By greyeyedgirl
Okay…it is a one shot…and my very first PD fic:D Aren't you excited? This is about how Mia reacts as her mother is getting ready for her first date with Mr. Gianini (it's never really described in the book). Kay. Here we go. ;D
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Friday, September 26, LoftOh, my, god.
My mother is getting ready for her date.
WITH MY ALGEBRA TEACHER!
THE ONE WITH BIG NOSTRILS!
AND HE MAY LATER PUT HIS TONGUE IN HER MOUTH!
But hopefully that will not be tonight. On account of my mother would not let him, it being a first date and all.
But wait. That would mean I was okay with her going out with him again. Which I am. Why wouldn't I be? It's not like it's completely mortifying or anything. Why should it be? It's not like I'm flunking his class or anything, after barely a month into the school year. Nothing of that sort at all going on.
So why should I mind?
Riiiiiiight.
I should totally be mad at Michael for laughing at me. About the whole thing with Mr. G, I mean. Because was that really necessary?
Okay. So maybe it was.
Oh, my god! My mother just put on her fancy perfume, the kind she hardly ever wears because she says it makes her seem like one of those snobby, Chanel-wearing ladies in Westchester who hold charity benefits when they could just sell one of their own shoes and feed a whole Third World country.
Kinda like one of those moms on The O.C.
Oh, my god. Is she wearing a bra? I totally cannot tell. It must be strapless. It better be strapless.
I CAN'T SEE A PANTYLINE! IS MY MOTHER WEARING A THONG?
That would be so mortifying if she were. Wearing a thong, I mean. If my mother is wearing one of those fancy underthingies like Lara Weinberger, I will never forgive her. Especially if she is going out with my ALGEBRA TEACHER!
Not that I mind. As long as it makes her happy, why should I care? It's not like I think my parents will get back together, or anything. I really don't. My parents can barely stand each other. And my father's been kind of a lady's man, since they cut off one of his testicles and all that.
Wait…IS MY MOM WEARING SEXY UNDERWEAR SO SHE CAN…YOU KNOW…DO THE DIRTY THING WITH MR. G?
My mother would so not do that on the first date. Like, ever. She's Vicki from American Pie, not Jessica. She'd never give it up that fast.
Except Jessica seemed a lot smarter than Vicki. And Jessica seemed a lot more like my mom, in my opinion, anyway. Except, you know. My mom's not a partying teenager, and all that stuff.
Oh, there's the phone. It's probably Lilly. Or, my dad again. Maybe Grandmere did die. Maybe they only just got her funeral arrangements made, and he had to call my mom about it.
It was Lilly. She wanted to see how I was reacting as my mom got ready for the Big Night.
LILLY: "Hey. Is your mom wearing sexy perfume, or just normal going-to-the-market perfume?"
ME: "Um. Neither. I don't think."
Like I was going to tell her it was O.C. mom perfume!
LILLY: "Go smell her. If it's sexy, she likes him. If not…I guess she noticed his nostrils."
ME: "I thought you'd never noticed them!"
LILLY: "I didn't, until you pointed them out. Hey, oh my god. What if they get married, and have a kid, and it has big honking nostrils?"
ME: "IT IS ONLY ONE DATE!"
LILLY: "Right, sure. So will you help me with my cable show this weekend? I'm going it on those tourists who say Green Witch instead of 'greenich.' It'll be like a parody of The Blair Witch Project, only instead of finding sticks and stuff, they'll find a bunch of MetroCards."
ME: "Oh, um. That's nice."
Because I totally could not sit through that movie. And watch it, I mean. I sat through it, but I covered my eyes. Because the last scary movie I saw, 'The Omen' when I was 7, gave me nightmares for a week. I do not like scary movies. I like movies on Lifetime, and ones with dancing where two very attractive and Dawson's Creek-esque speaking teenagers kiss at the end. Hey. At least the ones on Lifetime are based on real stories!
LILLY: "You're not talking. What's the matter? You still freaked about your mom and Mr. G?"
ME: "I AM NOT FREAKED ABOUT MY MOM AND MR. G!"
Only then I totally realized I kind of yelled that, and my mom had stuck her head out of the bathroom and was eyeing me.
ME: (after lowering my voice) "I mean, it's no big deal, really. Maybe they'll really like each other. It's romantic, really, if you think about it. Divorced single mother meets love of her life at parent teacher conference."
LILLY: "Have you been watching Lifetime again?"
You see? You see where the problem is?
Never mind. Whatever. I'm sure the date will go fine.
MY MOTHER IS WEARING LIPLINER! MY MOTHER HARDLY EVER WEARS MAKE-UP!
Why do I think this night is going to be a disaster…?
Hey. At least there's the chance Grandmere died.
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Is it okay? Is it terrible? PLEASE review. Thanks…hope you like! ;)