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akai kinoko

Rule number 25 or 33, she couldn't quite remember now, but what was imprinted in her mind was the rule itself, one of the most important rules of being a shinobi:

A shinobi must not explicitly show his emotions.

A rule Sakura had always violated almost every mission she had as a shinobi. She cried when she thought Sasuke had died from battling Haku and she cried for Naruto when she again thought he died from Kagero's attacks at the supposed headquarters of Orochimaru. In fact, she almost always cried and showed fear during their missions, which was considered a big no-no.

That was why she found it ironic that she had not shed one single tear for the most important man in her life, who now lay lifeless at her feet. She could not cry even though there was now time to cry, as there were no more enemies left that could attack her off-guard when she starts to weep--- for they had already been mercilessly killed by her, after what they had done to her lover.

She tried to define her emotions, rather, rationalize her lack of it. Had she successfully mastered obeying that one rule she kept on violating? But why did it have to be now? She felt uneasy as her inability to feel sad made her feel ungrateful and cold, emotions which she did not have. She felt more uneasy and even guilty as Naruto sat beside the corpse of his sensei, his blue orbs flooded with tears and all the shades of misery evident in his face.

"Why can't I cry like Naruto? Don't I love you?"

Sakura kept on wondering, surely this was not due to the missions they had as anbus. She recalled that she even shed a least a single tear for any life she had taken during the course of their missions. And when the missions were over, her lover would be at her side and would allow her to bury her face on his chest to cry her heart out. So it really puzzled her why she couldn't cry for the one who had consoled her all throughout her life. Why couldn't she feel sad for the sudden departure of the person who taught her everything she needs to know as a shinobi?

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Back home, she continued to stare at the jade stone where his name was recently carved. She had reported the loss to the Hokage, who in turn, had the name of the copy ninja immediately carved in the memorial stone. For three hours, Sakura had been staring blankly at the stone, silently hating herself for her persistent lack of emotions.

"Sakura-chan, you must go home and rest now. You were also tired from the mission, right?" a worried Naruto suddenly spoke from behind her

"Naruto? Why are you here? I thought you went home?"

"But I got worried about you… You are the one who's affected most by this incident. The people told me you were here for three hours already, and I-"

She sighed. "Naruto, I can't cry."

"Eh?"

"I can't feel anything. I am supposed to be sad and all, but I am not. And it pains me so much that I can't even properly mourn for the person who's of great importance to me."

"Sakura", Naruto went and gently squeezed his teammate's arm to comfort her. He knew exactly why she can't cry, how shock had struck her so hard it made her numb and in denial; and her lack of response to his touch confirmed his speculations.

"I guess I'll be leaving now. Please take care and don't feel too guilty. And I'm just at the Ichiraku Ramen stall, if you ever felt the need to talk to somebody.", Naruto was a few meters away from Sakura when he stumbled on a rock that sent him flying on a nearby bush, thus disturbing the insects peacefully nestling in it and sending a mass of butterflies out, fluttering all over the place.

Sakura turned around to look at the source of the noise when she was greeted by the swarm of butterflies. Naruto was nowhere to be found for he continued to head for the ramen stall. However, the magnificent sight she currently beheld overwhelmed her at first; the winged creatures seemed like fragments of a broken rainbow floating tenderly across the air, their colors betraying the blankness of her current state. The glided gracefully like a rolling silent movie, lifting her up and carrying her lightly to a flight of fancy (1), then bringing her forth to a sliver of her memory.

That memory being the last casual conversation she had with him. The last comment she heard from her lover. The last lesson she learned from the copy ninja.

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A thousand butterflies flew out in the open and towards the sky as Hatake Kakashi stepped on a grassy part of the forest. The sudden rush of the creatures startled Naruto but for Sakura, the moment was captivating and it made her truly amazed at the natural art revealed before her very eyes. However, she cannot disregard the immediate sadness evident in the exposed eye of her lover and team leader.

"Kakashi, is something the matter? Did these pretty butterflies scare you?" She joked.

Kakashi softly chuckled. "It's not that, my Sakura-hime, It's just that I remembered a sad connotation about a swarm of flying butterflies"

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And she remembered. She understood that she saw it coming but she forgot. And as the butterflies floated around her again, tears finally escaped her eyes.

She cried as sweet memories of him flashed through her mind. She sobbed as she remembered every single thing he did for her, extreme sadness washed over her being as she realized she'll never see her masked wolf again, her wolf who promised to protect her, the cherry blossom princess.

She then decided that her mourning will be symbolized by her wearing a mask; she will honor his death by adapting his trademark mask,

as it dawned to her again what flying butterflies meant.

"Someone's gonna die next, my beloved ninja."

Then a gleam reflected from a kunai, followed by a slash, and the eternal concealment of the emerald orbs by the mask that is her eyelids.

The world went black.

---------------------------owari

(1) a line from the song by Loquy, "Butterflu"

april 23, 2006 1:45am