Disclaimer: No, I don't own Harry Potter. Why would I want him for, anyhow? Malfoy is sooo much better. Which is why I have made it my ultimate goal to steal Malfoy from under Rowling's nose.
A/N: This parody follows the adventures of the two villians, Voldemort and Wormtail. It is taking the fun outlook on villains, and in reading this you ultimately swear to follow and serve our Master, the Dark Lord.
The actions are now doublebrackets: (( demonstrates))
Enjoy my insanity, and please, feel free to review!
Laugh in the face of darkness!
The Adventures of the vile Voldemort and woeful Wormtail:
Episode 2:
Another blasted attempt at conquering the world... Our vile villains are contemplating, yet again, on the best tactic for kidnapping our young hero, Master Harry Potter, and taking over our precious, yet not-so-precious, world.
Voldemort: ((Breathes in deeply)) Ah, yes! This is the life. Hiding out, plotting evil quests, and ... killing people. (smiles happily)
Wormtail: Not to mention free cookies!
Voldemort: What?
Wormtail: Oh - er... Never mind. (Hides cookies) So... Montrocious Master... what are we going to do this time? Kidnap Harry? Or, better yet, kidnap his friends! (Wormtail shudders at the mention of the word friends)
Narrator: Could it be? Is he remembering his treacherous past and finally trembling with guilt?
Wormtail: Hell no!
Narrator: Oh, wait. He's trembling with excitement. My mistake.
Voldemort: Friends? What are they? (He asks this with the utmost sincerity and innocence)
Narrator: Yup! He really doesn't know what they are. It's not his fault, though, that no one has befriended him. Personally, I blame the parents...
Wormtail: Er... DW
Voldemort: DW? Isn't that net slang for don't worry?
Wormtail: Um...
Voldemort: ((furiously angr)) I've told you, Wormtail, numerous times, you hear me? NUMEROUS TIMES! You are NOT to go on my laptop! It is for my use - and for me ONLY! No exceptions!
Wormtail: (Looks guiltily at his toes. The nails are popping out of the dirty old shoes he was wearing; he never cuts them.)
Voldemort: ((sighs)) What have you been up to this time? Chatting again, I suppose?
Wormtail: Y - yes...
Voldemort: Well...?
Wormtail: There was this really cool guy I was talking to -
Voldemort: Oh God! No! That is gross. Anything but that! I meant did you achieve anything on there.
Wormtail: Oh, yes! I'm thinking of asking him to be my boy -
Voldemort: WORMTAIL, YOU STUPID LITTLE TWITCHY FAIRY! I meant on POTTER!
Wormtail: Potter? Why would I want him for?
Voldemort: (Face turns as red as his eyes... he actually looks like a traffic light on red) I meant, have you discovered a rather insane, maddeningly thrilling, full-proof way to kidnap him?
Wormtail: Oh! Right. Yes, er, that.
Voldemort: Well...?
Wormtail: No.
Voldemort: (Bangs his head against the wall.)
Review, review, review! Or the Voldemeister will be coming for you! He enjoys torture...