I just had the panicked realisation that in less than 2 weeks I will have finished my degree and that is terrifying. So let's channel that fear of uncertainty into writing. Enjoy :)
Amelia POV
Today has been one bitch of a day. Three emergency cases. All my routine surgeries were cancelled, and none of the emergency patients survived. It's days like this when I think, maybe being a doctor isn't all it's cracked up to be. I tear my mask from my face, removing my gloves and gown. Checking the clock, I realise I only have half an hour left of my shift. I make my way through the hospital to the main entrance with the aim of getting a few moments of fresh air before going to do a check on my patients who had scheduled surgeries today that I had to postpone.
The crisp air hits my face and I take a deep breath, appreciating the moment. Today has been hell, but in half an hour I will get to go home with my girlfriend and our daughter. I know I'll be okay.
Just as I was about to turn back, to head back up to the wards I see a familiar face sat on the benches outside, hunched over reading a book. I see a couple walking toward her and I feel my heart pounding on my chest, running towards the girl before the strangers get to her. "Sofia, what are you doing out here? Where is your Mom?"
"I don't know? Probably working like always." She says with an eye roll.
"You can't just wander around on your own. Do you realise how dangerous that is? How did you even get out of daycare?" I panic aloud as I wrap my arms around her, relieved that nothing bad happened.
"I just walked out. They were busy. I'm not a baby anyway, I don't need to be in daycare."
"I know you're not a baby, but that doesn't mean you can wander around on your own. Come on, you're coming with me." I say sternly, holding her hand tightly with my own.
"Are you taking me back to daycare?" she asks with a sigh.
"No, I don't really trust you to stay in day care right now. You are coming with me. I only have a few more patients to see."
When I get to the first patients room, I look around outside but see no other staff I could leave Sofia with so I bring her into the room.
"Sit on that chair and don't move an inch." I instruct with a harsh tone and a no-nonsense glare. Receiving a nod in response, I pull the curtain around the patient's bed as per protocol.
"Mr Taylor, I am so sorry we had to postpone your surgery, I have you on the board for first thing tomorrow morning. How are you feeling? Do you have any more questions?"
"Same old. Headache, tired, but hopefully that will change after the op right?" he says with a hopeful smile.
"That is the plan. So just a reminder that after midnight tonight, you are nil by mouth, so no snacking and we should have you in the OR before 10am."
"The kid you brought in, is she yours?" He asks, motioning towards the direction in which Sofia is sitting
"My partners technically, but yes, she's mine" I confirm.
"Make the most of it before she grows up Dr Shepherd, before you know it, she'll be off to college."
"I will. And I'll see you tomorrow for your surgery."
When I open the curtain again, I'm glad to see Sofia still sitting where I left her. After the event earlier, I was scared she would have disappeared again. I hold my hand out to take the girls before heading out the room.
"Why technically?" Sofia asks and I look toward her.
"What?"
"You said 'my partners technically' before saying I was your kid."she explains with a quiet sigh.
"Well, because technically I'm not your Mom, but that doesn't mean I don't love you like I was, it was just a difficult question for me to answer." I try my best to explain.
"You could have just said yes. Because you are kinda my Mom. You didn't have to say technically."
"You're right Sof, and I'm sorry. I'm just stressed. Come on, I have one more patient to see, and then we need to talk."
Once I had checked on all my patients, I take Sofia to my office and text Arizona to let her know where we both are.
"Am I in trouble?" Sofia asks quietly, hugging her backpack to her chest.
"A little bit, yeah. You can't just walk out like that. Do you have any idea how worried your mom and I would have been if you weren't in day care when we went to pick you up?"
"I was going to go back before then."
"That doesn't matter. Walking around on your own is dangerous Sof, you're just a kid."
"But nothing happened. I'm okay."
"I'm glad you're okay, I'm glad nothing happened, but it could have. The world is a dangerous place, and as much as we try to make it better, there are still bad people. When I worked in LA, a little girl was kidnapped from the hospital, it took the police months to find her. I don't know what I would do if I lost you."
"You would be fine. You said I'm not really your daughter anyway." Sofia blurts out as Arizona walks into the room.
"Amelia, Sofia, what is going on here?" Arizona asks with a raised voice.
"Sofia here decided it would be sensible to walk out of daycare without telling anyone. I found her on the benches out front. I was trying to explain how dangerous that is." I attempt to explain to my girlfriend, but not taking my eyes away from the young girl.
"And Amelia said I'm not really her daughter." Sofia adds, and a small tear behind to trickle down her face.
I make my way toward Sofia, kneeling down in front of the chair she is sitting on, and I place my hands on hers. "Look at me Sof." I instruct, and I wait for her gaze to meet mine. "I am very sorry if what I said upset you. I know technicalities don't matter, I know you're my daughter too, I was worried and stressed and I chose the wrong words to try to explain it, and that's something I'm going to have to work on. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, or to upset you." I finish, lifting one of my hands to wipe her tears from her cheeks.
"Does this mean I'm not in trouble any more?"
"Nope. You're still in big trouble, missy, but we can talk about that more when we get home."
Arizona suggests we go via daycare on our way out to let them know we have Sofia, as well as making sure they have better security in place to prevent this from happening with another child. I stand back, not letting Sofia remove her hand from mine while Arizona talks to a member of staff, letting them know the situation. Although I cannot hear what my girlfriend is saying, based on the facial expression of the daycare staff it must have been harsh. Sure, Sofia decided to leave and she will be dealt with at home, but the staff shouldn't have allowed it to happen. She shouldn't have been able to walk out like that.
After a few minutes, Arizona walks back toward us, taking Sofia's other hand as we walk to the car.
Arizona POV
The air in the car was tense. I could feel Amelia's frustration, I could sense Sofia's stubbornness.
As we entered the apartment, Amelia instructs Sofia to go to her room before looking back at me nervously.
"Are you alright?" I ask quietly.
"Az, I love that kid with all my heart but she is driving me insane right now." Amelia exclaims, running her fingers through her hair.
"Welcome to being a parent. It happens to me at least twice a week."
"What do I do now?" Amelia asks me as we move to sit on the couch.
"You need to calm down first, but then talk to her. Tell her what punishment she is going to have to face."
"What punishment would she normally get? I'm a little out of my depth here."
"I would normally ground her. No leaving the house apart from school. No play dates with Zola, and no dance class this week."
"I erm, I want you to know that I didn't mean that she wasn't my daughter, that wasn't at all what I was trying to say, I just, didn't quite know how to answer him."
"Amelia, it's fine, I believe you. I was a little worried when Sof first said that but as soon as you crouched down to talk to her, I knew it was just a mix up. I know how much you love her."
"I really do. It scares me, but in a good way."
"I love you, I love how much you care about her. Honestly, seeing your maternal side is kind of sexy."
"Really? I'm freaking out about parenting and you're thinking about sex?"
"I mean, I think you're handling the Sofia situation incredibly well, if I didn't know you I wouldn't know this is your first time reprimanding your daughter. Plus, you look great." I add, flicking my eyes down her body before looking back to her eyes.
"You're lucky I love you." She responds with an eye roll, leaning in to kiss me softly, gently sucking on my bottom lip before pulling away.
"Sof, can you come here please?" Amelia yells with a smirk, leaving me wanting more.
Sofia wanders through to the living room, looking down at her feet and fumbling with her hands. She is nervous. "Come on, come sit down." I instruct, creating a gap for her between myself and Arizona.
"Can you tell us why you walked out today?"
"I just didn't want to be there. I'm not a baby, I can look after myself".
"Sofia, we know you're not a baby, you're growing up so fast, and we know you don't like daycare, but sometimes it's our only choice. It was only for a couple of hours after school."
"Yeah, but I was the only big kid there anyway, the rest were all babies and toddlers. So I left."
"I'm sorry there were no other big kids there today, but it's so dangerous for you to be on your own outside."
"I'm not a little kid anymore, I'm 10. I can stand up for myself." Sofia says, her tone confident but quiet.
"I know it feels that way, but it's not that simple kiddo."
"I didn't let anything bad happen and I'm fine. I wouldn't have let anyone hurt me."
"Sofia honey, look at me please." Amelia says, shuffling off the couch and crouching to look up at Sofia. "I am uniquely qualified to talk to you about this okay. You could be the most sensible person in the world, but it doesn't make you invincible, no matter how much it feels that way." Amelia explains with a light exhale.
"I don't understand." Sofia questions and my girlfriend looks up at me, looking into my eyes, requesting my permission and I nod in response.
"When I was 16, I thought that I was grown up, and that I was able to look after myself, that I could stand up for myself, but I was wrong. A bad man took me, and he hurt me, badly. I am so, so lucky that I managed to get through that, and that I'm okay now, but the thought of something bad happening to you scares me more than anything in this world. I need you to promise me you won't walk around on your own. Please." Amelia requests, wiping the tears that had begun to form in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Amy. I just didn't want to be treated like a baby anymore."
"I know. And we know you're not a baby, we just don't want you to get hurt."
"Sometimes, being responsible means to do the boring thing because it will keep you safe. Adults have to do things they don't want to do. That's just part of growing up." I explain, pulling my daughter into my embrace. Amelia looks up and I make eye contact with her, she knows what I'm thinking. She moves back to sit on the couch and wraps her arms around both of us.
"Sofia sandwich!" Amelia exclaims with a sad laugh. Normally, Sofia would wiggle out of our grip, but today she doesn't. She accepts the act of affection.
"Amelia, how did the bad man hurt you?" Sofia asks without much warning. She is curled up in my girlfriend's arms, resting her head on Amelia's chest while Amelia has her arms around Sofia's small body.
Amelia looks up at me, panic in her eyes, unsure how to explain such a topic.
"Sof." I warn, making eye contact with my daughter in hope she will stop asking questions.
"You said he hurt you badly, what happened?" Sofia asks again. Amelia looks at me at me again, this time offering a small nod, telling me she has got this, that she is okay.
"He wanted to have sex with me, and I really didn't want to."
"Did he make you do it?" Sofia asks softly.
"He did." Amelia admits with a shaky breath.
"Did the police catch him?"
"I'm not sure. Hopefully." My girlfriend explains, stroking her hand through Sofia's hair.
"Are you okay now?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. I still have nightmares sometimes, but I know I'm safe when I'm with you guys."
"Yeah, we will protect you now, won't we mom?" Sofia says, turning her head to face me.
"Of course we will. Can I get in on some of that snuggling action now?" I ask my daughter who stays resting against Amelia, but creates a gap for me to lay against her side.
After a few minutes of cuddles, the silence is interrupted by Sofia who shifts her position to look at Amelia. "Amy, "I'm happy you're okay, I like that you live with us. I like having you as a mom."
"And I love having you as a daughter. I'm so lucky." Amelia responds, placing a kiss on the top of Sofia's head.
"Hey, you okay?" Amelia asks, reaching out to cup my face, being careful not to wake our daughter who is asleep against her. She uses her thumb to stroke a cross my cheek and I realise I am crying.
"I love you both so much." I state simply and she smiles.
"Let's go to bed. Let me take Sofia to her room, and then we can just relax, talk, whatever you want okay?"
"Okay."
Amelia carefully adjusts her position to tuck her arms around Sofia, lifting her gracefully. Our daughters head is tucked into the crook of Amelia's neck, shifting slightly at the movement but remaining asleep. I sneak in front of my girlfriend, lifting Sofia's blankets from the bed to allow Amelia to put her down. I pull the blankets back up over her, but she stays unconscious, out for the count.
"Good night sweet girl." Amelia whispers into the dark room.
"We love you." I continue.
As I follow Amelia into our bedroom, I reach out my hand, interlinking my fingers with hers to get her attention. She turns back to look at me and I reach out my other arm to place it on the back of her neck, allowing me to pull her closer and kiss her. She kisses back softly, clearly a little shocked from the sudden turn of events.
"I love you Amelia, so much. And I know you probably don't want sex tonight, you usual don't after talking about your attack but I need you to know how much I love you, how much I want you." I explain as her arms wrap around my body. She crouches a little, allowing her to pick me up. She carefully walks toward the bed, making sure not to bump into anything or lose her balance. She carefully lowers me down to sit on our bed, releasing her grip and moving to sit next to me.
"Arizona, I'm okay. I'm more than okay because I have you, and Sofia to keep me safe." She says with a smile, referring to our earlier conversation. "What do you need?" She continues, her smile honest and trusting.
"You." I state simply.
"You've got me. I'm right here." She says with a dorky grin, and her hands move to unbutton her top, starting slowly at her chest and working her way down.
When she reaches her last button, she lifts her head, seductively biting her bottom lip.
"Oh my God."
"God is a bit extreme don't you think? Amelia is fine." She laughs and I roll my eyes, walking toward her. I slip my hands under her shirt and over her shoulders until it falls to the floor leaving her in a black lace bra and jeans. She approaches slowly, her hands lifting the hem of my shirt up over my head. I help her out, removing it and putting it next to our bed.
I lean in slowly to kiss her. I feel her hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer, telling me she wants this too. The kissing is soft and passionate. She runs her tongue across my bottom lip so I open my mouth a little, allowing her entrance. After a few moments we part, our foreheads resting against one another while we catch our breath. Simultaneously, we each move to undo our pants. Lowering them to the ground until we are each left in our underwear.
While she is still stood in front of me, I take my opportunity to move her hair to one side, gently attaching my mouth to her pulse point. I run my tongue over it before sucking lightly. I hear a small gasp from Amelia and she tilts her head further to the side to give me more access. As I continue my movements, I feel Amelia's hands release the clasp on my bra. I drop my arms to my sides, allowing the item to drop to the floor. Almost immediately, I feel Amelia's cool hands on my breasts, gently stroking her thumbs over the nipples and kneading. With my hands placed at the base of her back, I walk us slowly toward the bed until the backs of her legs hit the mattress and I lower her down and move to sit next to her.
"I need a minute." I state with a smile and and Amelia immediately looks concerned.
"You okay?"
"I'm perfect. I just need to remove my leg before we get into bed."
"Oh, right, I forgot." She laughs, bringing her hand to her forehead embarrassed at her mistake.
"Why don't you make yourself useful and remove your underwear while I deal with my leg?" I suggest, with a wink and she smiles, realising her mix up hadn't upset me.
I remove my panties before turning back to my girlfriend, seeing her completely nude, one leg pulled up against her body as she rests against the headboard. I crawl across the bed, climbing over her and stroking a few strands of hair out of her face before leaning in to kiss her.
"You sure you're okay?"
"I am okay. I am good. It's been a while since we have had some time to ourselves. I've missed this." Amelia admits with a dorky grin.
"You know you can tell me if you're missing sex right? Likelihood is I will have been too. You don't have to wait until I suggest it."
"I know it just doesn't come natural to me, you know I'm not good at talking about stuff, it feels weird. Plus, we have both been busy and overworked and I just didn't want to add to your problems."
"Let me set this straight. You, Amelia Shepherd, are never a problem. You are especially not a problem for having wants and needs in a relationship, it is totally normal. I want to know when you want me, it makes me feel good about myself." I tell her honestly, cupping her face with my right hand and she gulps, whether in nervousness or anticipation I am unsure so I slow down, giving her a chance to speak.
"I didn't want you to feel like I was using you."
"Is that how you feel when I tell you I'm turned on."
"No, it makes me feel good."
"Me either. It makes me happy to know you want me."
"Arizona? I really want to have sex with you right now."