So sorry it took so long for me to update. I have a weird health condition and one thing lead to another and next thing I know it's been over a month. Anyways, here is a 5k chapter to make up for it :)

Zola POV

I wake up because I hear a strange noise. Normally when this happens, the noise is coming from Ellis and I can talk to her until she falls back asleep but this time is different. Aunty Melia is making strange noises. I sit up to look at her and I can see she is still asleep, but she is crying and she looks scared. I'm not sure what to do because when my mom used to have bad dreams, she didn't like it when I woke her up, but mom never looked so scared either. I pick up my Aunts phone and look at the time, it's 6:30 am and my Mom should be awake by now because of the time difference. I find her name in contacts and click the call button.

"Amelia its really early, are the kids alright?" I hear my Mom say down the phone.

"Mom I think Aunty Melia is having a bad dream and I don't know what to do. She is crying in her sleep." I explain and I hear her exhale lightly down the phone.

"It's okay Zozo, you did a good job calling me. Are you okay?" She asks me softly.

"Yeah I just don't know what to do. I wake Bailey if he has bad dreams but I don't wake you when you have one. I don't know whether she wants to be awake."

"Okay sweetie. I want you to stay on the phone to me and wake her up okay, but make sure not to touch her, wake her up with your voice. Talk to her until she wakes up okay?"

"Okay then what?" I ask, wanting to make sure I know what I'm doing before I start. I don't like not having plans.

"When she is awake you need to ask her if she wants to talk to Arizona. If she does you need to hang up on me and call Arizona and give your Aunt her phone okay?"

"Okay."

"Then I want you to text me either on the spare phone in the drawer in the kitchen or on Amelia's phone okay?"

"Yeah I can do that."

I go to the kitchen to get the spare phone before waking my Aunt. I don't want to leave her when she is awake so I want to bring it with me incase I need to use it to text my Mom. When I walk back into Aunty Melia's room, she is crying more than she was before and mumbling something that doesn't really make sense. My mom is still on the phone, telling me it's okay and to wake her. She reminds me not to actually touch my Aunt which is strange but I do as I'm told.

"Aunty Melia, wake up." I say quietly but she doesn't stop mumbling. "Aunty Melia, it's a bad dream you need to wake up. Aunty Melia, wake up" I say gradually getting louder. I see her eyes open quickly as she sits herself up and looks around the room. "Do you want me hang up on mom to call Arizona?" I offer like I had been told to do. But she shakes her head, pulling her knees up to her body rocking backward and forward. I'm scared, I have never seen her like this before. She is normally happy and relaxed. She let's me and Bailey stay up past bedtime and doesn't have as many rules as my mom. But she is the opposite of relaxed right now, her muscles are so tensed and she is shaking.

I tell my Mom what is happening and my Aunt realises I'm still on the phone so she reaches out to take it from me.

"Mer?" My Aunt asks down the phone, wiping her eyes with the back of her other hand. She is still breathing quickly but she seems to be crying less.

"I'll be okay. We are okay." My aunt says between stutters. "Zola is okay. She woke me up. I'm going to. I'm sorry." Aunty Melia says to my mom and I'm super confused. I don't know what she is apologising for, she shouldn't be apologising for having a bad dream, you can't help it. "Bye." My Aunt finishes before hanging up the phone.

"Aunty Melia, do you want me to call Zona for you?" I ask, still staying away from her like my Mom told me to.

"I'm okay Zozo. I'm getting up, you should go back to sleep." She tells me but I shake my head. I don't want to leave her on her own.

"When Dad died I had nightmares and they were worse when I was on my own. Mom let me sleep in her bed to help make it better." I explain and I can still see her shaking. I wish my mom was here, or Zona. This is scaring me. Aunty Melia is always happy when she comes round to see us, but right now she seems like a different person. I don't like it.

Amelia POV

"I'm sorry Zola. You shouldn't have had to deal with that. I shouldn't have let you stay in here last night." I say to her, trying to keep myself from panicking. I'm at a point where this could either clear up or get significantly worse and I don't want my niece to see that.

"You didn't know this was going to happen, you can't control your dreams. It's not your fault." Zola says quietly and I nod. She is partially right, it isn't my fault, but I did know this would happen. I mean, I hoped it wouldn't but logically I knew it would. I have nightmares every night. I'm guess I'm just lucky she only woke up the last time when it was almost morning.

"You can come sit on the bed, it's okay." I explain to her as she stands a meter away from me at all times. I must have scared her in my sleep. I hate that I did this. Zola slowly makes her way to the bed and sits down, still keeping her space. "I'm not going to bite you know. You can come closer."

"Mom said I shouldn't touch you." She explains and I nod.

"I'm okay now though. Your mom just meant not to touch me while I was scared."

"Why wasn't I allowed?" Zola asks carefully. She shuffles back to sit next to me but still limits contact.

"Because I don't want to hurt you. Sometimes when people are scared or don't know what's happening they hurt people by accident." I explain and she just nods sadly. I am internally terrified right now. I feel nauseous, my skin is crawling and I want nothing more than to lock myself in the bathroom with my blade but I know I can't. I have Zola to consider.

I take Zola's hand in my own to show her that I am okay, that I'm not going to spontaneously combust or whatever she is worrying about with contact.

"See. I'm okay. I'm sorry I scared you." I say calmly, still unable to look at her face.

"I know. Why were you crying?" Zola asks carefully, and I know I try to always tell her the truth, but I know this isn't a conversation I can have with her. Just last night I was explaining she needs to be a kid. I can't put more on her plate.

"Because I dreamt about something bad that happened. I don't really want to talk about it but I'm okay."

"You should call Zona, Aunty Melia. She makes you happy."

"I already texted her. She will call me when she wakes up." I confirm. I can't believe I have gotten myself into this situation.

"I was scared Aunty Melia. I didn't know what to do." Zola tells me and I feel unbelievable amounts of guilt. I hate that I made her feel this way.

"I know and I'm sorry. You did perfectly Zozo, you were so good." I compliment.

"Can I have a cuddle?" She asks and I can see how shook up about the situation she is. Physical contact is the last thing I want right now but I know it's what my niece needs. I open my arms to let her crawl into and she rests her head on my chest.

"I'm really sorry Zozo. I never wanted you to deal with this."

Arizona POV

It's strange waking up without Amelia by my side. I roll over expecting to see her face until I remember she didn't sleep here last night. I reach over to my bedside cabinet to pick up my phone to see messages from Amelia and Meredith. I expected to have messages from my girlfriend but I wasn't expecting to get one from Mer. The message reads:

"Zola just called me and woke me because Amelia was having a nightmare. I talked her through how to wake her up carefully and then I spoke to Amelia. She said she would call you but didn't sound convincing. When you wake up could you check everything is okay with her and the kids please? "

I shuffle back to sit against the headboard of the bed. I then open my message from Amelia. I am annoyed she didn't call me like she told her sister she would but the messages were only received a little over half an hour ago so I know she hasn't been alone for too long. I open the message from Amelia to see:

Call me when you wake up. I'm okay, don't worry x

Her message seems so calm considering the situation and I know she wouldn't want to panic me, but I'm glad Meredith gave me a fuller picture. Instead of replying to her message I click dial and call her instead.

When the phone is answered I expect it to be Amelia, but instead I get Zola. She said that Amelia is in the shower. When I ask a few questions, Zola insists that they're all okay and that Amelia seemed much better than when she first woke up. I would be inclined to believe the girl but Amelia is showering. She doesn't shower this early on a morning out of choice. She prefers to wait until after the kids are up and have had breakfast so I presume she is hiding to cry or with get blade. I tell Zola to keep an eye on her brother and sister and that I'm thing to come round to make us all a special breakfast, that I will be there in half an hour.

I head to my daughters room, feeling guilty about waking her up this early but I'm surprised to see her already conscious with a book in her hands.

"Sofia baby, get dressed as quick as you can. We are going to go have breakfast with Amelia and Zola." I say, and at the sound of her best friends name she is up and getting dressed almost immediately. "I need to have a super quick shower and then we will go. Okay?"

"Yep. Can I bring my book?"

"Sure."

I wash and dress as quick as I can and 15 minutes later we are in the car and ready to go. I try not to panic, knowing that Sofia is here and would pick up on that, but I am extremely concerned about Amelia's well fair. I knew last night that her letting Zola sleep in her bed was a bad idea, but she insisted it would be okay. She must have had her reasons. When we get to the house, Zola is waiting. She has the door open before I have chance to knock. When she let's us in Sofia and herself immediately run away to play in the living room.

"I'm going to have a talk with Amelia then I'll make breakfast." I tell the girls and they just nod acceptingly.

I check the bathroom first but Amelia isn't in there. There is water in the tub so I know she has showered but must have left recently. I head to her old bedroom, presuming she will have slept in there. If I hadn't have heard her snuffles, I wouldn't have known she was in here. The bed is empty and she isn't in sight but I can hear her. I walk around the bed to see her sitting on the floor with her knees tucked up and her head resting on them.

"Amy what do you need?" I ask, sitting down about a foot away but she doesn't reply. "Amy, look at me." I say with a bit more clarity in my voice. She lifts her head slowly and her face is bright red from crying. I open my arms and she collapses into my embrace. I pull her as close as I can and just rock her gently until the crying has subdued.

"You're okay. You're doing so well." I say quietly in her ear. "Do any of the cuts need checking?" I follow up and she just stops and stares blankly.

"I didn't." Amelia says and I give her a moment because she looks like she is going to continue. "I didn't cut. I just, didn't."

"This is huge Amy! I'm so proud of you." I exclaim and her blank expression gradually turns into a small smile.

"I didn't cut." She repeats, this time with more confidence in her voice.

"Come on. Get up." I say pulling myself up from the ground, using the bed to steady myself until my prosthetic is safely planted on the ground. I reach out my hand for Amelia to take and I pull her up to join me. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her on the cheek. "I love you so much, and I'm so proud of you."

"I need to speak to Zola. We had a conversation last night, and what happened this morning doesn't really help what we spoke about."

"Okay. Well I'm going to make waffles. It's a tradition that when Sof is having a bad day, she gets waffles, and I thought it would work for Zola too. Could you walk round to the corner store for some fruit to go on them? It'll give you and Zola time to talk." I suggest and she just nods.

"Can I have just one more minute of hugs first though?"

"Always."

Sofia keeps Bailey and Ellis entertained while I make food. I'm glad they have all the ingredients to make a waffle batter because I hadn't thought about that before hand, I just brought the waffle iron. I'm worried about Zola. What Amelia said last night and then what happened this morning, it's a lot. While they're out I make sure to call Meredith, give her an update on the situation and let her know everybody is okay. I can't imagine how worried she must have been receiving such a phone call from Zola this morning.

Just as I put down the phone from talking to Meredith, Amelia and Zola walk through the door hand in hand.

"Smells good. Do you want the fruit preparing?" Amelia offers while Zola grabs the place mats to lay the table. I pass her a chopping board and she gets a knife before moving to stand next to me.

"Are you both okay?" I ask quietly, careful that none of the kids are around to over hear.

"She is. I'm getting there. I'm still worried about her though."

"I thought you said she was okay?" I question, feeling like I'm not fully following her train of thought.

"She is fine, she dealt with things this morning and she was a little scared. But she is fine. I thought she would want to talk more about it when we went out but she actually had more sex related questions. I have no idea where they're all coming from."

"Well I can't imagine that's the most comfortable topic to talk about, but curiosity is natural." I explain, trying to stay as neutral as I can but Amelia shakes her head.

"I know. I actually don't mind, I'm the cool Aunt with whom it's slightly less awkward to talk about these things with."

"But then why are you worried about her?"

"I'm worried she is losing her childhood. She is too much like Derek."

"I'm not following." I say wanting more context before I respond.

"When my Dad died, it was the worst thing in the world for me, but I knew I would be okay because I had Derek. He did everything my dad was supposed to, and half the stuff my mom was supposed to. I was too young to really understand what was happening, but he put me first. He was 13 when dad died, and overnight he became an adult. As soon as I was old enough to realise that, it was too late. His childhood was gone. Zola is doing the same to look after Bailey and Ellis, but this time I'm in a place where I can help her. She needs time to just be a kid." She explains, I can see she is tearing up at the concept and it feels like something she wouldn't usually talk about.

"You're an amazing Aunt, you know that? And Zola is so lucky to have you watching out for her. If you ever need a hand to juggle things while you spend time with her I'd be happy to help out." I reply after careful consideration. I want her to know I support her, but also give her the space she needs to figure things out.

"Thank You."

Amelia POV

I didn't realise how much I needed that today. Although I'm physically exhausted from all that happened last night, watching the kids playing together in the park, seeing Zola and Sofia taking their time to let Bailey and Ellis join in with all their games and activities, it's like the two halves of my life truly combined this afternoon. I was with Arizona and her daughter, who may have only been in my life for a short time but who have done so much for me. And then it's like Derek is here too, within his kids. Bailey and Ellis carry his DNA, they look so much like him but Zola has all of his mannerisms. I'm surrounded by people I care so much about and I'm happy. Not just happy enough, but truly content with my life.

When the kids had had enough at the park we took Zola, Bailey and Ellis home, dropping them off with Maggie. I made sure to give Zola a big hug, reminding her to call me, whenever she needs a break. She promises she will, I just hope she follows through.

Sofia, Arizona and I spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing and having family time. I finally got around to teaching Sofia the recipe to my infamous fudge cake that Addison had told her about. I let Sofia do most of the work, only stepping in if she asked for help. She seemed to be enjoying herself and it gave us time to chat about the little things as a family. The kitchen was a huge mess but it was worth it. I'm pretty sure Arizona actually tried to get this much flour in my hair but the grin on her face was worth it. I love these guys so much, sometimes I think it's a little too much.

Once Sofia has gone to bed, Arizona and I sit on the couch, not really doing much, just relaxing and talking about our day. She is laid in my arms which opposes our usual positions but we are both comfortable. I like that things can switch up and I don't always feel like the vulnerable side of the relationship.

"You remember last month when I had a nightmare, and we stayed up talking in the middle of the night instead of sleeping?" I ask Arizona, still processing how I'm going to continue this conversation but knowing I've been thinking about it for a while and now is as good a time as any.

"Which time? When we talked about Derek or when we talked about sex?"

"Sex." I state dryly, still trying to work out how to talk about what I want to say.

"You asked if I'd ever slept with a guy. Then we talked about strap ons. What about it?" My girlfriend asks so openly, clearly not bothered by what I consider to be an awkward discussion point. It's at this moment I find myself extremely grateful that she can not see my face to see how much I am cringing.

"Then last week, you said that we could try, well… I could try to, y'know-"

"Touch yourself?" She finishes more for me.

"Yeah. That. I guess I've been thinking." I start but instead of asking what about, Arizona just stays quiet, giving me time to continue. "I want to try stuff, I think but I ehm, eurgh this is embarrassing." I trail off, burying my face in my hands. I feel Arizona change her position. Her hand gently wraps around my wrist as she pulls my hand away from my face. I can feel my cheeks getting flushed and the situation is awkward but I trust Arizona.

"Amy, babe, look at me. I love you, you don't need to be embarrassed about this it's perfectly normal." She replies without a hint of judgement in her voice.

"Maybe for you, but I'm only just getting used to the having sex part, never mind talking about it." I admit, fumbling with my hands.

"You said you think you want to try stuff. What do you have in mind?"

"I guess, I want to be comfortable with my own hands first, but I'm really not right now. I need you to help." I explain and she gives a small smile. My cheeks must be a deep crimson this point but I try to continue. "I guess I'm also curious about other methods, I definitely don't want to go straight for a strap on or anything I need time to get used to the idea of things that aren't you touching me down there. But then I started thinking I actually have no idea what other options there are and my brain started spinning and then life happened and now I think I'm more confused than I was to start with." I finish, realising how much I had just rambled about and Arizona just has a big grin on her face.

"What?" I ask my girlfriend, starting to be creeped out by her smirk.

"I'm proud of you. I know that wasn't easy." She says, still smiling but I feel just as lost as I did before.

"I'm sorry I'm not good at talking about stuff like this." I say with a small voice.

"I think you're better than you give yourself credit for. You just opened up, told me about your wants and your fears and now we can do something about it." Arizona says before holding out her hand for me to take. "Come with me."

My girlfriend leads the way to our bedroom, telling me to sit down on the bed. I do as she says but am more curious to see what she is looking for. She opens the wardrobe and reaches up to a box on the top shelf. It's about shoebox sized, black with silver edges I give her a questioning gaze. She brings the box over, opening it before quietly emptying the contents on the bed. I presumed Arizona owned some sex toys, but I hadn't considered quite how many. It's not like she has a collection of rainbow dildos or anything, it's nothing like that at all. The box held about 10 items of varying types. I look at the contents realising I only know what about half of these things are and that I have never used any of these things before.

"Wow… I ehm, I don't know what to say here."

"You don't have to say anything. I'm just showing you what I have. It's a variety, so if and when you decide you want to try something, we can go through it together and decide what to use. Sex is supposed to be fun, and we love each other so whatever happens, it's going to be okay."

"Can we erm, put those away, for now. Please?" I plead with an awkward grin.

"Of course. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you more." Arizona says, quickly packing the box up and placing it at the end of the bed. "Just so you know, you don't need to be shy with me okay? I see you, all of you, and you're perfect." She continues, sitting up before learning in to kiss me. Thanks to our awkward positions, Arizona topples on top of me interrupting out little make out session. She goes to pull away, to get up, but instead I just cup her face pulling her back in towards me.

"This okay?" I ask her before continuing?

"Amazing."

I take my hand from the back of Arizona's neck and move it to join the other at the base of her back. I slowly pull the lining of her shirt up over her head taking my time to take in all of the freshly exposed flesh. I trace my fingers up her sides before bring her in to kiss me again but she stops me.

"Take your shirt off first, then we don't have to stop kissing when I want it gone." She explains and I roll my eyes at her but find myself complying anyway.

"Very efficient of you. Can we continue now?" I ask, but I don't have time to finish my question as her lips are back on mine. Gently but a gradually quickening pace. Her lips leave my own and begin kissing down my neck. She catches a certain spot and I feel like I'm going to crumble beneath her. Arizona notices my response and repeats her action, sucking and nipping gently around it. I feel my chest rise up towards her. "Az, please." I pant knowing my arousal and need is growing by the second.

"I'm getting there. Sit up a bit." My girlfriend commands and I feel her hands swiftly undoing my bra before descending further to unbutton my jeans.

I take a moment to study my girlfriend before pulling down her sweatpants.

"Amy wait."

"What's wrong?" I ask, suddenly concerned that she wanted to stop. Did I do something wrong? I can't think of anything.

"I'm fine, just leg first then sweat pants otherwise they're going to be totally tangled tomorrow. Just a second." She states, carefully removing her leg and the fabric sleeve that prevents blistering. "Now the sweatpants can go. You want to do it or can I?" Arizona asks sweetly.

"You can do it, but leave the panties, they're for me to take off." I instruct and she nods showing she understands.

It doesn't take long for Arizona to be back on top of me, her lips gently attacking my breasts, taking her time with each, making sure they get equal amounts of attention.

"Az please stop teasing. I need more." I beg and she pulls back to smirk before running her fingernails lightly down from my chest to him hips. The action causes me to shiver and goosebumps rise across my body. Her hands carefully sit of the edges of my panties when she gives me a questioning look.

"Can I take them off?" she asks.

"Yeah. It's okay. I'm okay." I say between heavy breaths, trying to reassure my girlfriend that I'm not going to break. Arizona clearly gets the message because in just a few swift movements, my panties are joining the rest of my clothes on the bedroom floor. My girlfriend lifts us up and pulls the blankets on top of us without me asking, knowing that I can feel self conscious and I just grin at the act, knowing how much she cares for me.

Her lips reattach to my own, this time a little more needy than before. She positions her legs with one between my own, gently rocking against me while we kiss. I unclip her bra and carefully remove it from her limbs as the make out session gets deeper. It doesn't take long for me to be fully turned on, small moans and pants becoming audible.

"Az, I need more. I need you. Please." I explain and she pulls away slowly. She grabs her cushion, placing it next to me before moving her amputated leg to let her balance comfortably as she straddles me. Her fingers quickly locate my clit and start running gentle circles. I'm already close at this attention just brings me closer to the edge, but not close enough. My hands grip the sheets and I push my head onto the pillows, trying to make the most of every touch, every movement.

"Amy look at me." Arizona says but she doesn't slow her movements. I force my eyes open, trying to look at her and I'm greeted by her other hand that cups my face gently. "Do you trust me?" Arizona continues and I nod my head yes, pleasure preventing me from properly forming words. She carefully moves my hand, pulling it gently away from the sheet, taking my index finger and placing it gently on my clit, replacing her fingers. Instead of letting go, she keeps hold of my hand, keeping the movements at her pace. "Is this okay?"

"Mmhm" I moan with a slight nod of my head.

"If you say stop, we stop okay?" Arizona makes sure to explain and I simply nod again.

"I-uh, I. Trust. You." I manage to say between breaths.

"I'm going to let go. Keep your finger moving, and keep looking at me okay. I love you."

I keep my finger moving at the same speed Arizona had set at she gently let's go off my wrist. I feel her hand close to my own as she circles where I want her most. She presses two fingers into me and my body jerks towards her. She must have noticed my movements stopping as she stops herself.

"Slow circles. You're doing amazing Amelia." She complements. "Keep your eyes on me, it's just us here." As I continue my movements, Arizona does too. Her fingers pumping into my, bending to catch my most sensitive areas. I keep my eyes glued to Arizona's as I'm getting close. She speeds up slightly, using her free hand to push my leg further towards my head, letting her reach new angles inside of me.

I come silently, uncontrollably. Arizona's fingers slowing their movements as I come back to reality. I try to sit myself up, swatting Arizona away, attempting to get out from underneath her. "I'm sorry. Was it too much?" Arizona asks, visibly concerned as she keeps her body away from my own.

"No. It was good. It's just, new. I can't believe I just did that."

"You did, I promise, I was there." Arizona jokes with a grin, moving back towards me under the blankets. I feel her arm snake around my stomach.

"Don't be a smart ass. You know what I meant." "I do. I'm proud of you. You sure you're okay?"

"I'm perfect. We are perfect."