Hey guys, here's a little, sad one-shot. Hope you guys like it! please review!
Good Enough
He clutches his brother tight. He waits, watching. Why? He does not understand why he stands here. He does not understand why mummy isn't here, why daddy is angry. All he knows is that he must be strong.
Flames roll out of the exploding windows. He doesn't understand that the house is gone. He knows a shadow took his mummy, he doesn't understand why.
Heat burns on his face, tears lie under his eyes. He won't let them fall. He won't cry. He understands that much. He understands that daddy doesn't want him to cry.
He watches as the house crumbles, he shivers in the frozen night air. He clutches Sammy closer, unsure of whom he comforts by this notion.
Daddy comes and takes Sammy from him. He wants to scream, he wants to cry. He wants to hold Sammy just to be sure Sammy is with him. Just to know he's not alone.
Instead he wipes a lone tear away, hoping no one notices the one shed tear. He swears silently that no more tears will fall. Instead he watches dad hug Sammy as though Sammy might fall through his arms if he stops.
He wishes mummy would come and comfort him. He wishes someone would hold him like that. He stays away from Sammy and daddy. He leaves a space he hopes mummy will fill.
But mummy never comes and daddy never sees the four-year old change.
"Be strong Dean." Daddy said, so Dean swears he will be. Maybe, if he's good mummy will come back. That's what daddy said. Dean swears he'll be so good, he swears he'll be the reason mummy comes back.
Every night daddy tucks him into the itchy blankets and hard bed and says mummy's never coming back.
Every night when Dean knows he's alone he cries. He cries because he knows he shed a tear that night. He knows he cried after daddy said be strong.
He cries because he wasn't good enough. He wasn't good enough to save mummy.
Daddy dresses the boys in black, he tells Dean to be strong for Sammy. He drives to the cemetery. He leaves them, Dean with Sammy in his arms so daddy can say good bye.
Dean doesn't say anything because he's afraid if he does he'll cry.
He misses his chance to say good bye because he wants to be strong for daddy.
He wants mummy to come back, so he is strong. "Maybe," he tells Sammy as they watch Daddy say goodbye. "Maybe, if I'm good enough mummy will come back for us."
Sammy sleeps on as though Dean never spoke a word and Dean pretends he never did.
Daddy holds Sammy as they walk through the other grievers. Dean wanders after daddy, he doesn't cry, he doesn't stumble, he just follows.
He becomes hollow.
He becomes a shell because he wants mummy to come back.
And in the end it becomes habit, he doesn't understand why he is hollow, why he is strong, why he obeys, why he wears a mask.
He just is.
But he does understand one thing, even if he doesn't understand why or how he knows, he understands he wasn't good enough.
He was never good enough.
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