My one heart hurt another
So only one life can't be enough
Can you give me just another
For that one who got away

There'll be no rest for the wicked
There's no song for the choir
There's no hope for the weary
If you let them win without a fight
I let my good one down
I let my true love die
I had his heart but I broke it every time

Lonely I, I'm so alone now

No Rest For The Wicked – Lykke Li

Chapter 33: Another Life

Brady

For as upset as I was, sleep found me easily once my head hit the pillow. It was a dreamless, heavy sleep that held me under in an almost stranglehold. Before I knew it, a firm hand was shaking me awake.

Jake stared down at me. For a moment I forgot he couldn't age – his face looked as worn as an old man, with deep lines and a three day beard. His jaw was tense and his eyes were hard as he spoke. "It's time."

He handed me some new clothes and my cell phone. I checked the time – not a lot had passed. I'd only been asleep for a few hours, but already felt a hundred times better. That is, until I sat up and realized why I was at Seth's house in the first place. Sleep had given me a miniscule respite from the nightmare. Lexi was downstairs, still burning with the change. That hadn't been a nightmare – my imprint was turning.

"How is she?"

Jake shrugged. "No major changes. Yet. Carlisle thinks the venom will repair her neck and her spine any minute now. He said until that happens, most of the exterior stuff will come last. He said the appearance is the last part to change."

I nodded. He grunted in the direction of the shower and only then did I realize I was still covered in Lexi's dried blood and mud. I stood under the streams of hot water until my skin felt like it was going to melt away from my bones.

After showering and dressing, I found my truck that Alice had put in the driveway. Alice stood with Esme in the doorway, her golden eyes unfocused.

"You'll be fine…I…think?" she sighed. "Just try to act normal. Concerned."

"You're so strong," Esme murmured softly as I walked past them out the front door. "Show it now, Brady."

I faltered a step at her words. Was I strong? Could I do this? I was going to Lexi's house and face her dad and Patrick and act like I didn't know their daughter was missing. How in the world was I going to pull this off? My confidence was waning. Before I could even open the door to the truck, my knees bent and I wretched in the driveway. My body wouldn't obey as I tried to pull it together. No, it was insistent on purging. I wasn't off to a good start. I spat into the ferns on the side of the Cullen driveway and winced at the taste of bile in my throat.

When I got to her house, I had to remember not to falter. The Cullens had been so careful, so meticulous in their planning to make sure I looked innocent in all of this that I knew I couldn't falter now. Patrick opened the door, his ashen face showing what he already knew. I followed him into the kitchen where Lexi's father was clutching her note in his hand. He held it out to me to read with a shaky hand.

"Did you know about this?" he asked, his voice quiet.

I read the note, not even realizing until halfway through that this was the note Bella had forged in Lexi's neat, rounded handwriting. The words barely registered in my mind as my eyes scanned each line. I was in a daze. I needed to keep it together or not only would I have lost Lexi, but I would be placed in the middle of a possible disappearance investigation I had no chance of talking my way out of.

I blamed myself for what happened to my imprint. Lexi was on the other side of Forks right now, vampire venom from that horrible monster burning through her. And yes, that was technically my fault. I'd tried to stop it, and I'd failed. But I would have never done anything to hurt her, and I knew that. But if the fingers were pointed at me for whatever reason in this whole thing, what could I say? Did I risk explaining the supernatural and exposing what we were, just to keep my own tail safe? No, I knew that wasn't an option. So what was? I knew my only hope was to keep myself calm and believable and stick to the story Alice had reiterated to me at least twice before I'd left.

"Call the police. Now," I urged, my voice firm. "They might be able to stop her before she gets too far from Forks."

They both jumped up from where they sat, racing to the phone. Within minutes the Forks PD was in the driveway, Charlie Swan hurrying to the door. Seth walked in behind him, nodding solemnly at me.

"Patrick… we'll find her," Charlie assured him gruffly. "Lexi's a good kid. Smart. She'll be fine, and we'll get her home."

"This isn't like her Charlie. This isn't something she would do," her father insisted. He turned to me, his face drawn of all color. "You had to know something," he said to me. "My daughter wouldn't just leave."

I didn't have to fake the emotion in my voice. "I know," I replied. "We'll find her."

I spent the next six hours with Ian, Patrick and Charlie, the three of us going over and over the stories of the last time we'd seen Lexi. Seth returned to the station to alert Seattle and all the other neighboring counties of Lexi's disappearance even though it hadn't technically been long enough. Ian was desperate to find his daughter, and I couldn't blame him. If I still thought there was a chance of saving her, I would have done anything.

But I knew better than to think Lexi was still able to be saved.

It was just before six when Charlie clapped me on the shoulder. "Best to head home, son. Nothing more we can do. Just let us know if you hear from her."

"I will Chief," I nodded solemnly. Standing, I walked over to where Patrick and Ian were sitting at the kitchen counter, looking numb. I looked them both in the eye and didn't hide the tears that threatened to fall.

"I love her, and I'll do whatever it takes to bring her back," I said. "Please believe me when I say… I didn't see this coming. I love her with everything I have and…" I bit back a sob. Patrick squeezed my shoulder and Ian could only nod. I headed back to the Cullen house barely hanging on. When I pulled in the driveway, it looked no different than it did before. The tall, modern looking house that used to belong to the vampire family was bright with lights on with blinds open, but everything was completely still. Seth's Bronco was nowhere to be seen. I would have to go in alone.

Inside, I found Esme in the kitchen where the smell of a roast greeted my nostrils. She peered around the corner as I entered, offering me a timid smile.

"Everything go okay? Alice couldn't see," she explained with a shrug. I paused at the counter and eyed the crock pot sitting on the counter.

"As well as it could. Charlie came over and took statements, and Seth put out the word that she's… gone," I swallowed. "Just said what Alice told me to, word for word."

"That's probably best," she nodded. "Hungry?"

I wanted to say no and turn my nose up at her cooking, but my gurgling stomach stopped me. "I need to see her first."

Turning to leave, I paused at the counter where a sleek laptop lay open. A browser displaying a fancy looking array of an online clothing boutique stared back at me. "Is that… for her?"

Esme glanced at the open computer and nodded. "I took the clothes Rose had to cut off of her and tried to figure out some sizes. I thought she might need a few pairs of clean clothes when she wakes up. She might spoil a few a first, so… I thought… it might help."

I wanted to thank her. I wanted to express the gratitude I felt towards her family during this time of uncertainty and chaos in my life, but I couldn't. The raw emotion and exhaustion from the past few days just boiled up in my throat, effectively sealing it closed. I had to turn and leave.

Esme would forgive me – or at least I hoped she would. I replayed her kind words over and over in my head as I walked down the stairs into the library where Lexi still lay on the table. I played out different scenarios in my head where I would have said the right thing – the polite thing. Instead I'd just choked back more pitiful tears and run away with my tail between my legs, so to speak. I paused at the bottom of the steps – Edward was sitting upright on one of the rolling stools, his back rigid. His eyes met mine, and I knew he'd heard my thoughts. He nodded.

Rosalie turned to glance at me over her shoulder, but otherwise paid me no attention. Her mate, Emmett, was pacing in front of the windows. The rest were nowhere to be seen.

"Bella took Jasper and Alice into town. They're sitting down the street from the police station, keeping an eye on things. Without wolves around them, Alice can see what they're doing," he explained.

Carlisle appeared in the doorway, his knowing gaze meeting mine. "We'll know what they're thinking that way. So far, your alibi is holding steady. Alice says they don't suspect you or foul play."

"That's… good," I muttered, my eyes finally resting on Lexi. She was still – very still. Moving closer, I realized that the changes of the venom were slowly taking effect. My heart sank even further in my chest as I realized this was really it. No turning back. Lexi was going to wake up in a day and a half and be a complete vampire. Her lingering tan was gone – her skin had paled slightly, although it wasn't as white as the rest of the Cullens yet. Her cuts and bruises were almost completely healed, as was the crescent shaped bite on her neck. The abrasions from her fall from the treetop were still visible but instead of angry gashes and scrapes she simply had raised pink lines.

"The venom will heal her. Every scar, every cut, every freckle or imperfection… gone," Rosalie sighed, reaching over to smooth Lexi's hair.

"Her eyes?" I asked. "She… in the woods," I stuttered, picturing the way her ocean-like irises had been stained with blood when she'd opened them to scream in horror. "They were red."

"Newborns," Carlisle explained, walking over. He tossed a handful of bloodied rags into a silver trash can on the floor and lit a match, holding it to the pile. "I'm sure you'll remember their eyes… are red. Their own blood lingers in their tissues, then with a steady diet of human blood, it… keeps them red. A darker, richer red. Lexi's will be practically glowing red when she wakes."

"I remember," I muttered, picturing the newborn army we'd fought. Well, I didn't fight. I'd been just a pup at the time, freshly phased and barely in control of myself. I'd stayed home with Collin at the Alpha order of Sam. That didn't matter though – the guys had replayed their memories of the horrific sight of several dozen newborns racing at them with lightning speed enough over the years that I felt like the memory was my own.

Carlisle's voice broke my thoughts. "Then should Lexi… decide to inherit our choice in diet, her eyes will slowly turn ochre, then slowly fade into a less noticeable amber," he explained in a scientific tone. "The lighter color draws less attention, and with control and practice she might even be able to go out into society again."

"Lucky society," I muttered to myself. "That's to say if she doesn't slaughter all of Forks and half of La Push."

My mind tried to conjure up a picture of Lexi with blood red eyes and sheet-white skin, her fangs drenched in the blood of helpless victims. It was difficult to picture her like that, but I did it before I could stop myself.

Edward let out a quiet growl. "We don't have fangs," he sniped.

Carlisle shot him a warning look.

Edward straightened and took a short breath, regaining his composure. "We don't have fangs, and neither will she. We will do everything in our power to help her when she wakes, and that includes taking every precaution to get her to transition without risking any innocent lives."

Carlisle nodded, his gaze returning to Lexi. "Edward is right. We plan to keep Alice close by to watch her decisions, and Emmett and Rose have already agreed to escort Lexi everywhere she goes. Edward will be able to hear her thoughts and warn us should they turn…ravenous," he said tightly, "and with the help of the rest of the family, I believe we can turn this around."

I felt my chest tighten. "How could we turn this around?" I demanded. "If we could, that fucking monster would be burnt to a crisp and my imprint would still be a human!" I snarled, bringing my first down on the metal medical cart next to me. The crack echoed in the large room. Rosalie rolled her eyes, Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, and Carlisle barely flinched.

I glanced down at the dented metal beneath my fist. "I'm sorry. I just… this is a lot."

Rosalie's head snapped up. "Yeah? How do you think she'll feel when she wakes up?"

"Rose…" Edward warned.

Her yellow eyes latched onto mine and held. "No, he needs to hear this, Edward. When Lexi wakes up, her entire world will be completely shifted. Nothing will look the same, feel the same, or be the same," she snapped. Her voice cracked slightly as she took my imprint's hand. "She's going to be scared and out of control and confused. She won't ever be able to see her family again – ever. She's going to wake up in a houseful of strangers but feel completely alone."

I watched Rosalie as she glanced out the windows towards the darkening forest. "She's going to wake in a day and a half, Brady. She needs people to be strong for her because she won't be able to concentrate on anything but how different her world suddenly is and… and how much she'll want to kill."

I blinked at Rosalie's last word. My eyes shifted to Lexi, who was still motionless on the table. Every now and then her hand or foot would twitch, but she was otherwise a statue. Lexi wasn't a killer – she didn't have a mean bone in her body. Maybe a stubborn one or a sarcastic one, but never murderous.

"That won't matter," Edward cut in, interrupting my thoughts. "Until she gets herself under control, her strongest personality trait will be her thirst."

I thought back to his wife when she woke. We were all so amazed at her control. What about her? I thought.

"Bella went into it prepared. She knew what she was getting into; she was ready. Focused. She knew what she would be. Lexi is just going to wake after a traumatic experience that she may or may not even remember, and she's going to be a vampire. You have to remember that, Brady. As much as it hurts you right now, you have to remember what she'll be."

How could I forget? I thought, glancing around the room. All four of them watched me closely. I just couldn't picture Lexi as one of them.

"I'm going for a run. Maybe then the fortune telling vampy can see Lexi clearly if I'm not here," I snapped. Giving Lexi one last glance, I brushed past the doctor and towards the library doors as fast as my feet would carry me. Once outside, I took a running leap off the porch and phased in the air. I barely heard my shredded clothes hitting the ground as I tore off into the forest.

I found myself running until I was actually unsure of where I was. I knew I'd run further than this before – probably when I was pissed off at my dad about something or if one of the guys had said something stupid to set me off. I hadn't raced off so far North in a long time. There was something about having a temper tantrum that just said run. Get out. Go far from here. Run until nothing matters anymore.

But it had been ages ago that I'd felt this lost and angry. Sure, I was still a jealous, short-tempered, mouthy, egotistical asshole, but I rarely let my rage get the better of me anymore.

Since I'd met Lexi, I realized.

I slowed to a trot, the chilly winter air barely cutting through my thick coat. Lowering my nose to the ground, I gave it a fleeting sniff to try to scent out where I was or if there were any vampires around. I wasn't actively hunting after Lexi's killer, but I wouldn't turn down a chance to run into him.

Nothing. Just damp, cold earth.

I ambled through the thick woods, my mind running in circles. Some of the other guys back home were patrolling the town, running extra shifts around Forks and La Push in case the scumbag came back. I could hear them through our linked minds, but they felt miles away.

I found a spot overlooking a small inlet and slid to the ground. The wintery wind whipped around the rocky shoreline below, but my fur kept me from feeling the brunt of it. I'd been running all night – aimlessly navigating the dense forest of who knows where. I was avoiding the inevitable because I didn't know how to handle it. I was clueless enough about having an imprint it seemed, but having an imprint that was turned into a vampire? I didn't even know how to begin to understand how to handle that.

If I even could.

There was Jake and Ness, but she had been born a half-vampire and he'd imprinted on her as she was. Lexi was the first human imprint to be changed after everything had taken place. And I was assuming we still shared an imprint bond. I blinked, the realization fully setting in that our imprint bond was likely broken as her change became complete.

It was just as Alice had said – we were enemies. I honored our truce with the Cullens for the sake of peace and for Jake and Ness, but wolves and vampires were just supposed to hate each other. We were supposed to kill each other. I felt no remorse for hunting down and killing the vampires I'd managed to hunt over the years. They were monsters – murdering, awful, predatory monsters.

It was what Lexi would be in a few short hours. I felt my heart clench in my chest. I couldn't exactly have a watch in this form, but I figured it was close to dawn. In twenty four hours, Lexi would open her eyes and be reborn as an entirely different species, and I had no idea of what that would mean for us.

I knew there probably wouldn't be an 'us' anymore.

But that was probably for the best, right? What if the first thing she did when she woke up was run into town and slaughter a half the high school? What would I do when I had to hunt her down and kill her for doing what she had done?

My chest tightened again in the same way it did when I was missing Lexi. I still felt every urge imaginable to run back to the Cullen house and keep vigil by her side.

But I couldn't.

I needed to separate myself now, and get used to it. There was no way I could possibly have a newborn, bloodthirsty vampire for an imprint. I needed to face the fact that our bond was probably gone.

Oh, how I would miss her.

I closed my eyes and let the wind blow through my fur as I stared down at the water below. Memories of the all-too short a time we'd had together flew through my mind.

How pissed she was when I showed up at her prom.

The first time I'd caught her peering through the window at me while I worked.

Sneaking through her window.

How beautiful she was when she was angry, or frustrated, or just being Lexi.

I lowered my head. Her heartbeat.

I could imagine the sound in my mind, the steady thump thump thump that sometimes kept me sane. It was a constant; a steady noise of peaceful tranquility that I seemed to always hear when she was around. Of course I paid attention to everything else around me when we were together but her heartbeat was the calming white noise I relied on to keep my calm and always put her first.

In less than a day, it would be gone.

Without thinking, I was back on my feet. Slowly at first, one foot in front of the other – then I was running. No, flying. I was darting through the dark woods, my paws churning against the frozen mud of the forest floor.

I had to get back to her. I had to listen to her heartbeat one last time.

I slumped forward, resting my hands on my knees. Alice had warned me to stay away; she would be dangerous and she needed to see what she would do.

I believed her.

It had taken me several hours to run home from wherever I was. I had arrived back at the Cullen house to see Lexi again before she woke.

I wasn't ready for how different she looked.

Her tan was completely gone – her skin was pale and smooth, with every cut and bruise gone. The broken bones were whole again. The gash on her neck healed into a faint, silvery scar.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head into my hands. I'd been in shock after seeing her. Esme ushered me upstairs, fed me food I could barely taste, and urged me to try to get some sleep on the couch. I'd woken up in the late hours of the night and the looming fear of the unknown had kept me up ever since.

I could hear the Cullens getting ready. Esme was in the kitchen with Bella, the two of them debating how to give Lexi the bags of blood they had ready for her – in a cup, or through a straw? Edward, Emmett, and Jasper were in one corner of the library, ready to assist at any moment. I heard the doctor fiddling around with his instruments while Rosalie and Alice argued quietly about what clothes to dress Lexi in. Neither felt it was appropriate for her to wake up in a paper hospital gown, but they couldn't agree on what colors would suit her best.

Did it matter, I thought? She was going to wake up and be a different person. Did it really fucking matter what brand of designer jeans she was wearing when she made her first kill?

Bile rose in my throat at my treacherous thoughts.

Lexi might be a murderer in just a few short hours. What if she got past the Cullens? What if she had some horrible gift that allowed her to best them all and sneak into the town to kill people? I'd met gifted vampires before, around the time of the Volturi war. Some were interesting and even borderline amazing – others were so terrifying it was enough to keep you up at night.

My eyes lifted up as a car turned down the driveway. The light was visible through the trees – dawn was fast approaching. The rumbling of the car engine grew closer. Seth. I didn't really want company right now, but I guess it was sort of his house. He walked inside a few minutes later, his steps full of trepidation.

I didn't look up at him.

"They… they said it would be best if I wasn't there when she wakes up. Changed their minds. Said it was too dangerous for me to be in the room," I stated, answering his unspoken question.

Lexi's heart was pounding downstairs. I think I came more unhinged with every thump. It was getting quicker now – like her adrenaline was spiking. I just hoped she wasn't in pain much longer. She'd cried out a few times since I'd been back. It sounded painful.

"They?"

I nodded. "Yeah. The whole vampy clan is in there with her right now," I tried to explain, but the thumping of Lexi's heart just got louder and more desperate sounding with every pulse. "Jesus, can you hear that?" I heard myself whimper. I dipped my head and sucked in a shaky breath.

This was it. Lexi's time as a human was coming to a close – she was about to wake up.

Thump. Thump. Thump…

Seth paused, listening with me. I knew he heard it too – our sharp ears couldn't miss that. I sucked in another shaky breath, wringing my hands together. They were trembling too. All of the idle chatter and hushed whispers between the Cullens downstairs halted. The entire house was cloaked in silence, save for the sound of Lexi's frantically beating heart. It was beating impossibly fast now. I winced. A few tears slid down my cheeks.

"This is the last time… the last time I'll ever hear it," I explained, wiping at my eyes. "Her heart. Do you know what that sound does to me?" I asked him.

Seth sat down on the couch next to me, clapping my shoulder gently. He nodded. "It's calming."

I sniffed again and dipped my head. "When I was so angry and about to… d-do something stupid, she… the only thing that would calm me down sometimes was to listen to that. So steady… so beautiful," I whispered. My voice cracked with emotion.

"We're here for you," he said, rubbing my shoulder. I heard the front door open, and a few seconds later Embry appeared in the doorway. He took a seat on my opposite side, the two of them watching me closely. I let the tears fall – I didn't care anymore.

"It's gonna be okay," he offered calmly.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

I held my breath. I'd never heard her heartbeat so loud and frantic before. The house was so quiet and the sound of it was so loud… I had to squeeze my eyes shut.

Thump thump thump thump…

I focused on the sound, using my hearing to hone in on every detail. Every last beat.

There was a quick intake of breath – Lexi, I realized.

The last beat of her heart echoed in the silence.

Thump.

Then, nothing. My head flew up, the breath I'd been holding coming out in a rush of air.

It was over.

Oh Brady...my heart just breaks for you... : ( Thank you for your patience! I had some things going on in my personal/real life that I had to deal with, but I appreciate those of you who came back to read. Thanks for sticking with me!

Hope you enjoyed this one!