Why Me?

Glorfirien

Summary: "It is my belief that I have been the unfortunate victim of some kind of act of god that has taken me from my home dimension and popped me right in the middle of this insanity." A girl from our reality appears in front of the Stargate. Insanity Ensues. Humor.

Season/Spoiler: Season 9 Spoilers! Just all of 'em. I seem to be going through them as the team do so unless you see the new episode's you might learn something you don't wanna know. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Disclaimer: (Which is the wonderful work of another author. It seems to be as official as one can get so thanks to that person who helps us newbies sound all official-like) The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

And if you don't know by now that "The Lord of the Rings", "The Hobbit", "The Silmarillion", et. al. as well as all the characters and plot devices contained there in belong to J.R.R Tolkien then I fear for you.

Harry Potter Series is owned By J.K Rowling et. al.

"Good Omens" by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

I had begged my guards to take me to get something to eat instead of having it brought to my room using the fact that I might go "stark raving sane" (1) as my argument. I was tempted to say that I'd go, "Nuts. Nuts as in crazy, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a happy meal, WACKO!" (2) but not only would I be stealing Jack's line I'd also be lying since I am already insane. Yes, I have indeed been unduly influenced by Jack O'Neill. And judging by my previous statement, Teal'c can be added to that list as well.

Ugh. I'm in one of those moods. A proper mood.

See, I'm an intelligent person. A nerd. And yes, I am rather proud of that. But I also like being immature, silly and just plain weird. Sometimes though, the moods will just grip me and all of a sudden I'm not speaking slang, I lighten up on the nerdy jokes and use a more potent dose of sarcasm coupled with big words and more correct grammar.

My friends used to say that I did it because I liked to amuse myself by making them look stupid. I like to think I'm better than that (though I'm probably not) so I've hypothesized that I just get an overload of intelligence and have to use it. Sort of like being struck by a plot bunny. Speaking of which…that laptop might be getting used very soon.

Why?

Well, I'm sitting here eating a tuna sandwich and this plot just won't stop bugging me. Which is weird because it includes Stargate. I NEVER write about Stargate. Then again it is redeemed by the fact that it includes SailorMoon. In fact, my brain has just supplemented a further branching of Stargate:Atlantis. Crap. I stand up to quickly dispose of my trash.

"Can we go back?" I ask as I move to the exit.

I really I want to write this down.

I'm staring at the elevator doors pondering an original character when two things happen. First, it hits me that since I am in the Stargate universe I won't be able to post my fic no matter how good it is. Also, since I am in said universe I can ASK Daniel himself what attracts him to a woman an make the perfect OC! The second thing throws everything other thought from my mind.

The elevator doors open and I stepped in.

Now you're asking why that would have such an effect on me.

Well, it just so happens that every elevator I've previously been on did not include Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell and Dr. Daniel Jackson in LEATHER!

If anyone is watching and/or taping them while they wear those delicious leather pants then all I can say is that it does not compare to seeing the real thing.

I am the envy of thousands of fan girls.

Of course my brain finally stopping it's naughty thoughts and used actual speech.

"What cow did you kill?"

No one said my brain was particularly witty after such ordeals.

Daniel glared. Mitchell looked amused.

And the third, previously unnoticed, occupant spoke up.

"See! You look good. You got this little girl yammering on about farm animals."

Suffice to say, I was not amused.

"I wasn't aware they were letting strippers on base," I spoke with all the mocking surprise I could muster.

Vala was frowning.

Daniel looked chafed and Mitchell still looked amused.

"Well, have fun trying to get a divorce! Try not to get her preggers Daniel!" With that the elevator doors opened and I stepped out. I took particular delight in Vala's smirk, Daniel's outrage and Mitchell's amusement. I'm glad the guy can find the humor in things.

"You know," I began a one sided dialogue with my stoic guard, "It would be rather funny, and just their luck, if they had to traipse around the galaxy to get those two apart only to find that they have to wait it out. Or worse, that they're stuck."

Richardson, my guard, hid a smirk.

My stuff got to me a day late. Probably because it had to be thoroughly searched before being allowed anywhere near the SGC. I'm going to stop talking about this because I really don't want to think about my unmentionables being scrutinized by a group of hardened soldiers. Wonder what they made of the flower print?

While having fresh undies sent me into orgasmic sighs of bliss I couldn't contain my childish bouncing when I saw my CD's and DVD's.

I took a deep breath and flew to the laptop. A quick summary of my plot was quickly typed up so I wouldn't forget.

It included a trip to the moon where someone would find the ruins of the Silver Millennium and find that the goddess Selene was an Ancient who had begun the civilization on the moon. This meant, of course, that the Line of Serenity was descended of the Ancients if not totally Ancient themselves…maybe that's why they didn't like the interaction with Earth? And Princess Serenity's affair with Endymion? And the famous Silver Crystal has no power, it all stems from the wielder! Then, of course, there's the search on the other planets that lead them to find the civilizations which sprung from there with their own Ancients, Athena and Hermes, Eros and Aphrodite, Ares (or maybe I should go with Phobos and Deimos?), Zeus and many of the pantheon. But it seems a bit…unoriginal to use Greek Mythology though Stargate seems more focused on Egyptian deities. Maybe change the names? Okay, skip that part. But if they were Ancient why would Metallia have been able to destroy them? Is she a variation of an Ori? Or maybe something to do with the ascended view of non-interference? (3)

Oh. My. Glorfindel.

Sudden inspiration! Okay. A war or altercation on earth where tribes of Ancients come together to fight but eventually leave Earth because they disagree over something or other. Each tribe claims a planet and loosely form an alliance. It all goes to hell when the Ori attack. And though they beat back the Ori their civilizations are basically over. So, on each planet there's one of those stasis chamber thingies where the last Princess was left. Not only her but also her protector! Kick ass! I so rock! But then…let's see… Mercury, Venus, Moon, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto. Nine. Let's add the Sun, after all if they can put a city underneath the sea they can defend against the heat and radiation of the sun. That's ten. Asteroid Belt! A planet lost in the battle with the Ori? Okay, eleven. Add Earth and we have an even dozen. Sweet! (4)

Now, what about the Pegasus Galaxy? And the Wraith?

Squee! Okay, SGA-1 is out on some planet. They find ruins which talk about the hidden cities! Which gets relayed back to Earth and starts a big search for the cities because the ruins talk about how the civilizations defeated the Ori. (5)

I am so good.

I quickly save my plot ideas and freeze when I catch a look of the Desktop.

Internet!

Without preamble, my fingers move with a nimbleness I've never known they had and in mere moments I'm looking at the homepage of F.-F-NET. Deep breaths. I click on the TV-SHOWS link and slowly scroll down.

No Stargate SG-1 or otherwise.

Oh my.

There's a link for Wormhole X-Treme!

I abstain from following my curiosity and instead check out the BOOKS and ANIME section. Whoa, the Harry Potter category is way bigger than back home. I wonder…I open another window and access the HP Official Website that tells me that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince won't be out for another month. Is it bad that I really want to post up a lot of spoilers? Or write them all and post them up as a fic with my own twist? Bad Cindy! Bad! Maybe I'll just drop a few hints to my guards and see if any of them are HP fanatics. Nah. I hate it when other people spoil endings for me.

I quickly return and try looking up my own author page. I find both to my relief and disappointment that it doesn't exist. I smirk and quickly go to Yahoo! to create an e-mail account so that I can take back my previous screen name on few things occur to me once I've finished getting my e-mail. First, getting an e-mail might not have been allowed by my jailors. Ah, well. Better to ask forgiveness then permission. Second, many of the fanfics that I've read might not exist. On the other hand, there are a lot of fanfics that didn't exist in my reality. This could get interesting…

I quickly decide to see if I can find any Stargate authors.

Nothing.

All those who were strictly SG-1 or SGA oriented are gone. The SG crossovers are gone too and it's somewhat of a relief that I found some SG authors that I remembered who had written fics in other subject areas.

I can't help but laugh.

And not in a funny ha-ha kinda way. I close all the windows and delete my plot ideas.

Why?

Because it's just hit me again, and rather painfully as well, that I'm not who I was anymore.

I'm not a regular college student who is studying to be a teacher. While it's fun to act immaturely and try and drown out the insanity with fairy tales, with Lord of the Rings and wizards, vampire and fanfiction it won't work.

Then who are you?

Aw shit. It's the voices.

You're the same as you were a year ago.

Well, more like the voice. Sanity. Rationality. Logic.

It's the world that's changed.

What about my perception of reality?

What perception? There are more thing in heaven and earth, more things in this universe and unfathomable others than any could ever dream of. You know this. Your perception of reality is like an ant's of the world. You see a part of the universe and can live and survive in it but when it comes to true understanding…

Then what the hell am I supposed to do?

Keep faith. Keep humor. Be who you are. What else can anyone ever do? What will it achieve to have you become melodramatic? Enjoy the things you have. Mourn for what you've lost and move on. In the end, you'll either reclaim what you've lost or gain something to replace it. It's life.

And what am I supposed to do? Stay down here for the rest of my live watching movies and reading about the outside world? Die in a foothold situation? Lose whatever chance of life I could still have?

What you're supposed to do is have faith in Him. He would not test you unless he knew you could overcome the obstacles. Get over yourself and put yourself in his hands.

And what am I supposed to think about the Ascended and the Ori?

His tapestry spreads across time and space.

So now they're part of the big cosmic struggle between good and evil…Oh. The Ori really need to take a page out of Lucifer's book. Then again, he's gonna lose too. Oh god, I would say that I can't believe you except I can. This is one big test. That's just too funny for words.

Gotta love his sense of humor.

It's weird to talk to myself.

No it's not. It's weird that you don't find it weird that you're talking to yourself.

Well, yeah.

…

So I'm part of some greater plan?

Isn't everyone?

Oh please. You're telling me that God chose me over billions of other people?

Yes.

One question.

If you must.

I must.

…

Why Me?

…

Seriously. Tell me. I keep asking but no one answers.

You're just not listening.

Screw that! You're starting to sound like Daniel with his "If you know that there's fire then you were warm."

I think you skewed that.

Whatever.

…

You don't know!

What?

I can't believe it! You don't know!

!cough! Well He is the One. Alpha and Omega. Et al. I can't exactly know his plan. It's ineffable.

All right Aziraphale. (6)

Shut up, Crowley. (7)

Ineffable my ass. You just don't know. That's a first.

The real question is actually why I got stuck as your sanity. Honestly, Why ME?

With His sense of humor? No one will ever know.

Get back to amusing yourself with anime and driving the males of SG-1 mad.

I am so twisted. Taylor would probably institutionalize me if she knew I had in-depth conversations with myself.

Speaking of which I really need to schedule that appointment.

With the psychiatrist or psychologist whatever she is that could potentially point me out as a loony and have me institutionalized in another reality/dimension.

I hate to sound whiny especially after my pity fest with…well with me but I would really like someone to answer my question. You've heard it often enough but no one ever answers.

Someone up there is pulling the strings and I'd like to know why. Why? Out of everyone in anyplace, anywhere and anytime WHY ME!

Okay, so I didn't make my Sunday deadline but I'm only late by about an hour so…be kind.

I know it's a short chapter than the previous ones but I think I may be coming down with Writer's Block. I might have to get some treatment. But you know these things are tricky.

The Voice is totally hers because I sure as heck don't have anything like it. If you guys like Sanity. Rationality. Logic. I have to say that I do too and I'm hoping for some future interaction between them. The Voice really wants some recognition. She says that she might have to take up the role of my sanity as well because I lost mine a while ago. I didn't lose it. I just don't know where it is.

The mention of God, if you don't believe it don't get bent out of shape because I do.

(1) "Stark raving sane" I got the line from watching Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.

(2) Jack's line during the time loop thing. Rather amusing.

(3)/(4)/(5): This plot actually did smack me in the head. Don't worry if you don't understand it. You were, once again, subjected to being a witness to the insanities of my mind. If there are any SailorMoon fans out there…you'll have a better chance of getting it. Fourth Horsemen Spoiler! I was so freaked when I heard that the Ori were actually taking energy from their followers because I had thought up this plot and how the SailorMoon universe fit before that. For those of you who don't know, in the first Season a dark entity known as Metallia gave power to Beryl so that she would send out her minions to collect energy. I felt a bit clairvoyant because that's exactly what the Ori do. So I can actually do an SG/SM/SGA cross! Just not now b/c I have no time.

(6)/(7): Aziraphale and Crowley are two characters from Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's "Good Omens". Aziraphale is an Angel and Crowley is a demon (the serpent who tempted Eve as a matter of fact). They become friends of a sort and have an Agreement and everything. They've gone native and when Armageddon is upon them via the Antichrist who is about 10 they decide to do all they can to stop it. It's a good book. Read it!

I love all you guys. Your reviews just make my day.

Special thanks to WiccanPrincess/SpideysGirl246 who IM'ed me this morning, complimented my fic, informed me that my fic was corrupting her younger sister and played an interesting game of Questions with me.

Night-Owl123: Thanks for reviewing! I enjoyed the last part too. It's rather fun to unsettle people don't you think? I hope you enjoy this chapter. (Especially the leather.) Review Again Please!

Eris86: I see your point. I don't pity her that much either. Col. Mitchell is a dish. Though there is the rumor of the Mitchell/Lam thing happening. It's sad but I see it. Though I don't want to because I have such a crush on him through my OC self. As for Jack? I don't know about future appearances but if the opportunity comes up then there will be definite O'Neillage! Thanks for taking the time to drop a line!

Lucas43: Hope I didn't keep you waiting long. Weird? Thanks for the compliment. Funny? Wow you really are a flatterer! Mini-Jack? Comparison to an actual character? I'm touched! Thank you for your kind words. Please don't make it the last time. Hope you like the chapter.

AncientGate99: Oh I love you no matter what name you use. Love as in a totally non-romantic and non-sexual way! I'm glad you're not a figment of my overactive imagination because then I would fear for you and pity you. It's scary in there. There's nothing wrong with a McKay ego! Except, of course, that only he can pull it off. I can't. Eating power bars? I think your imagination is a scary place too Jordan-chan! Either way, no McKay ego for Glor-chan! I always enjoy your adulation! Remember, a friend is a treasure without compare.

Queen of the Elven City: You think I should put a warning label on the chapter? Maybe, "Warning: The following paragraphs may cause hot chocolate spewage due to it's humorous content." What do you think? Or "Caution: O'Neill/Cardenas hijinks ahead." I think you should turn the tables on your brother and start making him into an object of study. Thanks for telling me your favorite line/part It's always nice to know which ingredient of insanity caused the most amusement for my audience. Thank you lots for your continuous reviews. Though on second thought your brother might be right…strawberry ice-cream lovers are an abnormality that must be studied!

Viresse12: Why wouldn't my replies be humorous? I am an amusing person after all. What's with the quotes? Are you mocking my screen name? I know you're not a Stargate fan (though I think that avoiding it just because the name reminds you of Star Trek, which you hate, is silly) but the guys on the show are older hotties. They retain their hunk factor in my fic. Heck, it's amplified. What? Aragorn? No one is hotter then Aragorn! Except Glorfindel. And the twins. And all the elfies…okay never mind.

Tarrenys: Hey, I can't complain. I'm a total review addict. Whether you're signed in or not I still love you my reviewer! Oookay…got a bit carried away. I'm happy to have given you a laugh. Whywere you stuck with grumpy kids? Sounds like torture. Or unnatural punishment. Here's hoping that I can get some more laughs from you in the future.

Chapter 5 is still in my head. You might have a bit of a wait. But good things come to those who wait!

Glorfirien