SEED Monthly Chapter 5: Volume 1 Issue 5, a gundam seed fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED. Any similarities that this fic might have to anything are purely coincidental.

SEED MONTHLY

Volume 1 Issue 5

Message from the Editor

Hello, dear readers! Is it me or has this become a routine? Apologizing, that is… Hehe. I'm terribly sorry for not being able to update on time. Really, I am. It's just that I just have to make sure that we deliver precise and accurate news! We wouldn't want to disappoint you… And thank you to all those readers who dropped in a review! Thank you very much for your continued support!

Anyway, what's in this issue? First, the whole staff of SEED Monthly offers our condolences to the friends and loved ones of Nicol Amarfi. He was a great person. May his soul rest in piece, I mean, peace. Oopsie. Sorry. Ahem! Moving on… It seems that Miss Murrue Ramius has found some back-up! I pity those poor guys… Sooner or later, their curse is gonna rub off on you, I'm telling you. Miss Allster has answered her first ever letter from a reviewer! But it seems as if she's been moody lately… Well, she better watch out before something bad happens to her! (evil grin)

Mr. Sabnak has also been quite moody lately. Aw, poor guy. I hope he returns to normal soon, as I'm quite fond of him. Although, Mr. Andras and Mr. Buer have been bugging me for a music review and a games review column, respectively. Sorry guys, but our funds say 'na-da'.

And we're still looking for someone who could replace Miss Aisha Waltfeld. For some reason, Mr. Da Costa has turned down our offer…

Well, as always, mail your comments and suggestions at mumyounanashi (at) yahoo (dot) com (dot) ph or go click 'Submit a Review'! For subscriptions, click 'Add to Stories Alert.'

Thanks and have fun reading this edition of SEED Monthly!

NEWS

ARCHANGEL FOUND NEAR ORB TERRITORY

by Juri Wu Nien

Radars from ordinary fishing vessels and from state-of-the-art military facilities alike had spotted the Earth Alliance ship, the Archangel, near Orb territorial waters.

Having just escaped the grasp of the Morassim Team, the Archangel had been cruising the ocean, attempting to find their way back to Alaska. They were currently being pursued by the newly-formed Zala Team under the leadership of Athrun Zala. A skirmish had occurred near Orb territory and rumor has it that the Archangel is currently being hidden by the Orb government.

Orb citizens had become wary upon hearing the situation, fearing that they may end up with the same fate as Heliopolis. An enraged citizen, Professor Kato (who by the way is still looking for his student Kira Yamato), commented on this yesterday, "That ship is a goddamn, bloody jinx!"

This publication has this to say: So, what else is new?

ZALA TEAM DEMANDS ORB TO HAND OVER THE ARCHANGEL

by Shani Andras

The newly formed Zala Team, pursuers of the Earth Alliance warship, the Archangel, sent word to the Chief Representative of Orb, Uzumi Nala Athha, to hand over the said warship.

After the battle that had occurred near Orb territorial waters, the Archangel was supposedly assisted by the Orb Naval Fleet and was even escorted inside its facilities. Athrun Zala, leader of the said team, had already contacted the nearby Carpentaria Base to report on the issue.

However, Representative Athha denies Zala's allegations and the Emirs have released this statement.

"Oh, so ZAFT is being led by a bunch of teenagers now? Hmmm… we should speak in teenager talk for them to understand us. Yo, Zala Team! We're, like, sorry, man, but the Archangel ain't here no more. We already kicked its humongous ass out of our crib, man!"

We tried to get Mr. Zala's side but, unfortunately, he was not available for comment.

ZALA, NEW CHAIRMAN OF THE PLANTs

by Crot Buer

Following the elections in the PLANTs held at Aprillius One, Coordinators chose Patrick Zala as the new Chairman of the PLANTs.

Chairman Zala, one of the pioneers of ZAFT and known for his aggressive military tactics, won a landslide victory against his opponent and friend, Siegel Clyne. Political analysts say that it was due to Zala's willingness to fight fire with fire against the Earth Forces compared to Clyne's more peaceful means, while others say that Zala won because of his 'pretty-boy soldier of a son.'

One of our sources, who wishes to remain anonymous, had been angered about the whole situation. "Damn that Athrun! First, he graduates top of the class, then he gets to be the leader of our stinkin' team, and now this! When will his accomplishments end!"

We, here from SEED Monthly, congratulate Chairman Zala and hope that his term would put an end to this war.

FAMED PIANIST KIA

by Orga Sabnak

After clashing with the cursed ship of the Earth Alliance, the Archangel, Nicol Amarfi, famous pianist from the PLANTs renowned for his skills, has been reported killed in action.

The Zala Team was reported to have clashed with the Archangel yet again, after last week's affair (see above articles). The battle had turned even bloodier which resulted to the death of the famed pianist. Sources close to the Zala Team had revealed that the remaining three members were devastated.

Nicol Amarfi was the son of Supreme Council Member Yuri Amarfi. Mr. Amarfi (the dead one) had just performed in a concert before leaving for Earth. It was his first Earth descent.

It was said that the GAT-X105 Strike, from the Archangel, was the one who killed Mr. Amarfi. The said pilot (identity still unknown) was unavailable for comment. Witnesses say that he sliced the cockpit in half. (Ed. -wince- that's gotta hurt!)

Mr. Yzak Joule, member of the Zala Team, has this to say, "Gundamnit! I still say we're the Le Creuset Team! Argh! Anyway, Nicol wouldn't have f(bleep)g died if he hadn't saved that a(bleep)e, Athrun's ass! The f(bleep)g pilot of Strike better pack his belongings tonight! Because I've got a one way ticket to hell for that son of a b(bleep)h!"

FANS OF NICOL AMARFI DEMAND REFUND

by Mayura Labatt

Upon learning of the unfortunate passing of the famous pianist, Nicol Amarfi, his fans had been initially devastated. Afterwards, word finally came out that the concert will be cancelled.

Tickets had been sold months prior to the event and the untimely demise of Mr. Amarfi. Fans had been on an uproar, demanding for a refund.

"Or better yet, why don't they stick him together with glue and let him play! I didn't eat lunch for four f(bleep)g months just to be able to buy a ticket!" one of them was quoted saying.

Unfortunately, the organizer of the event, Mr. Yuri Amarfi, had been unavailable for comment.

ADVERTISEMENTS

WANTED: SPY for ZAFT. Must be working at Morgenroete, Onogoro Island, Orb. Must understand the term 'TOP SECRET'. Must be willing to assist four brats from respectable political families. Must be able to produce fake I.D.'s in 24-hours. Excellent Pay. Contact the Captain of the Vosgulof-class Submarine just outside ORB Territory.

I need a gun. My Father just confiscated ALL of them. Contact Cagalli at the Athha Mansion. I'm willing to pay big bucks! And also, if you could throw in a few pain-relievers, I'd pay for them also. My cheek is stinging like crazy!

NEEDED: Sturdy paper masks to buy in bulk. The other brand I use turned out to be flimsy. Interested bidders may contact Rau Le Creuset.

OBITUARY

Nicol Amarfi (C.E. 56 – C.E. 71)

Loving Son and Friend.

The Tears of the War Will Always be With Us.

Rest In (Two) Pieces, my Friend.

From Athrun Zala, Dearka Elthman and Yzak Joule

UP FOR AUCTION: Black, grand piano. Used to belong to famous pianist and war veteran. Comes with free picture of Nicol Amarfi and original sheet music of 'Theme of Tears.' Money generated from this event will be used for the development of N-Jammer Cancellers. Interested Parties, please contact Yuri Amarfi.

WANTED: EA Spy. Preferably a soldier from ZAFT. Willing to double-cross and be double-crossed. Contact Murata Azrael at Blue Cosmos Headquarters, Atlantic Federation. "For a blue and pure world!"

WANTED: Babysitter. Must be single and does -not- have an affair with a married man/woman. Must be wholesome and not perverted. Must be trustworthy and not nosy. Must like kids with blond hair and blue eyes. Contact Rau Le Creuset at his house.

FEATURE

HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE

by Murrue Ramius

Okay, what the heck is the matter with that stinking team! They just won't leave us alone! We hid out on Onogoro Island, the most secure place on the planet (not to mention, the most rocking! Boy, those clubs were hot! If you haven't seen in at night, you'd better! I love the nightlife… I love to boogey…) and we even enlisted Orb's help and that stinking team still managed to sniff us out! I don't know how they did that but they did! Do Coordinators have super-sensitive noses or something? But it's a good thing that Orb decided to help us. And it helped a lot that their Prince…ss was here with us! I love that country! (Especially their clubs!) When I defect, I'm going there! So for this month's military tip:

O – btain

R – escue

B – rigade

Sure, it's all nice and dandy to have enemies but it's also great to have allies nowadays! Especially if you're as popular as us! I knew picking up that blonde tomboy would prove to be helpful! Next time we're in a fix, we'll know just who to ask! ORB!

Oh, I forgot to add. It seems like Kira already broke up with Flay. Well, guess who I'll be getting rid of next! And Kira killed someone – again! But he's been brooding and stuff. Grow a spine, kid! You've been killing people and destroying stuff since Phase 01! Get used to it already! Oh, and I told you to retrieve that beam saber! Do you know how much those cost? That's coming out of your paycheck, kiddo! Wait a minute… those kids have paychecks!

ASK FLAY

(This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster)

I was supposed to skip doing this column for this edition of SEED Monthly, but they wouldn't let me! That editor-in-chief even threatened to fire me! The nerve of that b(leep)h! I'm going through some emotional trauma right now, having just been rejected by a guy for the first time since, well, -never-, and she can't even spare me some time off! Here's the column, you b(bleep)h! I hope you're happy!

Dear Flay,

You won't believe what just happened. I met my ex-best friend, Strike. He was all brooding and stuff and kept on implying that we were still friends. I returned the bird that I gave him (which flew off) and he was all, "A friend gave it to me!" I wanted to yell at him and say, "Well, guess what? I ain't your friend anymore!" But then, he just had to say that it was a 'special gift' from a 'special person'. So I started thinking that maybe we still had a chance, but then he goes all high-and-mighty again and raises a beam sword at me! What's worse, he killed my friend! Blitz was the only one who listened to me on the team! The only one who tried to look for me when I went MIA! I feel so hurt and angry and depressed and suicidal and murderous and homicidal, all at once! And as if to rub salt to my wounds, remember that girl that I told you about? Guess who she turned out to be! The Princess of a messed-up country! Gods! A princess! She didn't even look like one! Why does everyone keep lying to me!

Aegis

Dear Aegis,

Er… have you thought about seeing a psychiatrist? Those are very bad feelings that you're experiencing! I think everyone keeps lying to you because you're letting them! Next time someone says something like that to you, point a gun at him/her! And what are you planning to do to Strike? Aw… I'm very sorry about your friend. Poor thing. But at least he didn't get sliced in half and had spent his last few seconds in agonizing pain! Wait a minute… Don't tell me he did! Aw… Now, I'm certain that you know what to do! No more hesitating, okay?

Keep me posted!

Love,

Flay

Dear Flay,

I feel so confused… First, I broke up with my girlfriend and then another problem comes up. See, I told Aegis that he was my friend. I was kinda hoping that we'd patch up and return our friendship back to the way it was but after I saw him again, I felt like I just had to kill him, know what I'm saying? I'm sure you do. Well, anyway, as I was saying, when his mobile suit was lying oh-so-helplessly in front of mine, I just couldn't help but remember all the times that he got me into trouble when we were kids. Did you know that he actually stole my first ever girlfriend from me? Ha! Who's the traitor, huh! So I raised my beam sword high above my mobile suit's head and I was ready to bring it down, when suddenly, another mobile suit appears out of nowhere and tries to hit me! So I did what any normal person would do, I ducked and swung my sword at him! Then, suddenly, it's my own fault! To make things worse, I lost another beam sword. It's quite expensive, you know. I'm just so confused and I feel so alone…

Strike

Dear Strike,

Well, guess what, you jerk? It's your fault that you're alone! First, you break up with your girlfriend who has done nothing but good things to you! Sure she bossed you around, but who do you think cleans up your stinking cockpit! You self-centered jerk! It's always about you! What about your girlfriend's needs, huh? ARGH! I don't even know why I'm answering your letter! As of now, I'm officially helping Aegis on this one! I hope he gets you!

Good riddance!

Flay

Dear Flay,

Hi, I LOVE your column. It seems really straight forward, not giving any trick answers, or riddles and such. Hence, I am writing to you. My problem is as follows.

I'm a teenager, and the problem is I don't find any boys attractive. I mean, I do like the opposite gender, but all the guys I interact with are complete idiots! I mean, I've never had a crush for longer than 5 minutes! What's wrong with me? What do you think I should do? I mean, is it silly that I want someone who actually has a brain and cares about grades? All the other girls don't seem to care, but I really do.

Please help me, your fan and desperate client,

Maiden of Sin

P.S. I just adore your hair, where do you get it done?

Dear Maiden of Sin,

Thanks for the flattering words but I already knew that! Who doesn't like my column? It's the best thing on this sorry little newspaper! It's the sole reason why so many people find this shitty publication so endearing! Me! I'm the reason! Now back to your query, you like brainy guys, eh? Well, it's not your fault most of the guys in the world are idiots. Look at me! I find Kira attractive. He's smart. And he looks much better than Sai. But on the other hand, look at where it got me! DUMPED! You shouldn't feel pressured to have a crush just because every one has one! There's nothing wrong with you! You just said that you LOVE my column; so obviously, you are a girl with very high tastes. Good-looking guys SUCK! Hmmm… makes me think… maybe I should go for Kuzzey next! Anyway, what completely matters is what you think.

Hope I helped!

Love,

Flay

PS. You think so? It's a secret! But if you're really curious, here's a hint: I'm stuck in a warship… a crewmate fixes my hair. :P Guess who?

FANFIC REVIEW

by Orga Sabnak

I am so dead tired. Between my responsibilities for this newspaper, harsher training -and- my rocky love life, I feel so -drained-. And quite so suddenly, a lot of people have submitted their fics for me to review! And it's all thanks to C-Town Chica who took the risk and entrusted her fic! Well, this is getting out-of-character for me…

Now, I've decided to review something from Vicarious Lurker, 'Wings of Words'. (Angel of Dreams, you're next! And Maiden of Sin, I'm going for SEED fics. Allie Night, sorry but I didn't get the link to your story.)

Wings of Words is a series of one-shots/drabbles spanning 25 chapters. It contains characters from SEED and Destiny alike with canon pairings. The genre is vast; containing angst, humor, romance, and drama pieces. It contains spoilers, obviously.

The main point of the fic is that it delves into each of the characters' minds, introspections, and their relationships with, dare we say, partners.

Now, if you're up for some good, short reads, I'd highly recommend it. But if you want a mondo, multi-chaptered, plot-ridden fic, find something else. It is basically for light reading, in short.

I especially enjoyed the Yzak/Shiho and the Athrun/Cagalli ones because of the humor. That e-mail from Dearka too. But, geez, why is it always about them? What about us, background characters! Huh? Take Asagi and me, for example! I bet if people would just realize what a swell couple we'd make, we won't be having so much trouble with our relationship! For those of you who are wondering, yes! She broke up with me! Apparently, some stupid guy from a really shitty magazine gave her the idea to dump me and to pilot a mobile suit! When I find out who the hell that guy is, I'm gonna lock all of Calamity's weapons on him and I'll blast him into pieces… Then, I'll kill him!

Ahem… Going back to the subject at hand…

Well, technicality-wise, your grammar is proficient – and that includes sentence construction, as well as spelling. The theme and the writing style remind me of a fic I once read in the GetBackers section, "A GetBackers Drabble Collection" by Really Bad Eggs. Have you, per chance, read that?

Anyway, go read it now!

…

Wait, wait, wait! I meant, go read it -after- you finish reading this paper -and- leaving a review…

Ugh… I need a break.

MESSAGE BOARD

Azrael,

Whatdowedo, whatdowedo, whatdowedo! The Archangel is getting closer to JOSH-A! We can't have it anywhere near here! We're screwed! I know! Maybe we could activate you-know-what! We'll get rid of that blasted ship -and- ZAFT! Whatchathink! I need your reply ASAP!

Sutherland

Yzak-honey-bunny,

Oh, so you're ignoring me now, huh! And after I sent that expensive tube of ZAFT's scar removal cream! But I forgive you, my love! Again, allow me to profess my undying love for you! I love you, Yzak! Marry me!

From your secret admirer

Le Creuset,

Spit-Break was passed. Haha. Now we can blast all those stinking Naturals to kingdom come! Then, we'll SPIT on their rotting carcasses and BREAK their bones in the process! Get it! SPIT and BREAK? Hahaha… Oh, forget it. Anyway, this is top-secret, got that? The original target is… Panama! (hehe. I may be insane but I ain't stupid.)

Zala

Kira…

HOW COULD YOU! You MURDERED Nicol! MURDERER! MURDERER! I'll kill you next time we meet, you hear that! Um, wait. Let me rephrase that… I'll kill you next time we meet, you -read- that! And here's a little something for you, too! Hey everyone! Listen up! Did you know that Kira didn't stop wetting his bed until we were 12! Ooh, ooh! And here's another one! He flunked Micro Units when we were kids! And his feet stink! And he's also a cry-baby! Oh, wait…everyone knows that…

Out to get you,

Athrun

Kira,

Oh, so after all that we've been through, you're just gonna break up with me! Well, you've got another thing coming! The only way we'll split up is if you're in hell! How could you? I gave you my all, Kira! If you know what I mean! Ugh! I should have listened to Mr. Murdoch! While he was giving me my usual treatment, he told me that you were only after my (censored)!

Flay

To the Archangel

Bon voyage. And thanks for bringing back our Prince…ss. Now, don't ever come back here, okay! Your curse didn't rub off on us because Haumea protected us but I'm not so sure if she'll still be willing to do it the second time around… So, farewell! Forever!

Hoping we'll never see you EVER again,

The Emirs of Orb

To the Editor-In-Chief

I have received your offer for a position in your prestigious (sarcasm) newspaper. However, I regret to inform you that I have already accepted a job for…er… a pink-haired someone. It requires my full attention and even part-time jobs are out of the question. Thank you for considering me nonetheless.

Sincerely,

Martin Da Costa

PS. Might I add, that I earn quadruple than the amount that you proposed to me.

Talia

Meet me at the usual place. Make sure your husband doesn't find out this time.

Gil

PS. Don't worry. Rey, the blond kid, is at Rau's.

Gilbert,

Stop corrupting my… er… my… son? No, that's not right… Clone? Twin? Double? Doppelganger? Anyway, stop corrupting Rey's mind! You and your (sneer) girlfriend better find somewhere else (a motel perhaps)! You've been giving the child nightmares! He won't stop crying! You should schedule those (sneer) activities when you're not babysitting for Rey!

Rau

PS. If Rey 'sees' you at it again, I'm telling your girlfriend's husband. Oh, and I ran out of pills. Send some over.

Editor-in-chief: mumyou nanashi

News Editor: Ledonir Kisaka

Feature Editor: Erika Simmons

Writers: Shani Andras

Crot Buer

Asagi Caldwell

Juri Wu Nien

Mayura Labatt

Regular Columnists: Murrue Ramius

Flay Allster

Orga Sabnak