Sorry I've been super busy but I remembered to post another chapter so enjoy!

Amelia POV

I can tell Addison has a lot of questions, and I don't blame her. I would have lots of questions too if the roles were reversed, but the anticipation is what is killing me. I sat in silence in her arms for so long and nothing. Not a single word so I excused myself and went to the bathroom, where I have been sitting for a little so long staring at my blade, debating whether or not to use it. After several moments of contemplating I drag the blade across my skin, pressing hard enough to cut but lightly enough to not make significant damage. I repeat the action several times until I have four horizontal lines across my thigh. I feel guilty about what I have just done, but it worked. I feel suddenly calmer so I sit back and just let myselfbe free for a few minutes.

"Amelia, you okay in there?" I hear Arizona asking from outside the door. "Addison got worried when you didn't come back."

I wipe my tears away and grab the dressings from the container that was holding my blade.

"I'm okay. I'll be out in a minute." I announce, carefully wiping down the wounds and placing the dressing over them all. I wash my hands, removing any evidence of blood from my skin and put on a neutral face to open the door. When I do, I see Arizona holding her arms out for a hug. I can see in her eyes that she knows what I have done but she doesn't judge, she just comforts.

"Do they need checking?" she whispers as she holds my body close, making sure to be discreet because of Addison's presence.

"Not right now. Can you stay?" I ask Arizona and she nods.

"Whatever you need."

We make our way back to the couch and I grip Arizona's hand like my life depends on it. She grabs the blanket that we keep in the room and opens it up to wrap it around me, making me feel secure and warm. Before I even realise what's happening, tears are running down my cheeks. Arizona grabs a tissue from the box and carefully wipes under my eyes, wordlessly letting me know its okay.

"I'm sorry." I say to Arizona, not realising Addison had come to sit by us as well.

"I thought we made a deal, no more apologies." Addison says and a small smile escapes me.

"Still, I was stupid."

"You're not stupid Amelia. Not in any form of the word." Addison says, reaching her hand out to comfort me but I flinch at the contact.

Although I know I'm totally safe right now, I can't help but feel panic over taking my body. Addison has stepped back and Arizona is holding me.

"Amelia, look at me, look at my eyes." My girlfriend instructs, and I try to follow her instructions through my irregular breaths. "Keep looking at me, we're going to take some deep breaths together, nice and slow. You've got it, well done."

I feel weak and exposed, I hate showing people this side of me, Addison is no exception. I feel so dumb allowing her to see this, but I see no point in fighting it. Arizona continues to help me calm down and my tears have slowed, now just a steady stream.

When I have calmed down enough to talk I reach out and take Arizona's hand in my own.

"Addie, I uh, I know you have questions but I really need a meeting right now." I say quietly.

"Come on, let get those shoes on and I'll take you. Is it the one near the hospital or the one at the church near the pizza shop?"

"Hospital one." I inform my girlfriend and she nods. As I'm getting ready I notice Addison doesn't quite know what to do with herself.

"You can come too, it's okay."

Arizona POV

We drop Amelia off at her meeting and I can tell Addison is upset.

"I'm sorry I got upset with you earlier, Amelia was hurt and I just wanted to protect her. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions." I offer, trying to comfort the older woman who at this point I barely know. I mean, I know she is a kick ass surgeon, I've read about her, I've even seen her work a few cases, but more importantly, Amelia loves her. If Amelia trusts this woman, then I have to too.

"No, you were right. I shouldn't have left, I could have taken her with me, or talked it out a little first. I just needed time to breathe, time to cry." Addison reasons. "Y'know, I didn't know that much about you when we met. Sure Callie told me some stuff, but you just kindof existed. It's only now, seeing you with Amelia that I can see how amazing you are. I'm so glad she has you." Addison tells me, and my heart breaks. I just want to cry.

"I could say the same about you. I mean, Callie didn't say much about you, but I'd heard things. Amelia is lucky to have you too. Don't forget that. And we are lucky to have her."

We decide to go to the hospital for a bit, let Addison say hello to some old familiar faces. Although it's been over 10 years, there are still plenty of people who remember her. As we are walking into the hospital my phone starts to vibrate in my pocket. My immediate thought is it's Amelia, so I'm surprised to see Alex's name flash up on the screen. When I answer I realise there is an emergency in the ER, I'm not on call and he is calling for support so it must be bad. We hurry to get there and Alex is overjoyed to see Addison.

"I have never been happier to see both of your faces. We have a Mom and we can't stop her contractions. The baby is in total breech and has a problematic nuchal cord that we can't seem to fix and the Mom keeps flatlining. We need to get the baby out now." Alex says to Addison and I and we both jump straight in to try and help. Addison says she has don't multiple procedures like this, running through all the steps making sure I understand what's going to happen. Although I have worked with many pregnant women, and seem my fair share of complications in child birth, I'm normally there for the child, a preexisting condition. Mothers are Addison specialty, not mine. When I say I understand she steps back.

"Addison, what are you doing? We need to do this now."

"One of us needs to go get Amelia. Considered I am not legally a surgeon here I'm going to have to leave. You've got this, I've done the hard part, and you've got Karev. I'll get Amelia, call me when you're done." Addison says, making her way out of the hospital. As much as I want to be annoyed with her for leaving me with this procedure, she put Amelia first, and that deserves respect.

The procedure goes as well as possible considering the circumstances. The mother is in a coma and the baby in the NICU but they're both alive. It's only after I've finished that I realise I don't have Addison's number to call her. "Why you looking glum Robbins? We did good." Alex says heading towards me in the attendings lounge.

"I was supposed to call Addison when I finished, she took the car to pick Amelia up and now I realised I don't have her number, and Amelia isn't answering her phone.

"Here, I have her number." Alex says, passing me his phone.

"You're a lifesaver Alex. But why do you have her number?"I wonder out loud.

"She was my mentor before you… And we had sex, really good sex actually."

"Forget it. I shouldn't have asked." I reply sarcastically with a roll of my eyes. I send Addison a text saying I'll get a cab home and give Alex his phone back. "No more calling me in for emergencies. I'm off this weekend Karev." I say as I leave him stood in the hallway.

Amelia POV

When I get out of the meeting I see only Addison sat in Arizona's car, in the driving seat suggesting something strange is going on.

"What did you do to my girlfriend?" I ask as I climb into the passenger side door.

"There was an emergency at the hospital, Alex needed one of us to stay so I said I would come get you on my own. She shouldn't be too long but we can head back to your apartment." Addison explains turning the car on.

"You turned down a chance to operate for me? That is so not like you."

"Amelia I would give up being a doctor entirely if I thought it would help you." Addie explains, placing her hand softly on my shoulder.

"I know. Fortunately for you I don't think that would help either of us."

When we arrive back at the apartment there is an unusual silence. I place my bags down and wrap my arms around Addison.

"Thank you for being here. It really does mean a lot. I needed this." I tell Addison and she carefully hugs back, not wanting to make me feel uncomfortable.

"I'm worried about you." She states simply and I nod. I know she is, it's a part of the reason I took this long to tell her, I didn't want her to worry.

"I know. I also know you have questions. You can ask, I won't break, I mean I might, but I know you're here to help."

"But Arizona isn't here. What if you have a panic attack? I don't want to make you more upset."

"You won't. I promise. I'll be okay."

I grab the blanket and move to sit next to my sister. I lay down on the couch, resting my head on her leg and keeping the blanket wrapped around me.

"Is this okay?" I ask, making sure she is comfortable with the position. I chose to lay like this as a way of avoiding eye contact, but still feeling safe by her side. I used to lie like this a lot with Arizona when we talked.

"If you're comfortable, then it's perfect. Can I put my hand on your arm?" Addie asks me and I take her hand in my own, placing it on my upper arm, wordlessly letting her know its okay. "Did you go to the police?" She asks and I shake my head. "You still could you know." She adds.

"There's no point. Statute of limitations means he can't be put away even if they found him. Plus there's no evidence, so we have nothing."

"But what if he is already in jail? You could feel safe if you found out."

"I'm pretty sure I'd still be a mess even if he was in prison. And it'd just bring up too many memories, it's bad enough as it is."

"Okay. That's fine. Are the nightmares about him?"

"Most of the time. Every now and then it changes to Ryan, or Christopher, but most of the time." I answer, trying to be as honest as possible.

"How often do you have them?"

"Every night. But some days are worse than others."

"Did you have them every night that we lived together?"

"Yeah. They weren't too bad though, not until after Christopher. Then things got really bad again."

"I didn't know. I just think about you, alone in the house and I wish I'd just have known." Addison says from behind me.

"I didn't want you to. I was scared you would make go to therapy, and they would make me stop. I wasn't ready."

"Stop?"

"Cutting. I'm still not entirely ready, but I'm trying now." I explain, hoping it'll give her a little hope.

"When was the last time you, y'know?"

"This afternoon, but I'm okay. Arizona know's, don't worry. It's why I wouldn't let you touch me earlier, you didn't do anything wrong." I say and I feel my sister take a shuddering breath behind me.

"Was it my fault?"

"No. It was his. Everything is his fault, not mine or yours. It took a long time for me to realise that, but it's true."

We go through as many questions as Addison can think to ask regarding my attack and my mental health. I hate talking about it all, but I'm glad she knows. The topics gradually got lighter as it darker outside. We turn the tv on for some quiet background noise and just as I think the conversation is over for the night Addison breaks the silence.

"Did you really know you were interested in women all this time?"

"Yeah. I was just never in a situation where I felt the need to tell everybody. Derek knew, I'm surprised he didn't tell you to be honest."

"How did you keep all this from your boyfriends? It must've been hard."

"I didn't really date that much. I mean, when I was at college I pretty much kept to myself. I'm not saying I didn't sleep with a few people, I did. I wanted to get over the fear but turns out it only made it worse. I just gave up on dating, focused on my career. Then with Ryan, we were both high, or drunk, or both. So honestly I don't remember much of it."

"And James?"

"I was a mess. The first time we tried to have sex, I thought I was ready. I even got a bunch of condoms from Charlotte to be prepared, only I had a panic attack before he even removed my dress and I locked him out of my room."

"What happened?"

"He was still there the next morning. I gave up and let him sleep with me. I really liked him, he was a nice guy, but he wanted a normal relationship. He wanted regular sex, and marriage and kids. I just couldn't cope. I ended up getting far too stressed out and the cutting started again, and I couldn't let him see that. I ran away, like I always do."

"I'm sorry. We pushed you two together, all of us at the practice. I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"You couldn't have known. It's not your fault."

Not too much later Arizona arrived back at the apartment. She looks exhausted so I move my legs, creating space for her to come sit with us. I see her trying to make herself comfortable but wincing a little in pain.

"Take it off, Addie won't mind." I say referring to her prosthetic. She looks at me, unsure how to proceed so I untuck the blanket from around me, using it to cover her legs as well as my own. "See, nobody will even know." I elaborate giving a soft smile. Arizona is always there for me in my darkest times, supporting me when I need it and I feel it's only right to offer the same amount of support back. It's unusual to see her so self conscious, when we started dating she was pretty open with me about such things and never really bothered caring about using her crutches but I guess I don't really see her with other adults around in the home. She reluctantly removes her leg and I wrap my arm around her, bringing her in to join me.

"Are you okay?" Arizona asks after a few moments.

"Yeah, I'm better than earlier. Still not amazing but I'm okay, probably won't sleep much tonight though."

"Yeah, I know. Sofia is having a sleepover with Zola so we are free to just sit here and cry if you need."

"I think I've cried enough today, don't think I have enough tears for that."

"I'm glad. Didn't really feel like crying anyway." I say as I rest with my girlfriend in my arms. For the first time in the last 2 nights, I actually feel relaxed. I know today definitely hasn't been one of my best days, but I'm calm, and I'm happy. Today, that is enough.

How are you feeling about Addison in this story? She isn't here permanently, but she does have a few more chapters so it'd be good to know if there is anything you really like or want changes etc. Let me know in reviews or DM me - whatever is best for youuuuu.