A&A&A Boarding School
Authoresses' Note: Yes, we're back. Yes, New Zealand was lovely. Yes, we deserve to have our wretched necks wrung for taking so long to update. Since it is, however, impractical to fill up a page with 'sorries', just once will suffice. Sorry.
We'll try not to take too long on review answers (only will answer important ones) because this is a 20 page long chapter and we don't want to make it worse.
Katatonia: In truth, Legolas didn't check his locker because he didn't expect anyone to steal it (probably would notice Holly in the boys' dorm in seconds) and he wouldn't want to draw attention to himself by constantly checking. He was very discreet about it, see.
Manveri Mirkiel: Sorry. Forgot about tin hat. Will be there next time. (avoids pins)
Mefi: We're glad someone approves of our Legolas characterization. Thank you!
Asha Ice: Hah! Beat you! At last! 249 – new record in class.
Lee: Since you asked, we shall reveal that Faramir will undergo psychological advancement. That is all.
Capricornus152: Achilles and Briseis…ooooh. You will see.
EvilExpressions: Of course we follow S'pore Idol. That ending was so touching – the part when Taufik gave the mike to Sylvester. We know it's been a month. Sorry?
Will rush it. Shoo. Shoo.
16. Obstacle Courses and Obnoxious Groupmates
The venue for the gathering of the next class was slightly out of the ordinary. It was situated at the edge of a cliff.
To fully understand that sentence, one must first be familiar with the topography of A&A&A. The boarding school itself was built atop a sort of tabletop plateau, which made it higher than the rest of the surrounding land. Currently, the first-years were standing at the edge of plateau and looking down at the panoramic spread below them.
Their new instructor was relatively short. Most of the class towered over her. But, as they had learnt from the commander's Firearms lessons, height was not a deciding factor in how fearsome a teacher could be.
"Welcome," declared Wing Commander Vinyáya with a grin, "to Physical Education. Like the view?"
Everyone had to agree it was pretty scenic. The view gave one to seriously appreciate exactly how large A&A&A extended. Below them stretched the massive A&A&A Jungle (which was, in truth, not really very tropical; just a whole enormous lot of trees clumped together with various large clearings). The land was also pretty hilly – one could see several fairly high hills and fairly deep valleys dotting the forest landscape. A shining glittering ribbon of river snaked in between the dark green patches of jungle.
"Now," said Vinyáya, "do you see that red flag?"
The class strained to see over the edge and agreed that there was a small red dot on the unforested landscape at the cliff's base.
"That's the beginning of the Obstacle Course."
They stared at her with acute puzzlement for a while. Someone at the back of the crowd muttered, "Obstacle course?"
"The Obstacle Course," began Vinyáya by way of explanation, "is your assignment for the day." Like Root, she tended to speak to her students in military terms. It circles the whole of the A&A&A Jungle, gives you a lovely tour of the surroundings and is extremely physically gruelling. It is also a relay race."
The people in the class who tended to detest running gulped and looked apprehensive.
"Now, I want you to get into five groups of nine people each."
There followed a long, still silence. Eventually Vinyáya said edgily: "Well? Get into groups already!"
"D'you mean," ventured Elizabeth with a measure of disbelief in her voice, "you mean you'll let us choose our own groups?"
"Of course!" Vinyáya snorted. "Whyever not? Unless, of course, you want me to help split you up…"
"Oh no! No thank you!" Extremely glad to be able for once to do something of their own free will, the class automatically split up.
The Company of Heroines shot together faster than a clutch of magnets. The Short Alliance huddled in a group. The French Revolution, chanting loudly, went into marching formation. Various couples or trios clung to each other and glanced around to search for vacancies in the larger groups.
Éowyn detached herself momentarily and came back dragging Éomer. "This is my brother," she told the others. "Can he join?"
"Sure." Éomer was swiftly inducted.
Eponine was looking across the crowd's heads to see if she could snatch Marius before Cosette found him. "Marius? Marius? Oh, there he is!" Dashing over, she latched onto Marius's shoulder. "Marius! D'you want to join us? Oh, come on."
Marius, who had originally been about to ask the French Revolution, looked confused. "Erm…well…"
Eponine made the decision for him. She yanked him off back to her group.
Unfortunately for her, Cosette saw that.
Glancing over her shoulder, Eponine saw her arch-rival coming. "Quickly!" she hissed at the Company of Heroines. "Get two more people – any two – before she gets here!" She flung around hastily, and caught sight of Trouble and Grub patrolling the borders. "Hey. You two. Wanna join?"
"Wha?" mumbled Grub.
Trouble saw an opening. "Okay."
Eponine pulled the two of them into the group just as Cosette panted up. She came face to face with a smiling Eponine. "Oh, I'm so sorry, dear! But we haven't got any space left…do go somewhere else. Au revoir!" And Eponine sent her on her way.
"I'm not sure that was a nice thing to do," pointed out Elizabeth doubtfully.
"It wasn't," admitted Eponine. "But in such circumstances…" she gave a theatrical sigh, "one must resort to…such things. Sad, really."
"We need three more people," pointed out Gimli. "See any spare people around?"
"How about them?" suggested Frodo, pointing.
Gimli glanced in that direction and blanched when he saw Legolas, Paris and Helen. "Are you kidding? No."
Harry wandered over. "D'you want three more people?"
Pippin bounced around. "Oh yes! There're three of you, right? Ron and Hermione? Sure!"
Aragorn and Arwen were naturally together. Hector had joined them too. He was trying to find Paris in the crowd, but so far had not succeeded.
Achilles bounded over. "Can I join?"
Aragorn stared at him hesitantly, then relented. "Oh, very well."
Achilles beamed. Then his eyes fixed on something – someone – behind Aragorn's shoulder. "Ah!" He dashed over. "Briseis! Join us?"
Before Briseis herself could say anything, Andromache appeared over her shoulder. She looked disapproving. "Briseis," she began, glaring at Achilles, "perhaps we should go somewhere else…"
Before Achilles could say anything in his defence, Hector appeared over his shoulder. "Briseis!"
"Hector!" exclaimed Briseis happily. She turned to Andromache and patted her arm reassuringly. "Don't worry, my cousin's there. Come on." They joined the group, escorted by Achilles, who was looking ready to worship Hector.
On the other side of the crowd, Boromir and Faramir eventually decided that they had better join the French Revolution – not that they really wanted to, but somehow the other groups they had asked all seemed full.
A pale white face appeared – that of Artemis Fowl. He was not looking happy with the proceedings. "I suppose you have a vacancy?"
Enjolras, who considered himself leader of the pack, made a careful census and agreed that Artemis was right.
"Very well," drawled Artemis. "Then may I join?"
Enjolras surveyed the boy suspiciously. He had the faint premonition that this would not turn out well. But it would be very rude to turn Artemis away…
"Fine," sighed the revolution leader. "You're in."
Carl bounced up to Aragorn, a bored-looking Van Helsing in tow. "Erm, if you don't mind, could we…"
"Join? Sure," replied Achilles, who was still in a very good mood.
Carl looked relieved. "Thank you!" He nudged Van Helsing. "Say thank you," he whispered.
"Thanks," muttered Van Helsing, wondering why he even bothered with Carl.
Hector finally caught sight of Paris, and fought his way over to him. "Paris, my group's over there. Come and join us."
Paris was caught in a dilemna. He shot a glance at Helen, waiting like a golden angel of light at the edge of the crowd, and Legolas, much less angelic, holding her arm and smirking at him. He turned reluctantly back to Hector.
"I'm sorry, but I've got another group."
Hector glared at him. "I don't believe this!" he hissed at Paris, who flinched. "You would abandon me for that…that…" Evidently he did not think too well of Helen. With a muttered curse, he dropped Paris and stalked off back to Aragorn and Co.
"Here's our last member," said Aragorn. He gestured at a pale-faced Draco Malfoy, who nodded curtly.
Hector nodded back, running a hand distractedly through his bristly mane of hair. He was still having difficulty accepting Paris's betrayal. For that witch, no less. His brother would never hear the end of this.
Paris, gazing after his brother's back regretfully, was jerked out of his trance by Will Turner's voice. "Erm, sorry to bother…but all the other groups are full."
"Yep," put in Chix Verbil over the buzzing of his wings. "No vacancies."
"So can we, like, join?" asked Lili Frond.
Legolas looked unhappy with this offer. "No vacancies in the other groups?"
"Nah," confirmed Jack Sparrow.
"Not one," murmured Cosette dully. She was still taking Eponine's curt dismissal very badly.
"You aren't willing to take us in?" spoke Haldir. To him it was most likely impossible any group should not be begging for him to join.
Legolas and Paris stared around at the various member-wannabes. Eventually Legolas caved in. "Oh, very well, fine. Join."
"Thank you," replied Haldir haughtily.
Once all the groups had reported to Vinyáya, she directed them to follow her down a long winding path towards the beginning of the Obstacle Course. "And since it is a relay race," she called over her shoulder as she navigated a sharp turn around the cliff face, "give each member of your group a number. Member 1 will take Part 1 of the Obstacle Course, Member 2 Part 2, and so on. There are nine parts to the Obstacle Course, which is just nice. I expect the arrangements to be finished by the time we reach the cliff base."
The groups began to discuss. Legolas and Paris naturally both wanted to go first, until Helen intervened by volunteering to be Member 1. Naturally, they then both had to accede.
By the time the five groups had reached the cliff base, the group colours and orders ran as such:
Red Group:
1. Anna 2. Éowyn 3. Éomer 4. Holly 5. Eponine 6. Marius 7. Elizabeth 8. Grub 9. Trouble
Green Group:
1. Aragorn 2. Arwen 3. Hector 4. Achilles 5. Briseis 6. Andromache 7. Van Helsing 8. Carl 9. Malfoy
Orange Group:
1. Harry 2. Ron 3. Hermione 4. Frodo 5. Sam 6. Merry 7. Pippin 8. Mulch 9. Gimli
Blue Group:
1. Enjolras 2. Faramir 3. Gavroche 4. Grantaire 5. Feuilly 6. Courfeyrac 7. Joly 8. Artemis 9. Boromir
Gold Group:1. Helen 2. Will 3. Chix 4. Lili 5. Jack 6. Haldir 7. Cosette 8. Paris 9. Legolas
"Very good," finished Vinyáya. "Now, Members 2 to 9, do you see those markers? They mark eight paths, each which leads to their respective part of the Obstacle Course. Follow the path that corresponds to your number. You have five minutes to get to your stations before the race begans."
No one needed any more telling. Eight members of each group immediately set off hastily on their respective paths, which quickly wound into the undergrowth of the Jungle and disappeared.
Vinyáya waited five minutes. The first members of each group, namely Aragorn, Anna, Enjolras, Harry and Helen fingered their brightly coloured batons and stared nervously at the track ahead of them.
At the end of five minutes, Vinyáya ordered: "Get ready."
Anxiously they obeyed.
"Just follow the track. Clear any obstacles in your way. Fastest group wins – a prize. On your marks. Get set. And……go!"
They took off.
The first obstacle wasn't really very far off. After following the track through a tangle of trees and up and down a couple of hills, they came back onto flat clear land. There the obstacle lay in wait. A wall.
The wall was around the same height as Aragorn's head. It was built of bricks and stretched across the visible land like a reddish snake lying long in the sun, each end disapppearing into the forest on either side. The track ran on beyond it, across a slight crest and out of sight.
"Here goes," thought all five, and raced for the wall.
Aragorn got to it way ahead of the others. In a matter of seconds he had put his baton between his teeth, placed both palms flat on the top of the wall, and with an enormous display of strength vaulted full-body across it. He sprang to his feet on the other side and was off up the track in a flash.
Anna was next. She did not stop even as she reached the wall; instead she put on full speed and rushed towards it headlong. Her momentum carried her halfway up the wall; she conquered the rest by flipping forward and somersaulting across. Landing crouched like a cat, she leapt up and tore after the distant figure of Aragorn.
Harry and Enjolas reached the wall at approximately the same time. And of course, they found much difficulty in getting over it. It took them quite some time to find the necessary handholds – fairly rare in the smooth brick – and claw their way up. Finally, both tumbled over, landed with several unhappy cracking noises, rose unsteadily and went on running best as they could.
That left Helen.
Helen found, after several futile attempts, that wall-climbing wasn't as easy as the others made it look. The Greek peplum also got in the way very cumbersomely. Wiping the sweat from her perfect face, she headed off towards the end of the wall. There had to be an end, she reasoned, they couldn't go on building the wall forever. And then she would simply walk around and follow the wall back to the track.
The builders of the wall had obviously realised the wall couldn't go on forever. And hence they had instead grown an impenetrable thorny hedge at both ends to discourage cheaters.
Helen stared up at the merrily bristling thorns in despair. Oh dear.
It took Helen a very, very long time to get across the wall. It also took extreme effort, several cuts, bruises and long ugly tears in her dress. With grazed hands and tearstained cheeks, she clutched her baton and limped miserably up the track after the rest of the long gone runners.
Team Gold was currently last in the running.
By the time Helen reached Station 2, all the other runners had taken off. Only Will remained, bouncing impatiently. "Where've you been?" he snapped, snatching the baton crossly and without waiting for a reply, dashed off after the distant moving dots.
Back to the frontline. Éowyn of Red had managed to wrest the lead from Arwen of Green, and was now streaming up the hill as fast as her legs could carry her. Green, although pushing hard, was falling behind. Furthermore, Faramir of Blue was catching up. The Elf and Man strove for some time, until Faramir finally managed to overtake Arwen. By the time he had crossed the hill crest, Éowyn was on a downhill sprint towards the next obstacle.
It rose out of the green earth towards her, a mammoth and impassable rock formation – with only one way of passing through: a half-metre tall gap at the bottom, just a tiny space between the rock and the ground, barely large enough for a body to fit through.
Éowyn came to a halt at its edge. Cautiously she got down on hands and knees and peered into the darkness of the narrow gap. By Éorl, that is small. It should have been Holly doing this. I hope I'm not claustrophobic. Looking back, she saw Faramir approaching and with a sigh, inserted her head into the gap. After some wriggling, the rest of her body followed painfully slowly. The space was so narrow she could not even crawl, and had to slither with her belly flat on the ground. I'm not claustrophobic. Am I?
Faramir got to the scene just as Éowyn's foot disappeared underneath. He hastened to follow – although with much more difficulty, as Éowyn was much slighter in build than he was.
Éowyn heard the sounds of Faramir slithering after her, and hastily increased slithering speed. She attempted looking back, but struck her head on a rock projection for her efforts. With a muffled expletive, she turned back to the slit of light at the end of the passage and commenced wriggling determinedly.
Back at the entrance, Arwen peered into the depths of the tunnel with a certain amount of dread. She had no choice, however. Hector was waiting on the other side, and she was using up valuable time here. With bated breath she eased herself in and put out a hand to drag herself forward.
After scrabbling in the muck accumulated underneath the rock, she found a grip and yanked forward. She put out the other hand, the one with the baton in it…
…and somehow she lost her grip, and the baton rolled away.
Arwen exclaimed something in Sindarin that would have seriously shocked Elrond, had he heard it, and groped frantically. Inching forward, she finally felt it and yanked hard. The baton was stuck.
Arwen pulled hard, cried tears of frustration, pulled harder. Beside her, Ron twisted past, scraping his elbows in a dogged attempt to get to the end of the tunnel. Reach, grab, pull. Reach, grab, pull.
Something was tickling his face. Something sticky. Ron froze. Sticky?
Then he felt it. Tiny legs crawling over his cheek. He had blundered into a spider's web.
Halfway through the rock passage, Ron panicked. Screaming, he struck at the web with the baton in a futile attempt to get it off. The baton only got entangled more. Still screaming, Ron squirmed forward blindly, hitting his head several times against the rocky roof. He only calmed down when he was out of the tunnel in bright sunlight, picking frantically at the pieces of web that still clung to the baton.
"You look terrible," pointed out Hermione when he arrived.
"Don't…matter…" muttered Ron, flicking unhappily at strands of web on his sleeve. "Run! Go on!"
Hermione hastily ran after the first two, overtaking Gavroche without much difficulty. Éomer was way ahead, however.
There was the sound of heavy but swift feet on the grass, and Hector sped past her and headed off on Éomer's trail.
Oh drat, thought Hermione, and pushed on as fast as her feet could carry her – which sadly wasn't as fast as Hector.
Then she turned the corner into view of the third obstacle, and her heart sank.
It was a mud swamp.
The mud was thick, ugly brown, and gave off a heavy stench. Various bits of plant matter floated idly on its surface, along with less appealing stuff. Hector and Éomer were already in the middle, valiantly trying to wade as fast as they would normally walk and failing miserably. The mud came up to both their waists. It was the sort of mud that squelched, clung and sucked legs down into sinkholes, to remain stuck for a long, long time.
Hermione clutched her baton, swallowed her revulsion, took a deep breath and plunged in.
For a moment she could not feel solid ground beneath her feet. Then her foot connected with the soft bottom. She opened her eyes. The mud was nearly up to her midriff. Holding the baton out of reach of the mud, Hermione fought the urge to throw up and began to wade determinedly through the mud, which seemed to fight her like a cement wall.
A splash and a squeak behind her told her that Gavroche had bravely plunged in after her. Glancing back, she saw that the poor kid was up to his neck in mud. Swallowing pity and concentrating on the task of getting the baton to Frodo, she went on wading.
"I feel sorry for them," pointed out Holly, from their vantage point atop a tree-crested hill.
"Better feel sorry for yourself," grunted Achilles. "The next one is probably worse. Maybe the – wait a minute, that's cheating!"
Chix Verbil had finally caught up. He had decided not to risk his complexion to the mud and had instead utilised his natural gift – his wings. Now he skimmed over the brown surface, past Hector, who had landed his leg in a sinkhole and was swearing loudly about it, past Éomer, who was almost at the end of the swamp, and up the hill.
"Oi!" exclaimed Éomer in indignation. He scrambled over the edge of the swamp back onto dry track and gave pursuit angrily.
"Lili!" called Chix, and shoved the baton at her. After much frantic gesturing, he managed to make it known to the bimbo that she was supposed to follow the track, and she ran off, looking flustered.
"Cheater," growled Achilles, advancing on the sprite.
"What?" Chix was being macho, since he observed Holly was watching. "You wanna pick a fight?"
"If I did," returned Achilles, "shouldn't you be running by now?"
Chix glanced at Achilles's sledgehammer fist, and suddenly realised that being macho might not be the idea of the century. "Erm, did I offend you or something, because if I did, I'm sure we can work something out…"
Holly's amused viewing of this confrontation was cut short when Éomer, covered in mud and looking a grim sight indeed, appeared. Holly snatched the baton from him and took off. She was reasonably sure she could beat Lili Frond. Most likely the girl would have stopped halfway to check her makeup.
She had been running for a minute or so, when the track terminated abruptly at the edge of one of the deepest gorges in the Jungle. Assailed by extreme vertigo, she fought to keep her balance, until she finally tumbled backwards onto the track, panting.
Lili was standing not too near the edge, gazing stupidly at the drop. Holly crept closer and looked again. The bottom seemed a long way down. There was the sound of rushing water at the bottom, though the river itself was barely visible.
Surely she had made some mistake somewhere? The gap was about the length of a human swimming pool! Yet the track ended here……and there were the five waiting figures on the other side. But how could she cross this gap?
Something drew her eyes upwards. And she saw the rope.
Of course! A rope! Tied to a tree and stretching across the chasm to the other side. Furthermore the other edge was much lower than this one, so the rope slanted downwards. It would be a simple matter of gravity.
Holly climbed the tree to the branch where the rope was tied. Passing the baton across so it made a sort of flying fox bar she could hang on to, she took a deep breath, prayed that her hands wouldn't lose their grip and leapt.
It felt like flying. She was rushing through the air at an incredible speed towards the other cliff. Then she looked down, and wished she hadn't.
The surroundings swayed, and she realised exactly how high up she was, and how dangerously easy it would be to lose her grip and fall all that way down. Not a charming idea.
She tore her eyes away from the descent just in time to see the cliff face rushing at her. Holly opened her mouth to yell, but at the last minute arms seized her and dragged her over the edge. She looked up into Eponine's worried face.
"Mon Dieu," she was saying. "Are you all right?"
Holly nodded weakly and passed her the baton. With some backward glances, Eponine left at her fastest pace.
Achilles reached the cliff's edge just as Holly took off. Without any hesitation he followed. The baton was too small to hold him, so he clenched it between his teeth and used a tree branch instead.
He was less fortunate then Holly, and smashed headlong into the cliff face. But he was rewarded by the sight of Briseis's sweet face peering anxiously down at him. "That must have hurt – do you need help getting up?"
Achilles shook his head bravely, despite the fact his chest was burning from where it had struck the jagged rock. Removing the baton from his mouth, he handed it to Briseis. "Take it."
Briseis took it quickly and retreated out of his line of sight. Achilles was staring after her longingly when he suddenly realised that in order to remove the baton he had had to release a hand. And in releasing the hand he had let go off the tree branch. So he was currently falling.
Perhaps by that time it was a little too late to do anything about it.
Grantaire came swinging over. Feuilly rushed over, just managing to grab Grantaire's sleeve. "Took your time, didn't you?"
"Gavroche took heesh time," slurred his comrade. "Not mah fault!"
"You're drunk again," observed Feuilly disgustedly, wondering firstly where the drink had come from and secondly how Grantaire had managed to swing across without falling off inebriated halfway. But since he probably wasn't going to get any answers from Grantaire himself, Feuilly settled on taking the baton and hurrying off after the two girls. "Merci!" he called over his shoulder.
Grantaire was no longer there to hear it. When Feuilly had released him he hadn't been holding on to anything else. So he had joined Achilles on the descent down into the Deep Nowhere.
Not only was it a bit late to do anything about it, but Grantaire would have been unable to do anything anyway, even given opposite circumstances. At least he didn't really notice, insofar.
Frodo could hear a distinct splash below, but was too preoccupied with his vertigo to look any further. I'm going to smash into the cliff face. I'm going to smash. I'm going to smash……
"I've got you!" exclaimed Sam, hoisting Frodo over the edge.
"Thanks," panted Frodo. "No, I'm fine. Don't worry, Sam. Go. Go!"
Sam was torn for a moment, but decided that Frodo wasn't in immediate danger and began running. It wasn't good going. Furthermore the track suddenly tilted steeply downhill at an alarming rate, so his balance was seriously compromised.
Soon he could hear running water. He finally reached level ground and panted on. Ahead he could see a river – maybe the same one at the bottom of the gorge. It was possible – after all, he had just come down a very, very steep hill, so perhaps he was on the same level as the gorge floor now.
To his surprise, Vinyáya was there. Most likely she had followed Path 6 after the sixth members of each group. She handed him a blindfold. "Put that on. You can't cross the bridge unless you're wearing one."
Sam looked at the aforementioned bridge. It zigzagged crookedly across the rushing river, each corner a sharp turn. "I can't cross that with a blindfold on! I'll…I'll fall in!"
Vinyáya wasn't smiling, but the twinkle in her eyes showed that she was certainly enjoying herself. "Too bad, then. Put it on."
Sam miserably tied on the blindfold and wobbled uncertainly onto the bridge. He edged forward uncertainly in the dark, feeling with his bare feet. He felt air under one foot and hastily yanked it back just before he lost his balance. "Help?" he queried fearfully.
"Left, Sam!" came a voice through the darkness – Merry's. Of course. He was waiting on the other bank for Sam to cross. "Turn left!"
Sam obediently turned left and stepped off the bridge.
"Oops!" exclaimed Merry apologetically. "Sorry! I meant, turn to my left."
"Grrr!" was Sam's unintelligible and wet response as he clambered back onto the bridge. Vinyáya stifled a chuckle.
Eventually Merry finally navigated Sam across the bridge (although not without a fair share of 'accidents') and ran off with the baton. Sam joined Eponine, Briseis and Feuilly on a log to await the outcome.
Jack came a trifle late. This, he explained to Haldir in a hurry, was because Lili had taken forever to decide if crossing the gorge was worth scratching her palms for. It was not certain if Haldir understood more than half of it, most of the explanation being in pirate slang.
"Insupportable," decided Haldir sniffily at the end of it, and sprinted off.
Vinyáya left again by Path 6, leaving the five classmates on the log.
There was silence for some time. Then Eponine exclaimed: "Is that something floating down the river?"
Briseis got up. "I think so."
They went to the edge of the river to look.
"What be it?" ventured Jack?
Eponine shielded her eyes with her hand and scrutinized the object as it floated closer to the bridge. "Wait. It looks like…like a body!"
Briseis gave a sudden cry. "Oh gods! It's Achilles!"
Led by her, they rushed upon the bridge just as the unconscious Achilles bumped into it. With panicked hands they dragged him out of the water and onshore. Briseis gingerly shook him by the shoulders.
"Achilles! Achilles! Wake up!"
The others had gone back to the bridge to dredge Grantaire up, but Briseis could not tear her eyes away from Achilles's face.
Feuilly laid Grantaire's body out beside Achilles. "Do you think they're dead?" he asked in a hushed whisper.
Jack eyed them critically. "Dunno. Falling off cliffs ain't a reliable cause of death."
"What do we do?" whispered Briseis in panic, as she frantically swept the saturated strands of yellow hair off Achilles' soaked forehead.
Jack bent down beside Briseis, scrutinizing the frozen face of Achilles. "Let's see. You could try…mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?"
"What?"
Jack rolled his eyes. "Mouth to mouth breathing, savvy? No, I'm not doin' it, not me. You can do it, love, since you seem so…concerned."
Briseis snatched her hands away from Achilles immediately. "I beg your pardon?" she snapped, her royal breeding coming back into play.
Jack opened his mouth to reply saucily, but was interrupted by Achilles opening his eyes and suddenly coughing up water at a violent rate. Everyone jumped. Achilles ignored them and went on throwing everything he had swallowed in the river out onto the ground.
"Told ya," said Jack smugly.
"What?" exclaimed Achilles, jolting into sitting position abruptly. "Blech. What happened?" Then, with widening eyes, "Briseis!"
"Time you got up," Jack told him. "Briseis here was just about to give you mouth-to-mouth when you up and started coughin'."
Achilles glared at Jack, gave Briseis a stricken glance and flopped back on the ground, cursing inwardly. Should have woken up a lot later.
Andromache felt faintly acrophobic.
She was clinging to a rope halfway up a vertical cliff face, fingers in a deathgrip around both baton and hemp fibres. She was trying not to look down.
Haldir was not helping matters. He was just below her, complaining loudly about how slow she was and demanding that she climb faster.
Andromache forced herself to stare straight up after Courfeyrac's moving boots. Hand up, she thought. Hand over hand over hand. Don't look down.
But somehow she could not resist. She turned her head backwards irresistibly, helplessly…
……and was confronted by Haldir's hostile glance. "Would you please hurry up already?" snapped the elf.
Andromache jerked back to her senses and concentrated on climbing.
Van Helsing was waiting irritably at the top of the cliff. According to him, Joly and Elizabeth had already started off and they were quite behind.
"Sorry," muttered Andromache, mentally intending to begin training up, as Van Helsing raced off with the baton.
"About time," remarked Haldir dryly as he climbed around Andromache and passed the baton to Cosette. Merry came last, delivering the baton to Pippin.
Elizabeth was currently leading. Joly was gaining slightly, but Red's lead was fairly strong. So she forced herself on faster, until she came to the next obstacle.
Wait a minute, she thought. The obstacles are supposed to be hard……but…a SLIDE?!
No doubt. All she had to do for the next obstacle – was go down a slide.
Must be a hitch somewhere, reckoned Elizabeth grimly as she sat down and pushed off.
She shot off downwards at an alarming rate – it seemed to be a pretty steep slide. After several twists and turns, she came to a fork in the slide.
Right or left, that was the question. With the fork rushing up to her in a blur of movement, Elizabeth made a lightning decision and chose left.
She had barely any time to reflect upon her choice, when the slide turned an abrupt corner and stopped. Just stopped.
Elizabeth whizzed off the suddenly terminated slide into nothingness. She turned head-over-heels a couple of times and then landed splat on a seemingly hard ground.
Grub's face swam into view. "I'm really glad I wasn't Member 7," he pointed out morosely. That looks painful."
Elizabeth raised herself off the ground with difficulty and shoved the baton at him. "Run, you idiot," she gasped, before collapsing again. Grub took the hint and left.
There was a loud splashing behind. Joly had apparently chosen right and the slide had ended underwater. Artemis watched with extreme distaste as the revolutionaire spat water out and waded to shore, flinging the baton at him. The boy genius glared at the mud on the baton, took it gingerly and set off.
Carl looked up as Van Helsing came hurtling off the slide into the air. If he had entertained any ideas about him ending up like Elizabeth, however, they were proven wrong. Van Helsing turned a neat flip and came down on his feet.
"Cool!"
"Run, monk."
"It's friar, actually," pointed out Carl as a parting shot.
Some time later, Cosette rose to the surface spluttering in panic. Paris had to save her from near drowning.
Mulch was left twiddling his thumbs and wondering where Pippin could have gone off to.
That was answered only after much waiting. There was a loud yell of fear, and Pippin plummeted from the sky straight into the water.
"You didn't come out of either slide," pointed out Mulch as he helped a sodden Pippin onto the riverbank.
Pippin was shivering uncontrollably. "It was queer! There was this fork, and before I could decide whether to go left or right, I……sort of fell over the edge."
"You fell over the edge?"
"I fell over the edge."
Mulch decided it was time he stopped listening to Pippin's wild tales and started catching up.
Grub wasn't a good runner.
If Member 8 of Team Blue had been anyone else, he would have been overtaken pretty soon. But it so happened that Member 8 of Team Blue was Artemis Fowl. And Artemis was an even worse runner than Grub was.
Grub had that small thing to be thankful for before he came to a halt at the edge of a cliff, before the next obstacle. After that, all wish to be thankful for anything at all left him faster than a speedcar.
The next obstacle was a monkeybar. Suspended over a dizzying drop into yet another gorge.
"D'Arvit!" swore Grub, and began to weigh the dangers of crossing that and facing Trouble if he didn't.
The latter turned out to be more terrifying, and soon Grub, all chins wobbling, could be seen swinging fearfully and carefully over the gorge.
Carl was next there. He had less qualms than Grub, said a prayer and bravely started swinging.
Paris, who had overtaken Artemis after much hard sprinting, got there by the time Grub had finally (and god knows how) reached the end. Artemis and Mulch reached there at around the same time. Mulch seized the bar before Artemis did and swung out. Artemis froze.
Inconceivable. He couldn't be acrophobic. Not now.
But he just couldn't do it. Just couldn't.
"Artemis!" Boromir appeared at the edge of the other cliff. "What're you waiting for?"
Artemis still could not move.
Paris pushed past Boromir towards Legolas, who was tapping his foot in seeming boredom. "Artemis! Artemis!" The kid wasn't acrophobic, was he? Oh, golly gosh, very bad.
In desperation, Boromir did something for the team he never would have thought he would do. He crossed two obstacles.
Artemis still wasn't moving when Boromir finally crossed over to his side, snatched the baton from his limp hand with a glare that could have frizzled a tomato and prepared to cross the monkeybar towards the finish line. He didn't look back once.
The first eight members of Team Green were seated on various logs beyond the finishing line. Vinyáya had retrieved all the runners who had completed their obstacle and brought them to the finishing line so they could watch the final dash.
"On second thoughts, maybe letting that Malfoy take the last lap wasn't such a good idea," remarked Achilles into the marked silence.
"Too late for that," replied Andromache dryly. For once, she was not sitting between him and Briseis. Hector was doing that.
The four of them were seated on one long log. Aragorn and Arwen were on the opposite one, wrapped in their own little romantic world. Van Helsing was leaning against a tree trunk and wrapped in his own little unromantic world. Carl was lying on the grass, scrabbling for earthworms. He said he needed them for a 'latest experiment'. Van Helsing said he really didn't want to know.
On the other side of the clearing, Éomer, in the middle of expounding upon the topic of mud swamps to anyone who would listen (namely the finally conscious but hangover-suffering Grantaire, since he couldn't protest), was interrupted by Éowyn's sudden distraction and cry: "Look! They're coming!"
Everyone dropped what they were doing and ran as close to the finishing line as they dared. Trouble Kelp had just appeared with the Red baton into full view of the next obstacle, over yet another conveniently placed gorge.
It was a thin fishing net that stretched across the gap. With holes in it. Not just the normal net holes. Really big, viciously-and-sadistically-scissor-slashed holes.
Grub swallowed and clasped his sweating hands nervously.
"Well," stated Holly brightly, "at least this time the odds are in his favour. He's, well, light enough."
"He's small enough to fall straight through a hole," pointed out Eponine.
"You do have to look on the dark side, don't you?"
In the distance, Trouble tentatively stepped onto the net. One foot, then another. He tried to run forward, but the net wobbled precariously, and he swayed dangerously. Far as he was, they could see the tense expression on his face.
Trouble seemed to gather up his courage and continue, taking large strides and rocking wildly on the fine threads. His lead must have been pretty good, because he was halfway over when Malfoy appeared.
Malfoy had the disadvantage of being taller and heavier than a fairy. When he tried running, the net trembled violently and he was nearly thrown off. He could only wait for it to stabilise before continuing – and making it shake again.
"Probably wouldn't hold your weight," Andromache told Achilles prissily.
A sudden flash of bright hair amidst the jungle undergrowth elicited a happy cheer from Team Gold. "Legolas is coming!"
A few more seconds and Legolas appeared round the corner, in his full swift glory. His hair flashed in the sun, and his legs were a blur, for he had the speed of the Firstborn. And for those who don't know, that's really, really fast.
"He's going like greased lightning," said Will breathlessly. He was providing commentary. "He's crossing the distance between the trees and the net at the speed of – oh, he's at the net! His weight barely seems to affect the net – I wonder why, useful skill – he's passing Malfoy! Really, that Red runner doesn't stand a chance. He's catching up, he's catching up……oh, drat."
A loud moan rose from the team: Legolas, in his haste, had forgotten about the potholes in the net. He had fallen through one.
"I know he's going to die an awful death!" screamed Helen. Paris looked half-elated, half-concerned.
"Wait," observed Haldir suddenly. "He's hanging on by one arm!"
It was the turn of the other teams to look disappointed – in particular the Red Team, which bore no great love for the Elf.
"Come on, mate," muttered Jack. "Pull yerself up. You can do it."
Boromir, racing like mad, appeared round the corner. He crossed the distance in a few bounds and leapt upon the net just as Legolas had got the other arm up. The net shook furiously and Legolas lost his grip again. Gold glared daggers at Blue, which was looking particularly proud of Boromir.
Trouble was wading carefully to the end of the net.
Legolas, with a huge effort, yanked himself up out of the hole and sprawled on the net, shaking it again and nearly dislodging Trouble, who just managed to keep his balance. The Elf rose wobbling to his feet, turned to the end of the net and began to run.
Trouble stumbled off the edge of the net onto solid ground. He seemed to feel Legolas ominously catching up, for he did not stop even for a single breath.
Legolas was coming to the end of the net, although he was slower in order to avoid more holes.
Trouble neared the finishing line.
Legolas leapt off the net and entered the desperate race.
Trouble's breath came in short gasps. He lengthened his stride. The finishing line was just a bit further…
Legolas was decreasing the distance between them by the millisecond.
Everyone held their breath as Trouble and Legolas came level for a single moment. Time, proverbially, seemed to slow. An unfortunate happening, but quite necessary in order to emphasise the suspense.
Then the air exploded with screaming cheers.
It was an unexpected victory. Everyone had expected the other to win. But the Red Team, who had held on so staunchly through nine trying obstacles, had proven their worth. Trouble had won.
The Red Team was celebrating wildly. Trouble had been slapped on the back so many times that he was very near collapsing. Éomer was grinning like mad. Éowyn and Elizabeth were holding hands and whirling round in crazy circles. Eponine hugged Marius and laughed into his shoulder.
The Gold Team surrounded Legolas uncertainly, slightly unsure how to react. Paris alone was secretly and vindictively pleased. Cosette was nearly in tears.
Vinyáya's prize was a cache of chocolate bars. Chocolate bars tended to be very popular in A&A&A, and were hence often used as prizes for PE.
The class, now dismissed, made their way back to the school building. Still exclaiming joyfully, the Red Team, arms slung over shoulders (as far as height differences allowed), led the way through the double doors. The other losing teams followed dejectedly. Still, all of them had to agree on one thing.
It had been educational.
End of ChapterNext chapter coming…Bacteriology and Bashings