Chapter 10: Confessions

Brady

I thought for a few moments, trying to decide what to tell Lexi. I knew she wasn't ready to hear the whole wolfy story just yet, but...I knew I owed her somewhat of an explanation for my strange fascination with her. She had been witchy to me, and I had been an arrogant son of a bitch to her...I think it was safe to say we were both in the wrong. We needed to start over. Before we even started, if that makes sense. I just wanted things to finally be right between us, no matter how long it took.

"I um...I know my background is kinda...erm...bad."

She snorts. "We're not going to talk about this again, right?"

"What do you mean?"

Lexi stared at the ground in front of her, curling her toes inside her shoes. "I mean….I know about you, Brady. It's a small town and….I mean I know. It's not a secret at this point, you know?"

"I know that you know about me…and my ways. But…I hope that's all in my past."

She nodded. "I kinda do too. I want to be friends, Brady. I….I don't feel right when we're fighting and being horrible to each other. I know I said some things that I'm not proud of to you, and I'm sorry. But I want us to build a friendship off of this."

"Oh."

"We're just friends, right?"

"No. I just...well...sorta. I mean...I know right now we're...'just friends' or whatever you say, but I was hoping that maybe someday...you might want to be more. And I wanted to explain myself. Put all of my shit on the table. That way you can…I duno, make a better choice."

I watch her watch the tide rolling in. It was low tide, so the water was further out than normal and the view was certainly prettier. Above us, the sun was setting brightly and reflecting off some dark storm clouds in the distance. It somehow felt like a metaphor for my life. Sunlight sometimes, but with a danger of a storm lurking in the distance. Yup, that pretty much summed it up. Lexi sighed, chewing on her lip.

"I guess that's alright."

I smiled to myself. She didn't say no.

"I don't want to give you the wrong idea though. I still think we'd be better off as friends."

"Why?"

"Well, to be honest…you're so much older than me. I'm still in high school."

I scowled at the sand. "I'm not that old."

"Old enough for it to be illegal?"

"The age of consent is sixteen in the state of Washington," I spat lamely. Lexi bit back a snicker.

"Enough about age. You're older, that's a fact."

"Right, well...I guess I should start off by saying that I'm a spoiled brat – always have been, always probably will be."

"Fair enough," she chuckles, leaning forward to play with her shoelaces. She was wearing a beat up pair of pink converse today with her skinny blue jeans and cardigan, and she always managed to pull off the 'cute and quirky' thing without even trying. Before her, I didn't even know I liked cute, dorkish girls that wore sneakers and cardigans. I'd always been a miniskirt and hooker heels kinda guy myself, but I suppose there was a first time for everything. I sighed and tried to find the right words to tell my imprint why I was the asshole I was or have become over the years.

"I mean...my life was easy up until...things changed," I admitted, not wanting to go much deeper than that. "I never had to work for much – things just came easily to me, and I took it for granted. Sports were easy, school was easy, being popular...things just kinda came to me on a platter. Then...then everything changed."

"What happened?"

I shrugged. "Life."

What I really wanted to say was, I was sitting down at dinner with my mother, and I phased into a wolf because she teased me for eating so much. Suddenly I had been thrown into a world that I didn't think existed before then, and I no longer belonged to myself. I belonged to a pack. I no longer made my own decisions or thought about anything else – always the pack. My life was patrols, vampires, shape-shifting and battles...it was no longer about me. Call me crazy, but a change like that does something to you.

But then, something else had happened. With my changed body came more attention. Aggressive attention, in fact, from the opposite sex. I loved it. Hell, I thrived on it. It had always been there before, but now it came in overwhelming numbers. I had quickly become a man-whore.

"That'll happen," she offered, squinting out at the sunset. Her blonde curls blew in the breeze, making her fresh, green apple scent waft towards me. I bit my lip to keep from drooling. Even if this girl does sometimes make me want to drive my fist into a concrete wall, she was still my imprint, regardless.

She was still made for me and me for her.

"I just...nothing came easily anymore. Well, 'cept for girls. Girls still came easily," I snorted. "I guess I became somewhat of a man-whore."

"Somewhat," she muttered, picking up a stick.

I frowned at my own words as I said them out loud for the first time. This was something I had never admitted to anyone before. Hardly even myself.

"Hey, enough with the snide comments, I'm being candid here," I chuckled, giving her shoulder a light shove. She grinned, shoving me right back before returning to drawing circles and squiggles in the sand with her stick. "I'm coming clean. I was a whore. I would sleep with anything that had the right anatomy, okay?"

Lexi wrinkled her nose and bit back a comment.

"Thank you," I said, giving her a stern glare. "I was looking for something in life, and I didn't know what. So I filled it with booze and women. Things like that make you feel really good for a while, and...and they make the pain go away. But it always comes roaring back, ready to kick you in the ass. Every time I would party and drink and have sex with all these girls I'd feel like absolute shit the next day. Days, sometimes. And the only thing that would make me feel any better was to go out and do it all again. Each time the...the wound just kept getting bigger and bigger. I didn't even care. And for a while, all I wanted to do was just exist and figure shit out later. I guess...I guess I thought 'later' part would never come."

I watched as the tip of her stick paused in the sand, her gaze thoughtful. She wasn't saying anything, just listening. I hoped I wasn't scaring her off, but I needed to get this off my chest if we were ever going to have a fair shake at things. Even if it was just friendship. At this point, I would take anything.

"I guess I never thought my decisions would catch up to me."

"And did they?"

I could only nod.

"I was like a child. You know how kids are desperate for attention sometimes...just so desperate for it that they do anything to get it? Like even bad stuff?"

"They act out, yeah," she agreed.

"Well, that was me. Only there was no parent. No one really cared about me. I mean...that sounds bad. My mom loves me, my friends care about me, but...no one actually called me out on it. No one sat me down and told me that I was a fucking loser for being such a destructive dick. I'm not saying I'm one hundred percent cured, I still have my moments. But I'm a lot better than I was. I just...have never had anyone, really, to lay it all out for me till you came along," I chuckle.

"I guess I'm glad?" she laughed.

"Right, well...I was an ass. I was. But nothing mattered to me when I was on a roll like that. You know that saying, 'it takes ten times as long to put yourself back together than it does to fall apart?' Well...those words have been haunting me now for a long time. I should probably have them tattooed on my forehead to remind me. Deep down, I hated what I was doing and who I had become, but I always thought I would fix it later, like I said. The problem...the underlying issue would always be there for me to fix later. But I felt like I was frozen." Technically, I was. "I felt like…I could just keep pushing it all down, deeper and deeper. I never thought all of the things I did would come back and bite me. If you're frozen, nothing ever moves, so the shit just kept building up and never catching up with me. But eventually it did, because something I never thought would happen finally happened. When I met you..."

Lexi turned and looked at me, inching closer to me on the log. "But what if I never had come to Forks? Would you have stayed like that forever?"

Yes, probably, I thought with a sigh. That answer petrifies me.

I shook my head and shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe. But when I met you, something changed in me. I didn't want to be like that anymore."

"That's good. I mean...I'm happy I could help."

I sighed. "You gave me a reason to want to change...something. For the first time, I felt like I had something to look forward to. To work for...a reason to better myself."

Lexi sighed, her breath low and even. Slowly, she slid her hand across the distance between us and covered my hand with hers. I looked at her questioningly and she offered a sad smile. "I'm really honored that I could do that for you. I really am. That's...the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"It's the truth."

"One question," she finally said, "why?"

"Why what?"

"Why me?"

I groaned internally and shrugged. I was not ready to tell her my wolfy secret or that she was my imprint. I needed more before I could do that. But how would I explain everything else?

"You just...you woke me up, I guess. I felt like I was in this self-destructive fog and...when I met you that night...I felt like I was finally waking up. That sounds crazy, but...that's why I've been acting like such a lunatic. I couldn't just forget the girl that finally made me feel something again."

I placed my other hand on top of hers and watched for her reaction. She would surprise me – she was the only girl who did. She never said or did what I thought she was going to, and I think that's part of why she was my imprint. Karma didn't want me to end up with someone vanilla and perfectly predictable.

I had been thrown a loop and I deserved it.

"Look, Lexi…I get that you're afraid of getting too close to me. You should be….I mean…I would be, if I was you. But the selfish side of me won't stay away. Truthfully, you could shoot me down a million times and I'd come crawling back because…even if all I feel if pain and rejection, at least it's something. I haven't felt anything in a long time."

She's quiet for a moment, mulling my words over as her hand squeezes mine. I hear her swallow bravely before she speaks again.

"I think...part of why you scare me so much is because...because you do the same to me."

My eyebrows shot up a little. "I do?"

She nodded. "Yeah, um...I mean before I came here I was just kinda...no one. You...in some weird way made me not feel that anymore. I felt like I was suddenly the center of your universe, and that scared me."

"Cocky," I laughed. She rolled her eyes.

"When you showed up at my house and at prom, I...I realized then, that this wasn't just some other thing for you. I thought you would have lost interest by now, to be honest."

"If it was any other girl I would have," I said quietly. Lexi turned her head to study me again.

"See what I mean? That scares the crap out of me. It doesn't give me a free pass to be a bitch, but...I guess I seemed to think so."

I chuckled and didn't disagree. "So...I scare you, huh?"

She nodded and squeezed my hand again. A jolt of pleasure raced up my arm at her touch, seeming to collide with my heart in my chest. A soft smile crept onto my face, and I could no longer hide it.

"Yes, you do. Your experience, your temper, your...fire," she added quietly. "You're an intimidating package when you want to be, but an alluring one all at the same time. It's….intoxicating, but terrifying."

I blinked and tried to put myself in her shoes. Honestly, I knew it would scare me to. I couldn't blame her – and she didn't even know that half of why she really should be afraid of me.

"Well, it's a good thing we're just friends for now then, right?"

She grinned at me. "Right."

We ended up staying on the beach until the sun had completely set. The conversation had gotten lighter after my confession, but that was alright. A weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, and I felt more comfortable to actually talk to her like a friend would. We talked movies, music, hobbies, and just about anything under the sun. Once she opened up, Lexi chattered away and barely let me get a word in.

"I bet you read a lot of those stupid gossip magazines, don't you?" I asked as I pulled into her driveway.

She giggled. "US Weekly is my life! I just love reading about other people's drama. That and trashy TV. It just...makes you forget about your own stupid crap, ya know?" she jabbered.

I rolled my eyes and killed the engine, watching as she unbuckled her seat belt but stayed put.

"I guess if you say so," I laughed. "Eh, I've ever gotten caught up in a few reality show marathons once or twice, so I guess I'm guilty."

Lexi snorted. "So what you're saying is, the next time there's a marathon on 'E!', I should call you and Claire?"

"No, I just...you know if it's on, and I'm too lazy to get the remote, then...maybe it stays on for a couple of hours."

Her head fell back against the seat as she guffawed loudly, her laughter loud against the interior of my truck. I grinned and shook my head, unable to believe I had just admitted to watching trashy television. Here I was, a big, strong shape-shifter who killed evil vampires, and yet...I couldn't resist a good marathon of pointless reality shows.

"You're funny," she said, finally settling down.

"You don't know that half of it," I admitted. We sat in the truck for a few minutes as the last fading light of the day finally disappeared.

"I should get inside," she said finally, turning to face me. "But...I'm glad we did this. I mean...today was fun. Really fun," she added genuinely. "I'm sorry about everything else."

I shrugged. "I'm sorry too. I'd tell you it won't happen again, but...I'm an asshole," I chuckled.

"I know. And I'm...moody and quirky, and probably really immature."

"Did you attend a self-awareness workshop while we weren't speaking? Because it sure sounds like you did. Hit the nail on the head there, Lex."

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Something like that. Actually...a friend talked some sense into me."

I raised an eyebrow. "Someone I know?"

She sighed, giving me a little shrug. "Honestly? It was Regan. That girl is...pretty smart when she wants to be."

Regan? Was she kidding? I gaped at her for a second, unable to believe that the girl I had screwed over had actually helped Lexi decide to talk to me. "You're joking."

"No, I'm not. She told me that people change and...and that I should give you a chance. She knows that...it takes two. You weren't the only guilty one in that party, and she knows that."

"Wow," I muttered. "That was um...nice of her."

"Yeah. She's one of my best friends, Brady. She just wants me to be happy. And weirdly, for some reason...suddenly being happy means giving you a chance."

I barely had time to think of anything else before she scooted over on the seat and wrapped me into a hug. "I'm so sorry about everything. Can we just start over?" she whispered.

I nodded, wrapping my arms around her middle. I let my nose rest against her silky blonde curls, inhaling slightly. She melted against me, relaxing the same way I was. We were finally touching. I felt something in me shift. This was where I was supposed to be. This was the place I had been searching for all this time – in my imprint's firm, hopeful grasp.

"We can start over," I said quietly, nodding. She pulled away slightly and gave me a sad smile.

"Really?"

"Really."

And then...something happened.

The air in the truck shifted, and her eye caught mine. It was a split second, but it felt like a lifetime as I stared at her while she stared back at me.

Our faces slowly moved closer and closer. She's going to come to her senses and pull away. She's going to yell at me and tell me that friends don't kiss! My mind screamed.

But she didn't.

She exhaled softly as her eyelids fell closed, and I didn't hesitate any longer. My lips descended on hers slowly; tentatively. Once they touched, there was no going back. Our mouths melted together like nothing I'd ever felt before in my life. I was finally kissing my imprint. I moved my lips on hers, pressing into her again as if to seal the idea that we could be more than friends in her mind. We had to be after this. As if I didn't think the day could get any better, she kissed me again...and again...and again. I jumped as her hand wove its way into my hair, her fingernails scratching my scalp slightly as she grasped it with her palm. I groaned quietly as my body began to hum with a nervous but excited electricity with what we were doing.

I became aware of the person on the porch about a second too late. Patrick dropped the lid of the garbage can, the hard plastic bouncing off his foot and clanking all the way to the bottom of the steps. We broke apart to look at him, both of us gasping in surprise. He stood, wide eyed and slack jawed for about five seconds before jumping and hurrying into the house.

Lexi groaned and dropped her head into her hands. "Shit."

I was still trying to figure out how to get my mouth to move again as she cussed and searched for her purse. "It's dark...do you...do you think he could see that we were kissing? Ohmigod, I...of course he saw, that would be just my luck..."

She stopped talking to look at me. "Brady? Brady?"

Slowly, I turned my head back to look at her, and I could barely even force myself to blink. Blinking was useless anyway – I would miss a split second of the glorious female sitting beside me. I sighed and tried to get my mouth to work. Electricity seemed to fly through my veins, bouncing around and making every molecule in my body float with contentment. I had no idea that was what it was like be – really be – with an imprint.

I finally understood.

"What?"

"Are you alright? I um...should probably get inside."

"You have to go? Already?!" I asked, suddenly snapping to. The absolute last thing I wanted to do was leave her!

"Yeah...Patrick saw and...I'm not even sure I'm allowed to date to be honest, much less sit in some guy's truck and kiss."

But I'm not just some guy! You're my imprint! I'm your other half! I belong with you! My thoughts screamed as she reached for the lever on the door.

"I...guess I'll see you."

"Tomorrow?"

She watched me, her blue eyes wild and alive as her fingers gripped the door handle. "Maybe."

"Can I call you?"

She blushed, but nodded, handing me her phone. With lightning speed, I typed my number into it and hit send, my own phone vibrating in my pocket. I didn't even care if I typed so fast it looked inhuman. I handed it back to her, our fingers brushing slightly. I could tell by the way her heart jumped that she felt the sparks that flew when we touched.

It wasn't just me.

"Bye Brady."

Thank you to NinkyBaby for beta-ing this lovely piece! Give her some props if you follow her on twitter!

Thank you to everyone who voted for me in the JPNP Awards - I didn't win anything, but I still really appreciate being nominated and those of you who went and voted.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter - it took me a long time to get just right, so please tell me what you thought!