Disclaimer: If I really did own Voldemort and Wormtail, then they really would be like this... and that would be a really, really bad thing. In fact, it would be so horribly horrible and viciously vile, Rowling's writing would all consist of appalling alliteration, such as it is below. This is why she is 'The Creater' and owner, and I am little old me cracking into her world and warping everything. Ah... if only her characters were real and they could read this... Voldemort really would turn green then!
Author's Note: From now on I shall be having an introduction. You can imagine a witty male narrator if you wish (despite the fact I am obviously a girl) like with Holly from Red Dwarf (British Red Dwarf - Americanised version is just wrong! Should be illegal remaking awesome shows just the sake for selling them... Also shows lack of respect for the original cast and crew!), or the narrator from the old classic, Where's Wally, or the narrator(perhaps the same man) in Dudley Do Right. Or you could imagine a 20 year old girl who sounds, acts and even looks 16, trying to be cool. Personally, I'd go with the British voice.
The Adventures of the vile Voldemort and woeful Wormtail:
Episode 3:
So here we have it kids, the darkest Dark Lord of them all (except perhaps Hitler…) and his disgusting little vermin of a sidekick, Wormtail (the name says it all folks!) are once more trying to rule the world.
Wormtail: ((comes rushing up)) His monstrousy wants you to know we are currently taking the month off. Thankyou. ((scampers away))
Narrator: Well, look at that folks! Crime does take time off! So then, it looks like for this episode we get to hang out with our vicious villains and take a deeper look into the social life of such infamous criminals, and find out exactly what villains do in their spare time.
(Wormtail and Voldemort are sitting on a comfy lounge)
Wormtail: What do villains do in their spare time?
Voldemort: ((groans)) What normal people do, you grimy git!
Wormtail: Oh! Well then, where are my barbies…? ((Pauses for contemplation while Voldemort looks lethal, slowly reaching for the stupid man's neck.)) But, I thought we weren't normal.
Voldemort: ((pauses)) We aren't -? Oh, what on earth are you on about now? ((looks rather gloomy about having to spend his holidays with the little twit – you can almost feel sorry for him, really. Almost.))
Wormtail: We aren't normal. We are infamous! ((He sprays out spit on the word 'infamous' onto Voldemort's face.)) We are the most notorious criminals in the world. You are the most wanted man… and I'm supposedly dead! (Not any more, of course… but he really is that daft. Now we really feel sorry for Voldemort.)
Voldemort: ((Face forms into understanding)) Ah! I'm onto you now! You think that since we are fabulously famous, fearfully fascinating and lusciously lethal, we deserver not to be normal and therefore not live like normal people. ((nods)) After all, we are in a cave.
Wormtail: Um, well – no. You've lost me there. I was saying all that because I sounded rad and sexy!
Voldemort: ((Turns green this time. One would almost think he tried to unleash the death spell from his face.)) You – you… Really. Bloody. Piss. Me. Off! You know that? ((gasps for air)) I need to… get… fresh air!
Wormtail: ((Is moved by his speech, though he has no idea what his luscious Lord is on about. But still, he must look after his Lord. Nurture him. Protect him… Perhaps even bathe him…))
Voldemort: ((Breaks into high pitched girly sobs)) You really annoy me. You're so daft! Just… give me some time to myself!
((Voldemort stops and looks up)) God! Look at me! You're growing on me!
((Wormtail visibly glows with warmth))
Voldemort: No, you fool! I meant it as a bad thing! Lord, you're turning me into a wreck! Look at me! Oh I've had enough of this! I'm going to see a psychiatrist, THEN book a holiday.
((Wormtail is excited again))
Voldemort: Without you!
He goes off in a huff leaving a disgruntled little Wormtail behind.
And all together now: AWW...
Please review guys. Comments much appreciated!