round. He tried it before.'

No Sam, not yet he won't. He's not strong enough yet. Just convince him to let you go, tell him you're going to talk. Just go Sam. It has to be soon.

'Can't you help? Can't you tell him? He'll listen to you. Help him to understand,' he knew he wouldn't be able to convince Dean he was going to talk, Dean knew him too well to fall for that one.

Dean won't listen to me. He's not open, he's your father's son, he's all torn up in trying to please your father. He was lost to me years ago. He was always a Daddy's boy.

'Dean? He was a good soldier for Dad, but it was about you. All he's ever wanted was to put it right for you, to make Dad happy for you, to look after me because you couldn't. When was the last time you tried to speak to him?'

You can do it, Sam, convince Dean, go and see your father. It's all in your hands to put right. He did it, it was his fault. Your brother deserved better. You can give meaning to his death.

Sam shook his head as if to clear away the confusion that he was hearing. 'I'll stop here because I am tired, Dean's right I do need to rest. It'll give me a chance to talk to him, explain to him. You can help, we'll talk to him together, we'll make him understand.'

He won't listen to me. Promise me Sam, if you stop tonight, you'll leave first thing, early in the morning, whatever Dean says. Don't tell him we've been talking, he doesn't understand yet. You mustn't say anything to him about me. Two promises Sammy, please.

'Promise you? Why do you need me to promise?'

Promise Sam. I have to go. I'll be back though; I'm always watching you, my lovely boy.

He could feel her absence as she soon as she had gone. It didn't feel right, her insistence, her need for promises, promises without questions, without explanation but with the need to keep them secret from Dean. He walked through to the motel entrance.

It didn't take long to get a room and he headed back to the car and Dean. What was he going to do? How was he going to convince him? Could he tell him about Mom? Why was Mom so adamant that he go to his father and Dean equally obstinate that he not go? What was going on that he hadn't worked out?

Geez, dude. You took your time.

'Yeah, sorry Dean. I'm going to pull the car over nearer to the room. Are you coming in? Do I need to open the door for you or…?'

Don't need the door, just tell me which room. Mind you I could have some fun seeing what the neighbours are up to!

'Dean you really are disgusting, do you know that? And you haven't got any better since you died.'

Whoa! Buddy! I was kidding. I really don't want to know what they're up to. It's a joke. Feeling a tad tense there, little brother?

'I'm tired Dean, I need some sleep. Okay, you were right. I don't need to be driving any further tonight, what I need is a bed. I'm fed up of this. I didn't want this. I didn't want you to be dead and to be chasing round the country looking for Dad. I didn't want … I wanted something different for my life and yours. So just shut up and let me be for now.'

Sorry Sam.

Sam looked over at where he was assuming his brother was sitting; it was certainly where his voice seemed to be coming from. He had heard the sorrow in Dean's voice and he felt guilty for snapping at him. 'Dean, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm just…'

There was no answer. Sam had no way of knowing for sure whether Dean was there or… somewhere else entirely. He hoped he was okay, hoped he hadn't actually upset Dean so much that he had left. It was strange, outside in the car park, he'd known when his Mom had left but in here he couldn't tell with Dean. More irony, he didn't know Mom but could tell when she was there, Dean he knew at times better than he knew himself, but couldn't tell whether he was here with him or not. He consoled himself with the thought that maybe it was because he was in the Impala that was so much a part of Dean; the two were fused together in spirit in some way.

He parked up, grabbed his bag and walked over to the room door. He pushed the door, finding it unlocked and walked in dropping the latch behind him.

I opened the latch, but the door was too heavy. I'm going to leave you to get some sleep. I'll go for a walk and…

'Dean, wait. I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I'm just frustrated and I don't understand what's going on with you?'

Okay, I'm going to let you get some sleep now.

'Dean… please… wait. Can we talk?'

I've got nothing to talk about with you right now, Sammy. And you're tired; you said you wanted to sleep. So you'd better lie down.

'Dean…'

Later, Sam.

Sam sighed, he felt alone now. Dean was probably out taking that walk. He hadn't meant to snap and now he needed to make up for hurting Dean. If there was one thing he knew for sure it was that Dean hadn't deserved that particular outburst.

Sam, don't worry. Dean won't go far. He won't leave you. He'll be here when you wake up, talk to him then.

'Mom? Where is he?'

He's gone for a walk like he said. Trying to cool off that horrible temper of his. Not like you, you know how to listen to your mom. Talk to him when you wake up. Sleep now, baby.

There was nothing else to be done. He had no way of finding Dean, short of trawling the streets with an EMF detector and even then he might not find him. Dean was smart he'd be able to avoid being found if that was what he wanted, in fact it would be easier for him to avoid being found than it was before when he was alive. He gave in, got ready for bed and lay down. Sleep came, but not immediately, he tossed restlessly for a while before finally giving in.

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. So what do you all think of this new chapter? Again, I'm grateful for any constructive criticisms.