4. Broken Dreams

November 05, Three Weeks Ago

On the morning of her doctors apointment CJ decided to buy a pregnancy test. She was going crazy from not knowing anything. Danny had noticed that she had been acting differently last night when they went to bed. She had convinced him that she was tired and he had fallen asleep not long after that. She had been in the bathroom thinking most of the night. When Danny awoke in the morning she had barely slept at all.

She had bought the preganancy test on her way to work and immediately went to the ladies room to try it. The test confirmed her worries. She was pregnant. She leaned against the restroom wall as Donna Moss entered.

"Hi CJ" she paused when she saw the empty look in CJ's eyes.

"CJ, what's wrong?" Donna placed her hand on CJ's right arm. But CJ just removed it and walked towards the door.

"Nothing's wrong Donna, I'm just tired." Donna failed to see the pregnancy test in CJ's left hand.

CJ did her best to seem herself for the rest of the day. But she suddenly saw babies everywhere. And pregnant women. Which was actuallly a pretty rare sign around the White House. She had never really paid attention to that before.

She was ready to leave for her doctors apointment when the First Lady knocked on her office door.

"Hi CJ, do you have a minute?"

"Well I was actually... yes of course I do" she pointed to the couch and they sat down. The First Lady immediately sensed something was off.

"CJ, are you ok?" She watched the younger woman's head snap up.

"I'm fine, I just have a lot on my mind at the moment." Abbey had known for a while now that CJ and Danny's relationship had gone beyond a platonic friendship. She figured the relationship and the reprecautions it might have later on still figured in CJ mind.

"Meeting Danny later?" CJ nodded.

"Yes he's coming over for a late dinner."

"Late? I thought you were finishing off now?" Abbey looked around and caught a climpse of Carol leaving.

CJ knew she had to leave soon if she didn't want to miss her apointment and she didn't feel like telling Abbey the entire story right now.

"He's working late on a piece on the new health care reform." CJ knew that she was lying but she truly intended to tell Abbey the truth later. She really had to go.

"Abbey, I actually promised Hogan that we could go shopping and I'm already late so..."

"Go, go" Abbey sensed that something was not right but CJ would tell her eventually if it was something important she was sure.

CJ got up quickly pulled on her jacket and grabbed her bag and purse.

As she walked out the door Abbey said to her:

"Hey CJ, everything is going to be alright with you and Danny. Trust me, I've never seen anyone so cracy about any woman he was seeing, as Danny is about you - well maybe except from my own dear husband" her comment made CJ smile and she waved at her to get going.

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CJ arrived at her doctors office 10 minutes late. As she walked up the stairs she actually felt good. She had slowly started to get her mind around the fact that she was really pregnant. A baby. Well any other pregnancy would have been terrible. But this, with Danny. A small smile spread over her face and she pushed the door open to Millie's office.

As expected CJ was pregnant. Milllie confirmed what CJ already knew. She was almost seven weeks along. CJ left the office feeling strangely lightheaded and happy. A baby. She was actually looking forward to telling Danny. She was sure he would be thrilled. However, she knew telling the President and Leo might not be that funny.

On her way down the stairs from the office building she ran into Millie's husband Martin. The two went way back. They had actually date a couple of weeks in the beginning of college, before the Peter insident. Not a lot of people knew this, but CJ had actually been the one to introduce Millie, who's actual name was Emily to Martin.

CJ had met Millie at a women's medical conference in Chicago when she worked for Emily's List. At the time Martin lived in Chicago and the two were to meet for a drink after the program had ended. But unfortunately CJ got sick on the last day of the conference and instead of cancelling with Martin she sent Millie instead. It turned out very well and the two were married a year later. They now lived in D.C. where Millie had her own medical practice. Martin owned a small resturant and the pair had twin daughters the following year.

"CJ, it's so nice to see you again." Martin leaned in an gave CJ a small kiss on the cheek.

"What a surprice. Are you picking up Millie? I think she is just about finished." CJ leaned into the hug Martin extended. The two had always been more friends that potential lovers, which they both realised on their second date, where they caught each other chekking out other people during dinner.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were always the eH

shrine of healthyness" Martin began walking CJ to her car.

"And I am- just nedded a smaller check-up to make sure I was fit for fight." CJ actually felt like telling Martin that she was pregnant, but she really wanted Danny to be the first to know.

"So how are Eliza and Katie?" she asked referring to the twins.

"They're just fine. Starting high school next fall, can you believe it?" he looked to proud and happy. CJ felt her eyes well up. It couldn't be hormones already could it?

"Hey CJ, what's the matter?" Martin put his arm around her and pulled her in for a slight hug.

"I'm fine, I'm just so happy for you two. I hope I'll get to expirence the same happiness at some point" CJ dried her eyes and got into her car. Martin leaned in as she rolled down the car window.

"I'm sure you will. Take care CJ and come see us some time soon. The twins would love it if you could and so would we. And by the way, bring that somebody that makes you glow like that. He sure must be someone special." And with CJ drove back to her apartment feeling a little flushed and embarresed that it showed so easily to people she knew. She was in love.

When she returned to her apartment she noticed that all the lights in all the windows were off. She knew that Danny had to be there, because she had been running a little late due to her run in with Martin.

She entered her apartment and was surpiced to see Danny sitting in the couch with all the lights out.

"Danny, why are you sitting here in the dark?" CJ walked over and switched the light on.

"How was you shopping spree with Hogan?" He looked directly at her as he spoke. She could see anger in his eyes but also a hint of insecurity.

"What?" she was clueless for a moment until she suddenly remembered what she had told Abbey earlier.

"Danny, I didn't go shopping..." but she was interrupted.

"I know you didn't. I saw you CJ. God, I thought you had more class."

"Danny you saw what?" the happy feeling inside slowly faded. He was really angry and she felt a big argument brewing.

" Not only are you seing somebody else, but he was all over you in the middle of the street." Danny was so angry and hurt he was shaking.

He ran into Abbey on his way to CJ's. He told her he was on his way and she asked when CJ would be back from her shopping spree with Hogan. Danny knew Hogan was in back in Dayton with her dad this week. But he made small talk with the First Lady while he was wondering why CJ would tell the First Lady a lie.

On his way to her apartment he decided to bring her flowers. He rounded the corner of a smaller road where he knew there was a very good flower shop. Just as he was about to step out of his car something caught his eye on the opposite side of the road. It was CJ being kissed on the cheek by a very handsome man. They hugged long and seemed more than just ordinary friends. They released and started talking, and he walked her towards he car. As they reached the car he could see the man saying something that made CJ cry. The man pulled her to him again and they hugged. He slowly wiped the tears from her cheek.

Danny felt his heart sink. So this was shopping with Hogan. Suddenly everything made sense. Her being so tired all the time. Especially after the nights they didn't spend together.

CJ just stood there and listened to his allegations. She was totally speechless. She was so incredebly hurt that Danny would think she was seeing anyone else. She loved him and only him. For years she had hid her feelings and secretly longed for him. When they finally decided to move beyond friendship, she had never been more happy. He was the one and only she was meant to find.

"Danny you don't understand. The man I hugged was Martin Anderson. He's a friend from college. I just happend to run into him on my way to the car from..." she was interrupted.

"CJ don't lie to me." Danny rose from the couch and came towards her. She stepped back a few steps without even realising it.

"Danny listen Martin is married to my doctor, you know Emily Anderson. I went to see her today."

She could see he paused for a second at the mention of her doctor. He did some calculating and finally said:

"Well it's to early for you physical so what were you doing there?"

"Danny, remember you asked me to go see my doctor not long ago. I thought I take your advice." She wanted to tell him the truth but not like this, not as some stupid argument against his foolish ideas.

Danny looked at CJ. She seemed somewhat caught up in thought. He thought of the man kissing CJ on the cheek and felt the anger and hurt brew again.

"What were you doing there?" he asked again a little too loud. He closed the distance between them. Grabbing her arms to prevent her from turning away from him.

"Answer me CJ!" his voice was very loud now. He watched as CJ looked at him with both anger and sorrow.

"Danny, let go of me" she said softly as she lifted her head and looked at him. Tears slowly rolling down her cheeks.

Danny felt his heart break at that exact moment.

"Danny, these accusations are very hurtful. I thought you'd never question my love for you. Even after all this time. Martin is an old friend. Someone I knew from college. We went on one date. He is now married to my doctor Millie Anderson. I went to see Millie today because..."

The sound of the phone startled them.

"This is CJ Greeg" she answered her phone and listened to the voice on the other end.

"I'll be there in 15 minutes" she said goodbye and hung up.

"I need to..." she looked at Danny knowing that they hadn't dealt with their problem yet.

"Before I know what really happened today you are not going anywhere." Danny stepped infront of

"Danny I have to go" CJ said her voice a little stronger.

"CJ if you walk out now then that 's it for us. You and me, any future that we might have" Danny had her up against the wall now.

"Danny I have to go. We'll talk later. I have something important to tell you and this is not the time..." CJ tried to soothe him.

"CJ I swear if you leave now, I don't care if you're about to tell me you want to marry me, have kids and move to the suburbs, you can't keep shutting me out and if I can't even trust you to tell me who you fool around with in public..."

CJ stood as paralized as she listen to Danny. How could he ever assume that she would cheat on him, why wouldn't he listen to her. But the thing that hurt her the most was the fact that he could take her wanting to marry him and start a family so lightly that he would use it against her in a stupid fight like this.

"Danny get out" she spoke in a low voice. He didn't seem to her hear her at first. He was still rambling on about trust and Martin Anderson.

"Danny get out, get out of here, get out of my life." She now spoke with full force.

It seemed to surpice Danny as he took a steep back. He looked at her once more and then turned around as she yelled at him one last time.

"Get out, you can't just stand there and assume... Get out now"

The harsh sound of the door bolting open as two secret service agents came running in only made a small recollection in CJ mind. She felt as if she was standing in the middle of a cloud. She watched as Danny was escorted to the door my the two agents. She watched him turning his head and looking at her in surpice and how he tried to wrestle loose as he saw CJ staring to shake and sob loudly. But to CJ all of this seemed somewhat to be happening in a daze. Not until she head the sound of the closing door did she snap back to reality. She felt her body shaking and the dampness of her tears on her cheeks and her collarbone. She knew she had to go to work so she quickly got herself together and put on a fake smile as she grabbed her bag and some briefing notes from her diningroom table. She was out the door in five minutes and almost made it to her car before she broke down in violent sobs. She couldn't belive what had just happened. A stupid fight with all the wrong words and none of the right ones. She feared that she had lost Danny. She had to get him back.

"Ms. Gregg" the sound of her neighbour Mrs. Hunt startled her. Mrs. Hunt had just returned from her daily shopping and found CJ huddled next to her car. The younger woman was crying and seemed very upset. Mrs. Hunt had always liked President Bartlet's firery press secretary and when she realised CJ Gregg lived next door to her in the apartment building she had introduced herself and let CJ know she could always count on her to feed her cat and water her plants. CJ had laughingly told Mrs. Hunt that while there was no cat she might need someone to water her flowers from time to time and since then Mrs. Hunt had been like a nursuring friend, aunt or mother to CJ. And evenmore they both enjoyed it.

"What is wrong dear? Come with me, I'll take you to your apartment. You need to sit down." CJ knew she had to go to work, but at that particular moment she couldn't face anyone back at the White House.

"I need to get to work" CJ somehow managed to say in a somewhat normal voice.

She tried to stand up straight and was about to open her car door when the older woman gently lay her hand or CJ's.

"You are in no position to go anywhere, I'll take you to your apartment and then I'll call the White House and tell them you won't be comming in"

Mrs. Hunt followed her to her apartment where she litteraly got CJ to lay down on the couch and made her some tea. She asked CJ if she should call in. CJ called in herself. She spoke to Carol and explained that she had to be comming down with something. Carol immediately noticed that straign in CJ voice but didn't comment.

CJ had always liked her neighbour Mrs. Hunt and trusted her completely. She sometimes let her water her flowers if they were going on a longer trip. There had been times where Mrs. Hunt had made food for her and placed it at her doorstep when she came home. In some ways Mrs. Hunt seemed to be keeping an eye out for the younger women.

Mrs. Hunt watched as CJ fell asleep on the couch. Probably from exhaustion. It was exhaustion but not from work but from the emotional rollercoster CJ had been on in the last week. Mrs. Hunt had been worried about the young sleeping woman. A young woman in her prime working as hard as CJ without no private life had to feel lonely when she returned home at night. But Mrs. Hunt had recently seen a certain redhaired man in company with CJ. CJ had seemed happier, healthier and more at ease in the last couple of months so todays scene seemed very disturbing.

CJ only woke up to relocate herself from the couch to the bedroom. Mrs. Hunt let herself out of the apartment then and went back to her own. She worried about CJ but didn't go back to the apartment to check up on CJ, because she knew that would be out of line. Afterall she was not her real mother. Then a while after she ran into the First Lady in the hallway. She was amazed to see the First Lady letting herself into CJ's apartment and therefore asked how CJ was doing. The two women spoke shortly and both parted a slightly more worried than before they had met. Mrs. Hunt because CJ had not recovered from her illness and Mrs. Barlet because she sensed that this was not just some mild flu and wondering what had really happened already having Danny in mind.

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Present time

Abbey held CJ while she cried. She dried her eyes and lightly ran her hand over CJ's hair. She made CJ tea and tried to be as good a friend as possible. She knew Danny stilled loved CJ, that he and CJ had both been carried away in their argument. However, the things Danny had said had been cruel and for a woman who just discovered that she was pregnant for the first time the words must have hurt like hell.

CJ looked over at Abbey. She was happy that Abbey had been such a good friend to her during all this, but she had to admit. She still missed Danny, with every breath she missed him even more. She wanted to tell him she was sorry for what she said, she wanted him to hold her again, to kiss her, to make love to her – simply love her.

But she knew he would never come back, she kept hoping he would call her, but for every hour that hope slowly vanished.