Woooo!! A long update to celebrate the end of my exams. Enjoy :)
Amelia POV
I pace around the front room looking at my phone, staring at her name. I've been planning to do this for a while but I needed to be alone, and right now Arizona is at work, Sofia is at school, and yet I'm stalling. I feel like an idiot… Who makes a phone call to their partners ex to ask for advice? I know, it's stupid, but she's the only person I could think of that could help me with this. I take a deep breath and look at Callies number on my phone before clicking dial.
"Shepherd, is Sofia okay?" Callie answers quickly.
"Yeah, she is fine, she's at school. I uh, sorry I know this is awkward but I uh, I actually wanted to ask you something." I blurt out, stumbling over my words.
"You're right it's awkward" Callie says with a small laugh before continuing "What's your question?" She asks bluntly, but not in a mean way, just direct.
"Arizona was talking to me about her brother and well, she said she was upset they didn't have any pictures together. Anyway, I draw, like I do art and I was thinking maybe I could draw them together, but I wanted it to be a surprise but then I don't know if that would be crossing a line and I don't even know what he looked like and you're the only person I could think of that might be able to help so like, yeah. Do you think it's too much?"
"Shepherd, stop rambling, I've seen your art and it's amazing. She would love that."
"Wait what? You've seen my art?" I respond, kind of shocked because it's not something I advertise.
"Sofia has posted multiple to me that you've drawn and she has colored in. You're really good. And if you look in Arizona's bedside table there are multiple photos of Tim, but could I advise on something?" Callie asks cautiously and I can tell its going to be something important.
"Sure, what is it?"
"The pictures Arizona has, he's in uniform. Maybe draw him without it, if that's not too difficult. It's kind of a trigger for her." The woman on the other end of the phone warns and I'm grateful for the information, but it's weird being told things about my girlfriends private life that's not from her.
"Of course, thanks for warning me and I mean, thank you so much for this, I really didn't know who else to ask."
"Arizona is lucky to have you Shepherd. I've got to go, incoming trauma."
"Okay, thanks again." I say quickly before hearing the phone hang up.
I head to our bedroom and carefully look through Arizona's drawer. I feel like I'm snooping, but I know it's for the greater good. I take a few photos of the images Arizona has before putting them back, not wanting to cause any damage to the originals. I look at the pictures in detail before getting out my sketching materials to begin practicing. I want things to be perfect. I sketch his face over and over, learning the right angles and shading for his face. He looks so much like Arizona, he has her eyes and her blonde hair. His smile is slightly crooked, just like Arizona's when she laughs. I need time to get this right, I can't rush it. I just hope she likes it. I hope that it's not too much.
I arrive at Sofia's school a few minutes before the final bell and make my way over to talk to Meredith who is waiting for Zola. She doesn't notice as I stand beside her, she looks exhausted. "Long day?" I say and she she spins to look at me, realising I'm by her side.
"Long night. I was called into work at 2am and haven't gone to bed yet." Meredith explains as we see the kids running toward us.
"Aunty Melia! Can you and Sofia come for dinner?" Zola asks excitedly, jumping into my arms. "Mom can they?" She begs, turning her attention to Meredith.
"As long as they don't have other plans." Meredith tells Zola who turns back to look at me.
"Tell you what, why don't I come and make dinner so your mom can get some rest, she's been up half the night." I offer.
Despite Meredith telling me repeatedly I didn't have to make dinner and that she could do it, I reassured her it was nothing and I didn't mind.
"You've met my mother right? She likes you?" I ask Meredith who looks particularly confused at the question.
"Yes we've met, and I think she likes me? I mean, we don't know each other that well. We haven't really spoken since Derek died. Why?"
"I realised a few nights ago that she probably isn't aware I'm bi. Like I know it's not a big deal but like, it's kind of a big deal, especially now in dating Arizona."
"I thought you came out when you were a teenager, Derek knew back then."
"Yeah but we made a deal not to tell my mom, not just about girls, but that I was dating at all. I was sure he would tell her anyway but then I found out Addison didn't know so he must have kept his mouth shut."
"Wait a second, you haven't told your Mom? You and Arizona have been together like a year already… You basically have a 9 year old kid."
"I know it's bad, but how do you even approach something like that? It's not like I can call her and say 'by the way, I'm bi and dating a woman and co-parenting her child" is it?"
"What does bi mean Aunty Melia?" Zola asks walking into the kitchen.
"It's when sometimes you kiss boys but other times you kiss girls, like Amy and my Mama." Sofia interrupts to answer her friend and I nod.
"That is right, it's short for bisexual and it just means that you can fall in love with people of either gender." I continue, giving Zola a fuller explanation
"Why are people bisexual?" Zola follows up and I take a moment to think.
"That's a big question. We don't really know, some people just are. It's like asking 'Why are dogs?' We just exist."
"Oh, okay. Can I play on the ipad Mom?" She asks, accepting the answer and quickly changing the topic.
"Sure, it's next to my bed" Meredith responds and the girls turn around to run up the stairs.
"So, when do you plan to tell her?" Meredith asks me, and I slowly shrug my shoulders. I don't know, I literally have no idea. I told Arizona I would tell her when we speak on my birthday, but it feels kinda wrong to wait for her to call me. Oh my god, who have I become.
"I do not know. Honestly it hasn't even crossed my mind that she didn't know until a few nights ago. We were never close enough to talk about those things. She doesn't even know I relapsed in LA, or that my fiance and my kid died. Being bi is kinda not a big deal after that."
"That is true, but you're happy Amelia. Being bi isn't something that happened to you, it won't pass. It's who you are. . She deserves to know that you're happy." Meredith explains. I know she is right.
"Derek would know what to say." I say quietly, smiling at the memory of a time where my brother could solve all my problems.
"Derek didn't tell your mom about me for several years, but then again, he was technically married to Addison when we first got together so… At Least you can say you didn't cheat." Meredith laughs and I nod. "But when he did, he just told her that we were happy, and I treated him well and we loved each other. She was happy for him, as will she be for you."
"Would it be wrong to tell her over a text?"
"Amelia…" Meredith warns with an eye roll.
"Yeah, I know, I can't."
"If you can explain it to your 10 year old niece, I'm sure you can have a brief awkward conversation with your mother."
I push the thought of my mother out of my head while we eat, enjoying watching Zola and Sofia play together and Bailey and Ellis bicker over the little things.
"Aunty Melia, did you draw the picture of Dad that was at his grave?" Zola asks as we finish up.
"What?" I question flicking my eyes past Meredith who is glaring at Zola to stop asking questions.
"We went to talk to him, and there was a drawing. Did you do it? It looked like that one you drew of Sofia ages ago." Zola explains and I nod showing my understanding. "I wanted to keep it but Mom said it was drawn for Dad so I had to leave it there." the young girl adds.
"Yeah, I did." I clarify, not denying it was my work, but not being sure what else to add. This is the second conversation about my drawing today, and it's not the easiest topic to talk about.
"Wait, you did?" Meredith jumps in, and I realise she probably didn't believe Zola when she had said it looks like mine before.
"Yeah, I uh, I draw sometimes. It's not a big deal. Who did you think had left it?"
"I have no idea. I just guessed it was someone I didn't know that well. I was impressed."
"Thanks, I guess."
"Could you draw another one for me Aunty Melia? So I can keep one?" Zola asks with a sad smile.
"Sure. I'll do one at some point and drop it off."
"Thank you!" Zola says, running around the table to throw her arms around me.
Meredith and I make small talk for several hours while the girls play. It's approaching 7pm when Sofia runs in holding my phone. "Mom just got home and wants to know when we will be back." She explains.
"Yep, we should probably get going kiddo. Get your stuff together." I tell Sofia who runs away to gather her things, still talking to her Mom on my phone.
Meredith thanks me again for cooking as I say goodbye to the kids, hugging them tightly and promising I'll drop by to see them again soon. Meredith tells me again to talk to my mom, telling me that it will be okay. I just smile and nod, taking Sofias hand in my own and heading out to the car.
It doesn't take us long to get home and Sofia runs straight into Arizona's arms.
"Sorry, we lost track of time." I explain. "How was work?" I ask, placing a quick kiss on her lips before I go put my stuff down.
"Work was good but I'm glad to be at home with my two favourite ladies. Did you have fun at Zola's?" Arizona asks Sofia who nods.
"Yeah but now I have to do my homework." The young girl explains, getting her work book from her backpack.
We offer to help Sofia, but she says she can do her work alone so I head through my bedroom to get my art supplies.
"You okay?" Arizona asks me, looking at my sketch book, then back to my face.
"Yeah, I told Zola I would draw a picture of Derek for her. She saw the one I left at his grave and Meredith wouldn't let her keep it because it was meant for him. I told her I would do another." I explain, flicking to a clean page. I make sure not to let Arizona see as I open the book, jumping over the pictures of Timothy, getting to a fresh side.
"I didn't think Meredith knew about your drawings."
"She didn't until tonight. Zola tried to tell her I did the drawing but Meredith didn't believe her until I said I had. It was quite amusing to see her face."
"So it didn't bother you?" Arizona asks me, clearly concerned. I don't blame her. When she found out I freaked out completely, but a lot has happened since then.
"Not really. It's not like I want my work on show for everybody, but I don't mind."
"I'm proud of you y'know."
"Can I ask you something?" I ask my girlfriend, still sketching but looking up quickly to check she was listening.
"You know you don't have to ask before you ask right?" Arizona retorts and I smile at the sarcastic tone.
"How did you come out to your parents? I was talking to Meredith, and I want to tell my Mom, I just, I don't know how."
"Honestly, I sat my parents down, thinking it was going to be a huge deal but it wasn't. My dad asked if I was still the woman he raised me to be, kind and good and I nodded and that was that. They didn't mind, they were just glad I was happy." Arizona explains. Her story is cute, it's ideal.
"Why do you have to come out to your parents? Shouldn't it just be fine to be who you are?" Sofia asks as she wanders in to sit with us.
"See! That's how I feel. I'm still me no matter who I'm dating." I tell Arizona who laughs.
"Yep, but your Mom is allowed to know who you're dating Amelia, we are your family. You and Derek both turned out to be amazing, accepting individuals. You must have got it from somewhere."
"Your Mom doesn't know you live with us?" Sofia asks innocently and I pull her into a hug, letting her sit between Arizona and I.
"You are so lucky that you have your moms who both love you soooo much, but not everybody else does. I'm not that close to my Mom. My family that I'm close to and who I trust, have known about you guys from the beginning."
"Like Addison?"
"Yep, and Meredith and Maggie. Just because my Mom doesn't know about you yet doesn't mean I love you any less." I tell her, pulling her closer.
"Why aren't you close with your Mom? Is she mean?" Sofia asks innocently.
"No baby, she isn't mean. We were just never that close. She made sure I had food to eat and clothes to wear and I know she loves me, but my big brother was always the one to give me cuddles and tuck me in on a night. He was the one I was close to." I explain carefully, checking that Sofia is okay.
"I think you should just tell her. You don't know what she is going to say until you do."
"She's right Amy." Arizona says with a smile. "And whatever happens, we are here for you."
Arizona POV
Amelia and I have run through every possible response that her Mom could give and how she would deal with each. Although she is nervous, I can tell she is also excited. She is happy here and she doesn't want to hide that anymore.
While I have been getting Sofia ready for school and myself ready for work, my girlfriend is in the next room talking to her Mom. Every inch of my being wants to run into the room and make sure she is holding it together, to make sure she is okay, but I'm not. I'm giving her the space to do exactly as she needs to, exactly how she needs to do it. I just hope it ends well. I need it to end well, for Amelia's sake. She deserves something to go in her favor.
They have been talking for over half an hour when even Sofia has noticed I am getting antsy. "Mom, Amy is fine, she will still be here after you've dropped me off at school." She tells me again, but I need to know that Amelia is okay, that she is safe and not going to do anything stupid when we leave. I approach our bedroom and knock lightly on the door before opening it.
"Hey babe, just going to drop Sof of at school. You need anything?" I ask her, still keeping my voice quiet, trying not to interrupt. I can tell she has been crying, but she seems okay. She is smiling.
"Could you ask Sofia to come in here quickly before she goes?" Amelia asks and I nod, going to get our daughter from the front room. When we get back I see Amelia has her phone opened to video call.
"Hey Sof, come over here. I want you to meet my Mom." Amelia explains with a shy grin and Sofia walks toward her. I wait by the door, watching the interaction when Amelia holds her hand out to me. "You too, come on." She hints and I move to sit beside them, but Amelia pulls me closer to her side before introducing us both on video.
We make small talk for a few minutes until I interrupt, telling Amelia I that I need to take Sofia to school so she isn't late, and telling her Mom it was really nice to meet her. "I love you Amy." Sofia announces as she wraps her arms around my girlfriend before getting up to leave.
"Love you too kiddo. See you later."
When I get back to the apartment Amelia is sat cross legged on the couch on her phone.
"So? It went well?" I ask her, already knowing she was okay but also opening a conversation for her to talk about her feelings.
"Yeah, I guess. Thanks for coming in last minute, she uh, she wanted to meet you guys."
"It was not a problem at all. She seems nice." I confirm. The interaction was fairly awkward, but I don't mind, it's what Amelia needed.
"She was practically about to run out the house to hop on a plane to meet you guys. I thought a quick video chat was an easier way to fix the problem. Not that I don't want her to meet you guys, I do, just not right now. Oh god I'm rambling." Amelia says, running her hands through her hair before looking back to me.
"Amy, hun, it's fine. Nothing to worry about."
"She didn't say much about me, well us. The whole dating a woman thing. It was awkward until I told her about Sofia, then she broke down a little, but she was happy for me."
"What was it about her that made her break down?" I ask Amelia, taking her hand in my own to show I'm here for her.
"Initially it was because I sent a photo, and my Mom realised she was Mark's daughter"
"Oh, right. Yeah that makes sense." I nod, Mark spent so much time around Amelia's family that the emotional connection is logical.
"Yeah but then she said that she hated herself for losing contact like this, and that she wished she had taken better care of me so that I was less afraid to talk to her about these things. I feel guilty, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to get close to her again. I managed to figure out who I am on my own, I don't need her anymore. I must sound like an awful person right now." Amelia explains, carefully wiping away the tears that were forming under her eye.
"You're not an awful person Amelia. You're right, you don't need her, but maybe she needs you. Maybe for her own sake, she needs to make things right." I suggest, trying to introduce a different angle to consider this from.
"I just, she was happy when we were talking about Sofia, and she said she wished she knew more about me, but whenever I tried talking about us it was like she changed the topic. I can give her the chance to get to know me, but I need her to give a little too."
"Maybe you just need to give her a little time, and while you wait, you have me and Sofia and Mer and Maggie and your nieces and nephews to keep you company."I explain, and she nods her head. I reach out a hand, using my thumb to wipe her tears before holding my arms out for a hug. She shifts her body closer to my own, wrapping her arms around my torso and placing her head on my chest.
"Thank you Arizona."