Title: Without You
Author: Writerinthemaking
Email: Greatly appreciated
Classification: The West Wing – CJ/Danny

Rating: M
Summary: CJ and Danny face the lessons of love and life in this mosaic of feelings. The story deals with their long awaited romance, the hidden feelings and how a small misunderstanding and a big change can test even the strongest love.
Spoilers: None really – it's purely fictional, but there are elements from the real show.
Disclaimer: All characters belong entirely to Aaron Sorkin and The West Wing - How am I supposed to live without you is performed by Michael Bolton Greatest Hits 1985-1995

Authors Note: On with the story. I hope you llike it...

2. Truth and Heartache

Early next morning Abbey woke up to some rather strange sounds. She sat up and then remembered where she was. She heard the toilet flush and realised what had woken her up. She rushed to the bathroom only to find the door was locked. She called out for CJ but got no reply.

She knocked on the door but there was no answer.

"Claudia Jean I'm warning you, if you don't open this door this minute I'll go get my secret service agents to break in the door and drag you out", Abbey was relieved when she heard the key being turned.

She stepped in and almost fell back when CJ almost collapsed in her arms.

"I'm sorry", was all CJ was able to say before she broke down and started crying. Abbey led them to the tub where they could sit down their backs against the tub. There was a faint smell of vomit in the room mixed with some perfume CJ had tried to hide the smell with.

Abbey took a good look at her friend. Then came one of the questions CJ had been dreeding ever since Abbey stepped into her bedroom yesterday.

"How far long are you?", Abbey mentally kicked herself a bit for not noticing before now.

"Eight weeks", CJ wispered. She looked so lost and confused. Abbey gave her friend a hug.

"CJ, that's wonderful. A baby", Abbey said with a smile.

"There is nothing wonderful about this whole mess", CJ answered her before she suddenly brushed past Abbey to throw up again.

CJ felt a hand pulling away her hair from her face and a reasuring hand on her back as she emptied out the last of her stomach.

The tears streaming down her face was part from the throwing up and part because what she really wanted was someone else holding her hair back rubbing her back.

"CJ I'm going to change your sheets while you take a shower, would that be okay", Abbey asked CJ a while later when CJ was brushing her teeth.

CJ stopped brushing. The sheets. That was the last she had of him right now. They still smelled like him, of them, of their passionate lovemaking. It might have seemed unrational to most people but she couldn't possibly loose everything now.

Abbey seemed to know what was going through CJ's mind.

"CJ I'll leave the sheets on", Abbey saw the relieved expression on CJ's face and continued "why don't you take a shower. I have to go back to the White house for an hour or so. When I come back we'll have lunch," CJ nodded and saw Abbey leave. A couple of minites later she heard the frontdoor being closed.

She slowly walked to the bedroom. She had several reasons as to why she didn't want Abbey to change the sheets. Not only because of the memories. She walked over to the bed and lifted one of the pillows. Under it lay her pregnancy test. The one she had been hiding for almost three weeks... she pushed away the memories of that faithful night a week ago.

She opened her bedside-tabledrawer and placed the test in there.Then she went back to the bathroom and turned on the shower. As she stod under the hot water she remembered their very first time. When they had crossed the ultimate line from friends to lovers.

-----------------------

A Friday night in July 05

She was wrapping up the last of the days work when he knocked on her office door. She looked up and saw him standing there in a black amarni suit with a big bunch of red roses in his arms. She smiled.

"What are you doing here? You were supposed to pick me up at home in an hour. I was just about to rush out of here to go home and get dressed", she felt her heart pound with happiness as she watched him walk against her. He came over and loosely dropped the roses on his way over. They created a small path all the way to the officedoor. He dropped the last ones just in front of her and drew her in for a very passionate kiss. The kissed grew deeper and deeper and only ended because they both needed air at some point.

"See you in an hour" and with that he gave her a small kiss on the nose, turned and left the office. She smiled and quickly gathered her things. During the last weeks their relationship had gone from small kissing sessions to very elaborate make out scenes almost everywhere they had the chance to. However only some of staff knew they were dating. At least officially knew. The First Lady had been a great help. She had convinced Leo, Toby and even the President that they were two adults and that they both deserved to be happy. That they knew how to seperate their personal and private lives. The last years had shown that they were aware of the obvious conflict of interest.

When she walked out of the office she saw that the path of roses continued around the corner. She smiled and followed it. The path continued all the way to her car. Several of the staffers noticed and smiled at her as she walked by. She couldn't believe he had done this. Somewhere in her usually very rational brain she questioned the sanity in this but her heart told her to enjoy it.

She arrived at her frontdoor and found a note stuck under the door. She bend down and picked it up. She opened it and read:

"Tonight is going to be

The single most important

Exclusive I'll ever get.

Thank you so much for

Letting me in. I love you

- D"

She felt the tears well up and quickly let herself in. She didn't have much time but she had prepared things before she left for work this morning. She stepped into the shower only minutes after arriving home. The black silk dress with a rather deep v-cut in front and an open back already lay ready on her bed. It had two doubble twisted black straps and she was going to wear the gold leaf earrings he had given her and a small gold medalion in a long chain as a necklace. She used her hairstraighter to make her hair just right. Applied make up and finished with a splash of her favorite perfume. The smell of the lilacy perfume and the odour from her shampoo surrounded her in a feeling of sheer happiness. She looked into the full length mirror and felt glad about the result. She wore black stilettos with only a short heel. She applyed a bit of rosy lipgloss and was ready just when the doorbell rang.

She picked up her black pearl clutch bag and walked to the door. She took a deep breath before opening the door.

The expression on Danny's face was worth all the hours she had spent looking for the perfect dress.

"You look...", Danny couldn't speak but the look in eyes said it all. Tears had gathered in his eyes and he reached for her as he stepped in and placed the buket of roses on the table. He drew her in for a kiss and they just stod there for a while kissing. The kisses were slow and sensitive. When they broke apart he smiled at her and tucked a small piece of hair behind her ear.

"You look amazing. If I knew how beautiful you would be tonight I would have made reservations in Paris", he spoke in a low husky tone.

"Danny, I'm sure tonight will be perfect anyway", she said in a slightly shy tone. Even though he would always compliment her she was still not completely used to all the attention. She loved it but still felt a little embarresed by his nice words.

"Hey you" he reached for her chin and slowly turned her face towards his. "You have to believe me when I say you are the most beautiful woman I've ever met", he leaned in and kissed her very passionately.

She groaned a little when he drew her pelvis closer and their bodies were in full contact. He was definetely ready for something else than dinner and she felt the warmt in her heart begin to work its way downwards. He then broke the kiss and took her hand leading her out the door and to dinner.

They ate dinner at a small very romantic restaurant. They didn't speak much but their eyes never left each other.

"Danny thank you for the path of roses earlier today", she thanked him by leaning in and giving him a sultry kiss.

He was about to say something when he felt her hand slowly tracing circles on his left thigh. His hand caught hers under the table. He leaned in and wispered:

"If you keep doing that I'm not going to last very long"

"Then let's get out of here", she looked at him passion flaring in her eyes.

They paid and were back at her apartment in less than 20 minutes. On the elevator up to her floor they were making out like horny teenagers. Inside her apartment he suddenly felt her slow down and tense up. She untangled herself from him and walked past him into her living room. He feared that he might'd scared her but she had seemed pretty okay with things just a few minutes ago and she did start it at the restaurant.

"CJ..." he began but she cut him off.

"Danny I'm sorry it's not that I don't want to, I do, but it's been like forever since I ... I mean I might not be ... " She avoided his gaze the entire time she spoke. She began walking towards the kitchen but he got to her first. He drew her into his embrace.

"CJ I've wanted to do this ever since I laid eyes on you. And hey I'm not exactly Brad Pitt am I? I am just as nervous as you. If this is moving to fast we'll not do this tonight. Just remember I love you Claudia Jean. I want you want this as much as I do. Don't worry I know you'll do great, you'll be great. I mean if only half the fire and passion from your kisses and beautiful looks goes into this I will die a happy man." Danny tried his best not to scare her but he wanted her to know he would be there for her no matter what. She looked at him and slowly let her hands wander from his face to his back and down.

He kissed her and let his own hands wander down her backside. As they slowly found their way to her bedroom he wispered:

"CJ let me in" she stopped for a second and wisperd back:

"You already are" and with that they closed the door behind them to the bedroom.

-------------------------------

Sometime in November 05

CJ stepped out of the shower. The memories from their first night as lovers had almost made her dizzy. The night had been perfect and she had never expirenced anything as beautiful and passionate before. They had waited for such a long time and all that passion and hidden feelings had gone into that very night. She remembered how he had held her afterwards not allowing her to think and rationalize in the way she would normally do.

She got into some fresh clothes and went to her bedroom. Abbey wasn't back yet. Suddenly she felt very sleepy and decided to lie down for a couple of minutes. She removed most of the pillows and found what she was looking for. His grey Boston Globe sweatshirt. She could still smell him and feel him around her, inside her, when she put her head down on the shirt. She soon drifted off to sleep and was still sleeping an hour later when Abbey returned.

Abbey locked herself in and immediately noticed the silence. She walked through the living room to the kitchen to the bathroom before she found CJ sleeping in her bed. She saw the Boston Globe sweatshirt and smiled. She did the same thing when Jed went away on a trip. She let CJ sleep and went back to the kitchen to make them some lunch.

She had also brough some salty crackers and som ginger ale for CJ to eat in the morning to help with the morning sickness. She placed all the different fruits she had brought in two big bowls. She needed to get CJ eating a lot. She had to eat for the baby as well and in the last two days she figured the most she had eaten was a small piece of lasagna and some dry toast. But for now she needed sleep. She had been stressed out and that didn't go well with a new pregnancy.

Her cellphone rang and she went to the living room to answer it.

"Yes, aha I see. Atlanta. Did he change flights after that?" she wrote the information down on a piece of paper.

"He did what? But what about his assignments? He just left it all and quit? I understand. But you don't know where he is right now? Keep looking okay. I want to know when and where you find him asap. Thank you," Abbey turned around to hang up the phone and saw CJ standing in the livingroom doorway looking at her.

"What do you think you're doing?", CJ voice was high and angry. She couldn't believe her friend.

"CJ, calm down I just wanted help you. I hate seing you like this. Please forgive me I just had to do something. You have to deal with this CJ, you can't stay locked up here forever," Abbey walked over to CJ but CJ turned and walked into her bedroom slamming the door after her.

One one side of the door Abbey leaned in and put her right hand palm to the door. She knew the right thing would have been to let CJ come out and tell her the entire story herself. But she so wanted to rip Danny's head off and she was enclined to find him herself. On the other side of the door CJ slowly crumbled and slid to the floor. She was angry with Abbey for invading her privacy but most of all she was mad at herself. Mad at herself for throwing away the best thing she ever had. It was entirely her fault that he had left. She knew that, but Abbey didn't.

-----------------------------

The end of August 05

It had been eight incredible weeks together. CJ couldn't believe how amazing and sweet Danny could be. Every night they would meet up, mostly at her apartment where they practically lived. They would have dinner, watch old movies, dance, drink good wine and make love all night long.

Every morning she awoke from his kisses or she would wake him with slow and soft kisses. They would usually make love but sometimes they came close to oversleeping so they'd have to hurry. But they never really overslept because she always managed to set the alarmclock at some point during the night.

Every night except this night. The night before the President was supposed to go on his big trip to Europe.

She woke when the rays of the sun were so warm the made her skin tingle. She slowly moved feeling him tighten his hold a little bit. Spooned behind her his one arm under her head his other hand lazily swung over her body his right hand lightly cubbing her breast. She felt complete right in that second. She turned around to kiss him but her eye caught the red numbers on the clock beside her. It read 8.29. am. She sat up straight almost ripping Danny's arm of in the proces. He sleepily pulled at her to lie back down.

"Danny wake up we seriously overslept. Air Force One leaves for Bruxelles in 45 minutes. Get up", She shock him hard to make him wake up.

"Awuch... ", he woke and sat up. He saw her flying in and out the bedroom and bathroom. She was putting on a suit as she packed the last couple of things.

"Get going. Shouldn't you meet with your editor this morning before leaving", she zipped her bags and was almost out the door when he caught up with her. He got between her and the frontdoor and looked at her.

"Danny get out of my way. I'm late enough as it is and..." she was beginning to sound slightly desperate.

"Darling, you'll make it. Don't worry they wont say anything. Anyone can oversleep and we'll just have to survive the couple of jokes that might come our way. It's about time we go public anyway isn't it?" Danny saw how she avoided his look. He leaned in for a kiss but she only gave him a quick peek on the cheek. Then she was out the door and called out for him to lock up when he left, which after her watch would be within the next ten minutes if he still wanted to go to Europe.

Danny quickly packed his things and was out the door in five minutes. He knew he had to be there soon and he hoped they could talk on the plane. She needed, he needed and they needed to go public with their relationship soon. Several of the staffers and a couple of his friends in the press corps knew about the two but most people still didn't know anything. They had managed to keep it very secretive and hidden from most people. He knew she dredded her credibility and her future carrier. But at the same time he knew she would have to admit to herself that there could, should and would be a life after the Bartlet-administration.

CJ rushed into the airport with a slightly stressed look on her face. She ran into the presidential lounge and bumped into Donna.

"CJ you're very late. I tried calling you a million times.", CJ remembered that she had unhooked the phone last night because she had to change the batteries but she must have forgotten to open it again. She mentally kicked herself for that stupidity.

They quickly walked to the plane. CJ quickly walked to her compartment and placed her bags before checking her make up and hair. For a women who hadn't slept that much and missed the shower she looked quite okay. She walked out to join the others.

"Nice of you to join us CJ and must I say you look very radiant this very fine morning", Josh said in a teasing tone. He was about to continue when Donna placed a high heel on his toes. He made a painful sound and decided not to elaborate further on his prior statement.

The President and First Lady arrived just then. They said their hello's and as the President resigned to talked to Leo and Toby about the meeting schedule the First Lady asked CJ to join her in the private residence. However, CJ needed to brief the press before she would have time to join the First Lady. But the flight to Bruxelles was almost 8 hours so they would have time to meet.

CJ want back to the press lounge. She instantly scouted out Danny. He was talking to one of the other reporters. She was new. CJ had only met her a couple of times. She was there to follow the Presidents journey to Europe. She was accredited a big french news paper but CJ thought she remembered her being from Chicago or was it Atlanta.

After her briefing CJ tried to pull Danny aside for a small conversation. She wanted him to know that she felt confident enough to go public. She had realised this morning that she truly loved him. Really deeply loved him. She wanted entire world to know and she knew she had carried herself very unfortunate this morning just before she left.

"Danny could I have a word with you", she walked over to him and the younger woman. They were laughing and CJ were hit by a serious wave of jealousy when she saw the woman putting her hand on Danny's shoulder as he showed her something on his computerscreen. The sight of this woman's head on his shoulder brought back some disturbing images to her mind. She tried to regain her confidence and smiled at them.

Danny looked up at her and smiled. She noticted how the younger woman looked at her.

"Oh CJ this is Katherine, she is the reporter from La Nouvelle in Paris" The two woman shock hands. CJ thought she saw tears in the younger woman's eyes but they were quickly blinked away. However, CJ didn't really care at that moment when she heard Danny introduce her.

"And Katherine this is CJ, the White House Press Secretary" he said with a huge smile on his face. When he sensed tense atmosphere between the two women he quickly excused him and CJ.

They went to her compartment making sure no one saw them. As they closed the door behind them CJ didn't know how to react. She didn't want to show her vulnerability but at the same time she was upset with Danny. He had introduced her as the White House Press Secretary. She didn't know what to expect but it had made her feel like some random staffer.

"CJ are you okay?", she felt him encircling her in his arms from behind. She walked out of his arms and sat down on the small couch in her room.

"I thought I was. "Hi this is CJ"" she said in some lame parody of his introductions earlier.

He looked her confused and then a small smile crept onto his face.

"Are you jealous?", he smiled but when he saw the hurt in her eyes. He tried to pull her in for a hug but she pulled away and ran out of the compartment. He stood there looking after her realising he never told her why he was so close with Katherine. He thought back and knew how it must have looked like when Katherine had put her head on his shoulder. He had to talk to CJ. Had to explain and make her see it was her, and only her he cared for.

"CJ I can explain, please let me" Danny ran after her but she was already gone.

She heard him somewhere in the back of her mind just as she entered the door to meet the First Lady as she had promised earlier.

---------------------

"Come in CJ" The First Lady got up to greet her friend and instantly noticed that the shine in Cj's eyes seemed somewhat clouded. She had looked so happy earlier this morning right before take off.

CJ came in and sat down besides Abbey Bartlet. They had a good 8 hours flight infront of them and she could use the advice from her friend.

"CJ are you alright?" Abbey looked closely at CJ. She saw the insecurities shine through the normally controlled look CJ gave her. Abbey reached over and took CJ's hand.

"What's wrong, I thought everything was going great for you two?" she asked and saw how a single tear formed in CJ's eye.

"I don't know." CJ answered truthfully. "I was going to tell him I love him but then I saw him with that new reporter. Katherine from La Nouvelle. I guess I was stupid enough to think he really cared." She looked at Abbey with big searching eyes. So wanting the older and more expirenced woman to console her.

"He does care, CJ. Who is this Katherine? I don't really know her. I really don't think you have anything to worry about and being jealous is perfectly..." Abbey was interrupted.

"I am certainly not jealous!" CJ stubbornly claimed. She did her best to hide her jealousy but failed miserably. She then remembered she was here because Abbey was her friend and she could really use some advice.

"I don't know how to act, what should I do?" she asked in a small voice. Abbey looked at her friend and knew how much hurting CJ had expirenced in her life, when it came to her love life and she felt compelled to give her the outmost best advice.

"At least let him explain. I know how hard this is, believe me. When it has to do with love and it's the right and true kind all rationality goes out the window. When you're feeling hurt you just want to be angry and fight it off so you wont seem even more vulnerable. But fighting is not always the best thing sometimes you have to listen and give him a break. As I told you it's hard, and I am not the best example. If you don't believe me then ask Jed" she finished hoping she had made sense.

CJ nodded but she still felt a little unsure of Danny's feelings. She had always admired the close relationship and the love between the first couple. She wished she could expirence that as well. Her time with Danny had been so amazing she could hardly believe it. But she was still trying to protect herself. She still remembered how it was to find out the truth about somebody you thought really loved you.

----------------------------

Dayton, Ohio the summer 1983. CJ 22 years; at college.

Claudia Jean woke up feeling uneasy and slightly lightheaded. It had been a late night and she remembered having had too many drinks. They had gone out to celebrate the final exam. It had been a great night out and on top of that she had met someone!

She rolled over and found the note he had given her with his phonenumber. She already pondered if she should call him. He had been so sweet and he was so hot! She got up and decided to take a shower before making any other decisions.

She heard the phone ring as she got out of the shower. She ran to pick it up.

"It's Claudia Jean"

"Hi Claud, I just wanted to call you so you could tell me all about that guy you hooked up with last night!"

CJ smiled. Her friend Mary had always been a party girl and she was always in a good mood. It was just like her to call for an update. CJ laughed and started telling her friend about this Peter Jamesson.

"He sound's great. So have you called him yet?" Mary asked eagerly.

"Not yet, Mary it's 10.05 am. I don't want to sound to desperate. Actually, I haven't really decided if I am going to call him." CJ answered while twisting and turning the note with his number.

"Oh, Claudia come on. Have you even had a date this year? Let this guy take you out. You'd might even have a great time" Mary told her. Even though she knew Mary was only being a good friend it stung to hear the truth. She hadn't had a date in a long time, well, to be honest she didn't even remember the last time she went on a date. Right there and then she decided to call him back.

After hanging up with Mary she dialed his number. She was about to hang up when he answered.

"'Hallo?"

"Peter?" for a moment she didn't recognize his voice.

"Claudia? Is that you?" he sounded genuingly and plesantly surpriced.

"I thought I would give you a call. Thank you for last night, I had a great time..." CJ hesitated for a second.

"Claudia Jean I know I might be pushing my luck, but you seem like such an amazing person, do you want to go grab a cup of coffee later on?" he sounded as such a nice person and she felt totally at ease with him at once.

They agreed to go out on a date that afternoon when they met for a cup of coffee. And during the next four months they dated and became very close. She felt happy and content. Peter was such a wonderful person, very thoughtful and considerate. He would always engage in their conversations with a lot of wit and knowledge. They talked into the morning on several occations and she really felt close to him. Eventually they took their relationship to the next level and after they had made love she slowly surrendered to him with all of herself and her trust. Later that would prove to be wrong, but she was young and had never expirenced anything like that before. They way he was about to hurt her would forever make her feel unsure of herself in any of her future relationships.

One day after class she wanted to surprice him and take him out for dinner. They had been dating for almost six months at the time. She arrived at his history class and went in to find him. She couldn't find him at first, but then she saw him sitting almost in the back. He was reading something out of one of his text books and a very good looking blonde was leaning in to listen. Her head was on his shoulder and even though they were very visible to the public they seemed very intimate. CJ felt a knot in her stomach but told herself she was imagining things. Peter and her had been so close for such a long time, they had been dating and they had been sleeping together. He would never...

Just then she saw him turn his head and passionately kiss the blonde by his side. She froze and felt the tears begin to form in her eyes. She felt like her heart litterately broke and she began shaking. She turned to leave just as Peter looked up and saw her standing there right behind them. He looked at her and then at the blonde girl.

She turned and ran out of the auditorium. To this day she didn't remember how she got back to her dormroom. Or how she ever got over the way her heart hurt. She gathered all his things and left them outside his dorm. She did her best to avoid him, but they took some of the same classes. Unfortunately, so did the blonde girl. Mary later told her that he had been seing both CJ and this Sarah in the last month of their relationship. She was grateful for Mary who helped her though the worst times but she still felt a twinge in her heart when she thought of Peter and Sarah kissing and she had promised herself back than that she would never allow herself to be hurt like this again.

--------------------------------

CJ knew in her heart that Danny would never betray her like that but it still pained her to see Katherine's head on Danny's shoulder. It simply brought all her insecurities up to the surface.

As she went from the first couples private part of the plane towards the press area she thought of Abbey's words – she had to let him explain. She entered the press area and immediately saw Danny sitting in the back...talking to Katherine. She felt her stomach flip and was about to turn when he looked up and saw her. In an instant he was by her side.

"CJ please let me explain. It's nothing like that what you saw..." he pleaded with her.

She looked at Katherine who smiled shyly at her and decided to follow Abbey's advice. However she had a briefing she had to prepare and two phone calls to make with British and French press before they landed. She had to start working.

"Danny I have to get back to work but we'll talk later" she told him in a reasuring voice.

"CJ I would never hurt you remember that until I have the chance to explain" Danny answered pulling her with him into the back of the plane. He looked around and gently pushed her into the presidential dining room. Without turning on the lights he closed the door, pushed her up against it and slowly traced a finger from her forehead to her jawline and gave her a long passionate kiss before he pulled back. She reached out for him needing him to lean on, her knees were going weak from the kiss.

"We'll talk later I promise" and then she had to go back to work.

She felt happy and light inside when she walked back to the staff meeting.

When they landed in London they had a couple of hours to themselves before their busy schedule. CJ had only just settled in before there was a knock on the door.

She went to open it and welcomed Danny with a small kiss on the cheek. He came in and led her to a small couch.

"CJ I want to explain what happened on the plane. I know how it must have looked and I never meant to hurt you." He bagan carefully searching her face for persmission to go on.

"Danny I believe you, but you just have to understand it's so hard for me to open up. You know how long it took for me to open up to you. I am just so scared of being hurt." She smiled shyly at him and was relieved when she saw nothing but care and love in his eyes.

"CJ I've known Katherine for a long time." He saw how she slightly tensed and moved her hand from his thigh. She was about to turn slightly but he was faster and grabbed her wrist and turned her towards him so they faced each other.

"She was married to my best childhood friend Will Brady. They meet in France 10 years ago and he was so in love. I remember him coming back with such a new perspective on life. They were so happy. He moved to France and I didn't see him again until their wedding a couple of years ago. They were so happy on that day. The happiness was so obvious and warm. I remember thinking I'd never felt that way before and I would give anything to be as happy as they were. Then I came back to DC and met you!" Danny pulled her in for a comforting hug. CJ felt tears running down her cheeks. She should have know he would never cheat on her, but when he saw Katherines head on his shoulder all her insecurities surfaced.

"CJ are you ok?" he slowly tugged a piece of stray hair behind her ear and wiped away a few of her tears. She nodded at him encouraging him to go on. Danny took a deep breath and continued.

"Last year Katherine found out she was pregnant. Will came to DC on an assignment and I had never seen him so happy before, not even when he got married. He wouldn't stop talking about Katherine and the new baby. I was so happy for them. Their future looked so bright. He went back home and we didn't get a chance to talk for a while. Then I went to London back in June remember?" CJ remembered he had come back from London bearing gifts and smiled softly at the memory.

"They flew in for me to see the new baby, Jennifer. She was simply adorable." A tear slipped down Danny's cheek. CJ wiped it away, her heart breaking as she realised this story did not finish with a happy ending.

"When they went back to Paris they were involved in a terrible car accident. Will was driving and Jennifer was in the front passenger seat in her baby chair, Katherine was in the back. Will and Jennifer were killed..." he paused not having the voice to go on. CJ embraced him and they sat like that for a long time.

"CJ listen to me! When I heard about the accident I decided to go for it with us. Life is too precious and too short to ignore. I love you so much and you're all I ever wanted. I know in my heart I'll never love anyone as much as you. Whenever we are apart I hurt inside, only thinking about when I'll see you again. Today when Katherine was leaning on my shoulder we were watching some pictures of Will and Jennifer he emailed me just before the accident. Katherine is an amazing person she has dealt with this encredible loss in such an impressive way, but sometimes she needs a shoulder to lean on. I hope you understand." Danny finished his story and looked into CJ's eyes only seing love and devoting made him cry. They hugged and sat like that until Leo knocked on her hotel door. He entered seing both of them teary-eyed.

"What happened? CJ?" Leo asked the protecting love for CJ evident in his voice. He was coming to terms with the two of them, but he was always looking out for CJ. She was like a daughter to him. However, he sensed that things were ok, when Danny rose and excused himself after giving CJ a small kiss.

CJ smiled and gave him a small wave as he exited the door. She knew she had to apologize to Katherine and tell Abbey things had worked out just fine. But first and foremost she had to accompany the President to his meeting with the British Primeminister in Downing Street 10.

She followed Leo to the car and the last thing she thought about before the car began moving was that she forgot to tell Danny she loved him.

--------------------------

November 05

CJ had fallen asleep on the floor on her side of the door. Abbey had waited for an hour outsiden and then she walked into the bathroom and silently opened the ajoining door to CJ bedroom. When she saw her friend laying on the floor fast asleep she smiled. She went over and covered her with a blanket and gently placed a pillow under her head.

She then sat down at CJ's desk and began wondering what had happened her only days ago.

Only 10 minutes later CJ woke up and saw Abbey sitting at her desk. She rose and walked over.

"Abbey what am I going to do?" she asked so quietly Abbey was unsure she had heard her the first time.

"Sweety that's entirely up to you. But what did Danny say?" Abbey watched as tears started to flow from CJ's eyes. Then it hit her. CJ had never told Danny about the baby.

"CJ what happened between the two of you? Please tell me, I want to help you!" Abbey gently placed a hand on CJ's arm.

" I made him leave. It was all my fault." CJ spoke and this time her tears nearly stopped. She seemed to go into herself and protect herself behind a shell.

"CJ why didn't you tell him about the baby?" Abbey was clueless. He would never have left, had he known she was pregnant. Having a baby was an amazing thing. Something Abbey had secretly wanted for CJ and Danny. They were perfect for each other and they would be the perfect parents.

"He doesn't want children" CJ spoke with a small sigh. Abbey looked at her with disbelief. Danny loved kids, she had seen him with some of the kids that visited the White House from time to time.

"CJ did he tell you that exactly?" she was still unsure of what CJ had just said.

CJ nodded and walked into the bathroom closing the door after her. Once inside she let the tears flow freely again. She felt so alone and scared right now. All she wanted was for Danny to come back and hold her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be alright.

...TBC