"Are you scared of any animals?" Arizona asks me as I walk toward her. I have just had a meeting with Bailey about returning to work tomorrow so I expected questions about that, but not about animals.
"I mean, I wouldn't like to be face to face with a grizzly, but no, not really. Why?"
"Great. Come with me." She instructs, talking my hand and walking through the ward.
"Arizona what the hell?" I ask, just before she leads me into a room.
"Ralph, this is my friend, Amelia." Arizona tells a young boy in the hospital bed. He looks to be about eight years old, but he's small. He gives me a small smile, but he is visibly tired.
"Hi Ralph, how are you feeling?"
"He's not very talkative at the moment. I'm Eleanor, Ralph's mom."
"Amelia is my partner, and unlike me, she is not afraid of rodents. So I thought we may be able to make a deal." Arizona tells the child, sitting down on the chair next to his bed.
"Is she clever?" The boy asks Arizona, and I feel more confused than I was to begin with.
"Very. She is one of the smartest people I know."
"Job?"
"Neurosurgeon."
"You trust her?"
"Definitely." Arizona answers the child's quick fire questions while I simply stand there, still confused at what is going on.
"Do you have experience with animals?" The boy asks me, he turns his head toward my direction but doesn't make eye contact.
"I used to look after my sister in law's cat all the time. And me and my brother had a pet frog when I was little."
"What was the frog called?"
"Simon." I answer honestly and I see a grin forming on the young boys face.
"So, what do you think?" Ralph's mom asks him.
"I like her."
"Ralph here is going to need to stay in the hospital for a few weeks, but wouldn't agree to be admitted unless we found someone suitable to look after his hamsters." Arizona explains and the boy's Mom bends down to pick up a hamster cage.
"What are their names?"
"Mr Fluffypants and Vlad. They're dwarf hamsters. Vlad is a Russian dwarf hamster and Mr Fluffypants is a Roborovski dwarf. He's called Mr fluffypants because he looks like he's wearing pants because his butt and leg fur is a darker brown."
"That's super cool. And Vlad? Like in Anastasia?"I ask, and the boy smiles.
"Yes, because he's Russian."
"Of course. That makes perfect sense. You sure know a lot about hamsters."
"They're my favourite animal. Did you know they're born blind? And when they grow up they still can't see much so they run into things a lot."
"I didn't know that."I say honestly.
"They have to use their smell and hearing instead."
"That is awesome." I agree, taking a closer look in the cage to see if I can identify the small rodents, but I conclude they're sleeping when they do not seem to be visible.
"Are you going to look after them for me so I can have surgery?"
"Sure, kiddo. I need to run and get something from my office, but I'll be back soon and I promise I'll take excellent care of them. "
"See, I told you, she's awesome!" Arizona says with a grin.
"Arizona, can I have a word?"
Arizona follows me out to the hallway and nods toward her office to talk. "Sorry, I know it's sudden- I shouldn't have put you in that position. It's just that she's a single mom and has literally no one else and he keeps freaking out that they would be alone and-"
"Arizona, it's okay. I mean, it's a little random. My only question is how the hell did you get them into the hospital? And how am I supposed to smuggle them out?"
"Alex got them in, I'm sure he could get them out too."
"Is the kid okay?"
"He's getting a kidney transplant, but he's got an autoimmune disease so we are expecting an extended stay. What did Bailey say about coming back to work?"
"She said she is fine with it provided I continue with therapy twice a week and Anne thinks I'm safe to work. We just talked for a bit, it didn't feel official or anything. She wanted to make sure I was looking after myself and not pushing myself too far. I told her I'm an addict and I've been going to more NA meetings too. If she is going to be communicating with Anne, I wanted to make sure that came from me. "
"Well, Anne can only tell Bailey anything she thinks would be relevant to your work, and I doubt your past is but still. I'm proud of you for opening up."
"Thanks, I actually feel okay about it. Come on, let's go smuggle some small animals out of the hospital."
When we get back to the paeds ward, Ralph's mom is waiting outside of his hospital room. "Are you sure this is okay? You're his doctor, you don't have to do this."
"I'm not his doctor, she is. And it's totally fine, they clearly mean a lot to him."
"His psychologist suggested getting his pets to help him with social interactions. He's got Aspergers and he's like, crazy smart but didn't understand the importance of empathy, and caring about other people or animals. Apparently hamsters are his thing now, some days it's like he cares about them more than himself. He refused to even be admitted because he didn't want to leave them." The woman in front of us panics, trying hard to explain their scenario.
"You don't have to explain, seriously, it's okay, we don't mind. Sof will love it."
"Sof?"She questions.
"Sofia, our daughter. She is 10 and loves animals. It's totally fine, us mom's have got to stick together and help out where we can."
"Thank you, so much. He's written out instructions and packed all their toys and they don't need much attention, they'll be fine."
"Do not let them escape, Amelia."Arizona states firmly.
"I'm not going to. They're so cute, Mr Fluffypants just wants to cuddle, look!" I instruct my girlfriend but she shakes her head and backs away. I place the animal back into its cage, double checking I've locked it before following my girlfriend.
"What's going on?"
"I'm okay."
"Arizona, talk to me. Whatever the problem is, it's okay. We will figure it out together."
"I'm scared of mice, okay?" Arizona blurts out, the fear in her eyes, whether of the animals themselves or of my reaction to her admission.
"Okay."
"And I guess it extends to hamsters because when I saw them I just…"
"Panicked?" I finish for her and she nods.
"Yeah."
"It's okay, I won't let them near you, I promise. "
"Thank you."
"Why did you offer to bring them home if this is such a big issue?"I ask my girlfriend softly.
"He needed the surgery, and his mom is struggling. Her husband died last year and they're on their own and he needs this."
"I love how much you care for your patients. You're amazing, putting them before yourself."
"We are going to have to figure out some rules though, about how to look after them in a way you feel safe."
"I think I'll be fine if they're in the hamster balls, it's just when they're free, in your hands. I don't want to be in the room when they're free."
"We can do that."
"I want to show you something. Come with me?" Arizona asks, holding out her hand and leading me to the bedroom. She begins to unbutton her shirt, but not in a seductive way like I'm used to, her hands are shaking. When she has stripped down to her bra, she pats the bed for me to sit beside her. "Look here." She instructs quietly, taking my hand and running it over her side.
"The scar?"
"I have several of them."
"You have one on your thigh too right?"
"Yeah, they're from mice during the plane crash. They're only small, but uh, it's the memory behind them. I had so many on my leg before they amputated because I couldn't shake them off." my heart sinks in my chest, hating that this happened to her. Hating that she has to relive it to explain to me.
"I'm sorry. I wish I could take it away from you. Do you want me to see if I can take them to Mer's?"
"No, she doesn't like them either and she has younger kids. Sofia is old enough to understand, I doubt Ellis is. It's okay, as long as you're capable of dealing with them."
"I think I can handle that. Come here." I instruct, opening my arms to wrap them around her. I place a kiss on the top of her head and keep my arms holding her tightly.
"You're too nice to me."Arizona mumbles as she melts into my embrace. Her head rests softly on my chest and I feel her breathing begin to slow.
"There's no such thing as too nice. You deserve it."
"I love you so much."
I take a few minutes to sit down with Sofia to discuss some rules regarding the pets, about her mothers anxieties. She is surprisingly understanding of the situation and tells me she knows when her mom talks about her fears then it's bad. I make sure to talk about how the fears are normal, and how Arizona is okay and we just need to make sure we are mindful of her feelings and make sure the small animals cannot escape. Arizona has told us she is okay provided they're not able to physically touch her and she doesn't want us to make a big deal out of it.
"So, Simon huh?" Arizona asks with a small laugh as she enters the room.
"Who's Simon?"
"Simon was Derek's pet frog when he was younger. He got it for his 10th birthday, when I was really little, but I remember him teaching me how to look after it."
"How do you keep a frog as a pet?"
"He had a nice little habitat and he liked bouncing between us. He liked people."
"That sounds cool."
"It was cool."
"How long do frogs live?"
"I think we had Simon for about 4 or 5 years, but I'm not sure."
"Woah. That's more than I thought."
"When I was growing up, whenever your dad did something wrong and felt guilty, he couldn't hide it. My mom would say he pulled the same face as when he put Derek's pet frog in the microwave."
"He put Simon in the microwave?!" Sofia asks in shock, understandably so.
"To be fair, your dad's argument was that he never clicked start."
"I remember Derek and Mark having this argument at the hospital. I don't think they ever truly forgave each other."
"What else do you remember about dad?" Sofia asks, leaning into my side. I wrap my arm around her body, gently stroking up and down to comfort her.
"I remember that he would always pretend to be the coolest person in the world, but deep down he was just a big softy. If I ever needed help with anything he would always stop what he was doing to make sure I was okay."
"He sounds nice."
"He was. Sometimes it just took people a bit of time to realise that because he hid it so well." I assure her. Sure, Mark could be an ass sometimes, but she doesn't need to know that.
"Yeah, he hid his soft side for a very long time. The first time I saw it was the day you were born. He was so scared because you were so tiny and he loved you so, so much." Arizona chips in with a small smile. I can see there is hesitance in her words, but I don't question it. It is not the place or the time.
"Really?"
"He would have done anything to protect you."
"I can imagine that. And you have his smile, especially when you laugh. I remember the first time I met you properly, when you came home for your birthday when we went to the Zoo, we were playing cards and you and Zola started laughing about something and it was the first thing I noticed."
"Do you think he would have liked you being my Mom, Amy?"
"I like to think so."
"Me too."
"Me three." Arizona chips in with a grin.