Sorry it took so long to update, a lot of crappy stuff is going on for me at the moment so writing has kinda taken a back seat in my life. Anyways, enjoy this chapter.

Amelia POV

"Hey, did we bring a pen?" Arizona asks me, making her way through to the bedroom.

"I have some in my backpack. I'll get you one, give me a moment."

"I can get it, don't worry."

"Arizona, wait. It's okay, I've got it. Don't go in the bag." I say quickly, realising that's where the present I made her was placed. I jump up from the chair where I was sat to move towards Arizona and the bag in her hands.

"Amelia what is going on?" Arizona asks me carefully, bringing the bag to me rather than opening it, being respectful of my wishes as always.

"Nothing, it's fine."

"You know I wouldn't pry while I was getting a pen right? I will never invade your privacy like that. I will only ever look at what you're willing to show me." She places her hand on my cheek, gently moving our positions so I'm looking into her eyes.

"I know. It's not that, I promise. I trust you." I reassure. I know she would never hurt me. She is one of the most accepting, caring people in the world and I trust her every move.

"Then what? I don't understand."

"I brought you something, a present I guess. I wasn't going to give you it until tomorrow but I guess now is as good a time as any." I mutter quietly, watching her facial expressions change from confused to intrigued. I carefully unzip the bag, first handing her a pen before cautiously removing the wrapped frame.

"Before you open it, I want to apologise for not asking, I just, I wanted it to be a surprise but I'm thinking now maybe that wasn't the right way. I just, I want you to like it." I panic aloud, all of these thoughts coming to mind now. I invaded her privacy to get the pictures, I drew her dead brother without even telling her I knew what he looked like. I could have made a very bad decision.

"Amelia, you didn't have to get me anything, but I'm sure whatever it is, it'll be perfect. It has to be, because it's from you. Can I open it?" Arizona asks and I nod my head, but don't look to see her reaction.

"Amelia, this is Amazing. How did you? This must have taken forever." Arizona says, her voice shaky. I flick my eyes a little towards her, seeing her hand shaking as her fingers trace over the image before lifting her hand to wipe her tears. "It looks exactly like him."

"Yeah, I erm, I based it on the pictures you keep of him. I'm sorry for going through your stuff, I know that was wrong I just."

"Amelia, I don't care. I love it. You've given me my brother back. We are together, and happy. If I didn't know better I would have guessed you drew this entire thing based off a picture of the two of us together."

"You really like it?" I ask nervously, my heart beat beginning to regulate again, recovering from the nerves.

"I love it. I love you. How long have you been working on this?"

"Since the night you asked me to come here with you. I erm, I really didn't know if it was a good idea, but also I kind of wanted to keep it a secret. But then I realised I didn't even know what he looked like. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that Callie helped. Not exactly helped but like, she told me where the pictures were and told me that it was a good idea and that you would appreciate it. So I'm sorry about talking about this with her I guess? I just didn't know who else to talk to."

"She told you to draw him without uniform?" Arizona asks, but it feels more like a statement than a question.

"Yeah. She didn't say much, just that it can be triggering. How'd you know?"

"She was the only person I had told, and the only pictures I have that you could have worked from he was in uniform. I guess I just put two and two together."

"I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to know. I didn't mean to intrude or pry or anything."

"No, it's okay. I, I want to be kind of pissed at Callie, but I can't be. She told you the truth and now I have this amazing piece of art, and she was right to request it without uniform. It is still kind of an issue." Arizona states without much of an explanation.

"Want to talk about it?" I offer, leaving the choice completely in her hands.

"Not right now, if that's okay."

"Of course that's okay. What do you want to do?"

"Cuddle with some bad TV and order takeaway?"

"Sounds perfect."

Arizona POV

I have never brought anybody else on this trip with me before. I come here every year, I always stay in the same hotel and I spend the weekend alone with my feelings, only this year I'm not alone. I look at Amelia, laid comfortably in our hotel bed, she had fallen asleep not long after we finished eating. I collect the food packaging that has been left scattered across the room and put it all in the trash.

It's strange having someone here with me. It's strange to talk about Tim with someone else. When he died, it became too painful for my parents to talk about him. I learned to keep quiet, and to only miss him in silence. Over the years that Callie and I were together, his name was mentioned periodically, but never in deep discussion. I had to tell her about him when I first disclosed about these trips, but I never felt safe enough to bring her with me. Now I have Amelia here, somebody who has loved and lost far more than I could ever imagine. I'm grateful she is here, really I am, but I don't know how to let my guards down. I don't know where to go from here.

I make my way to the bathroom and turn on the shower. I end up sitting on the shower floor as I do not have my shower stool, and this shower doesn't have the rails I have at home to hold onto. I don't take long to wash myself, I'm tired, and the floor is uncomfortable. I simply wash my body, ignoring my hair for now, Amelia may have to help me wash it tomorrow. I turn off the running water, wiping the tears that have been flowing and wrap the towel around myself. I don't regret bringing Amelia. Sure, it's going to hurt when she sees me upset, but I don't regret it. Out of everybody I know, she is the person who is most likely to understand, and I love her more than words can describe. She trusts me to see her at her most vulnerable, so I am trying to do the same.

I brush my teeth and put on panties and a tank top to sleep in before making my way to the bed where Amelia is sleeping. My body feels weighted with the emotions I'm experiencing, I just want to curl up in bed and cry. Besides my better judgment, I crawl my way over to her body, placing my head on her sleeping chest and listen to her heart beat. The duvet wraps around our bodies as my tears continue to flow. I don't try to fight it, I just lay in my girlfriends embrace.

"Arizona are you okay?" Amelia asks me, still half asleep and I feel bad for waking her.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you." I offer, my tears still streaming down my face.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, you're okay." Amelia says quietly, sitting up a little and wrapping her tightly around my body. "What can I do?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Arizona you have nothing to be sorry for. You're allowed to wake me if you need me, It's okay." Amelia says honestly, one of her hands making its way to the back of my head, and the other gently stroking up and down my back.

"I miss him."

"I know. I wish I could bring him back for you." Amelia says quietly.

"I feel so stupid. He would call me stupid if he were here."

"Why would he call you stupid?"

"Because I'm crying over him instead of making the most of my time with a beautiful girl."

"We have all the time in the world, I'm sure this beautiful girl can survive for a few days." Amelia says with a slight laugh.

"I just can't seem to stop crying." I admit after a smile while, moving my hand to wipe the steady flow of tears from my eyes. "I feel so dumb. I don't want you to see me like this."

"I know. That's exactly how I feel everytime I cry in front of you, but it's okay. Nothing to be ashamed of. I love you, and you being upset isn't going to change that." Amelia explains quietly, holding me against her chest.

"I know. I love you too. I just want the pain to go away. How do you make it stop?"

"I wish I could tell you. For so long I tried to make it stop, but I eventually figured that it doesn't work like that. You can't just step out from it, you've got to go through it. And you're not going to be alone, I'm here." Amelia explains caringly and I can't help but let out a small laugh through the tears.

"Have you read the kids book 'we're going on a bear hunt'? I know what you just said was deep and emotional but all I could hear was 'you can't go over it, you can't go under it, you have to go through it!' from the book." I explain, my body still shaking in her arms but smiling at the thought of the book I used to read to Sofia.

"I have no idea what you're talking about but I'm glad my heart wrenching speech about pain makes you happy." Amelia replies sarcastically, and I hope I haven't hurt her feelings.

"I didn't mean it in an insulting way, I really did appreciate what you had to say."

"I know. I'm not offended, but you are going to have to show me the book you're talking about at some point." Amelia says with a small smile.

Amelia sits herself up properly to sit against the headboard, pulling me up to go back to laying in her arms in a position we are both comfortable in.

"I'm giving you warning that the rest of this weekend will probably be just as bad as this. I erm, I probably should have warned you before you agreed to come." I tell my girlfriend. I don't move to look at her face, I just stay in her arms until she responds.

"It's okay. I'm just glad you're letting me be here. Just tell me if there is anything I can do to make anything better."

"You don't have to do anything, just be you. You are helping."

"I'm glad, but if you think of anything, I'm here."

"I guess there is one thing. I normally get the disabled room, but it was already booked so I may need some help washing my hair tomorrow. I'm sorry, its stupid."

"I'm sure we can deal with that. I am fairly familiar with the process of washing hair." Amelia jokes and I nod a little, but can't find the energy to laugh.

"Thank you."

"Not a problem"

"Not just for the hair washing, but for being here, not judging, I don't know. Just, for everything."

"Not a problem, I'm happy to be here. Try to get some sleep, I'm not going anywhere." Amelia assures me, placing a kiss on the top of my head. "You're safe with me."

I try to go to sleep like Amelia suggested, but my thoughts are still spiralling out of control. My heart is still pounding and I toss and turn trying to get comfortable, but all attempts fail. I open my eyes to see Amelia still awake, she is watching me. I let out a small sigh. "You want to sit up and talk for a bit?" She offers and I nod my head, shifting my body into her side.

"I'm sorry." I mutter quietly and she strokes my hair out of my face.

"Everything is okay Arizona. I promise you, it's going to be okay." She whispers, her arms keeping me safe In her embrace.

"What happened while I was asleep? Do you know why you got so upset?" Amelia asks caringly, taking my hand and giving it a light squeeze.

"I told you I hadn't brought anyone with me before. I just, I've never felt safe enough to. And now I have you, and I know you're never going to judge me for my emotions, but also I don't really break down in front of people. It's weird, and embarrassing and I just feel so stupid."

"I get that. I don't think anyone likes crying in front of people, but you're right. I'm not going to judge you."

"When Tim died, it hurt so much, but after the first few days it was like my parents forgot he existed. When I cried over him, they told me to wipe my tears and be strong. They said he wouldn't want me to cry over him and that he knew what he signed up for when he joined the army. Ever since, I only ever cried in private. I didn't want to give my parents a reason to be upset with me." I reveal, I have never told anybody this before, and I didn't realise its significance until I hear the words flow from my lips.

"I don't want you to hide your emotions Arizona. Maybe it just hurt your parents too much to talk about him, but you're allowed to talk about him whenever you want. You're allowed to be proud of his sacrifice, and you're allowed to miss him. I don't want you to hurt alone." Amelia explains and I nod, but I'm not ready to discuss this any further.

"Thank you. I erm, I think I want to get some rest. Could I erm…" I start, but my speech trails away. It's a bad idea.

"What is it?" My girlfriend prompts.

"It's okay, I don't want to cause any nightmares for you, it's fine"

"What were you going to ask?" Amelia asks me again, waiting for an answer.

"Could I lay in your arms?" I finish timidly.

"Of course, come on, let's get comfy." Amelia responds like it's the easiest decision in the world.

"Are you sure this is okay? I know you don't like contact much while you sleep."

"If it'll help you feel better, then it's perfect. I'm okay, we are okay."

Amelia tightens her grip around me, not uncomfortably tight, but enough to make me feel secure. "You're safe with me. Get some sleep." She whispers softly and I relax into her embrace. For the first time this evening, I feel calm. I feel like I can get through this.