From Mafioso to Pirate

Chapter 16: A Tale of Two Slopes

XXX

"Alright, listen up!" Usopp shouted firmly as he led the way up the slope, the four pirates following after him. "Those guys are planning to attack the village from this very coast! However! This is the only route that leads to the village! The rest is just cliffs; there's no other way for them to attack. In other words, if we hold firm to this slope, the pirates can't attack!"

'Usopp is a surprisingly good tactician...' Lambo thought to himself, impressed. "It's hard to believe you thought of this all so quickly..."

Usopp put his hands on his sides and puffed his chest out proudly, a smirk on his face. "Who do you think you're talking to? I'm the number one liar in the world! If I didn't know how to do this, I'd never be able to escape the angry villagers!"

"...I, uh, see."

"Well, it sounds easy enough," Luffy said with a nod.

Usopp faltered a bit and frowned. "Well, talking about it is easy. But actually doing it is a different story. I need to know what you guys are capable of."

"Cutting," Zoro said, placing a hand on his sword.

"Stretching!" Luffy said, raising a fist.

"Stealing," Nami said with a smirk.

"Zapping," Lambo said, crossing his arms.

Usopp nodded. "Right. "And I'll be hiding."

No sooner than he had said that, Usopp found himself in a headlock, courtesy of Zoro, with the pirates all glaring daggers at him.

"YOU'RE FIGHTING!"

"O-Okay, okay! I was just kidding!"

Lambo huffed and looked back out at the coast. "Alright, so we know where they'll be coming from. Now we just need some kind of plan..."

Zoro let go of Usopp, who flopped onto the ground, coughing slightly. "G-Geez, you nearly broke my neck!"

Zoro scoffed. "Quit whining. I didn't choke you that hard."

"Yes you did!"

Lambo glanced back at them. "Usopp, do you have any kind of plan?"

Usopp stood back up and crossed his arms, frowning as if personally insulted. "Of course I have a plan! A good liar always has a proper plan if they don't wanna get caught!"

"So what's the plan then?" Nami asked impatiently.

Usopp grinned and motioned for them to follow him. "We'll need some stuff first! Follow me!"

"Here we are!" Usopp said, gesturing with his hands dramatically. "Behold! My secret base!"

The four pirates just blinked at the shack the long-nosed boy gestured to. Said shack was pretty small, about the size of a bedroom maybe. The wood looked old and worn with mold growing near the bottom. There was a rusty looking padlock holding the door closed. If anyone wanted to break into it (and honestly why would they), it wouldn't take much effort. The small building wasn't that far from the boy's house, sitting snugly between a couple of old-looking trees.

After a few seconds of staring, Zoro spoke up. "Isn't this just a shack?"

Usopp looked insulted. "I'll have you know that this secret base is a family heirloom! It belonged to my great great great great great grandfather! He was a famous pirate that traveled all over the world, gathering strange and mysterious treasures, which he put into this very shack!" Usopp finished, gesturing dramatically.

Zoro, Nami, and Lambo remained unimpressed. "So it is a shack," the swordsman said flatly.

Usopp stumbled a bit before crossing his arms and huffing, an irritated look on his face. "No, it's a secret base. Get it right!"

"But you just called it a shack," Nami pointed out with a smirk.

"Th-That was a slip of the toungue!"

"Wait, is all that really true?! This place is full of treasure?!" Luffy asked with all the enthusiasm of a child, eyes sparkling as they gazed at the sha- secret base.

Usopp regained his composure and smirked as he crossed his arms smugly. "That's right! And not just any treasures! These are mystical treasures gathered from all around the globe! There's a sacred jewel that can grant immortality! A flute that breathes fire when you blow in it! A suit of armor that can make you invincible! Stuff like that!"

"Amazing!" Luffy exclaimed, giddy with excitement.

Lambo just watched them with a deadpan expression. 'He's lying. He's totally lying. It's like he's not even trying to be believable either...'

"Let's go in right now! I wanna see 'em all!" Luffy said, already walking forward.

"Wh-Whoa, whoa, wait! You can't!" Usopp stuttered, blocking him from reaching the sha- secret base.

Luffy stopped and looked at him in confusion and disappointment. "What? Why?"

"B-B-B-Because... Because they're meant for my eyes only! If someone were to find out about them, who knows what'll happen?! S-So you should stay out here!"

Luffy slumped. "Aw..."

Lambo raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Oh, really? How about you get some of those things and we can use them against the pirates."

"O-Oh, uh..." Usopp looked around nervously as he fumbled for an answer. "Th-The thing about that is..."

Nami rolled her eyes at the scene. "Don't play along with him! It's obvious you're lying, so let's just go in already."

Luffy swiveled around to look at her, shocked. "What?! He was lying?!"

"Of course he's lying! Don't tell me you actually believed him?" Nami asked the boy in disbelief.

"Well, Usopp?"

"A-Alright, so I may have stretched the truth a little!" Usopp admitted. "But it really is a secret base, so stop calling it a shack!"

"Sure, sure. Let's just go in, alright?" Lambo said as he walked past the boy, the other pirates following suit.

"...F-Fine..." Usopp mumbled, slumping and following after them.

The four waited as Usopp took off the padlock with a key from his pouch. Seeing how rusted it was, though, Lambo was sure they could just smack it and it would fall off. "I think you should consider getting a new lock."

"Huh? The lock's fine!" To prove this, Usopp tossed the padlock into the air and caught it in his hand. As a result, the top of the padlock broke off, falling to the ground in a small pile of rust and metal.

Lambo gazed down at it with a flat look. "..."

"...Okay, so maybe I need a new lock." With that, the long-nosed boy turned on his heel to face the shac- secret base and pushed the door open. "Behold!"

As the pirates went into the small building and looked around, Lambo came to the conclusion that it was...actually kind of impressive. Not the place itself, it was a piece of junk, but the stuff inside of it. Grappling hooks, slingshots, all sorts of pellets for said slingshots, barrels of all kinds of different things from oil to water, what looked like flash bombs, and all sorts of other strange contraptions, some looking like they were still in the process of being built.

"Impressed, right?!" The long-nosed boy continued proudly. "Check out all my equipment!"

"What do you even use this stuff for?" Nami asked, looking at it all in disbelief.

"Well, I make a lot of my own ammo, so there's stuff for that. And there's also all the stuff I use to get away from the villagers! Like smoke bombs, flash bombs, grappling hooks..." he said, counting off his fingers.

"So it's that kind of stuff, huh?" Zoro said, looking around in disinterest.

"H-Hey, you say that like it's a bad thing..."

Lambo glanced at Luffy, who was looking around silently. "What's up, Luffy? Are you still upset he was lying?"

"Because it all sounded so cool!"

"I see..." With that, he looked at Usopp, who was stopping Zoro from touching something he found on the table, and finally asked the question. "So...why are we here?"

"Oh, right!" Usopp hurried over to a group of barrels sitting in the far left corner of the shac- secret base and pointed at one in particular. "Here! This!"

"...It's a barrel," Zoro said, staring at the moldy old barrel with half-lidded eyes.

"Filled with oil!" Usopp shouted, grabbing the lid and prying it open to reveal the dirty-looking liquid.

Zoro's expression didn't change. "...Okay?"

Usopp shook his head and glared at him. "No! You're not getting it! We can use this against the pirates!"

"Oh, I see! We use this to set them on fire!" Luffy exclaimed, grinning and nodding.

"What? No! W-Well, I mean, I guess we could do that too, but that's not what I'm talking about!" Usopp shouted, shaking his head at them before sighing. "Listen, we're gonna pour this all over the slope. Then, while they're tripping all over themselves, we can take them out!"

Nami blinked and nodded. "Oh, I see. That's actually pretty smart!"

"You say that like it's surprising..." Usopp mumbled.

"Great, so we've got a plan," Zoro said with a nod. "Now we just take this back to the slope, right?"

Luffy crossed his arms and nodded. "Okay! You carry it, Zoro!"

Zoro glared back at him. "Don't be lazy. You're helping, too."

"Two should be enough," Usopp said, gesturing at the barrels. "That's, uh, all I have anyway," he finished lamely.

"How did you even get these things, anyway?" Nami asked with an arched eyebrow as Luffy and Zoro grabbed hold of the barrels.

Usopp smirked. "That is another great story! You see-"

"On second thought, never mind. I'll be outside," Nami interrupted, turning and walking away.

"H-Hey, come on!" Usopp shouted after her. "I swear it's a one hundred percent true story!"

"Sure, sure," she waved off, not pausing as she went out the door.

Usopp slumped in disappointment and Lambo gave him a pat on the back. "If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure Luffy will always believe anything you say."

Usopp glanced at him. "Hey, why aren't you helping?"

"They look like they've got it covered."

"...Aren't you the one who's being lazy then?"

"Maybe," Lambo agreed, taking a better look around now that there weren't a bunch of people cluttering up the small building. "I can't believe you can stuff all this inside such a tiny shack..."

"I keep telling you, it's not a shack..." The long-nosed boy mumbled, sending him a slight glare.

"Right, right, sorry. I meant secret base," he corrected with a small smirk, adding air quotes for good measure.

Usopp gave him an unimpressed look. "You done yet?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm done," the cow-clad boy said, crossing his arms. "I guess I can kind of understand how you feel, though. I used to have a secret base myself."

The other boy perked up at that. "Really?"

Lambo nodded. "Yeah." His smirk returned. "When I was seven."

"Oh," Usopp mumbled, slumping again.

'It's really easy to mess with him. I'm actually starting to feel kind of bad...' Uncrossing his arms, he gave him a smile. "It's honestly not that bad of a secret base, though. Much better than the one I had."

Usopp lifted his head and looked at him in surprise before smirking and crossing his arms smugly. "Isn't it?! My father built it himself!"

"That's impressive," Lambo said placatingly before turning his attention back to the door. "But we should probably get going before Luffy decides to do something stupid with those barrels."

"Huh? What would he..." He trailed off as his mind no doubt supplied him with numerous scenarios. "H-Hey! You'd better not drop that! That's all the oil I have!"

'Where did he even get all that oil?' Lambo thought to himself with a sigh and a shake of his head as the other boy rushed out the door, leaving a trail of dust behind him. Walking over to the door himself, he paused and sent a backwards glance at the room.

He was pretty sure that most children had secret bases at one point or another. And it seemed that Usopp hadn't really outgrown that phase like Lambo did.

Lambo's own had been a much smaller, older shack he had stumbled upon during one of his many outings exploring the Vongola mansion and everything around it. It had probably once been used for storage but had since lost its purpose and was simply abandoned. It was tiny, dirty, and all he could really do inside it was draw and read, but it was somewhere he could go when he wanted to be on his own for a while.

However, he only ended up having it for about three months. His memories of the exact circumstances were fuzzy at best, but to make a long story short he managed to piss of Gokudera again, ending with the explosion of his small secret base. Lambo was pretty upset at the time, he remembered, and Tsuna consoled him by giving him one of the unused rooms in the mansion as his new secret base.

Unfortunately, unlike his shack, the room wasn't exactly "secret." Everyone knew where it was if they wanted to find him for chores or to scold him for doing something wrong, and so on. He used the room for about a month before finally losing interest. It just wasn't the same when it wasn't secret. He hadn't been back to it once since then.

'What a strange thing to be remembering now,' he thought with a small smile. '...Maybe I miss them a bit more than I thought I would. It's too late now, though. I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it.'

As his feet brought him back outside, door closing behind him, he idly wondered if they were using that room for anything now, or if it was just the way he left it.

Well, he supposed it didn't matter now. The past was the past, and it would probably be a long, long time before he set foot in the Vongola mansion again.

...If he ever did.

"You, uh, wanna run that by me again?" Usopp asked as he stared in utter shock at the little five-year-old who was apparently supposed to be Lambo. They had finally gotten the barrels back to the slope and were just about to pour them onto the ground when pink smoke started to envelop the black-haired boy.

Lambo had let out a curse, there was a loud pop, and then a little kid with an afro stood in his place, crying his little eyes out. Said kid was currently sitting on Luffy's head, asking him to let him use him as a trampoline again, whatever that meant.

"Time travel," Zoro replied with a shrug. "Some kind of...bazooka I think it was? I don't really remember the specifics."

"So you're saying time travel really exists?! You're not just messing with me?!"

"Trust me, we're not," Nami said with a sigh. "And these idiots just treat it like it's a normal thing."

"Seriously?!"

"Well, it is kind of a normal thing to Lambo, I guess," Zoro pointed out with a shrug.

"That doesn't make it normal!" The orange-haired girl shot back.

Lambo stopped bouncing on Luffy's head and looked at her with a scrunched up expression. "You're loud, Orange Lady."

Nami glared at him sharply. "You're not calling me that."

Lambo gave a childish smirk as he chanted, "Orange Lady~! Orange Lady~!"

"Cut it out!"

"Lambo-san has decided!" The boy suddenly announced, jumping off Luffy's head and landing in the middle of the group of pirates. He pointed his little finger at Nami, who blinked. "From now on, you're Orange Lady." He then pointed at Zoro. "You're Plant-Head!" At Usopp. "You're Long-Nose!" And finally at Luffy. "And you're Big Bro!"

Luffy put both fists in the air in triumph. "I got the best one!"

"Yeah, 'cause all the others are basically insults," Zoro said flatly, sighing in resignation. "Fine, whatever. I guess I can live with a five-year-old calling me Plant-Head..." He glanced back at his captain. "Looks like you're his favorite, Luffy."

Meanwhile, Usopp huffed. "It's not that long."

"It's super long!" Lambo said back. He then stretched his arms as wide as he could. "This long!"

"I-It's nowhere near that long!"

"Enough, we need to get back to work!" Nami spoke, putting her hands up in a "stop" position. "The pirates? Remember?"

"Crap! That's right!" Usopp shouted, scrambling towards the forgotten barrels and grabbing one, trying to drag it toward the slope. "Why are you guys just standing there?! Hurry up and help me!"

"Right, right. We're coming," Zoro said back with a sigh as he and the other two made their way over to him.

"Hey, Big Bro! Watch'a doing?" Lambo asked, trailing after the straw-hat wearing pirate.

"We're gonna stop some pirates from attacking the village!" Luffy replied cheerfully, hefting up one of the barrels while Zoro helped Usopp with the other one.

"Really?!" Lambo shouted in excitement, eyes practically glowing. "Oh! Oh! Let Lambo-san help!"

"Sure!"

"Yay!" With that, Lambo went over to help Luffy. Well, all he really did was jump on the barrel and cheer as Luffy carried it forward.

Nami couldn't help but roll her eyes at the sight, a small smile on her face. "Kids..."

She estimated that the younger Lambo had about a minute left before he would have to go back to his own time. Probably for the best. She doubted a little five-year-old would be much help in anything.

"Nami! What are you doing? You need to help too!"

"You guys have it handled."

"What?!"

"They're still not here yet?" Luffy whined, staring at the wide, empty sea with a pout. "What do you think happened?"

"Maybe they overslept," Zoro suggested.

"That sounds more like something you'd do, Zoro," Lambo said flatly. The handprint on his face that he had come back with after his five-minute romp in the future had long since faded away. When asked about it, all he did was give a pathetic sigh. Everyone decided to leave it at that.

'I really don't understand why Haru thinks I'm a pervert...' He thought dejectedly.

"No, they'll definitely come," Usopp spoke up, breaking Lambo out of his thoughts. "They're just a little late."

"Really," Lambo mumbled, seeing no ship in sight.

"...Hey, guys," Nami spoke up. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Luffy asked with a frown.

"Maybe I'm just hearing things...but it sounds like yelling coming from somewhere."

"Are you sure? I don't hear anything," Lambo mumbled, straining his ears.

"No, I definitely hear something!"

"...Uh, now that you mention it..." Usopp spoke up, tone wavering slightly.

"What is it?" Zoro asked.

Usopp's eyes widened in panic. "Th-There's another slope up north!"

Lambo's eyes widened and he stood up from where he had been sitting against the stone wall of the cliff. "Don't tell me we're on the wrong coast? Why didn't you tell us there were two?!"

"W-Well, this is where they met, so I just assumed this was the coast they were talking about!"

"Hey, we gotta hurry then! Where did you say the other coast was?!" Luffy shouted.

"H-Head straight north from here and it should take you about three minutes!" The long-nosed boy responded. "The other slope looks just like this one! We just have to stop them there, but..." He looked back at the pool of oil they had left. "That was all the oil I had..."

"We'll figure something out!"

"CRAP!" Nami suddenly shouted, and everyone's heads quickly swiveled around to look at her. Her eyes were wide in horror and realization. "That's where our ships are anchored! They'll take all my treasure!"

"Is that really all you care about?!" Lambo shouted in disbelief.

"I'll be there in twenty seconds!" Luffy shouted, turning and running off towards the village.

"Dammit! I came up with such a great plan for nothing!" Usopp cursed, running after him.

"My treasure..." Nami mumbled.

"What are you doing? Let's go!" Zoro shouted at her.

"Right, we need to hurry," Lambo said, turning around towards where the other two boys ran off to.

"Yeah! Let's go before those bastards take all my trea-GAH!"

Nami's sudden yelp caused Lambo to turn just in time to see her slip on the oil, grabbing onto Zoro by reflex. That in turn caused Zoro to fall backwards towards the oil. He could only watch in bafflement as both of them slid further down. 'Are you kidding me right now?'

"Help, I'm slipping!" The orange-haired girl shouted, clutching onto Zoro's ankle.

"Let me go, you idiot!" The swordsman shouted back.

"Sorry!"

"Dammit, what else can go wrong?" Lambo muttered to himself under his breath before hurrying over and offering a hand. "Alright, grab on!"

Zoro turned away from Nami and arched an eyebrow at him. "Are you sure? No offense, but you don't really look strong enough to pull us both out of here."

"Don't know if you don't try," Lambo said, extending his hand further. 'Besides, you're our strongest crew member, next to Luffy,' he didn't say. 'You're much more useful in a fight than I could be...'

"...Well, if you say so." Zoro reached up and grasped his hand. Lambo grunted as he took a step back and attempted to pull the green-haired man (and the navigator latching onto him) forward. He managed to make them move a few inches before his foot accidentally found itself touching the oil spill. Slipping, he lurched forward and started sliding down. Eyes widening, he managed to grab onto the bottom of Zoro's shirt before he could slip too far downwards, causing the green-haired man to slip slightly in the process.

"Dammit! Well, that didn't work," Zoro said.

"Oh, screw this!" Nami suddenly shouted. "I'll go on ahead!"

Zoro and Lambo both blinked in confusion and looked at her. "What?"

Nami grabbed Zoro's leg more firmly before using it to pull herself forward. Zoro's eyes widened as he slipped farther and farther down. He let out a grunt as Nami stepped on his head, using it to catapult herself to the other side of the oil spill, and continued slipping downward, dragging Lambo along with him. Nami then took off, giving a backwards wave.

"Sorry! It's for my treasure!"

"Wha- GET BACK HERE!" Zoro shouted after her as he and Lambo slid all the way to the other side of the slope.

"Dammit, Nami..." Lambo mumbled as he stood up and watched as Zoro attempted to run up the slope, only to slide back down. "What now?"

"My name is Captain Usopp! And I'm here to protect this village! If you don't want to die, then leave this place!"

Usopp trembled as he spoke, knees shaking at the sight of the small army of pirates. There were probably around fifty of them, each wearing cat-eared hats, the trademark of the Black Cat Pirates. Said pirates only smirked and started to chuckle at him.

'Wh-Why am I the first one here?!' Usopp thought shakily. 'Where the hell are you guys?!'

XXX

"Gotta head north! Gotta head north!" Luffy shouted, running as fast as he could through the village.

He grimaced.

"But which way's north?!"

"DAMMIT!" The swordsman shouted. Lambo watched as Zoro slid down the slope, once again failing to reach the top. "Damn that Nami!"

"I don't think we're gonna get out that way, Zoro," Lambo said, standing to the side with his arms crossed and looking around for another solution. "If only we had something to keep us from sliding down. Maybe we could grab onto the edges of the slope? The stone looks too smooth, though..."

"...Alright."

"Hm?" Lambo blinked as Zoro took out his swords and positioned himself in front of the oil spill. "What are you-"

"Grab onto me."

The cow-clad boy frowned. "Um, what?"

"Just do it! I have an idea."

"Um, alright?" Lambo walked over to him and, after contemplating for a while, placed both hands on Zoro's shoulders and held tightly onto the fabric of his shirt. "Okay, ready. Do...whatever it is you're gonna do."

As soon as he said that, Zoro lunged forward, stabbing his swords into the ground right into the oil spill. Lambo yelped as he was tugged forward. Zoro used the swords to get a grip in the slippery ground, stabbing, lunging forward, and re-stabbing until he finally made it to the other side.

Once there, Lambo let go and landed onto the ground in a sitting position. "Why didn't you do that in the first place?!"

"Shut it! I just thought of it! Now, which way's north?!"