The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

Christina Perri - Distance

Chapter 11: Distance

LEXI

I let the back door to the house swing shut before turning around to lean on it for support. I had kissed Brady. I had kissed Brady and I liked it.

A lot.

My entire body sang with electricity. Or was it relief? Or...perhaps something else? I didn't smoke, but I felt like I needed a cigarette. I felt relaxed, yet high strung at the same time. Giddy.

My head began to spin. What did this mean for us? I kissed him, sure. I liked it...no...I loved it. But now what?

Patrick's face peering around the corner caught my attention. He raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed, my shoulders slumping.

"Um, hi."

"Um, hi," he echoed back, giving me a strange look. He waked into the dim kitchen and padded towards me. "Your dad is asleep in front of the TV."

I gulped loudly and tucked my hair behind my ears, walking over to the counter. I grabbed an apple and sat down, absently picking at the stem. I twisted it twice before it popped off in my hand.

I only got to the letter 'B'.

I tried to hide my smile, but Patrick was too quick.

"You...want to talk about anything?"

I shook my head and stared at the stem in my hand. I could still taste him on my lips as I listened to his truck rumble away. "No."

He was silent a moment as he leaned on the opposite side of the granite countertop, his brown eyes now wide with question. "You sure? You can talk to me, you know."

"I know I can," I muttered.

He sighed. "Okay missy, spill."

I looked up with a panicked look. "What?"

Patrick rolled his eyes at me with mock indignation. "You were just kissing someone in our driveway. Not just anyone. Our contractor. You care to explain that?"

"No," I mumbled into the counter, my cheeks turning red hot. He didn't buy it.

"Lexi..."

"Fine. We're just friends. Happy?"

"No."

I made a 'hmph' sound and crossed my arms. Maybe I was being petulant about this, but I didn't care. I had only just admitted my feelings about Brady to myself. How would I even begin to explain them to Patrick?

"Lex, come on. Up until today, you acted like the kid was stalking you."

I let my eyes flick up to his as if to say, 'so?'

He sighed, pointing in the direction of the TV room where I could hear my father's snores. "You father is going to kill you. If you guys...have another tiff or whatever it is before that garage is finished and he loses his contractor without you telling him what's going on...hell will break loose missy. Hell."

I laughed. "Okay, well...we kissed. I don't know, Patrick. It's not a big deal, okay? We just...talked all day. He took me to the beach and—"

"Now he wants in, in your pants."

"It's not like that."

"How do you know?"

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Trust me, I know. We had a heart to heart and I don't think that's what he's about. Well...at least not anymore. I explained how I am. Kinda...naive. Anyway...it's just a crush. He only thinks he likes me for some reason. We're just friends."

Patrick gave me a skeptical look. "That boy wants to be 'just friends' with you about as much as he wants to go over shingle styles with your father. In other words...not a whole lot. Why wouldn't he realize how great and utterly fabulous you are, Lexi?"

I gazed up at my pseudo step-father and sighed. "Because I'm just me. What would a guy like that want with me? He's hot, I'm not."

He shook his head and sighed. "Why wouldn't he want to be with a girl like you?"

"He'll get bored and move on. Just give it a few weeks."

Patrick gave me a look of disbelief. "Please! I knew from the first day I saw you talking to him that the boy had it bad. I know the signs."

"I told you, he's...well...he used to be a player. I told you all this."

"I know, and I know I also told you that people can change."

"If they're motivated."

He pursed his lips and gave me another look. "He seemed pretty motivated in that truck, kid."

"Whatever," I grumbled. "Like I said...he'll get bored and move on eventually."

"Lexi..." he began, "no one could get tired of you. People gravitate towards you. You're like the sun. Maybe he was just...lost until now. Maybe he needed a little sunshine in his life to convince him to change. He got to know you, and now he knows what he wants."

"Are you actually pushing me to date the hot contractor stalker?"

"Hey honey, if the work boot fits," he joked.

A smile worked its way onto my face, and before I knew it, Patrick had me grinning. "You're great, you know that, right? You always know what to say to me."

He shuffled around the counter and wrapped an arm around me, squeezing. "Anytime. You know that right, kid?"

I bobbed my head. "I know it. That's why I think of you as my second daddy. My pseudo daddy, if you will."

Patrick wheezed a little as he backed away. "You do?"

"Yes. Is that okay?"

He could only grin. "I wish...I wish things had gone differently. I really do. But I'm glad you've...been so open. You have a good heart, Lex."

I shrugged. "Whatever. You're awesome."

Patrick leaned on the counter again and gave me a weak smile. "I still wish things had been different."

"How so?"

He paused. "I wish I wouldn't have had to hurt your mother."

"Oh. Right. That...she deserves to be happy. Preferably with someone who favors her anatomy as well as her heart and mind. I try to think of it that way."

Patrick chuckled, nudging my shoulder with his. "You're a weird one, but I like you."

I wrinkled my nose as I thought of the promise I had made my mother. "Enough to loan me your credit card?"

He recoiled only slightly, his eyebrows rising up. "I thought you quit the designer thing when you moved to Forks?"

"No, I did, I just...I promised mom I would visit her this summer. I...I just want to make good on that. Just for a week?"

I watched as he walked to the counter by the door and picked up his wallet from its place on top of the microwave. Typical Patrick – so trusting and open. He had no secrets. He selected a black card from the array and slid it across the counter to me without a second thought. "My treat."

"Is this to help you get on my mom's good side?"

He thought a moment. "Consider it a peace offering. I don't want her to...just take it."

I rose up on the stool to kiss his cheek. "I love you, Patrick."

I watched my boarding pass print, the hum of the printer the only sound in my room. I had tried to play music while I bought my airline ticket, but nothing seemed to fit my mood. I was...confused. But...strangely satisfied.

Picking up my phone, I opened a text and stared at the blank screen. What do I say? I thought. I knew I owed it to him to at least tell him I was leaving. I'd be on a plane the next day! I had to give him some sort of explanation.

I'm gonna go visit my mom for a week, I typed simply.

I waited and waited, thinking his response would be instant, but nothing.

A watched pot never boils, I chided myself. Pulling my still damp hair into a knot on top of my head, I pulled out a bag and began to pack. I would only be gone for a week, so I knew I wouldn't need much. A trip home would be good – I could clear my head and think and also satisfy my mother. California would be good.

So why didn't I feel that way?

I glanced at my silent phone and ripped the boarding pass from the printer. I was going. I was doing this. No turning back now. Picking up the phone, I dialed Regan.

"Hey," he answered breathlessly. "Sorry, Seth was chasing me with a dead fish."

"I'm sorry?"

She laughed. "We were out back. Charlie and Seth took me fishing today."

"And how'd that go?"

"About as well as you'd think it would go. I hate worms, it turns out. And killing fish. And butchering fish," she mused. "So not well. How are you?"

I sighed. "Well, I'm gonna go visit my mom for the week. I just wanted to let you know."

"Something wrong?"

"No, no, not at all. She just hasn't seen me since January, and I miss my brothers. I just wanted to catch up before senior year starts."

"Yeah. I don't blame you. Well...have a good time," she offered. "We'll miss you. Forks will be...well, still here and just as boring as it ever was."

I laughed as I threw in a bathing suit, just in case. "I'll bet."

"Well, have a good time. Slumber party when you get back?"

"Sure," I said quietly. I was debating whether or not to fill her in about me kissing Brady. It made me look awfully eager that I had gone running into his arms as soon as I had gotten her stamp of approval. Regan didn't strike me as a person who would care either way, but I was still hesitant. Shaking my head, I decided to think about it for a week before saying anything.

"Regan, Charlie says t...minus two minutes for the grill. You want yours breaded or grilled?" I heard Seth ask in the background. Regan sighed.

"Hey, have fun in Cali, okay?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah, will do. Have fun with Seth," I teased before hanging up. I dropped my phone on the bed beside my bag, but not before checking my messages again.

Nothing.

Not a word.

"Hmph," I grumbled, continuing my packing. I finished up and arranged a ride to the airport with Patrick the next morning before climbing into bed. It wasn't late and I wasn't particularly tired, but more just mentally exhausted. My hand reached up and let my fingers touch my lips lightly. They still seemed to tingle with a strange, nervous energy. Closing my eyes, I replayed the kiss again in my mind before I fell asleep.

I dreamt of beaches and deep green woods. And deep brown eyes...

As I boarded the plane next day, I realized I had a text. My heart leaped as I realized it was from him.

Don't let California keep you.

As soon as the California air hit my cheeks, I knew I had made the right decision. A visit home was just what I needed to clear my head and get organized. I knew Brady wouldn't wait forever, and to be honest...I didn't want to make him wait. I vowed to return to Forks with a game plan. The 'just friends' bit was a ruse, and I knew it. I was okay with that, actually. Up until the kiss, I thought I could pull it off.

After the kiss, I knew it wouldn't work.

"My baby," my mom gasped into my hair. She stroked my head a few times as she squeezed the life out of me, right there, in the terminal. I squeaked and wriggled from her grasp to collect my little brothers.

"How are the goober twins?" I laughed, grasping them tightly. Brock, the nine year old, punched my arm lightly as Braden, the six year old, hugged my leg.

"You're home! Can we play on my X-box all night?"

"Sure kid. I can't walk!" I gasped as Braden kept his vice grip on my ankle. He was sitting on my foot like a cement block to keep me from leaving. "Buddy, the plane doesn't go back to Forks for another week. Can I at least get to the car?"

"I'm so glad you're home! Braden, get off your sister. Brock, can you take her bag?"

"I got it, mom, its fine," I chided her. "Now, let's go home."

We loaded into my mother's SUV and left the airport, my brothers chattering away excitedly about what they had been up to that summer. Apparently, someone named 'Michael' had been taking them boating all summer and they couldn't shut up about it.

"Who's Michael?" I asked as we pulled onto our street. My mother immediately looked nervous in the front seat. "Who is he?" I repeated.

"He's her booooyfriend!" Braden trilled, his blue eyes shining. Brock snorted under his breath in the front seat as my mother ducked away from the rear view mirror. I gaped out the window in disbelief as we pulled into the driveway. She had a boyfriend already? Part of me was shocked, but I was mostly happy. Maybe if my mom had a boyfriend, she would stop hating my dad. Or at least stop holding a grudge. I sighed. If only it was that easy.

My parent's old house, which now belonged to my mother, was just a few miles from the beach and placed in the hills of Southern California. As I hopped out of the car, I felt like I was in a time warp.

Nothing had changed. I went up to my old, half emptied room, played a few video games with my brothers, and watched from the kitchen window as they enjoyed a pre-dinner swim in the pool. My mother busied herself with a glass of wine and making my favorite dinner – lasagna.

"So is this Michael person coming to dinner?"

She shook her head. "No. I wanted it to be just us."

I waited for her to explain more. "So...I get to meet him though, right?"

Her blonde head bobbed nervously. "Maybe. The boys like him, I...they needed someone around to be there with him. Michael has a son too, about Brock's age. He knows how boys are."

"Right, but...you like him too?"

"I do. It's new, but...he's a good guy," she assured me. I watched her take a nervous little sip of her wine. "So how's your father and what's his name?"

I felt my shoulders slump as the questioning began. "It's Patrick, mom, and they're fine. Things are really good. I...I really like Washington."

Her eyebrows rose up slightly. "You like a state where it rains more than half the year?"

"It's not about the weather. I like the people. I have friends there. Real friends."

"You had friends here."

I shook my head. "Not like this. Those were just acquaintances. Regan and Claire...they care about me. We share secrets and they give me advice, and...we have fun. I never did that with any of my old friends."

My mother sighed. "Lexi, you just gave up on this place. When your father left us—"

"Mom, he left town so that you could go on with your life without our neighbors being obsessed with your personal life. He left to ease the pain and make a separation. Can't you see that?"

She stopped mid-sentence to listen to me, her large eyes welling up with tears. The pan that simmered in front of her went untouched as she held her hand to her face to wipe her eyes. "I know that. I know all that, but I just...I can't forgive him Lexi. I just can't."

"Mom, you deserve someone who loves you. All of you. Dad could only do so much. He's hurting too, you just don't see if because you're not in the same state anymore. He knows he hurt you and he's sorry."

"But sorry won't give me my life back, will it?" she snapped, grabbing her wine glass. She took another little sip before shakily wiping her eyes. Grabbing the bamboo spoon, she hastily pushed the vegetables around in the pan to keep them from burning.

I didn't have anything else to say. I knew going home for the first time would be difficult, but I wasn't planning on it being this heart wrenching. What were their options? Stay married, even though they both liked men? I couldn't see that working out, at least not for the long term. Of course I was sad my parents weren't married anymore, but I was old enough to know that it wasn't my fault and there wasn't anything they could do to fix it. Pushing back from the counter, I shuffled outside to the deck. I watched as my brothers played in the backyard, the brilliant California sunset as their backdrop.

After eating a quiet, tense, and slightly burnt dinner, I retreated to my dad's old study. My brothers were worn out from the long day, and I was in no mood to talk to my mother. Judging by the way she had immediately reached for her meds after dinner, she was feeling the same way. I changed into my pajamas and let my feet take me to the opposite end of the house to the secluded little office. My dad had designed it himself; a spiral staircase leading up to a little alcove above the house that gave him a breathtaking view of the valley below. It was quiet, separated, and would give me a little serenity in the chaos that was my old life. I felt like I had never even left by the way my mother was acting. I had just gotten home and already, I wanted to get away.

The decision to leave California had been the right one.

I understood that my mom was hurting. But I wanted to be left out of it. Even as an adult, it was awkward to be trapped in the middle of their marriage. I knew he felt great sorrow for what had transpired between them, but how could he help it? Should he have to deny who he was forever? My short eighteen years told me no.

I settled into the little window seat overlooking the valley and pulled an old chenille throw around my shoulders. My forehead slumped forward against the glass window as I watched the last bit of sunlight disappear from view. Maybe tomorrow I would go to the beach – that always cheered me up a little. Even though I didn't consider myself a true 'beach bum', there was something appealing about the feel of sand and saltwater and the fresh scent of the surf. A trip to the beach might do me good.

The beach.

Just the word itself in my mind brought back the memory of a few days before when I had spent the day at the beach with Brady. Was it only two days ago? My head was still spinning just thinking about it. I picked at my nails as I thought about that day. He had opened up to me – so much. I felt like I could understand him so much better now that I got who he was. Of course, he still terrified me, but that was no surprise. I was crushing hard on a former man-whore that I had barely even kissed. It wasn't for lack of trying, that was for sure, but when you were a short, modestly boobed, quirky blonde girl with a weird sense of humor, that rarely gained you any attention from wannabe-could be models and surfer boys. They just didn't go for plain janes like me. Of course my tan and blonde hair and blue eyes were a novelty in a place like Forks. The shallow side of me loved it. For once in my life, I didn't blend into the scenery like a wallflower, and I had actually gained the attention of a really hot guy.

But did I want that attention?

I tried to bite back the smile that threatened to form on my lips just from thinking about Brady. He hadn't hesitated to press his lips against mine in his truck. I had been worried I would be a sucky kisser, but with someone like that, I knew I was in good hands.

Or lips.

His mouth had expertly commandeered mine, guiding and showing me what to do. I felt a warmth spread up my chest and neck and finally reach my cheeks. Kissing Brady had been amazing. I couldn't deny that, not by a long shot.

Leaning back against the pillows, I watched the lights of the Southern California town twinkle in the twilight. My eyes saw the night sky, but my mind was playing the kiss in my head like a movie reel; over and over and over.

I couldn't hold back my smile any longer.

"I'm falling for him," I grumbled, laughing at myself. "I'm falling for him, hard."

My phone suddenly buzzed in my pocket. Thinking it was Claire or Regan asking if I got in alright, I guiltily ignored it for a few minutes. I wasn't ready to face anyone just yet.

Slowly, I let my mind wander to Brady. What was he doing? Letting my eyes close, I tried to picture him. My mind conjured up a taunting image; one of him at a bar, surrounded by chesty, gorgeous women of all ages. He was laughing and talking about soaking up every ounce of their attention with a large grin. Angry with myself, I pulled out my phone and glanced at the screen. The text lit up and made me frown.

California sucks.

"What?" I muttered, sliding it open. The text was from Brady. My heart began to pound in my chest as my fingers hovered over the keys. What do I say to that? What does he mean? I thought feverishly. I swallowed nervously and typed a response.

California does not suck.

His response was almost instant.

Yes it does. Washington is much better.

I let a little laugh slip.

California is a nice place to visit. But Washington is home.

Really?

Yes, why do you ask? Or should I say, why do you argue?

I'm not. Just thinking you might change your mind and never come back.

Worried, are we?

No.

Whatever.

I leaned back against the glass window and sighed. My eyes fell close as I tried to contain the streak of excitement that flowed through me as Brady texted me. It was really something – I needed a friend right now, and his timing was impeccable. How did he know that I needed him?

What are you doing? He asked.

Sitting here. In my dad's old study. You?

Nothing.

I stared at his response. Was he actually doing nothing, or was he just claiming he was because he was doing something wrong? The scantily clad girls that my mind had conjured up suddenly leaned closer to Brady in my daydream, exposing more of their cleavage. I glanced down at my own B cups and frowned. Well, they were Bs on a good day, anyway. I needed assistance from Victoria's Secret on that one, who was I kidding? With a groan of defeat, I held up my phone when it buzzed again.

I'm sitting on the couch in my mom's basement watching reality TV. Our conversation the other day made me realize I hadn't had an E! marathon in quite some time.

I laughed out loud at his words as they appeared on my screen. You're joking, right?

No, flip on a TV. This Jersey girl is about to flip out. Her boyfriend is about to get a horrible haircut.

I shuffled over to the television in the corner and turned it on, my mouth dropping open as I realized he was telling the truth. And well...the guy was about to get a horrible haircut.

My phone's shrill ringtone going off made me almost drop it. I jumped and fumbled with it for a second before holding it up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Told you."

I frowned, listening for sounds of a bar or a club or the slut squad in the background. Nothing.

"You're really on your mom's couch?"

"Yeah. My dad's out of town on business, so I told her I'd crash here."

"Oh?"

"She doesn't like to be home alone."

I laughed. "I don't either. You know there's bears in Washington? Holy crap!"

Brady snorted. "There's a lot worse than bears, trust me."

"What's worse than a bear?"

He laughed, turning the volume down on his television. "So how's California?"

I bit back a smile as I realized he had called me to actually talk. First texting, now this? I was taken aback, but I quickly realized I didn't really want to hang up the phone. I wanted to talk to Brady.

"Oh, you know. Same as I left it. Sunny. And icy all at the same time," I muttered, closing the study door. I flopped on the cushion of the window seat and sighed. "What are you up to?"

"Sounds bad," he said, ignoring my question. "Icy, huh?"

"Yeah well...mom's not exactly thrilled that I haven't come running home yet. She wants me here."

"And?"

"I don't want to be here. I made a life in Washington, and I'm going to stick with it."

He sighed into the phone. Was that a sigh of relief? I wondered. Sticking my toes into the edge of my pajama pants, I held my phone a little closer. Talking to Brady made me feel grounded.

Somehow.

"That's good. I mean...your dad and Patrick would be bummed if you left."

I smirked. "Would you?"

He grunted into the phone. "Please."

"Whatever. Now that we're friends...you'd be totally sad if I left suddenly. Admit it."

"Fine. Whatever. I'd miss you. Now can we get back to this guy's hair?"

I laughed and obliged. We spent the next hour on the phone together, talking randomly and laughing about the train wrecks on the television in front of us. It turned out Brady hadn't been fibbing – he knew most of the characters on the shows and had no qualms about giving me details about them. I was waiting to see if he would bring up the kiss in my driveway, but he never did. The first time I yawned, he made an awkward excuse about taking up my time and bade me a quick goodbye.

Putting the phone down, I pressed my lips together and thought. Brady and I were friends. I had talked to him like I would any other friend. Of course there were flirty undertones, but that was normal...right? He was a guy and I was a girl. The two couldn't exist as friends without a little flirtation.

Could they?

Sighing, I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared out the window. Now that he had agreed to be just friends and I had actually begun to trust him, it was just that much more complicated. I understood Brady now; his good and his bad. Maybe that's what frightened me the most.

I still wanted him.

Of course I did. Every girl wants at least one boy in her life that she can't possibly have. I had read enough books from the 'young adult' section at Borders to know that much.

Brady was my bad boy.

I also knew the endings of said books.

The bad boys were the ones that always broke hearts and left them shattered in the dust. Then, out of said dust would emerge the 'nice guy' or the guy who had been waiting in the wings the whole time, just casually bending into the background until page 342.

I frowned. There was no 'nice guy' in my equation.

"Shoot, where does that leave me?" I muttered, dropping my chin on top of my knees. I had never felt this conflicted in my entire life. Granted, I didn't get out much, but still. I was conflicted and I fucking hated it. California was supposed to clear my mind.

All I wanted to do was go home to Washington and talk to Brady.

Or at least be in the same zip code.

My phone buzzed again. I ignored the depleted battery that was red and flashing and begging for a charge to open his text.

I have a confession.

I snorted. You secretly have all seventeen seasons of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' on DVD?

No. Haha. (sarcasm)

What is it then?

Nothing could have prepared me for what he typed next.

I can't stop thinking about that kiss.

Big thank you to Ninky Baby for her beta work - she is a constant helping hand in this fic, and I want to thank her for being so awesome.

Remember, Lexi has her own little info page on my blog that I posted no too long ago, so if you'd like to see pictures of her, Patrick, her mom, etc -head on over there. An as always, if you have questions or concerns or just want to know how far along the chapters are as I write, please follow me on twitter: TwilightCakes.

A few people have asked how much longer Lexi's human days will be. If you remember from reading LTP, she was changed sometime in the late fall. We're still in summer in this fic, and I'm going to let her enjoy her life a bit more before the change. I hope that answers some questions? If you have more, just shoot me a PM or tweet me.

Enjoy, and please review!