Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED. Any similarities that this fic might have to anything are purely coincidental.
SEED WEEKLY
Volume 1 Issue 2
Message from the Editor
I sincerely apologize for the delay of this issue. We were having a LOT of trouble contacting our sources for information and we are currently experiencing some technical difficulties. We are presently running short on manpower since several of our staff members were KIA during the skirmish between the Vesalius and the Archangel. Please read the latter portion of this week's issue dedicated to our Gossip columnist who was one of the casualties.
Our Fanfiction Review Section is still not available as not one of our dear readers has expressed their willingness to let their fics be criticized – er – rated by our very own Orga Sabnak.
Lastly, we are still open for contributors. Please don't hesitate to contact me via your reviews. Thank you and we hope you enjoy this week's edition of SEED Weekly!
NEWS
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VICE-MINISTER ALLSTER, KIA
Vice Minister George Allster was killed in action several days ago. He was with the Advance Fleet who was supposed to rendezvous with the Archangel. The Advance Fleet was completely destroyed by the Le Creuset Team.
Vice-Minister Allster was best known for his principles regarding Coordinators. He is survived by his only daughter, Flay Allster.
Once again, the survivors of Artemis have this to say, "See, we told you to stay away from that ship!"
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LACUS CLYNE RETURNS
Famous pop idol, Lacus Clyne, who was reported missing last week, was finally found by none other than her fiancé, Athrun Zala.
"The crew of the Silverwind and I just experienced an engine malfunction. They shoved me into an escape pod. A GINN, that was supposed to rescue me, was shot down by an amateur and stupid pilot from the EA, thinking that I was from their side.
"The Archangel crew was very accommodating. But when things got, er, ugly – when the Le Creuset Team was destroying the Advance Fleet, I mean – someone, a red-haired girl threatened to kill me if they don't leave her daddy's ship alone. But as you can see, there was no harm done. The Archangel returned me safe and sound to Athrun," Miss Clyne narrates.
Athrun Zala, however, was unavailable for comment as he was unable to accompany Miss Clyne home. His father, ZAFT main man Patrick Zala, has released this statement on his behalf, "Athrun regrets that he can't be with Lacus. But he must prioritize to end the war quickly."
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8th FLEET COMPLETELY WIPED OUT
The Earth Alliance's 8th fleet was completely annihilated by the Le Creuset Team prior to its meeting with the cursed warship, the Archangel.
The Archangel is best known as the black sheep, I mean black ship - excuse me, pardon the pun – of the Earth Alliance. It has caused a lot of catastrophes prior to its launch.
"How many times have we told our colleagues to stay clear of that accursed ship? But do the listen to us? No! Blood bastards!" a military officer from the Eurasian Federation disclosed.
This publication wonders how the officers of that ship can live with such a heavy burden on their conscience. This publication also hopes that the news articles published about the Archangel serve as a warning to all those who are willing to cast their lots to those jinxes.
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CIVILIAN SHUTTLE EXPLODES
A civilian shuttle, full of Heliopolis survivors, was shot down by a ZAFT Mobile Suit prior to the obliteration of the Earth Alliance's 8th fleet. The number of casualties is currently unknown.
The shuttle was about to commence Phase 2 of atmospheric re-entry when it was locked on by the MS. The Orb Union, sponsor nation of Heliopolis, has released this statement: "The whole nation of Orb is grieving for the lives lost in this war. We do not know yet how this civilian shuttle got into the hands of the EA. If the EA thinks that thru this some spark of nationalism will burst out from us, they are clearly mistaken. We do not wish to be involved in the war."
Our sources further state that the Archangel was in the area when the shuttle exploded.
ADVERTISEMENTS
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Looking for a place to have a nice cup of coffee? Pft. Forget about Starbucks. Here at Andy's Coffee Paradise, you'll have the chance to try out our extensive range of premium coffee and get to meet the Desert Tiger himself! Visit us at the white mansion just beside the Lesseps. Everyone's invited! Even the Desert Dawn! Except for that stinking masked man, Rau Le Creuset!
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WANTED: Person/s to 'take care' of a 'bloody floating jinx' in the EA. We accept all offers/applicants, whether they hail from ZAFT or from Earth, we don't care, so long as the take care of the job.
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Computer Programmers needed in Orb. Excellent benefits; seven-figure salary. Experience in mecha-building or robotics a must. Apply at an Orb Embassy near you.
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Need cunning minion. Loyalty a must. Applicants with annoying mask and sneer need not apply. Contact Patrick Zala, December One.
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Visit Macy's Mask Emporium. We have masks in all shapes and sizes for all your evil needs.
FEATURE
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HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE
By Murrue Ramius
Okay...What gives? I ask for a raise and my superiors blow up on me. And what's this rubbish about the Archangel being cursed? You see what I have to put up with?
The past week has been a nightmare for me. Everything we meet explodes, my subordinates are insubordinate as always, I think the commander is hitting on me, to top it all of, we landed thousands of miles from our target! One of these days…I'm telling you…
So, for this week's lesson, I give you: ESCAPE.
E – nemy and Friendly
S – hips
C – over
A – nd
P – ermit you to
E – scape
Those fools from the Menelaos thought we were saving our butts when we broke off from the formation. Well, damn right they are! They're exploding one by one, what do they expect us to do? Sit there and wait for hell to come? It's every ship for himself! Anyway, I suspected they weren't going to approve my request for a raise and transfer. That's what you get when you mess around with Murrue Ramius!
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ASK FLAY
(This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster)
Dear Flay,
It's Aegis again. I think my fiancée's cheating on me. Actually, I don't really like her that way. It's just that our fathers arranged this marriage to, I don't know, strengthen political ties or something. Anyway, I think she has a thing for my ex-best friend (you know, the one I asked you about. He still hasn't joined us, BTW). That kind of bugs me, you know? You don't see the guy for 5 freakin' years and then next thing you know, he's killing your friends one by one and trying to steal your girl. It sort of steps on my ego or something. What do you think I should do?
Aegis
Dear Aegis,
Well, if I were you, I'd kill that guy in a heartbeat. Even if he was (notice it's in past tense) your best friend. I mean, that's all in the past. If you want to stop looking like a loser here, you have to get rid of him. And what's up with your fiancée? Granted, your marriage was a political one, but still, she should at least show some decency. She shouldn't flaunt it. What I mean is, if she was cheating on you, she shouldn't let you or anybody else know about it. It's kind of like a secret to the grave. Well, that's my advice. Kill the guy (unless of course you've killed him already. Well, that's good. It's like killing two birds with one stone). Period.
Love,
Flay
PS. Keep me posted and inform me immediately if and when you kill your backstabbing ex-best friend.
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Dear Flay,
How are you? I hope you're fine. I really like your column a lot. I think that you have helped a lot of people through this! I'm writing to you because of a problem that I encountered several days ago. You see, I was saved by a very fine young man. Let's call him, Birdie. He was very nice to me and I think that I am falling for him. The problem is, I'm already engaged. And to his ex-best friend at that! Let's name my fiancé, Haro. Well, Birdie and Haro were very best friends when they were young. I don't really love Haro; our engagement was sort of arranged. But I do respect him and well, let's just say that it's not so bad to be married to him. Haro dropped by our house several days ago and I let slip that I like Birdie. He looked shocked and I'm afraid it might cause a dispute between them. Plus, I don't want my father to be disappointed in me. It would be a huge controversy if our wedding was cancelled because of my supposed 'infidelity'. I mean, Birdie and I didn't really do anything. I just undressed in front of him and showed him my panties (tee hee!).
Yours truly,
Pink Pop Idol
Dear Pink Pop Idol,
You know, I think I know how you feel. You would have to choose someone between them. But before you make that life-changing decision, weigh your options very carefully. Why the hell would you care what other people think? If your dad disapproves of your choices, get him out of the picture. It would also be helpful if you cause a bigger problem, like say, rebel or something. Do something that would make people forget about your current situation, i.e. being engaged to someone you sort of don't like.
Love,
Flay
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MESSAGE BOARD
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To my – ugh – Secret Admirer
I don't know who you are and I don't intend to know you. So, would you please stop whatever you're doing? It's bugging me. If ever we meet face-to-face, I'll bust your face in.
From Duel .
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Athrun,
We're still friends! But I don't want to join your team. Your teammates are pests. Besides, they've got girls here in the Archangel. Does your ship have girls? I don't think so. Plus, our captain's much more, uh, normal looking and not to mention, she's female! With big boobs! Does your captain have big, bouncy boobs?
Kira .
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Dear Daddy,
You told me that I haven't seen much of the world. So…get this. I joined a resistance group! I miss you too, Daddy. But unless you cancel my engagement to that arrogant jerk Yuna, I'm never coming back! And oh yeah! I'm still mad at you for not telling me about those MS in Heliopolis! You should have given me one…
Your Darling Daughter,
Cagalli
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Orga, Baby…
How's training, honey? Ours is terrible. We still haven't got the hang of those damn machines. Hope you're doing fine there. I love you! Mwah! BTW, good luck to your new column! And that piece about Heliopolis exploding was simply F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!
Love,
Asagi
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Anybody out there!
Military life is boring! If I had known that I would be spending the rest of my life in a ship chasing another ship, with guys as my only companions, I'd have chosen to be a priest instead. SO! Any GIRL in space out there! Visit me in the Vesalius and make my life worthwhile. One of these days, I promise, I'll defect and go over the Archangel. Heard they have girls there…
Buster
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Hey, Pretty Ladies!
Me and the Archangel boys are looking for some fun! This ship is severely lacking in the female department (well, there are girls but almost all of them are taken!)! We'll be arriving in Earth soon and we're planning a huge and major bachelor party on the ship! All you Hot Mommas out there are invited!
– Arnie Newman et al.
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To the Archangel
You just wait! When we catch up with you, your days are numbered! Thank your lucky stars you got away!
From the Vesalius
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REMEMBERING HALBERTON
Our Gossip Columnist, who was none other than Admiral Halberton of the 8th fleet, was killed in action during the orbital war. He known as a very resourceful and amiable man. His superiors informed us that his death was by no means personal but we would like to think otherwise. He was close to different people because of his good-natured personality, but being a gossip columnist earned him many enemies. Far more enemies than Patrick Zala and Murata Azrael have.
He left us his journal which will be published as soon as we have it edited. It contains his memoirs and several unpublished and shocking revelations.
We would also like to take the opportunity to inform the public that we are currently open for the position of gossip columnist.
Let us pray for his soul and those of others who have perished due to the carelessness of some warships.
SEED Weekly Staff
Editor-in-chief:Lazy-authoress
News Editor:Ledonir Kisaka
Feature Editor:Erika Simmons
Writers:Orga Sabnak
Shani Andras
Crot Buer
Asagi Caldwell
Juri Wu Nien
Mayura Labatt
Contributors:Murrue Ramius
Flay Allster
Aisha Waltfeld