I'm so, so, so (times a million) sorry that this took so long to get out! I've been really busy.
I don't own RENT.
Almost immediately, Angel walked over to me and gave me a hug, which only made me cry louder. "Shh honey, it's okay," she said to me.
"No," I gasped as I tried to pull away from her. "No, it's not okay. I was stupid, and mean, and horrible to you, and you don't even care."
Angel slowly sat the two of us down onto the couch without taking her arms off of me. I was suddenly aware that my dad had sat down on my other side.
"Sweetie, it's not thatwe don't care," Angel told me as she tried to push my hair off of my face, "it's just that your dad know that you didn't mean it."
"Well— well of course I didn't mean it," I sputtered as I continued to sob. "But it's just— why are you here? Why'd you come after me? Why aren't you yelling at me for what I did?"
"Carlie," my dad said softly to me putting his hand on my back. "We're not yelling at you because we realize that you must have problems sometimes because of— us. And baby, we feel terrible about that. But Angel and I have to know that you're going to be able to take— and not over react to— insults sometimes. Because if you can't, then maybe you were right about what you said yesterday."
"No— no I wasn't right at all," I said to my parents through my sobs. "It's just that— I've been acting so stupid over the past month because I've been lying to everyone. And— and I dunno, I guess I finally just cracked or something. But I shouldn't have. I should've just told you what was going on or— or not lied in the first place. But I didn't. So I'm sorry." I burst into a fresh new wave of tears again before adding on.
"And— and I know that I shouldn't've r—run away either, but I just felt so stupid about what I said and— and I c—couldn't stop thinking about it, and I knew the whole time that I was on my way here that it was wrong b—but I couldn't think of anything else to do and—" I stopped and buried my face in my hands again.
"It's okay, honey," Angel said to me again, and I with that, I hid my face in her shoulder, still crying. She slowly wrapped her arms around my back, and I felt my dad slowly stroking my hair. We stayed like that for I don't know how long— a minute? an hour?— when a sudden crash broke us apart.
We all looked up to see Mark layingon the floor, with his camera and scarf strewn on the floor next to him. "I— I tripped on the shirt," he muttered, without looking at any of us. "Sorry. I'll just— go away then." And with that, Mark picked up his camera and walked awkwardly into his room. My parents and I stared at his closed door for a minute before my dad suddenly burst out laughing. Angel and I quickly joined in, me still wiping the tears from my eyes.
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My parents and I ended up staying at Mark's apartment for the night, my parents in Roger's old room and me on the couch. We drove back to New York on Sunday. On the ride home, I filled my parents in on all the details that had been happening to me at school over the past month. I told them about Amy and her friends, and Kathleen, and the boys on the bus, and everything that had happened after Angel had called the school on Friday.
By Monday morning, I was ready for a new start at school. I was wearing one of the skirts that Angel had made me, and I shirt that Mimi had given me last Christmas. For some reason, I felt more confident when I felt like my parents and their friends were near me.
Still, I was nervous when I gave my parents hugs good-bye and I walked outside to the bus. My stomach was churning again, but for once, it wasn't a guilty type or churning; more like anticipating something that you're half-excited, half-nervous about doing. I boarded the bus slowly, knowing that today was probably going to change everyone's point of view of me at school. I sat down in my usual seat, in front of the two boys. Usually I dreaded them calling people 'fags' like it didn't mean anything, but that day I almost wanted them too.
Sure enough, I'd only been on the bus for a few minutes when I heard the two boys talking about some kid again.
"Seriously. He is such a fag," I heard one of them say.
I took a deep breath and slowly turned around in my seat. "Uh, excuse me?" I asked them. They both looked up at me. "Could you please, um, not use that word?"
"What word?" The other one asked. "Fag?"
I grimaced. "Yeah, that one," I answered. "It's just— I know that you guys don't really mean anything by it, but it's still really offensive to some people. Like me."
"Well, sorry," said the other one. "But that's just what people say here, you know?"
"Well yeah, I know that," I told them. "But it's just, that really isn't a nice thing to say. About anyone. So could you guys please try not to use it so much? Especially around me?"
"Um, yeah, sure," they said with confused looks on their faces.
"Thanks," I answered before I turned back around in my seat, slowly exhaling. Finally. I'd told them how I felt. Sure, I could've been a little bit stronger about it, but at least I'd done it. The rest of the bus ride went by remarkably fast.
When the bus got to school, I immediately went inside looking around for Kathleen. I saw her talking to a girl with really curly hair whose name, I was pretty sure, was Mary. Slowly, I walked over to Kathleen with my stomach churning again, although it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been before.
"Kathleen?" I asked tentatively as I walked over to her. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Yeah, sure," she answered with a slightly confused look on her face. We walked a little down the hallway before I started to talk to her.
"Well," I began, trying my best to make eye contact, "I'm really, really sorry about Friday. I just," I stopped and sighed. "I was really pissed at, um, everyone, and you were the first person that I really talked to about it, and, well, I shouldn't've yelled at you."
"It's okay," she answered with a shrug.
"Thanks," I replied. "But I was really just mad at myself for not telling everyone in the first place that my parents were gay, and, well, I'm sorry."
"It's fine," said Kathleen. "But, you know that I don't really care about that right? I mean, your parents? Like, it doesn't matter to me?"
"Yeah, I figured that out. I mean, you were the first person that I met here that actually seemed, like, real, if you know what I mean."
"Yeah, I do," she answered. "Like, no offense or anything, but that girl Amy you hang out with isn't exactly………"
"I know," I said to her. She smiled at me.
"So………do you want to come meet my friends?" she asked.
"Yeah," I replied. "That'd be good." So we walked back down the hallway, my stomach feeling lighter than it had in a month.
Sorry about the terrible chapter ending (again). There's definitely only one chapter left now. And, yes, it will involve Angel being very Angel-y around Amy. So yay for that!
Review por favor! Reviews son muy bueno! (Reviews are very good)