Chapter Four

Thanks. I'll be waiting outside. Yeah. Thanks again."

Courtney flipped her cell phone shut and dumped it back in her purse. Throwing the Butterfinger wrapper in the garbage can by the door, she exited the gas station.

The cashier shook his head as he mopped up the coffee counter. What a strange lady.

The man by the Slurpee counter finally showed some signs of animation as the blonde left. He walked briskly to the counter, threw down a pack of spearmint gum and paid for it quickly. He snatched up his purchase before the cashier could put it in a bag, and quickly strode out of the gas station.

The man passed by Courtney, nodding briskly at her. His black Cherokee was parked nearby and he opened it up and got in, making a big show of reading a road map of Alaska over his steering wheel.

After staring at the map for a few minutes he fished his slim silver cellular phone out of his pocket and hit the first speed dial button.

"Boss. Yeah, it's me. There's been a particularly strange development that I think you'll be very interested in."

AJ sprinted up the stairs, taking the steps three at a time. He pushed his way through the double door and walked quickly to Emily's room, earning a glare from a nearby orderly.

Stopping directly in front of 124, AJ drew in a deep breath. This was it.

But what the hell was he supposed to say?

Jason abandoned his post by the wall and took up a chair next to Skye. His half-sister sneaked a sideways glance at him, and much to his surprise, she remained seated.

Jason's hand gripped the chair railing, squeezing until his knuckles turned white.

He couldn't take this much longer.

He couldn't sit in an uncomfortable hospital chair. He couldn't lean against the wall while a dreadful crick formed in his neck. He couldn't sit and watch his baby sister lying in a hospital bed. He couldn't see all her friends and family moping around her.

But mostly, he couldn't take how his life had come to a complete standstill ever since Monica had called him. He couldn't take the feeling that welled in his gut until it became impossible for him to breathe.

Emily was one of the few family members he loved with all his heart. His mother was included, but just not in abundance. Lila was definitely a part of his heart; the elderly woman had never done anything except love him unconditionally. Ned was tolerable in his own way. Reginald, even if not biologically related, certainly felt like a family member. Skye was a pain in the ass, but she had her redeeming qualities. All two of them.

No, he thought, gazing at a comatose Emily. There wasn't anyone else like her. And there never will be.

The thought brought tears to his eyes. He wasn't ready to deal with this.

The realization struck him hard.

He had killed many a man, watching them beg for their lives and wet themselves while he held a gun leveled to their temples. He had suffered multiple simultaneous injuries, burning and delirious with fever in a strange country, willing to bet the farm that he'd never see the light of day again. He had knocked on Death's door many times himself, running away like a mischievous schoolchild before the Grim Reaper answered.

Death and suffering was a familiarity to him. It was a way of life. It was his life.

But he couldn't deal with it anymore. Not when it was after the life of his baby sister. She shouldn't have to lie in a hospital bed, needles pricking her delicate skin while a heart monitor beat plaintively in the background.

If he could, he'd switch positions with her in an instant. He should be the one lying in a hospital bed, anyway. He had done enough to deserve it.

But what had this young woman done?

"It should have been you."

From nowhere, her words hit him again. He winced, a gesture not unnoticed by Skye. Elizabeth's words still cut him to the quick, even though he had realized in the past where they were coming from.

Why was he remembering now?

Why here, of all places?

He drew in a long, shaky breath, his eyes already flooding with tears.

It didn't matter anymore.

Emily was in the hospital because of his mistakes. Because he had made so many wrong decisions and never repented for a single one. Because of his lifestyle. His misdeeds. The lives he took. The people he stole from.

And every person whom he'd ever walked away on. Every person he ever let down.

And now it was time to pay the piper. With Emily's health.

A tear escaped from his closed eyes, as much as Jason tried not to let it. He knew that with it would come others, faster, in rapid frequency. And he wouldn't be able to do a damn thing to stop it.

His prognosis was right, and soon he was weeping silently. His shoulders trembled as he tried furiously to swallow his sobs and muffle his sniffles. Hands gripping the rail tighter, knuckles becoming alabaster under the pressure, Jason futilely waged a war against his emotions.

And lost.

Skye could see it. She had been watching him ever since he sat down next to her, a move which had completely alarmed her. She could feel that he was doing his best to quiet down. He didn't want the others to see him break. Didn't want them to see his momentary lapse, where he wasn't the Borg anymore, replaced instead by a brother, a son, a cousin, and a grandson that was grieving just as much as anyone, if not more so.

And yet here he was, his emotions washing over him like a tidal wave on the shore. In public view of his family, still clustered in front of them by Emily's bedside, as well as anyone who chose to walk through the door: a doctor, an orderly, a nurse, the mob squad.

What she did next surprised the both of them.

Skye's pale hand slowly crept out of her lap, hesitantly traveling towards his chair. Jason didn't notice, still tryiing to conceal his tears.

He looked up with a gasp when he felt her cool fingers on his. They twined with his hand, prying it gently off the chair and relieving his knuckles from their burden.

His wet blue eyes looked up to meet Skye's warm green ones. A tear trickled down her cheek as well, and she pursed her lips together as she squeezed his hand in hers.

Looking into her half-brother's eyes, Skye knew they mirrored hers. No matter how many times she and Jason had faced off or traded caustic remarks and biting insults, they were on the same side now. They were family, and even if it wasn't good enough for him, it was good enough for her. No one should have to suffer through this alone.

Jason's face relaxed from its stern position, and Skye nodded slowly, understanding what he must be feeling at the moment. She let out a slow breath, sniffling quietly. Her eyes watched Jason as he relaxed further, dropping his head back to lean against the wall behind his chair and closing his eyes.

"I can't do this."

It was a whisper, but she heard. Monica did too, and the blonde turned around to see her stepchildren seated quietly together.

Skye was trying to form a word, but the thick ball of tears refused the request of her synapses.

Instead, she nodded again, squeezing his hand harder in an attempt to reassure him and calm herself as well.

"I can't lose her."

His voice wavered with tears, and she could hear the fatigue it held. Skye swallowed slowly, preparing for speech.

"You won't."

"I can."

"But you won't."

He continued as if she hadn't spoken at all, causing the redhead to furrow her brow in slight annoyance.

"She's my baby sister. I can't…I can't do this. I can't sit here and feel so…so…"

"Helpless," she finished.

His eyes opened and he turned his head, looking wearily at her from under dark wet lashes.

"You feel helpless, like you should be doing something, but you can't. And you don't like it because you've never felt so useless before."

He nodded slowly.

"I feel…I feel…" Skye's voice trailed off as the redhead turned her gaze in the direction of the family. "I feel like an outsider."

Jason's brow furrowed. "How so?"

Skye swept her auburn locks behind her ear, her eyes falling to the tiles. "I feel like…like I don't belong here. But I'm here. And it's not that this is one of those 'oh, pay attention to me' moments. It's not."

Her eyes met Jason's, expecting to find skepticism. There was none.

"I feel like don't belong here, like my feelings don't belong here."

"You think you're not allowed to feel bad here?"

"I just – I don't know anymore. I mean, she's not my real sister. I get that she's not yours either, but you and AJ grew up with her. Granted, she was a teen, but still. You all played cards together, had Christmas dinner together, celebrated birthdays. AJ taught her how to drive and you -–you were her idol. And then I came along – the prodigal daughter, back from the baby market. I was so insanely jealous of her, and I – I did horrible things, Jason, things I'd take back this second if I could."

She paused, trying to gather her wits about her.

"I betrayed her in the worst possible way. I was the one that caused her so much grief. I'm responsible for her bus accident, Jason, me."

He remained silent as she knew he would.

"I caused her to be shipped half way across the country for rehab. I had a hand in her breaking off her relationship with Zander. God, I was a part of every bad thing that ever happened to her. And she didn't deserve any of it."

"She forgave you."

"I know." Her head drooped, red hair cascading over her shoulders and covering her face. "But I never forgave myself. And now that this-" she waved a hand in front of her, indicating the cluster around the bed. "Now that this happened, I feel…I feel like I'm losing my own sister too. Sister in the same sense that you and AJ see her as a sister."

Her green eyes turned and finally met his.

"But I'm not allowed to feel that way, Jason. I'm not allowed to…." Her voice broke down as she subsided into tears. "I caused her so much pain, and now…"

Unable to speak, Skye covered her eyes with her hand and continued to weep. Jason let her cry it out, finally squeezing her hand to gain her attention.

"Look at me."

Her wide eyes met his, and Jason felt a pang of sympathy for all the guilt displayed there.

"She forgave you. Everyone did. And she loves you, Skye." When she shook her head he twisted closer. "Yes. She loved you just as much as I can tell you love her. What's done is done, and don't you dare tear yourself down, here of all places. Not now. That time is long gone. All we need to concentrate on is that she's going to get better and live her life to the fullest. And we're not ever going to make any more stupid mistakes."

Skye smiled softly. "Who are you trying to convince, Jason?" she asked. "Me or you?"

"Both." His voice was hard and determined. The tears in his voice were gone, and the ones on his face were drying. "Both of us. We're not ever going to do anything stupid again."

Skye nodded. "Lives change in an instant," she managed to get out. "I was reading the newspaper and listening to Ned whine about the family company when Monica called us. Then, nothing mattered. ELQ didn't matter to Ned, and all the # in my life didn't matter to me. All that mattered was getting to the hospital as fast as we could."

Jason nodded. "Same here. I was out on…business, and then Monica called me. I didn't think about anything else. I didn't call Sonny to tell him I was leaving, or even Courtney. I just broke every single traffic law trying to get here."

Skye nodded, looking at Emily's inert form. "Lives change at the drop of a hat. You can never even imagine what one action, one tiny mistake, can do to the lives of so many."

"So we're not going to sit here and think about all the things that can go wrong," Jason affirmed. "We're going to focus on how we'll make everything right."

"On how we'll live our lives the best we can," Skye added softly.

Jason nodded, glancing down at their clasped hands. Lives change, all right.

"Jason?"

"What?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For listening." Skye turned her head in time to see a strange look pass in Jason's eyes, almost as if he was drifting off for a moment.

He furrowed his brow at her words. It was the second time that de ja vou had haunted him that day. Skye had said exactly what Elizabeth had said to him, so many times, so many years ago.

"You did the same."

Skye smiled softly. She was about to reply when the door of the room flew open and a flustered and disheveled AJ stood, blocking out the fluorescent light from the hallway.

"AJ?"

No sooner were the words out of her mouth than Alan and Monica's beepers started going off.

"What the hell-" Alan asked in confusion, ripping the tiny device from his belt.

"They know not to call us unless there's an emergency," Monica fumed.

"Mom, Dad." AJ's voice cut through his parent's complaints, bringing all eyes in the room to rest on him.

Jason looked up at his brother from his seat. What the hell was he doing?

"You'd better go now." AJ's words carried a sense of panic and foreboding.

"AJ, what-"

"Elizabeth was in an accident trying to get here. They apparently just got her into the ER."