Detention with Dolores
Harry sat down in Umbridge's office which plates with pictures of kittens on the wall, and was given lines to write.
"I will respect Authority" said Umbridge, pushing a quill and a roll of parchment over.
"How many Times, Professor?"asked Harry.
"Till the message sinks in" said Umbridge with a slimy smile.
Harry started writing. His hand itched.
Not much later, Harry saw the back of his hand open up, with a cut , spelling out what Harry had just written.
Harry stopped and raised his other hand.
"Yes Mister Potter" said Umbridge cheerily.
"Is this curable" asked Harry.
"Oh no, I think it really needs to sink in and stay with you" said Umbridge "Back to it."
Harry laughed "Dark magic" he said "Is defined by Rosier as magics that cannot be reversed. For example, un-healable curse scars."
Umbridge was distracted, busy grinning and Harry stunned her.
A quick body-bind and a silencing spell on the door later, and he woke up Umbridge ,who yelled.
"Release me at once you halfblood scum" she shouted.
"You're not a death eater?" asked Harry.
Umbridge looked incredulous. "I work for the minster of Magic, you vile little worm. You're going to Azkaban for attacking a teacher!"
Harry thought for a bit, tounge-locking Umbridge to shut her up.
"Are you really not teaching any spells this year?" asked Harry, and undid the tounge-lock.
Umbridge swore and blustered. Harry applied the organ twisting curse till Umbridge fainted from pain, then rennervated her. After four repetitions, she talked.
Apparently the Minister feared Hogwarts students being used by Dumbledore to swing power in the new power-vacuum of so many dead 'prominent citizens', so he wanted them all useless.
Harry obliviated her, told her that Harry Potter had done hours of detention, crying the whole time for his mummy "Please mummy save me." and then left for his dorms.
Harry duplicated the lines he'd written a lot, and left while the toad-faced witch was still staring glassily.
Then, annoyingly, he had to find a vacant classroom to go make a talking parchment to Obliviate himself with. He understood the theory of it, but doing it came so easily to him. It was like he'd done it before. Which, Harry knew he hadn't.
A tired Harry Potter made his way back to the common room and dorms just before curfew.
"You were in there ages" observed Zabini "Got snogging?"
Harry held out his hand for Zabini to see. "Painful" said Harry, and went to wash his hand.
"Episky for cuts, Potter" said Zabini loudly.
Harry came back to his bed with a conjured bandage on "Only if it's not dark magic" said Harry. "Read Rosiers 'Comparative dark magic.'"
"You've read Rosier?" asked Nott unexpectedly.
Harry shrugged "Didn't know much, did I," he said, and lay down "Course Prugel's better." he added "But learning German just for one book would be painful."
"Bitte" said Nott.
Harry was nearly asleep when Nott said "The new teacher's useless, isn't she?"
"Won't last long" said Harry tiredly. "They never last two years."
"But OWLS!" said Nott hysterically.
"Zabini, is he going to be nervous all year? I promise not scare him, if he'll just shut up" asked Harry tiredly.
"He wants good OWLs" said Zabini "Theo, calm down. We'll work out something to do about practice."
"Irritate Greengrass and shield" suggested Harry.
Crabbe burst out laughing.
The next night, Harry knocked on Snape's office door.
Snapes' door opened, and Sn ape was sitting at a desk, writing on piles of parchment.
"Come in Potter, and remember to inhale and exhale" said Snape. Snape's office had glass jars of potions ingredients and creepy organs and in some cases, entire small animals preserved in mostly yellow liquid, though some was greenish instead.
Snape waved his wand and the door behind Harry closed.
"As you seem the have the self-preservation skills of a drunken flooberworm" said Snape "You can clean cauldrons, by hand till curfew. You will find that door," and a door opened into a storeroom with a gothic creak "Has both dirty cauldrons, a sink and brushes."
Harry sighed.
"Potter, look at me!" said Snape, and Harry sort-of did. He had a sudden headache like he'd eaten too many sweets or something, and ithcing in his eyeballs. The thought of torturing Umbridge blossomed into his mind, like a corpse flower. The sound of her screams last night echoed in his memory.
"Potter, you are a revolting example of the worst kind of human being." said Snape sharply, and the headache eased. "Alas, Professor Dumbledore has some ridiculous notion that you can redeem yourself. Personally, I dislike Dolores myself. If I find evidence of you doing that, especially to female students, I will take great pains… to ensure you experience great pains." Have I made myself clear?"
Harry finally joined the flobberworms to the porcupine spines, and realised that Snape had just read his mind. Bugger. This was all Harry's fault for not torturing Snape enough, he realised.
"yes sir" said Harry.
Snape said nothing for while "Well, get on with it, the caldrons won't clean themselves!"
Harry scrubbed congealed potions residues from cauldrons till Curfew.
Snape, who'd been marking at his desk pointed to the door "Try not to get imprisoned before you can somehow redeem yourself Potter" he said.
Harry went to bed puzzled. AS he lay in bed, waiting for sleep, he wondered if Snape needed some memory adjustment. Or if Harry was even capable of taking Snape out. Probably not.
During the first Hogsmeade weekend, Harry stocked up hugely. Crabbe and Goyle were morons, but like Dudley, they liked to eat.
Harry looked at Zhonkos joke shop, apart from itching powder, he'd never been interested… but the talking inkwell had the witches, apart from Pansy in stitches. And their smiles had been… well he hadn't seen a lot of smiling people. Perhaps a few actually harmless things. And some frogspawn soap for Blaise. Transfiguring it to look like Blasie's soap would be challenging… and Harry was walking in and buying the soap, and… some coloured glitter. An idea for a disguise was fizzing in his brain. A little coloured glitter, tossed over himself, and he'd look like he'd just been pranked… which would be fantastic misdirection if he wanted to quickly cover up for having been caught. Obviously, the only way into the restricted section of the library was under the cloak, at night. Anything less would be too dangerous.