Initial Summary: Koukuya; AU. Takuya complains to his parents how lonely he is. Poor Taku. Feel sorry for him. Anyway, so his parents decide to get him a two-and-a-half year old dog. He names it Kouji after that one kid from Kodomo no Omacha (Kodocha). Because it's troublesome. Actually, it's a really boring dog but still... he has to take care of it. Troublesome! He goes to bed, and then in the morning... he wakes up to this sexy man-beast and kicks said sexy man-beast out of his bed. The guy is the same age as him, and responds to the name 'Kouji'. Hmm... somehow, Takuya's pet dog managed to turn himself into a human. Awkward.
Notes: This isn't an actual chapter. It has half of the first chapter, and the rest is simply bits and pieces I wrote in school. Err, yeah. And no. I'm not finishing this. Willingly. O.o
Title: Puppy Love Written: August 3, 2005 Rating: M
Spiders. That's right. Spiders. The most repulsive of the entire insect world… even though technically they aren't insects, they're arachnids. But they're still repulsive. I don't mean they're repulsive because they suck the insides out of the annoying little buggers known as cockroaches, or mosquitoes. That's actually pretty cool. They aren't repulsive either because of those big, long legs or even the hair that at times covers their entire body and makes them look like some sort of deformed caterpillar. Hell, the eight eyes don't even bother me all that much! You see, what the most repulsive thing about those guys, is a little known fact about them: They're the biggest perverts. Ever.
For the past four days, I keep finding these baby spiders, and am forced to kill them. Normally I don't mind spiders, but it's because of their mom that I am forced too. Their mom was this huge gal, a big and hairy momma. Not a black widow, or a tarantula… just a big ass spider. Not as big as the ones in the Amazon though, still big however. After I killed the momma, her little children started appearing. Thankfully not out of her when she was squished, that is… not pretty. It's like watching a woman give birth to thousand of little tiny baby things in an explosion of gooey stuff. It's sick, wrong, and absolutely disgusting. But not as disgusting as these damn perverted spiders.
Now, you're probably wondering why it's such a big deal to be finding her baby spiders, other than the obvious that having a thousand giant spiders running amok isn't anyone's ideal environment. It's because I keep finding them in the bathroom. The shower of the bathroom, and the small crack between the wall and the floor in front of the toilet. I'm sorry. I just can't stand the fact that while I'm showering, there are these little tiny spiders, having all eight of their damn eyes on me. Especially when I'm naked. Nor the fact that while I'm taking a piss, that have to watch me. That goes against nature. Those sick little freaks.
Enough about the perverted spiders though. It's making me paranoid that if when they grow up and get gigantic like their mom they might try to rape me or something. Creepy. Alarming. I'm going to stare at the wall now, and hope to some deranged entity that those spiders will be smited. And then I hear my mom cackling madly and screaming, "Die you bastards!" …and thus, I know they have been smited. Thank you great deity, known as my mother. I shall forever worship you, by abiding by whatever commandments you send forth! "Takuya! Are you doing your homework?" She suddenly calls, her fun in killing the demonic hell perverts interrupted by her motherly instinct. I'll dub the 'motherly instinct' as a demon trying to possess my great deity. And just ignore the fact I didn't do my homework, nor even considered working on it and lie. Works out well enough.
"Yes ma'am!" I reply. Hahah… damn perverted spiders. You're dead. Seriously though, enough about the spiders. They're dead now, no reason to think about them. Instead, let's think about my friends. Well, there's Orimoto Izumi. A blonde girl I met on the first day of school about two weeks ago. She's fun, and great to hang out with… hell, after two weeks she became my best friend. Then there's Shibayama Junpei, another fairly good friend of mine. He's been kind of down lately though, and it really worries us a lot. I've known him… most my life, so we're fairly good old friends, but not as close as we once were. Finally there's little Himi Tomoki, a good friend of my younger brother, Shinya. I don't really know much about him, other than he likes video games and comes over often. Then there's me. Yes, I'm my own friend and if you have a problem with it go screw yourself by cutting off your own limbs and drowning in an ocean. See if I care.
Actually, I do care so don't do that. I'm one of those types of people that have a quick temper, but once I cool down I regret most anything and everything I said while under the influence of the raging desire to slit someone's throat. It can't be helped, I have anger issues. Big deal. I'm getting better, I swear! So yeah, you could say I'm a caring person and you won't believe this buuuut… I'm a guy who shows my emotions! Holy crap, the world is going to self-implode! Who cares? Not me. All I want is just someone to be able to call in the middle of the night and be reassured that my mother isn't going to commit suicide because she accidentally left her door locked one night. Or maybe someone who won't care that I just snapped their wrist because a scary movie freaked the shit out of me. Of course… that may be a good thing there isn't someone who won't care on that last one.
"Takuya? Oh sweety, what's wrong?" My mom asked, worry apparent in her voice.
"…this computer is gay." I answer, looking at the screen. Why did it just skip like… ten lines?
"So are you, but what's wrong?" My mother is so sweet. I'm not going to look too deeply into her comment.
"Mom. My best friend is a girl, who if I didn't know any better… she might be a lesbian." I said, taking a deep breath to add on to the 'shocking' thought.
"Do you like her?" My mom asked me, squatting down next to me. "Oh, and I killed the perverted spiders in the bathroom." She added. Yes. She agreed with me on the perverted spiders theory, so you can't call me crazy!
"No. But if she's a lesbian, she won't love me." I explain, falling out of my chair in an overly dramatic fashion. To be honest, I can't figure what I'm going on about but it's fun so… yeah. "You smited them?"
"I smited their asses so bad they won't consider touching yours in fear of other parts being smited." My mom explained proudly. I love my mom, she's so screwy in the head it's almost beautiful. "I'm sure she'll love you no matter what, even if you are straight." My mother said encouragingly. That's why I didn't bother to look too deeply into her earlier comment.
"Thanks mom." I said, referring to both her comments. Although I didn't correct her when she said straight. See, I'm gay but she doesn't know that. In fact, no one knew that. Why, I didn't even know I was until I just thought that. Holy shit, I'm gay? Well… it explains a lot of things so I won't freak out.
"Good. Wait. Are you afraid she'll get a girlfriend?" She asked.
"Yeah. Most the girls at our school seemto be bi or gay…" I commented. It was true. Sixty percent of the time when you walk down the hallway you could see a girl making out with another girl. It was a lesbian paradise I tell you! Not that I mind. Heheh. Then there was the eighty percent of the time you caught a guy and a girl making out… and then finally forty percent of the time you caught two guys snogging. We had a rather interesting school.
"Well… what about Junpei? Or your other friends?" My mom asked me, concerned about my 'worries' as to if I'll be all alone with no one to lurve me.
"Junpei seems… distracted. And my other friends have a 'special' friend they spend all their time with." I explained, not trying to give away that I thought Junpei was depressed.
"You know, I hate people like that." My mother grumbled, and got up. "They have that one friend they spend all their time with… and barely any with their other friends! The worst part is, they aren't even going out…" She went on, raving as she left my room. Well… I wasn't talking about that kind of friendship, but whatever. Ah. I hate being a teenager. What, with all these deranged emotions, hormones, thoughts, and finally… the awareness. Couldn't you just remain a relatively stupid kid for the rest of your life? Like when you're little, and you go to Tokyo Disneyland you're all amazed by EVERYTHING. It's beautiful. You yank on your parents arms, and don't even realize how close you are to pulling said arm out of your parents shoulder socket because you caught them by surprise. You start raving things such as 'OMG! We have to go on that! And that! And that! And that! And that! Oh, buy me THAT! That is GOOD!' and you parents just suffer through it all. And you're too young to feel guilty about being a brat, too. Then there are the children who see these giant crowds, and faint on the spot and their parents need to rush them to paramedics because well… parents spazz out over little children. Finally, when the fainted child wakes up they start crying because there's these freaky people surrounding them.
All the while, there is no guilt. You feel bad after your parents scold you though, but there's no guilt. Due to your childhood innocence, naivety, and most of all the beautiful ignorance… you never take notice of your actions. Thinking about it now though just… makes me feel bad. I should make a card apologizing to my parents for being a bratty child, even though as a child it was my duty. My poor parents. They had to suffer through soccer games, which I recently learned, are not half as fun to watch as they are to play. Why? Got kicked off the team because of some jerk. Stupid jerk… oh, how he'll pay one day for that!
"Takuya-sama, why are you crying?" His dog, err… Kouji, asked in his blank tone How monotone. Perhaps he hasn't quite gotten the hang of human-speech?
"…my dog turned into a sexy man-beast. What the hell?" The brunette whined, lying on his back while on his bed.
"…that's no reason to cry," Kouji-gone-human pointed out in his still blank voice. His brain that was still doggish decided something. "…I'll cheer you up." And with a nod, he did what all dogs do to cheer up their owners. Of course, humans don't do this to cheer each other up. It'll lead to awkward situations like what you're about to witness. Kouji-gone-human hopped over and began to use his tongue to lap up Takuya's tears, who needless to say was quite startled and a bit disturbed.
"Gah! BAD DOG! Stop licking my face!" Takuya squeaked, blushing madly from the other who was on top of him trying to perform his dog duty (but he was a human, so therefore his job wasn't really his) of cheering up his master. The ensuing struggle led to a great deal of shifting around on the bed, and the awkward moment continued. And got worse. "Ack! No! Stop! GET OFF!" The brunette wailed, wanting the… dog… turned human off. Now. See, his problem was this. There was lots of movement, a very attractive guy was licking him, and most teenage boys have this problem with their hormones. If one doesn't already see where this is going, you are very innocent and we shall spare you the details of what just happened. But what will happen next may very well just ruin our desperate attempt to spare you.
"…" For a moment, the dog-gone-human stopped and sniffed. And blinked at the brunette, who finally managed to push him off and sulk in his bed. "…Takuya-sama, I thought you were a boy. Why didn't you tell me you were a female in heat? I can help. It's my job to help my master and the bitches." See now, Kouji just had a hint of happiness in his voice. This kind of prideful thing. Dogs have pride you know. Even this monotone one that is putting Takuya in an even more awkward situation.
"NO! NO! Off the bed!" The brunette yipped, and well… knocked Kouji out of the bed (before he only pushed Kouji off of him). "I'm not a bitch, and never say that about me again!" Takuya ordered, face redder than his pajamas.
"…okay…" Kouji gave him a confused human look that somehow appeared slightly doggish. Doggish. Heehee. Funny word. Yeah. "…still smells like you're in heat." His face resumed it's blank slate look.
"…get out of my room." Takuya hissed.
"Whose he?" Izumi asked, tilting her head at Kouji. That Takuya had been forced to bring with him to school, in due part he had to lie to his parents that 'Kouji' was also the name of his friend. That he named his dog after. And stamped down on said 'dog's foot every time Kouji tried to correct him.
"Uh…" Takuya tried to think of a good reply. How did one explain the sexy man-beast walking next to you was actually your dog turned into a human? There was no explaining it, exactly. Thankfully, said man-beast answered for him.
"I'm his dog." Came Kouji's ever empty yet helpful words. 'Must be American…' The blonde girl thought to herself.
"Oh… kay… his friend. Gotcha." Izumi nodded.
"No, his dog. But his best friend as well." Dog's were man's best friend you know. Kouji knew this. Did you? Kouji would hope you knew this. Don't listen to cats, says Kouji. Kouji says cats are bad. Unless Takuya says cats are good. Then Kouji will say cats are good as well.
"He might be your best friend but," Izumi started, but she was interrupted. Poor Izumi!
"No, he's my bitch." Kouji, err… 'corrected' her. Well, in his mind. This wasn't really true anywhere else but there.
"Wh-wha?" Izumi tried to find something else to say, but that stuttered word was all she could come up with.
"KOUJI!" Takuya yelled, and was about to throttle his 'dog.' How many times did he tell Kouji to NOT call him that?
"Fine, he's my master." Kouji sighed, obviously not appreciating the reminder this was how it was.
"TAKUYA!" Junpei gasped, unable to comprehend his friend was… into… that…
"Wow Taku-kun, didn't know you were into bondage…" Izumi mumbled, voicing up what Junpei was JUST thinking. Are they mentally-bonded or something?
"I'm not…" Takuya whined, sulking once more. This was not his day. Was this karma? …why wouldn't karma run over his dogma? His dogma was the source of his karma, that's why.
"Takuya-sama, you're crying again. Good thing I know how to cheer you up!" Kouji seemed awfully happy about this. A bit too happy perhaps? He pounced on a very alarmed and scared Takuya, before proceeding to licking his face again.
"Ack! No! Down boy!" Takuya yelped, trying to escape the possible reaccuring awkward situation.
"…wow…" Junpei stared.
"They're just… going at it. Right in front of us." Izumi commented, nodding with dot eyes.
"NOOOOO!" Takuya wailed, flailing about like a fish. Flop flop flop…
"…cool." Izumi nodded. Everyone stared at her. Yes. Even Kouji. But only because her comment made him cease all movement, and he wanted to make sure it wasn't due to a possible threat.
The guy snickered at my question. Yeah, so what? Who cares if it was a stupid question. To further my point, I gave the guy a nice bird in reply.
"Kanbara!" Yamaki-sensei snapped.
"What? I asked curiously.
"What was the meaning of that?" He growled.
"The guy laughed at me, and I'm a firm believer of, 'do unto others as you'll have them do unto you.'" I replied curtly.
"So you want him to treat you like a prostitute?" Yamaki-sensei asked, narrowing his eyes.
"No, he wants people to treat him rudely. I know this from how he treated me, an other to him. Thus, out of the kindness in my heart I treated him rudely like he asked with his actions." I explained to my teacher.
"Go to the Deans Office. Now." He sighed. 'Me and my big mouth…' I thought miserably. Sighing, I stood up before realizing something. Kouji was going to follow me there. 'Think brain, think!' As I slowly walked out the door, lo and behold Kouji was getting up too. Loyal dog. Loyal EVIL dog. That's very sexy as a human. But that's not the point. EVIL! Before I could say, 'stop', our teacher spoke. "Kouji, what are you doing?" He asked. Kouji was about to respond, but I cut in.
"He's a transfer student." I gave a shifty look, trying to make sure there was no mind-reader nearby. "…but his info hasn't gotten here yet, so he's hanging with me today." I explained with rushed words. The teacher gave me a cross look. "…he's from America… you see his blue eyes! His parents were divorced, and his father got to keep him. And uh… he died in a wreck and Kouji came to his mother here in Japan. His Japanese sucks so uhm… yeah." Wow, my excuse sucked.
"I didn't realize you were fluent in English." Yamaki-sensei said, eyeing me with distrust.
"Sí?" I asked unsurely.
"That's Spanish." Yamaki-sensei corrected.
"Hai? I know… I'm learning that too." I lied. Again.
"Very well…" Yamaki-sensei sighed, and then I motioned Kouji (the evil dog trapped in a sexy human body) over. He got up and followed. Now I needed to update Kouji on our story, learn English ASAP, and teach him English as well as more human mannerisms. Oh, the trouble I got us in…
There were lots of things about my friend Izumi the whole world already knew about One of the things were that she was obsessed with dairy products, and the only reason she didn't suffer from high cholesterol or getting ridiculously fat was because other than dairy products all she ate were fruits and vegetables. Her life-long dream was to become a full-fledged vegetarian, without giving up her precious dairy products. Which was perfectly okay, because it wasn't like she was trying to become a vegan. Another thing a lot of people already knew about was that she really did miss eating some sort of meat, and when someone offered it to her she would shout, "Think of Totoro!" No one is entirely sure, however, why she would ever suggest people would fry up Totoro and serve him with other animals. Today at lunch, as my new 'friend' Kouji ate his yakitori ravenously, Izumi watched him with intent and curious blue eyes. Her salad soon felt alarmingly lonesome, as her hand reached out and yanked a piece off of Kouji's unsuspecting skewed chicken.
As she popped the bit into her mouth, I kicked Kouji's leg beneath the table before he could have time to snarl and have a dog hissy fit about someone nabbing his lunch. A pained yelp came out rather than an angry growl, and there I sat watching him with a satisfied smirk as Izumi squealed having some meat after about three years of none. Junpei raised a quizzical brow at Kouji's sudden outburst, and once Izumi returned to this planet she gave him a confused expression as well. Considering I was the cause of all this (unless you want to include that Kouji had to follow me to school, then we'll blame it on him), it only made sense I would explain what my two friends were confused on. "Me and Kouji were playing footsie." Came the believable, but actual white lie. We were not playing footsie, and it was doubtful that Kouji could quite understand the concept of two peoples feet playing around with each other as an act of flirting. However, explaining that Kouji was actually my pet dog that my wonderful parents got me had randomly turned into a human was out of the question. Besides, Izumi already thought I was with him, so what the hell? Pacify her for a while until HER dog turns into a human. Then we can talk.
"A rather violent game of footsie…" Junpei muttered under his breath. Laughing nervously, I roughly jabbed Kouji in the side to signal he should laugh too so it would appear normal. Instead he ended up choking on a piece of the grilled chicken that was in his mouth. Patting him on the back, it took a moment before he could breathe again. That worked out… sort of. I was so rough on the poor… dog… human… guy… you get the idea. But he was evil, so he deserved it.
"Why do you want to be a vegetarian anyway?" Junpei asked out of the blue, and then glanced over to look at the blonde. She blinked at him, and took a deep breath before deciding to tell him.
"Guys… there's something you need to know about me…" She began.
"You're a lesbian?" Junpei and I asked at the exact same time. She blinked. Another blink. Soon her face turned to a scowl, and she turned her back on us.
"Oh sure, take all the fun out of it! You could have at least humored me into thinking I hid it well!" She sulked, nose in the air and arms crossed.
"Fine…" Junpei sighed. Kouji looked a bit on the confused side, but shrugged it off and resumed eating. I'll explain it to him later…
"How about this, you try it again." I suggest. Smiling broadly, she nods quickly in feverish agreement.
"Guys… there's something you need to know about me…" Izumi began, hesitantly and her face furrowed in seriousness.
"Oh. My. Kami-sama. You're pregnant!" Junpei gasped. Blushing, she shook her head 'no'.
"It's not that… but…" She continued.
"What? You know you can tell us anything…" I said assuringly. We really should join Drama Club, we're marvelous actors being able to do all this with a straight face.
"Watashi-wa… watashi-wa rezu!" She admitted, and covered her face with her hands as if in shame. Both Junpei and I gasped in shock, and sat there quiet for a moment. Kouji did not participate in this activity. But he did just steal some of my takoyaki. Jerk.
"Well… we'll still love you as our friend." I said to her in a gentle voice, and peeled her hand away from her face. Her eyes shimmered, and then she slapped us both.
"You guys could have acted like that the first time!" Izumi huffed. Oh no. Now the insults came. "Oi! Tansho!" She accused, pointing a finger at me. What? How dare she!
"Baita!" Came my clever comeback. Oh, I'm so very original…
"Ochisuite! Both of you!" Junpei ordered, and immediately Izumi and I settled. We still glared at one another however. "Izu-chan, what does this confession have to do with your being a vegetarian?" He asked her politely. Giving me one final glare, she turned to smile at Junpei in a friendly manner.
"I want to be, a true yuri." Izumi announced.
"…you want to be a true… lily…? Beg your pardon?" I asked confused, and immediately received a whap to the head from Izumi. Kouji was ready to growl at her for the attack, but I again kicked his leg, stopping him. I wonder… if I continue to kick him like this, would it be counted as animal abuse or physical assault?
"No, a true girl love." Izumi explained. Junpei and I 'oohh'ed.
"So you want to be a true lesbian in other words?" I asked.
"…yes." She said.
"You know, a lot of dykes eat a ton of meat." Junpei offered, and then got smacked by Izumi as well.
"I'd appreciate if you don't use that term. The American idiots referred to us as 'embankments of dirt used to stop floods'. Anyway… I don't believe in butchering animals." Izumi explained.
"You mean being a butch…" I muttered, and this time it was my turn to get kicked beneath the table. Only this time it was by Izumi, who just so happened to wear her demonic steel-tipped boots today. Clutching my shin in pain, it occurred to me that I did deserve that. No, wait. Didn't that just count to straight people? No, that can't be right. Okay. I'm gay, and my friend is a lesbian, thus I should be permitted to use those terms in a friendly manner without this type of abuse. However, she does not know that. Wait. She thinks that. No, she knows that but it's because she thinks I'm with my dog, whom she thinks is an actual human male. Wait, even if she didn't know she should still be allowed to considering I'm her friend and she knows I intend her no harm. Argh. Women. Gay, straight, or bi they're still the biggest pains in my… hold it, I can't say that considering where my future intimate life may lead to. I cringe. They all think it's because Izumi kicked me, but the real reason is an entirely different and much better one.