Is Revenge Worth It?

Disclaimer

Nothing Supernatural is mine; I have borrowed for a while. I'll give them back, I promise – apart from passing a little time with them, I have made no profit from this endeavour – so please don't come looking for me.

Summary: Sam sets out revenge.

Warning: Character Death (lots of Dean and Sam angst)

Rating: some swearing (naughty boys! Wash their mouths out)

Author's Note: Constructive criticism welcome and gratefully received. Thank you all for reading and for those who have reviewed so far, thank you doubly.

Chapter 6 – Mother and Son

Another motel, a solid day's drive away, and finally Sam had given into Dean's demand to stop for food and rest. Now having showered, he was drifting away to sleep with the sound of the TV playing in the background. The familiarity of it soothed him. Dean sat watching the TV while Sam slowly relaxed and unwound. He could almost believe it was just like normal. There was only really one thing that had changed. Dean.

It was funny even though Dean had said there was no need he'd got a room with two beds. They'd had an argument about the waste of money – it wasn't like Dean was actually going to sleep in it. He seemed quite happy to just sit in a chair and wait for Sam to wake up, but Sam felt better with a bed for him to sprawl on.

'Dean?'

'Hmmm.'

'Where are you sitting now?'

'Sam, you're supposed to be sleeping, not worrying about where I am and what I'm doing. Don't stress, I'm just catching up on a bit of TV, there's a re-run of 'Firefly' later, so I'll watch that and then when you wake up I'll still be here.'

'But where here are you? I don't want to trip over you or anything.'

'You won't. Don't worry. I'll move my ass before I let you walk through me because that is just one creepy ass idea of being walked through, ugh! And you won't trip anyway, nothing to trip on here. I am officially incorporeal right now. Listen, I'm on the bed as you've got one and I'm out of the way so just get some sleep, right?'

'Right.'

The minutes ticked by, Sam drifted towards sleep again, before another thought crossed his mind, 'Dean?'

'You're still supposed to be sleeping bro.'

'I know. Just I wanted to ask you something and I don't want to leave it until I wake up and risk forgetting.'

'O.K., there's no inheritance, just the Impala and the guns and you've got them already.'

'That wasn't the question, but there was your ring and pendant too, I kept them. I hope you don't mind, I wanted something that reminded me of you for always. The guns were just like, it was like they weren't really you, or not the you I wanted to remember most, they were, I don't know, tools of the trade, I suppose. The Impala is not going to last forever, particularly without you to look after her; she doesn't love me like she loved you. I think she puts up with me and how weird is it to talk about your car like that. And as for the other stuff, they just seemed…'

'Hey, no worries. My old body certainly doesn't need them and Sam, if we'd had more time I'd have given them to you anyway. Time just flew by and there was so much I wanted to tell you, I didn't get round to half of it.'

'You could tell me now.'

'You wanted to ask me something and you should be sleeping. So another time with the other stuff.'

'Yeah. I was wondering, before you said you were talking to me and I wasn't listening. Why couldn't I hear you? If I can hear you now, why can't I see you? '

'I don't know Sammy. I don't know why. I can't work out what's going on with us. I know I kind of thought I didn't want to leave you and that I was going to stay and watch over you, I was kind of determined but I don't remember doing anything to make it actually happen. As far as you and I being able to talk, it was like as soon as you knew I was there, you started being able to hear me. Could you see Mom when she was talking to you?'

'No. I wasn't sure that it was her at first. Is it?'

'Yeah. Look I'll try and work it out some more. You get some sleep. You'll be doing the driving tomorrow unless we want to try getting arrested for you sleeping in the passenger seat and letting the car drive itself and I can't spring you from jail anymore either.'

Sam nodded and yawned, 'You're probably right and I am kind of tired. G'night Dean.'

'Rest easy, little brother.'

Dean watched as Sam's eyes closed again, he waited until his breathing eased out, deep and even as he relaxed into sleep.

'So Mom, you okay?' Dean's eyes lifted from his brother to regard the figure stood by the door.

'Yes. He sleeps like he did when he was a baby.' She walked forward coming to stand over the bed watching her youngest, grateful for the opportunity to watch him and for the fond memory it brought back. It had been so long since she could remember the good things, rather than just flames and pain.

'I know. I wish he slept like that all the time. He gets terrible nightmares sometimes. It gets so bad, he won't even try to sleep. I always wished I could stop them somehow.'

She could hear the sadness in his voice. 'You looked after him. You did well, Dean. You were only young.'

'No. Not well enough. I promised I'd protect him but I didn't manage it, not well enough.'

'When did you become so unforgiving, baby?' She sat on the bed next to him. Her hand reached out to stroke his hair, smooth his cheek.

He looked up into her eyes and all she could see in his were the depths of his loneliness and despair. She knew those feelings; she had been here so long on her own, waiting. 'Hey Mom. You're not on your own anymore. I'm here.'

She took him in her arms and held him. 'I'm sorry Dean. It's been so long, I've forgotten so much. I could only remember the flames and I thought if you were here with me, it would help.'

He could feel the hitch as she spoke, the pain inside. He understood. 'We'll be fine now Mom. I'll help you remember what we had.' He felt her nod against him. 'We could protect them together. Like you did in Lawrence, do you remember that?'

'Dean, I've always loved you, you know that, don't you? I know you think I left to protect Sam, but I loved you too. Nothing changes that. I remember that, it's why I wanted you all to join me. I wanted us all to be the family we were supposed to be. Not the pieces that we had become.'

'It's okay Mom. I'm glad you saved Sam, I wish you hadn't had to die, but I understand I'd do the same.'

'You did.'

'No, that was just a mistake. It was the only way to put it right. I couldn't let him die because I'd fucked up.'

'Sssh. You were a good boy. You used to smile so much, and laugh. You don't do that anymore. I remember when we used to sing to Sammy, until he went to sleep.'

'Yeah, I used to sing like that to him even after you'd gone. It helped him sleep then too. It made me feel better too, like you were still with us. Then he started to grow up and the singing didn't work anymore. There were so many things that we did when you were alive, that changed without you.'

'You mean your father?'

'Not exactly, but yeah, he changed, he couldn't help it. He still loved us, Mom, just not how he had before you died. Did you try to talk to us? Was I not listening carefully enough? Mom?'

'Sammy was right, you deflect and steer the conversation away from what you don't want to talk about every bit as much as he does. Anyway, I'll answer that as best as I can. Not at first. I wasn't as strong as you, Dean; it was all I could do to wait for you all. I couldn't talk to you or visit you, I could just watch. Then somehow, I got pulled back to the house to each new family that moved in and the evil there. I found myself trying to stop it hurting them, like we'd been hurt but I couldn't even watch you anymore, then my boys came to me and set me free. I could watch again, but it was harder, there were so many things I forgot about why I was waiting and watching. I knew I needed to watch you all but I couldn't remember who you were half the time, I kept getting confused, it was as if when I went with the poltergeist from the house, that my memories got torn, it took some of them and then I just felt so lonely and I came to believe that I needed you all with me, that then I would find the answers, the missing pieces. Dean, you've brought back so many memories, being able to hold you like this. I'm sorry.'

'We're okay now, Mom. We'll fix it, I'll help you remember and you can help me stop him going after Dad, right?'

'Yes, I'll help you now Dean. I'll wait with you, we'll be together now and we'll wait for them. But not soon… we'll wait until it's their time…'

'That's right. We'll wait.'