It's All Coming Back To Me Now
Another songfic (yes I'm getting back into them again) this time with Celine Dion's 'It's All Coming Back To Me Now'. Spoilers for everything so far, including potential spoilers for season 3. Lee/Kara - switching POV's.
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There were nights when the wind was so cold, that my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it right outside the window
There were days when the sun was so cruel, that all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were drying up forever
Kara lay there in her makeshift bed with Sam, snuggled up close for warmth but still freezing. She never had any idea just how bad the temperature fluctuations were on this stupid damn planet before moving here, or she wouldn't have. Of course, the cold feeling might have something to do with the icy atmosphere between her and ... or perhaps not. Maybe that just didn't matter anymore. He certainly didn't seem to think so.
Things had been so hot between them ... but for such a short time. Intense. That was the word. The way all things were between them, intense. It had been an intense time, but it had ended badly, the only way it could end. They were Starbuck and Apollo - they weren't destined for 'happily ever after'.
There were times she wished she could go back in time and make it right - do the right thing, say the right thing, but at the time only the wrong things had come out. The same way it had always been between them - they'd meant one thing and said another. Honesty was something that just didn't seem possible, ironic when you consider that the two of them were probably the most honest people you could find in the fleet when it came to anything else but each other.
I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made
Lee lay in bed, body curled around Anastasia Dualla, Kara's replacement, the way it had been every night since they'd gotten back together. He was warm on the outside, as always, but frigid on the inside. She'd made him that way. He'd been hot before her - hotheaded, hot for her ... but once it was over, he was left with no spark, no way to keep warm. She'd taken the fire that had always kept him warm and left him with a woman who was sweet, pretty and loving ... but left him feeling cold and empty.
Still, it was better than nothing. Maybe. She was down there on the planet with her husband, probably doing things to and with him that she'd done with him while it had lasted. Lee couldn't face the thought of her taking all her passion and fire away, so he'd steeled himself when she'd left, vowing never to let anyone close to his heart again.
There were times when he was tempted to just close his eyes and relive the moments they'd spent together, when they were just Lee and Kara, a man and a woman, sharing passion, fire, love ... not the endless difficulties of being Apollo and Starbuck, two people who weren't supposed to feel what they did for each other. But he had to make a clean break - she wasn't his anymore.
But when you touch me like this, and you hold me like that
I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this, and I hold you like that
It was so long ago but it's all coming back to me now
Their eyes spoke volumes. They didn't speak, didn't touch but it was all there if you knew where to look. She could see the haunted look in his eyes - it matched her own. Together they'd been something incredible, unstoppable, unimaginable ... but once they separated they were back to being two fragile, hurting people who tried to hide the truth from everyone. Everyone except their soul mates.
Kara longed to touch him, just once, to feel his strong arms around her in a hug, even if it was only for friendship, but she knew she dared not. That was the way it had always been for them. The attraction was strong, oh-so-strong but as long as they kept each other at arm's length it had been something they could each repel. Once they'd given in and touched, just once, those barriers had gone and they'd been unable to resist.
It's so hard to believe but it's all coming back to me
It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now
It had been so good between them. What had gone wrong? Lee had never been able to figure it out. He knew it was wrong for them to be together, but once they'd gotten over that initial hurdle, things had been amazing between them. He'd always felt the attraction to her strongly and knew she felt it back, and once they'd given in to the pleasure their bodies desired so badly he'd been like an addict, constantly craving more. Her touch was like water and air to him - vital to his very survival. And then one day without warning, she left. It was over. She was marrying someone else.
There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again but then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow, baby baby
They'd made love every opportunity they could, and frakked anywhere and everywhere when they only had a few moments to spare. It seemed they just couldn't get enough of one another, and breaking the rules was a small price to pay for such intense pleasure. Of course, Kara had always been one for breaking rules, and knowing you might get caught just gave her more of a rush. She'd never expected Lee would go along with it though, being the tightass he was, but he'd surprised her. In more ways than one. He knew more about sex than any other five men she'd known, and the pleasure he'd shown her had been incredible.
Somehow she'd always known it couldn't last. It was highly charged, risque and something that just wasn't the type of thing that was forever. It was an affair, plain and simple, just a dirty little secret that wasn't much of a secret. Not among the pilots anyway - most of them saw how they jumped out of their vipers and within minutes disappeared, reappearing looking more disheveled than they had when they'd first emerged. Kara knew though she hated to admit it - it wasn't the stuff of forever. But it was good while it lasted.
If I kiss you like this, and if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago but it's all coming back to me
if you want me like this, and if you need me like that
It was dead long ago but it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist and it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now
Lee's eyes bored holes into her as they simply stood and stared at one another. She knew she'd changed - not just outwardly - and he could see it. He could always see right through her, had always been able to. She was so good at fooling others with her bullshit, but he was able to see through it as though it was clear as glass.
He'd changed too, outwardly as well as inwardly. The outside changes were more obvious - he'd gained weight and looked worn and tired, but his eyes burned with a ferocity that she'd never seen in them before. They held pride, defiance ... promise. Things they'd never had before. At least, not with her. He'd always been the spineless one, following her lead and pulling back, a hurt look in those sad blue eyes when things didn't go the way he wanted. But now things were going to be different. Kara could read that plain as day in those same eyes.
There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper
There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances that were lost to us forever
She was back. Lee had been furious when she'd left. Furious at why she'd left, and how she'd left. And what she'd done to him in the process. But now she was back. And there was no way he was letting her go again. He'd done it before - allowed her to go and just slunk back into his hole like a wounded animal but this time he was going to fight for her.
Too many chances had been wasted. He wasn't going to waste any more.
But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then
But if I touch you like this, and if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago but it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this, and if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind but it's all coming back to me
It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now
Their bodies were locked together as hot lips seared each other, retracing old steps and marking them forever. Hands explored familiar places. Her body wasn't the same as hers, it was more rounded, fuller ... the body that fit his like a jigsaw puzzle. Two pieces that were meant to stay locked together. He'd almost forgotten what it was like in trying to fit the wrong piece into the wrong place. It had never worked and they'd both known it, but that empty space where Kara had been had to be filled with something.
Now she was here again and by all the lords of Kobol he was going to have her back in her rightful place.
There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again but then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow, baby, baby, baby,
Her body pounded fiercely. She was losing all grip on reality - nothing existed but him. She was dizzy, suffocating, unable to breathe, to move ... to get away. She knew it was wrong, had always known that once she came back she wouldn't be able to resist him. She'd never been able to resist him, but in the beginning he'd resisted her and so she'd fought back the only way she knew how - physically.
She knew she should be fighting this feeling - he was still married, so was she, despite the fact that she'd left Sam but it was as though she were being pulled into a deep, dark vortex of passion from which she had no ability to extricate herself. Nothing mattered but the two of them, Apollo and Starbuck - the fleet's talisman, good luck charm - but only when they were together.
When you touch me like this, and when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind but it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this, and when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see, all coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies all coming back to me
I can barely recall, but it's all coming back to me now
She was like an addict, always needing her fix. She'd been fine when she'd gone cold turkey and hadn't seen him in months, but now that they were here, together, seeing each other every day, she was unable to resist. The passion, the fire that had drawn them together in the beginning was too strong to fight, even for a seasoned fighter like Kara.
But then again, this was one battle she was willing to lose.
If you forgive me all this, if I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget and it's all coming back to me ... now.
The forgiving part was easy - he'd always been able to forgive her, even as he held grudges against others. But forgetting - not so easy. Every moment they were together, every time they touched was a reminder of what had happened before. How she'd appeared to love him and then left him without a word. But then again, she'd never said she loved him. Her body had expressed it in many ways, but she'd never said the words. Lee wondered if she ever would.
But he knew he was powerless around her. Forgiving, forgetting ... what did it matter as long as they were together? Because every time their bodies touched, it all came back to him. Why they were together. Why he'd give anything to be with her. She was his other half, the half that made him whole. Maybe she was his darker side, but one needed the dark in order to see the light, and she always brought out the light in him. He needed that light. He needed to burn with the passion that only she could bring him.
It's all coming back to me now.
fin