Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters or settings from Lord of the Rings or Xena the Warrior Princess
Author's Note:
Happy Father's Day to all! My mother surely gave me drive, but my father gave me dreams and encouraged me to follow them. To that one soul who is no longer among us, I would remind him that immortality is left behind, and it is certainly found only in the love that we leave behind. Have a blessing day my friends!
This is a LegoRomance (slow-burn)
~ LXXXIV: I emel -o a adar ~
~ A father's heart ~
"But those unhappy ones [elves] who were ensnared were put in prison and by slow acts of cruelty were corrupted and enslaved; and thus did he [Morgoth] breed the hideous race of the Orcs." -The Silmarillion
Caras Galadhon, 3019 TA, April 15th
After his conversation with his son came to a close, he felt a greater burden on his shoulders. He traversed wooden platforms and suspended staircases to access the available rooms. His long robes trailed and fluttered behind him as he walked quickly and loudly, making his anguish so intense. His father always saw death as a natural part of the cycle of life. Even for eternal creatures like them, who were expected to spend millennia in the darkness. As soon as he was crowned king and his father died, he came to cross paths with the truth and the darkness.
Oropher nurtured him to be a King; he was born and bred in such an environment. He had matured with tough truths. Wars were necessary to ensure the safety of their kingdom, elves died and that could not be altered, there was always a price to pay, but a king must maintain his composure and not betray his sadness or despair. Oropher would never discuss his feelings with him or his kin. His father's visage was always placid and expressionless. His father was an elder Eldar, one of the First, who understood how to maintain a connection with nature, breathe deeply, and relax. He was the legitimate King but lacked feelings.
There was no fear, anger, or love present.
Thranduil did not know for certain whether his father loved him; he assumed, based on his father's deeds, that he did. Oropher felt that a king should be imbued with self-assurance and fortunate sentiments. And Thranduil believed his father and tried to follow his advice. Thranduil had little difficulty concealing his emotions since he had been trained from an early age to suppress his fury and terror. And he was able to look him in the eyes without any emotion or sign of life.
Thranduil did have his moments, though. He would get enraged if someone or something upset him, he would experience fear if he believed a loved one was in danger, and he was familiar with sadness and grief. He lacked an understanding of diplomacy and politics and had not yet been prepared to become the king that his father required. But as he grew up, he was instructed in the most difficult manner on how to become a king. A ruler whom his kin would support and trust.
Consequently, he became king. He learned emotional control and was able to manifest himself as the King of Stone and Wood. He radiated power and might, and Thranduil was renowned as an unapproachable ruler. He felt confident in himself and pleased to be able to maintain that aspect of his reputation. He seemed heartless, like a king without heart.
Eleyewn had often informed him that she felt he had lost his heart and that she had given him hers so that he may experience love and caring in this world. However, she discovered that Thranduil possessed a secret heart. He had compassion for his people and understood what it meant to love. If necessary, he could be a cruel king; he would consider politics and war with his head and not his emotions. However, this did not imply that he lacked feelings; he recognised right from wrong. And the concept of the heartless, icy monarch that Oropher desired for his son was never conceived.
The coldness, however, persisted, particularly for someone like the Elvenking who had seen darkness and sorrow and been shattered several times. But he was Oropher's son, and he never lost his power. He laughed, knowing that the fire blazing inside them was identical to the fire he had seen in Legolas. Because his son was as obstinate as possible. When remembering their first talk, he tightened his hands, temporarily closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.
He eventually stepped out onto what seemed to be a balcony-like entrance that had been constructed outside of his room. As he attempted to relax, he inhaled deeply, feeling the smells and sounds of the Golden Forest seize him. "I cannot do this again, I cannot," he murmured to himself, remembering the days he spent seeing his own child endure all the anguish and suffering. It could not be let occur again.
He had never felt such horror and sadness in all his years, but the loss of his wife and the episodes with Legolas had exposed him to several stressful situations that were mirrored in his skin. The fëar sometimes impacted the hröa and might show drastic bodily alterations reflecting the condition of the mind, torment, or even battle wounds. Thranduil referred to it as the burning because the right side of his face was scarred and severely injured, and he had lost vision in his right eye.
After his father's death in the fight for the final alliance, Thranduil first recognised his scars. He had suffered war and darkness, and he was still suffering. However, this did not imply that he had not been terrified by his experiences. Even though he persevered and was resilient enough to conquer his suffering, he was nonetheless left with scars.
Elrond assisted him in learning how to conceal his scars. It was possible to conceal the deformity of his face and the fact that he was blind in his right eye. Thranduil did not want sympathy; his wounds were his alone to know and bear. He had only shown them to his wife once, when the wounds were less serious, to Elrond and Gandalf, who were assisting him in keeping them a secret, and to Thorin once. No one else, not even his son, knew about them. Legolas already had enough scars to hold him down, so he refused to give him any more.
When Thranduil first saw his face altering and his far affecting his hröa, he assumed he was becoming an orc. He had read the legends of Morgoth and the origin of orcs. They were once elves who were tormented and enslaved; their fëar, unable to withstand the darkness and agony, began to contemplate their hröa. Altering their flesh and bodies. He refused to even consider the notion.
Thranduil had visited Galadriel to discuss the subject; he never disclosed his scars to her, but he knew she was aware. But it was a time of dread, and if Galadriel had not reassured him, Thranduil may have been the last elf to suffer such a fate. This often occurred to elflings who were not used to the darkness, and only after extreme torment. However, Thranduil has spent decades in darkness and suffering; he would not convert into an orc, but his scars might worsen if he continued to live under extreme stress.
He groaned hard, knowing that he had little choice but to stay behind and not follow his wife after he told Legolas that he would be there as long as his son needed him and that his stress and wounds would continue to worsen. It was the price he had to pay for being permitted to bear confidence and pride. Thranduil leaned against the wooden railing and exhaled sharply one more time.
As his thoughts were preoccupied with Legolas, he murmured, "No, I cannot!"
Across his balcony, another distraught Elven Lord was attempting to cope with his own tension and melancholy. As he gripped the wooden balcony's clasp, his knuckles began to turn white. His thoughts and heart were now pounding with dread and anxiety. He had never previously felt such despair. After so many decades, his daughter finally returned, and he even managed to tell her the truth.
He had served in battles and had his own stories about the horrors of war and the suffering it can cause. But Elrond was never as terrified as Thranduil, which was one of the reasons he was pleased he was not a king and did not have Thandruil's obligations. But he could not have predicted that in the end the majority would seek his counsel or want his mending. Therefore, Rivendell has always been recognised for welcoming and assisting visitors, regardless of their nature.
However, this did not imply he had never experienced sorrow. It was the day Elladan and Elrohir saved their mother from the orcs' torment in that desolate cave. This tragedy had altered them, as much as him. Even though he was the most skilled healer in Middle-earth, he was unable to rescue his wife. His sons became warriors and were tasked with hunting out any surviving orcs. After their mothers sailed, they went out on purpose to hunt down and slay the orcs. They had mastered both the bow and the sword, and together they were invincible.
It was not long until they joined the Rangers of the North, and Aragorn soon joined them. Even Thranduil's son was a member of their company for a while. In addition to being concerned about his sons, the Lord of Imladris was also troubled by a new source of sorrow: Aragorn and Legolas. What had begun as an act of vengeance had become a responsibility, and as the times became darker, a required obligation.
However, victory had been achieved. Elrond was well aware that orcs, goblins, and other evil creatures did not just vanish, and that the danger was still there. His two sons determined they would continue riding with the rangers of the north and hunting as many orcs as possible. Arwen, his daughter, was going to follow her heart. She would find bliss, but it would come at a price, leaving her with an eternity of suffering and sorrow.
Arwen was mature enough to select her own way of life, he set her free and permitted her to do so. However, this did not imply that he agreed with it since further sorrow was added. And recently, despite the fact that the war was done and the darkness was fading, Elrond felt his heart getting heavier each day.
And there was his younger daughter, whom he had sent to another world in an effort to safeguard her. He doubted if his decision was the correct one. He had sent a child into the world, and millennia later, he was met by a warrior. What was occurring to his kin, and all of his offspring became skilled warriors. Even Arwen concealed a warrior inside herself.
Once overcome by loss, and wanting to find a means to speak with his smallest daughter so that he would listen to him and stop chasing danger after danger. Only a father could comprehend his continual concern that he would never see her again. And since they had not yet spent time together, he did not tell her about the well-known stories, his concerns, or how much he loved her.
And just as he was ready to declare that he couldn't do it again, he heard another boastful voice proclaim. Elrond turned to see another lord, who was having difficulties with his son, on the balcony beyond. Children usually caused conflict with their parents. However, the fears that Thranduil and he faced were distinct from one another. It was deeper and darker.
He turned as he felt a touch on his shoulder and saw Elrond standing next to him. Elrond usually had Glorfindel and Erestor counsel him and watch out for him when he was in peril. Elrond was uncertain if Thranduil had anybody to care for him. Perhaps Thranduil was experiencing a greater loss than he was, he conceded. After seeing the effects of sadness and suffering on the Elvenking.
Elrond remarked in a soft voice, "Thranduil, standing here and waiting will not solve our issues," since he did not want to start another argument with him.
"I am preparing for my departure," he said in a distressed tone. "Mirkwood has been left unwatched."
Elrond squeezed his shoulder once more, knowing that this was not the cause of his pain and misery. "Surely you left behind a trustworthy somebody to keep an eye on things. Your concerns lie with Legolas, but you cannot dwell on them here. Before returning to the gloom of Mirkwood, you should rest and go before dawn, when the light will beam and warm your heart "
Initially, Thranduil did not reply to this. It took him a minute to regain his calm and become his usual icy self. The sadness went from his face, and he stood with his back straight, staring at the elf lord. "Are you now challenging me, Elrond? I shall handle my own concerns in my own time and manner. You are the last person permitted to have an opinion on the matter."
"Was your interaction with Legolas that terrible?" Elrond volunteered to learn Thranduil's stance on the matter: "Has he discovered of Dínenion and want to return?"
Thranduil recognised at that moment that the elf lord didn't acknowledge the orcs they had battled in the Falls of Rauros. Xena had obviously not communicated this knowledge with him. Legolas had only just been fully conscious and spoken. The Elvenking grimaced, "Then you have not heard that they encountered Uagz at the Falls of Rauros. Uagz informed Legolas that he was responsible for the death of his mother."
Elrond could not speak for several minutes as he remembered his daughter's desire to follow Legolas and pursue Uagz. Elrond interrupted Thranduil's statement by saying, "Then he wants to pursue him. You are aware that my sons continue to hunt orcs because of their mother, and Thranduil's son is no different. He has the right to know what occurred, and you should not deny him that right."
Thranduil's demeanour shifted, and he stared at Elrond while attempting to keep his hands off of him. "You want me to reveal Legolas the truth?" he snarled as his concern became apparent. "Were you not there when he was passing away and recounting what he had seen and what had occurred to him? How terrible you have grown, Elrond, to request that I bring my own son to his grave!"
Elrond stayed calm since the recollection was there and he would never wish such a fate on any of his offspring. "No, Thranduil, not the memories. Legolas must know the truth; if you carefully explain it to him, he will comprehend. He is not weak since he has both the fire of Oropher and your ice and strength. Talk with your son and have faith in him." Elrond gave him advice. He would have treated his children the same way.
"You know nothing," said Thranduil. "I will not subject my child to the same suffering and memories. You may be as honest with your own children; how is your connection with your youngest developing? "
Elrond heaved a sigh and shook his head "I have conversed with her, but I do not feel that we will ever have that kind of relationship. And I honestly do not know how to express my regret to her. She would rather follow your son than remain with me for protection."
"I am aware that she informed me," Thranduil said, his tone once milder. "He urged that I share my knowledge with Legolas. Perhaps your daughter did not grow up in Middle Earth, Elrond, but she strangely reminded me of her father."
Elrond laid a hand on Thranduil's shoulder like a little grin formed on his lips. "When did we give up all hope, my friend, and let darkness and despair to triumph?" Elrond asked Elvenking a question that was also directed at himself.
"I do not know, Elrond," acknowledged Thranduil, "but we cannot yield. We must persevere through it. I shall depart tonight; I am unable to discuss even the smallest prospect of finding Uagz. I am certain that Legolas will accompany you to Minas Tirith; urge him to abandon the hunt. Until then, I will have found a solution. After that, I shall speak with Legolas without rushing him or causing him unnecessary suffering."
Elrond promised to comply. It was the first time Thranduil had genuinely listened and attempted to pursue a different course. Undoubtedly, he still wanted to have his way, but agreeing to speak with Legolas and be honest was a significant step. Elrond saw renewed hope returning to them both "I shall converse with both your son and Xena. We will not allow this evil to prevail." He offered him assurance.
Before both lords retired to their own apartments, Elrond turned and regarded Elvenking. "What made you realise that she was my daughter?" Elrond was curious.
The fact was that it was not difficult to figure out, particularly after hearing the twins' conversation and seeing Elrond's response. Thranduil answered, "I will tell you later," before entering his chamber to prepare for his voyage back to Mirkwood.
((Upcoming Chapter Eighty-Five))
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I emel -o a adar == A father's heart
Fëa == free translation would be a similar philosophical idea to "soul."
Hröa == a similar philosophical idea of the "physical body or flesh"