Chapter 4

Alex had done a good job. Four new horses had arrived and were waiting for her to train them. She remembered that time they were having a fight and tried to find new horses separated. They hadn't found anyone. She heard Alex' car coming while she was wondering how he got four new horses while she never got just one horse on her own.

'Alex, I need you to explain something to me.'

He smiled. 'I will. But you should pay me first.'
She sighted but in her heart his way of paying didn't bother her at all. She gave the ring on her finger a loving look before she put her arms around him to "pay" him the way he wanted her to. She couldn't remember she had felt this way before. Nothing seemed to be able to scare her anymore since she made this decision about her future, about what she was going to do with the rest of her life. It all seemed so clear, so simple. She realised that was the way to feel. Like always, it took a while before they were both willing to let each other go. This time that moment came when they heard the very annoying and unwelcome sound off Alex' phone. She let him go to answer the call but he wouldn't.
'We're busy now,' he said naughty. 'And you wanted me to explain something. I think that's important enough.'
She decided to forget about the horses and ask him something that was more important to her right now.
'So when did you think we're going to plan our big day?'
'Whenever you want.'

'Soon.'
He laughed. 'You're hasty.'
'Yeah, I don't want anything unexpected to happen in the spare time.' She put an accent on the word "unexpected" to make him understand where she was talking about.

'Well then… will we say, in two weeks?'
'Yeah, sounds good.'
'Well then let's not lose any time anymore,' he said as he pushed her to his car.

'What, now?'
'I guess we need a preacher, and a dress, and a…'
'You're not gonna see my dress before the wedding!'
'No, of course not, but I'll do some other stuff when you're picking one.'
She decided not to ask him what he meant with "other stuff". "Other stuff" out of his mouth most times meant some kind of smashing surprise for her. She loved him talking about "other stuff".

'Well then let's go,' she answered him.

They were sitting in the car for only five minutes when the phone rang again. It was Nick, asking why Alex wasn't at Drover's anymore. Alex told him he had better things to do then hanging around waiting for his brother to give him some stupid job to do. And he hang up.

Tess was sitting on a fence holding Charlotte in her arms. It was her time to sleep but she wouldn't stop crying. She had missed her mother for too long. Tess felt herself shivering when she thought about what had almost happened to her sister, and what with her sister almost happened to Drover's Run. She didn't know what she'd have done if Claire would have died. She didn't know if she'd have had the guts to go on on her own. The same time she knew she would. She'd have done it for Claire. For her memories, although they were not many. She recalled a day of her life she'd prefer to forget, but what had become very important to her the past weeks.

'I married you, not this farm!' A voice, so close to her, tough seeming to come from a far reached her ears. Their meaning reached her brains and Tess looked at her own hot tears falling on the face of her favourite doll.

'If you go, you don't come back!' Her father's voice. She couldn't remember a day of her short life she had seen and heard him so angry. She heard steps behind her and shivered.
'Come on, Tess, hurry!' Claire. Her brown hairs were flowing behind her as she ran out of the house, and took Tess' hand to make her sister come with her.

Their parents didn't even notice them being gone.

Tess shook her head to stop the memory coming back. She didn't want to go trough that moment again. It was a child's stupid, but innocent idea her mother wouldn't leave Drover's if she couldn't find Annabel. She stopped fighting her memories. It was something that would always come with her, wherever she'd go.

Tess cried as she kissed Annabel goodbye. She put her in the bucket and handed the cord to her big sister. Claire, she had always looked up to. Claire, who used to comfort her when she was crying. Claire, she used to play and have fun with. Claire, she would lose if she didn't give up her dearest toy.

'Bye Annabel,' was their last greeting to the doll. Claire started make the bucket move to the ground when they suddenly heard their father shouting at them.

'Hey! Do you want yourself dead? Get out of there!'

Claire screamed as she dropped the bucket in the well. They both listened to the bang of the bucket and Annabel hitting the ground far away, under their feet.

This moment had passed her mind so often Tess was getting pretty tired of the sadness that came over her when it passed again. She remembered some words of Meg. "Claire… she used to wait for you at the gate until we dragged her inside."

Tears were crossing her face when Tess looked trough the window at her sister running after the car but not being fast enough. Tears of regret for throwing Annabel into the well. Tears of regret for not running away.

'Tess! Don't go!'

'Claire!' she cried as she looked at her sister becoming smaller and smaller, until the car turned around a corner and made it impossible to her to see her sister. She was forced to leave. She left. And she didn't return for years.

She knew this memory would always follow her. It was the reason for her heart tear itself into pieces when she thought she was losing her sister again. But forever now.

She felt the sadness of the moment again, the tears she couldn't stop, and she felt she had began to fear the next day now she knew how close was life to death.
'Hey Tess. Need a hand?'
It was Nick. Some unknown reason made him show up always when she needed a shoulder to cry on, although they were having fights about almost everything. A part of her didn't want anything more than to be with him. Another part told her that would be wrong, because she had just broken up with Dave and saw it as a commitment to wait until he came back. But, said the other part, he's been gone for almost six months now. Did she really expect him to come back?

'Tess, what are you crying about?'

She felt his hand on her shoulder and it made her cry even more then she already did. She couldn't help it. She couldn't stop it. She could just… cry out the shock and the fear and the tension and all her feelings of sadness when she thought about the past she had lived without her sister, or when she thought about almost losing her again. When she thought about her breaking up with Dave. When she thought about everything. It had become too much for her. She felt his hand rubbing her back. He said nothing. That was enough for her. She heard Charlotte crying in her arms, while she placed her head on his shoulder and cried, like she would never stop again.

Claire usually hated shopping. She hated smiling saleswomen telling her how gorgeous she was looking in some terrible dungarees in which she felt like a kangaroo, like the time Tess dragged her into a shop for pregnant women to buy her some clothes that fit. But today shopping was one of her favourite things to do, because today she was looking for something special, in which she really did look gorgeous. But finding the perfect dress didn't turn out to be easy.

'Oh, it looks wonderful on you! Like a… princess!'

Claire looked at her reflection in the mirror and sighted.

'Well, I don't think a wedding dress is meant to make you feel like a cream cake, does it?' she said while she helped herself out of the dress and in her regular clothes again.

'I think we should try something else,' said the poor girl while she took the sixth dress out of the wedding dress-mountain at her feet. This day wasn't like she expected, but Claire decided not to let anything upset her today.

'Well, I'll try,' she said while she gave the saleswoman one of her kindest smiles. The girl helped her into the dress and pushed her to the mirror. Claire looked in it, not expecting anything of it and held her breath when she looked at her reflection.

Tess was sitting in her room thinking of the passed day when the phone rang.

'Drover's Run, Tess speaking.'

She felt she was getting cold when she remembered the voice on the other side.

She felt the phone slipping out of her hands, hitting the ground and looked at the pieces of plastic dispersing everywhere.

'Hello? Hello? Tess, are you there?'

She took a photo frame off her desk and in her fear and anger she slammed it on the phone. Listening to the voices in her mind she trampled on it. Again… again… and again…