SEED MONTHLY
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Volume 1 Issue 6
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Message from the Editor
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It has been very trying times for us. First, our Fanfic Reviewer, Orga Sabnak filed for a leave of absence. Something to do with love and work problems. Whatever that means. And then, ALL of my news reporters quit on me because of some stupid gig with their respective militaries! I mean, come on! Can't they work and write at the same time! Curse the war!
Plus, I'm being sued for murder and homicide. Yes, folks. You heard, or rather, read right. I'm currently in the market for a very good lawyer, but rest assured. This is not a cause for panic. I can manage! Really I can! All I ask is for some support, and I'll be sure to report the court proceedings in a very un-biased manner.
Yeah, right.
I'm crumbling here! I admit it! I'm suffering from the dreaded writer's block! Last time I checked, it took me months just to get this issue up and going! I'm in the middle of a breakdown, folks. Please bear with me.
Which reminds me, is it me or is the whole staff on the verge of an emotional breakdown? Just wondering.
As always, please send in your comments, suggestions, reviews, contributions, hate-mail, etc. via the 'Go' button below or email me/us at mumyou (underscore) nanashi (at) yahoo (dot) com (dot) ph. For subscriptions, please click on the 'Add Story to Story Alerts'. For other published works, click on 'Add Author to Author Alert.'
It works. :)
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NEWS
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READERS SUE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Nanashi Mumyou (or mumyou nanashi – whichever), the Editor-in-Chief of the international publication, SEED Monthly, is currently being sued for attempted murder and for libel and defamation of character/s.
Several readers have filed cases of "death by uncontrollable laughter." One in particular, Mr. or Miss pingballz "almost suffocated from laughing too much." And a Miss yuugiri stated that the publication was "killing her."
"Hey, it's not my fault they find it funny," Miss Nanashi was quoted as to saying. "My job is to report the news as it is! Not to make them laugh or anything…"
Some military personnel have also filed for libel and defamation of character. Kira Yamato was among those who have signed for a petition regarding the closing down of the publication. "It's just not fair, you know? She's always making me look like a cry-baby!" he cried.
Miss Nanashi has this to say, "Pft!" she blew a raspberry. "Not my fault either!"
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ZALA TEAM, DISBANDED
The newly-formed Zala Team was reported to have disbanded following the unfortunate events of last week.
Commander Rau Le Creuset formed a new team consisting of the members of his Le Creuset team, prior to having been recalled to the PLANTs by newly-elected ZAFT Chairman Patrick Zala. Athrun Zala, son of Patrick Zala, was assigned as team leader because of his amazing (yeah, right) leadership skills.
Immediately mere days after the team was formed, Nicol Amarfi was killed in action, and two more members, Athrun Zala – the team leader himself – and Dearka Elthman were reported missing in action after a bout with the accursed ship, the Archangel.
Yzak Joule, the only remaining member of the Zala Team, was thankfully available for comment. "Yeah, Nicol's dead. Dearka's missing," he growled. "But Athrun's alive, dangnabit! He's friggin' alive! Of all the members to be left alive, it had to be him!"
Further snooping around has made us to think that Zala is being reassigned to a special task force unit reporting directly under the ZAFT Chairman himself. The saying, "friends (or fathers, -cough-) in high places…" comes to mind.
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SOLDIER COMPLAINS OF BAD TREATMENT FROM NEUTRAL COUNTRY
A ZAFT soldier, who wishes to remain anonymous, complained of mistreatment from the supposed-neutral country of Orb.
The country of Orb has always remained steadfast to its beliefs that it is a neutral nation, despite ZAFT's allegations of its hand in the Earth Alliance Forces' G-Project. The Zala Team, in pursuit of the black ship of the EA, landed near Orb territory. Due to a series of unfortunate events, the ZAFT soldier ended up in Orb custody, where he was held at gunpoint.
In an exclusive interview with the ZAFT soldier, he revealed, or rather, let slip that it was none other than Princess Cagalli Yula Athha herself who pointed the weapon at him.
"When I woke up, she was standing a foot away from me, with a gun in her hand. She shoved it in my face and demanded to know who killed 'Kira'," the soldier confessed.
The Princess, on the other hand, countered his allegations. "That's bull s(bleep)t! I gave him my good luck charm afterwards! That jerk!"
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ARCHANGEL CREW ACCUSED OF P.O.W. MALTREATMENT
Another faction alleged with malevolent treatment to its captives is the EA ship, Archangel. Reports state that a stabbing and shooting incident occurred in the medical bay of the Earth Alliance warship, the Archangel.
The cocky ZAFT soldier, who wishes to remain anonymous as well, exposed the Archangel's hostile treatment to injured soldiers such as himself. "The crying chick drove a friggin' knife on my head! Then her buddy, the red-head, pointed a gun at me! And as if that wasn't enough, they always forget to feed me regularly!" the blond seethed behind bars.
The Archangel was unavailable for comment, but Rau Le Creuset, who was strangely in Alaska, offered his two-cents' worth. "The EA and Orb are obviously in ca-hoots with each other, as shown with how they treat their hostages. Me? When I get my hands on a soldier from the enemy side, I'll treat them hospitably," he ended with a sneer.
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ARCHANGEL FACING COURT MARTIAL
The Earth Alliance warship is currently facing court martial, to which the reasons are still unknown.
The reason why the Archangel was unavailable for comment in the previous reports was because its officers were being court-martialed by the higher echelons of the EA. Rumors have circulated among the officers that several of them will be reassigned to different stations, and that the rest will be left in JOSH-A as defenses for the upcoming ZAFT attack.
Sources report that Blue Cosmos leader, Murata Azrael, is actually behind this.
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BLIND PRIEST RALLIES FOR PEACE – AGAIN
What may be deemed as part two of Reverend Malchio's attempts at re-uniting Naturals and Coordinators took place at the PLANT Supreme Council in Aprillius One.
This time around, the blind priest presented Earth Alliance Secretary-General Olbani's compromise plan to the PLANT Supreme Council where it was immediately rejected by new Chairman, Patrick Zala.
"I'm not as lenient as Siegel," Chairman Zala was quoted saying. "Peace talks are long over with! It's time to bring out the big guns!"
Reverend Malchio, who immediately left for the Clyne residences carrying a suspicious looking human-shaped bundle, was unavailable for comment.
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ADVERTISEMENTS
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MISSING: Tan, blond, and (gag) handsome. My best bud, Dearka Elthman, was labeled MIA after the clash with that blasted legged-ship. Something tells me that he's still alive (well, that 'something' being that he still owes me big money). I'm willing to pay money in exchange for his whereabouts. Contact Yzak Joule of ZAFT. (As for Zala, I couldn't care less)
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JOB OPPORUNITIES! BABES WITH HUGE BOOBIES! FREE FOOD! ROOM ACCOMODATIONS! If you're looking for these kinds of requirements for your next job, then you're the one for us! We're currently looking for a new Gundam pilot and a new Jetfighter/Skygrasper pilot. It doesn't matter if you're a Coordinator! Just make sure that you can kick ass! Look for Lieutenant Natarle Badgiruel at the Archangel.
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FOR SALE: Green, vintage robotic bird. Extremely smart and has a built-in homing device and defense mechanism. Lots of uses and purposes. All for a low, low price. May also be for FREE if you want. Anything to get that bird out of my hair. Interested buyers may call Flay Allster at the Archangel.
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WANTED: Smart subordinates. Must NOT be know-it-alls, androgynous, or smart-alecky. Must be willing to obey orders, insulted and get shouted at. Contact Yzak Joule of ZAFT.
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The Weapon-Inventors and Specialist Society is hosting its annual convention on Armory One. The theme for this year is "Weapons of Mass Destruction." Inventors are encouraged to sign up for the exhibit-cum-contest. The Grand Prize will be a multi-million Earth dollar contract with ZAFT. For tickets and inquiries, please call 1-800-EARTH-GO-KA-BOOM.
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URGENTLY NEEDED: Lawyer. Must specialize in libel and murder cases. Contact nanashi through this publication. I'll throw in free ad space for your services, if you want.
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OBITUARY
KIRA YAMATO (C.E. 55 – C.E. 71) and TOLLE KOENIG (C.E. 55 – C.E. 71)
Loyal Friends and Comrades
The Pieces of Your Machines Will Forever Remind Us of Your Gruesome Deaths
From Sai Argyle, Miriallia Haww, Kuzzey Buskirk, and Flay Allster
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FEATURE
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HOW TO SURVIVE MILITARY LIFE
By Murrue Ramius
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I'm being court-martialed. Hard to believe, but very true. Okay, so maybe after all of Natarle's 'reports', I should have seen it coming. But the main question of the evening is why in hell I let the Wimpy Coordinator Pilot in my ship. What was I supposed to do, leave him for dead? It's not like I immediately noticed that he was a Coordinator that moment I laid eyes on him! And I wasn't about to leave behind the only freakin' guy who could pilot the damned thing!
I should've talked back. I really should. I tried, but they wouldn't listen! Now, we all know that no one messes with Captain Murrue Ramius and gets away with it! The Archangel wasn't named the Cursed Ship of the EA for nothing, you know!
D - esert
I - diots
T - o
C - ope with
H - azards
Allow me to elaborate. They expect us to stay at Alaska as defense on the rare occurrence that ZAFT changes its mind and, consequently, its target to JOSH-A. Yeah, right. The minute I get my chance, I'm going to high-tail it out of here and reveal the Earth Forces' secrets to the entire world! Kiss and Tell!
Which reminds me, now that the Wimpy Pilot is AWOL, I might as well get rid of the Girlfriend…
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ASK FLAY
(This is a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point advice column by Flay Allster)
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Dear Flay,
I just lost my boyfriend in the war. He acted impulsively (and rather moronically) while we were being attacked. He sortie-d despite the captain's very feeble warnings and just minutes after he launched on the fighter plane, he got shot down. I know that what he did was very heroic (if not idiotic), but I still feel alone and inconsolable. I was just recovering from the shock and pain of losing him when this very handsome young man came into my life. He's from the other side, if you know what I mean, and he's here as a POW. He was quite obnoxious at first, but as time passed, he proved to be sort of nice, after all. The thing of it is, at one point on our blooming relationship, I tried to kill him. Is that a bad thing? Will it affect our future interactions with each other?
Thanks,
Carrot-top
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Dear Carrot-top,
You tried to kill him? But you failed? Boy, do you need some help. How can you possibly miss? You sound like someone I know! -cough- Cagalli -cough- Well, anyway, what's done is done…
But of course! It will affect future interactions with each other! I mean, come on! You tried to kill the guy and you expect him to fall in love with you? That's a looooong shot, sister. I suggest you to sit down with him, and tell him why you tried to kill him. Communication is the key to misunderstandings. Now, as always, I suggest that you get him to cross over to your side, to ensure that your 'blooming relationship' will continue to, er, bloom.
Love,
Flay
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Dear Flay,
Help! I'm being court-martialed!
Your superior,
Kick-Ass Vice Cap'n
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Dear Kick-Ass Vice Cap'n,
It's every woman for herself, honey.
Love,
Flay
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Dear Flay,
Hi, it's me again, Pink Pop Idol. Remember me? I just wrote to tell you that I've got Haro, right over here! Sure, he's a bit angst-ridden right now, but all will change in due time. He's beginning to open up to me, albeit very slowly. Anyway, I'm sure everything will turn out okay in the end. It always does for me!
Love,
Pink Pop Idol
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Dear Pink Pop Idol,
Did you write just to gloat?
Just asking.
Love,
Flay
PS. Hands off the merchandise, b(bleep)h!
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Hey Flay,
Your column just makes laugh SO MUCH...and I find them very helpful as well P. Okay, going straight to the issue...my friends and I have formed an alliance known as ASUCAGA...eerm, yea, and we're currently hating the scriptwriter for DESTINY...um, I mean, a third-wheel for our two best friends, Akatsuki and Savior. I mean, they are meant to be together and Savior proposed, even! How the heck did they 'break-up' (our suspicions)...?Argh, we're at a homicidal level to hunt that Fukada guy down...
From Scriptwriter-Must-Die
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Dear Scriptwriter-Must-Die,
Teehee! Props for the very creative name. I must say, it is quite…visually stimulating. You don't know how much I loathe him after finding out that he was planning to kill me just because he wanted to put a RESOLUTION TO THE KIRA AND LACUS PAIRING!
(huff, puff)
Oh, what in the world am I saying! Silly me! Please forgive my sudden outburst. I tend to say things I don't mean – and don't understand – nowadays.
Anyway… pardon me, but… who's Savior and Akatsuki? Not really sure if I know them… But with hunting down Fukada, hey, I'm in!
Love,
Flay
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VILLAINY FOR DUMMIES
By Rau Le Creuset
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This will be short. Really. Why? Mainly because this publication isn't paying me enough for a filler column. Imagine! Me! The Great Rau Le Creuset, a filler writer? That's unheard of! (ed. It is now.)
This is for all those aspiring antagonists out there.
FAÇADE. For this Gundam series, you may notice the trend of the real villains working behind the scenes. For example, I chose to let Azrael hog all the camera, while I pulled all the strings. The same goes true for my successor and best friend, several years from now.
PAST. It also helps if you have a tragic past. A tragic past gives you an excuse to do whatever the hell you feel like doing. Consider me. I'm a failed clone. So that gives me a reason to blow up the world. Amazing how these things work.
APPEARANCE. The mask. Hah. Gotta love the mask. Makes me all mysterious-like. And we all know that 'mysterious' is equivalent to 'handsome'. Plus, I'm a hot blond! Ooh! And the sneers! Gotta love the sneers and the evil smirks!
MINIONS. I have the Le Creuset Team under my beck and call. Just a snap of my fingers and voila! There they are, practically fighting over my orders. Heh. It helps when you appear all father-like to them.
EVIL PLOT. 'Plot, what plot?' Hehe. Of course I have a plot. It's simple. And easy to understand. Blow up everyone. Simple.
Now, that's all this vile publication paid me to do. I may not be as good with acronyms as my fellow writer, Murrue Ramius, but at least I got the point across. A couple of publishers have been asking me to write a book about this subject, but it's still in the works. I would love to be an example of a good villain to aspiring anti-heroes everywhere.
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MESSAGE BOARD
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Azrael,
Meet me in the usual place and the usual time. Bring the goodies.
Not-Rau
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To the moron who keeps on sending me those scar-removal creams,
Stop! I'll only remove this car if and when I witness Strike's gruesome death by my hands. If you don't 'cease and desist', I'll be forced to add you to the list of people I want to kill.
From Duel
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To Cagalli,
It wasn't me who complained about maltreatment! Honest! It was some other unnamed guy who thought his interrogator was you. It was a simple case of mistaken identity!
Athrun
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Chairman Zala,
The plans for Operation SB are A-OK!
Le Creuset
P.S. Your son's doing fine. He had his arm broken, his ego deflated, and his emotions ransacked, but other than that, he's doing fine.
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Sutherland,
I've got the perfect plan to wipe out ZAFT and the Archangel! Meet me at that quaint coffee shop just in the outskirts of JOSH-A. Bring chips and drinks and a friend or two.
Azrael
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To Siegel,
I think Zala's up to something. If that maniacal gleam in his eyes and the way he mutters to himself doesn't scream 'CRAZY!', I don't know what!
Your concerned and TRUE friend,
Canaver
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Orga,
Please stop stalking me! I'm piloting the Astray and that's final! And you know who gave that stupid advice to me? It was you, you dumb butt!
Love,
Asagi
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Editor-in-chief: mumyou nanashi
News Editor: Ledonir Kisaka
Feature Editor: Erika Simmons
Writers: Shani Andras
Crot Buer
Asagi Caldwell
Juri Wu Nien
Mayura Labatt
Regular Columnists: Murrue Ramius
Flay Allster
Orga Sabnak
Cover Illustrator: MapleRose