Notes: There really is no explaining this.Except this is one giant joke. Call it a parody. More than anything, I absolutely love exploiting the stereotyping of fangirls. Heck, I love exploiting all stereotypes. Not quite sure where I got any of the ideas for this, but it really IS just one giant joke and play-off of how some people perceive fangirls and how they perceive themselves, what I've actually seen people argue over,and some of the WHACK crap that exists in the world. But its the whack crap I like so it's a compliment. Yush.
Title: Teh Fuh? Rating: T/M Written: July 22, 2005
Hello there great, and wonderful readers! I am your murder-…err, I am your HOST, the scary and psychopathic Lady Lemonade! Hi, how are you? I haven't updated my other story in a long time, have I? Oh well! Remember, while I won't kill you (the killing is being saved for the school board), I can't guaruntee you won't be mentally scarred, disturbed, or amused! Now then… a long time ago, in a land FAR FAR away there lived two wonderful kingdoms! One was kingdom KouKou, and the other was kingdom Takouji. No one knows why the hell these were kingdoms, but they figured it might be in due part because fangirls are really really fucked up. We'll go into more detail on THAT later! In these two wonderful kingdoms, the people lived side by side in peace.
They didn't mind sharing Kouji in the pairings department, and they frankly didn't give a damn on his protests of how he wasn't gay and wasn't attracted to his brother. Why? Because they knew it was a trick of the deranged JunKou fans and the Kouzumi fans. Everyone knows Kouji's gay. Why else would he be hitting on all the other males in the anime? Silly jerks! Death is for them when they mess with the wrong fangirls! We'll rip their heads off and... ah, sorry about that. Too much psychological fanfiction can have some nasty side affects, no? Back to the story…
Slowly but surely, the Takouji fangirls converted to KouKou, and the amount of members in the Takouji kingdom was dwindling. With fewer readers, there were fewer reviews. And we all know that all healthy writers need a certain amount of reviews or else they'll wittle up like a flower and die right then and there on the spot and no one will ever see them again because they have no drive to write or self-confidence to get a life and they live on outcasted and humiliated. I think I'm on something because saying all this really creeps me out, but here I am smiling! Oh well!
Anyway, the Takouji fangirls shrugged it off and didn't care because in all reality they were getting distracted by other pairings anyways so it was a good thing! Mind you, the KouKou fangirls still secretly indulged themselves in Takouji, but not all of them admit it. Same with the Takouji ones. XD What does this have to do with anything? I have no idea, I just wanted to type it! Wheee!
"Envy! I can't believe you'd do that! And I trusted you with my fruit loops! You… you… you… I can't think of a name horrible enough to describe your wicked deed!" Izumi said, the television flickering off light but no anime was displayed on it. Just a blue screen.
"AHHH! The blue screen of death! Operater error! Now the computers going to crash and die! Thanks a lot Gates!" Takuya spazzed, pointing insanely at the television. Bill Gates let one sad tear roll down his face, before he grabbed his bag and wandered off into Fangirl Exile. Yes… Bill Gates is a fangirl. Little do most people know he really is a woman and is obsessed with yaoi.
"… 'Oh no! Help me Roy! Envy is trying to get into my pants! Eeeek!'" Izumi said, trying to imitate Ed's voice and doing a poor job of it.
"… 'Oh baby, yes oh yeah. You know I want your pants. They are so smexy. If I wear them, I'll get all the fangirls. Baby ohh…'" She continued, now doing a terrible job trying to imitate... Envy… we think…
"… 'I'll save you Ed! And then we'll get married and have children through some deranged way that a fangirl concocted because they had many of their braincells knocked out of their head when they were getting the crud beaten out of them by the other children because they were social outcasts!'" She proceeded on, trying mimic Roy's voice. She then stopped. "HEY! We are not social rejects you jerk! For your information I was popular when I was younger! The only reason I'm a social reject now is because I'm shoujo-ai!" She yelled, now revealing she was playing with FullMetal Alchemist plushies.
"…Izumi…?" Takuya asked, wandering into the room.
" 'Suuuure you were. Reject, reject! Someones a social reject! Hahahah! I bet your parents were on drugs when they had you.'" Roy plushie said mockingly to her.
"No they weren't! I bet your parents tried to flush you down the toilet!" Izumi yelled back.
"Only a Fangirl would make a reference to Kyou Kara Maou!" Roy plushie laughed.
"It wasn't a reference you piece of moobs!" Izumi scowled.
"That the best insult you can give me? Ed can give me worse insults, and he's a midget with no life!" Roy plushie stated.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BANANA SO SMALL PEOPLE ALWAYS SLIP ON IT?" Ed plushie screeched.
"Izumi! …are you making a RoyEd plushie threatre?" Takuya asked, concerned about his friend.
"Yes! Don't talk to me right now, I'm talking to Roy, the Wonder Moob!" Izumi exclaimed.
"What the crap? The Wonder Moob? Now that's just messed up!" Roy plushie said with a roll of his button eyes.
"Izumi! You pedophile!" Takuya gasped. His friend… she would make a pedophile world! With everyone immortal! It was wrong… so… terribly wrong! Yes, that was a reference to Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan. Pipi Piripi piripiri piripi! …that's how it goes, right?
"I am not! Roy is! …and despite the large age difference I find it weirdly cute and attractive… it's like… part of me is saying 'yes', the other 'no', and then the middle part is attempting suicide because it thinks the yes and no parts are utterly insane and it needs a way to escape and that's the only solution… I need to get it a therapist…" Izumi muttered, her voice dazed.
"…Roy plushie, let us revolt against the Izumi creature. It scares me." Ed plushie suggest-…well, actually demanded.
"Yes, my love-slave plushie." Roy plushie agreed.
"…that was wrong." Ed plushie stated.
"It can't be helped. Izumi master is talking for us. See her moving lips? Silly girl thinks we don't notice something that obvious… she makes a crappy ventrilaquist." Roy plushie said.
"That she does…" Ed plushie agreed.
"…you need a life Izumi. And I don't mean as in a girlfriend or anything, because you already got one." Takuya sighedm shaking his head at his friend.
"And you and Kouji need to screw each other senseless while I watch and record!" Izumi said smiling.
"Bite me." Takuya snapped.
"Okay!" Izumi said happily, and pounced on Takuya and began to actually knaw on his head.
"GET OFF MY HEAD! THAT HURTS! YOUR TEETH ARE SINKING IN! GET OFF!" Takuya screamed, running in octangles waving his arms to and fro in panic. Meanwhile the now officially ruined and tainted FMA plushies watched as they attempted to eat popcorn with any inside bodily organs or a mouth.
"NEVA!" Izumi proclaimed. Kouji began to walk upstairs and hearing all the commotion inside the one room, went to open the door but paused hearing what they were saying.
"Izumi! I don't want you on my head! GET OFF! You are not gentle! It does NOT feel good! It HURTS! Digging your teeth in, it NOT a good thing! STOP KNAWING!" Takuya yelled.
"I dun wanna!" Izumi wailed. Kouji stood there frozen in shock. He thought that Izumi was… and that Takuya loved… and that they were just… why was she giving him…? It didn't make sense! No longer being able to handle the situation, he burst into the room and stopped. There, in front of him was Takuya trying to pry Izumi off his head.
"…guess it was a good thing I didn't have a shoujo moment…" Was all Kouji said. Takuya and Izumi didn't get what he meant by that, but then they didn't realize how wrong it must've sounded on Kouji's side of the door.
…Bill Gates is still in Fangirl Exile. So am I apparently… it seems after this fanfiction I'm not allowed near other 'normal' fangirls… Takuya and Kouji? They gave Izumi what she wanted. The FMA plushies? They got sold on eBay by Izumi, she became rich because of it and bought out the series and made shounen-ai centric episodes. Needless to say, many fans were unsatisfied with this change (mainly because supposedly the series is already finished) and she was assassinated.