Don't blame me, love made me crazy
If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right
Lord, save me, my drug is my baby
I'd be usin' for the rest of my life

Don't Blame Me - Taylor Swift

Chapter 54 – Remnants

Lexi

I returned from the hunt completely sated. While elk never did much for me, it at least took away the burn and made it easy to coast through the thirst I always felt. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I settled back into the bedroom I'd once claimed at the Cullen house and flopped on the bed. The windows were open, allowing the cool spring air to filter in. Seth was asleep a few rooms down – I could hear his strong, steady heartbeat and tired snores. I smiled to myself. Seeing Regan had pulled at my heartstrings and jogged my human memories, but it had been nice to see her and talk to her. I hoped since she was in on my little secret that we could remain friends.

Picking up the ipad I'd gifted myself with on one of my many online shopping sprees, I surfed through the internet mindlessly before arriving at a site with prom dresses. Scrolling through the never ending parade of colors and shapes and fabric, I got lost in a daydream about what it would be like to attend the dance with someone. I'd gone stag last year and Brady had crashed it, much to my disgust (and secret pleasure, when had let myself admit it). The memory was foggy, but I could remember bits and pieces of that night.

I brushed past him, still holding the rose, and rushed down the brick sidewalk towards the back doors of the country club. I had to get away from him before I did or said something I would regret.

I was scared – my resolve was wavering. I tore across the dance floor, the faces of my classmates blurring past me. Surely they were wondering why I was tearing through the place like I was on fire, but I didn't care. All I could think about was getting away from him. I burst through a set of swinging doors that led to a quiet hallway, my angry breaths the only noise beside the muted music.

Seconds later, Brady burst through after me just in time to see me smack the wall with the white rose angrily.

"I'm out on a limb here, Lex."

"My name's Lexi."

"Lexi, whatever...just...come on. Please? I'm begging..." he stopped, swallowing roughly. I could tell he wanted to eat his words, but I was going to let him finish.

He clenched his fists at his side, shaking his head at me as he leaned on the opposite wall of the tiny hallway. "I'm...I'm begging you to just please..."

"Brady..."

His head tilted up, his dark eyes pleading. "Please. Give me a chance. You won't regret it. I swear."

It had taken some time after that, but I'd eventually given him the shot he so desperately wanted. And I hadn't regretted it. That's what made all of this so difficult. I wanted to go back, a time machine, anything – and I couldn't. I could only move forward. I let out a bitter laugh – returning to Forks had pushed me one step forward and two steps back.

The knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts. "Come in."

Rosalie floated into the room, her eyes falling on the ipad with the prom dresses. Arching a perfect brow, she sighed.

"Looking for something?"

Embarrassed, I flipped it over. "No, just…dreaming, I guess."

She nodded in understanding. "I remember doing that. We went to a few proms over the years, you know."

I sat up on the bed, interested. My mind quickly tried to imagine my flawless new family dressed like typical teenagers at a high school prom. How had they not stood out to a point so painfully obvious? How had they gone unnoticed throughout the years? Surely all humans didn't just accept them as normal.

"You did?"

"Mhmm….I think we really just wanted excuses to wear fancy dresses and show off our dancing, but…really I think it was just an excuse to try to feel normal for once."

"That must have been really fun. Getting to go."

She smiled wistfully. "The last time I went to a prom was here in Forks. When Bella was still human," she rolled her eyes. "I remember putting on this vintage Chanel gown I'd saved from the thirties – so utterly gorgeous," she sighed. "It was black, with sequins falling down in the loveliest design. It looked like gold and rubies just dripping off the dress," she finished dreamily, her golden eyes somewhere far away. "One of the teachers asked if I'd gotten if from a thrift store!" she laughed.

"Sounds like it's gorgeous."

"It was. Well, is. I donated it to a museum not long after," she admitted sheepishly. "It felt wrong to hide it in my closet. Anyway, we danced the night away in the gymnasium," she rolled her eyes. "here I was in vintage Chanel and we were in a smelly old gymnasium!" she laughed, "But it felt…normal."

She sat on the bed beside me, patting my hand. "There can be dances for you, you know. I'm sure you could rustle up a date somewhere…" her eyes glinted mischievously and I knew she was talking about Fred. I shook my head. That was done and over with and I was tired of everyone assuming that because we were un-mated vampires that we were automatically perfect for each other.

"Where is he?"

She straightened, folding her hands in her lap. "He went with Emmett and Edwards back to his hometown to check up on his family. He wanted go back now that it's safe and just…make sure they're okay."

A pang of jealousy shot through my heart at the mention of checking up on family. As controlled as I was, I knew I couldn't be trusted to gamble with Patrick's life. Fred wasn't much older than me in what I dubbed 'vampire experience years', a term I'd come up with to help myself deal with the concept of never really aging. He, however, had lived the life of a human-draining nomadic vampire and had made his choice. He'd been abstaining for years now and was much more controlled and practiced than I. He deserved to check on his family. It was a right that I was going to have to earn.

"I can understand that."

"I'm sorry, you know. I shouldn't have brought him up-"

"-It's alright, really. Fred is…perfectly nice. He's sweet and kind and interesting to talk to but…"

"I know. That was my selfish side hoping you would take the easy way out I suppose," she admitted, guilt decorating her pretty features. "I hope you let him down gently?"

"Of course I did. He's an amazing guy and he deserves to be with someone who returns his feelings. I didn't want to be with him just because it was…convenient."

And that was the truth.

I'd been lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you looked at it) to experience real, ground-shaking, all-encompassing love at a young age and I knew what it should feel like. My change had taken so much away from me – my heartbeat, my control, and even most of my human memories, but one thing the burning venom had failed to erase was what love felt like. I knew that the feelings Brady gave me would stay with me forever – and that both comforted and distressed me. But I knew what it was like and knew that I simply did not feel that for Fred.

While deciding I didn't love him had been one of the easiest things I'd known, telling him had been another thing.

He'd kissed me – gone out on a limb and kissed me during our game that day back in Alaska. I'd felt blindsided and confused. That wasn't how you were supposed to feel after a first kiss with the person you were meant to be with.

When we'd gotten back to the cabin that day after the kiss, I'd withdrawn to my room and had been there alone for almost an entire day before Rosalie had come to check in on me. After telling her what happened in the woods, she'd had a knowing grin on her face and her golden eyes had sparkled.

"He likes you!" she'd practically squealed. "And why wouldn't he? You're stunning and smart and funny…"

She'd noticed my level of excitement did not match up to hers. After talking through my feelings about a dozen times over, she'd coaxed me into at least exploring the option. In my haze of self-pity I had confided in her that I wanted someone to look at me the way Emmett looked at her. I wanted someone to fit with me the way Alice and Jasper did. I wanted someone who seemed to be able to finish my sentences the way Edward did with Bella. I wanted someone to walk this world with and not just be a third wheel and an afterthought. Confused and lonely, I'd agreed to at least try to see Fred as more than a friend.

A few days later, he'd asked me out.

"Out?" I'd asked, befuddled as to where he would take me. We were in remote Alaska, during winter, and I was a semi-newborn vampire with sometimes teetering control. I wasn't sure where he'd wanted to go, but I'd gone along more because I couldn't get my stupid mouth to say something at the time. We'd ended up not far from the Denali home at an abandoned little cabin overlooking a valley below. The mountains framed it perfectly, jutting up into the night sky like they were trying to touch the stars. Still confused, he'd simply smiled and told me to wait after we'd settled onto a blanket on the roof of the little cabin. I'd been about to question him again when the Northern Lights had begun. They started faint, but soon a vibrant, rainbow of blues, greens, and even red and purple began to shift across the sky.

"Amazing, isn't it?" his voice had broken my thoughts.

"Yes," I agreed, practically breathless. "My dad took me up to Puget Sound on weekend to see them when they were supposed to be really bright," I remembered faintly, "I thought they were bright then, but now…" I trailed off, speechless.

"With these eyes it's a whole other experience, isn't it?"

"It really is."

He was quiet for a few moments, just watching the colors. "You know, I used to come up here a lot when I first got to Alaska. I just…felt like I didn't belong anywhere yet and I hated making them feel like they had to be different to me. It's awkward when everyone is paired…"

"Tell me about it," I sighed, tearing my eyes from the sky. Fred's golden orbs watched me in the darkness. He looked hopeful.

My heart sank. He was trying to make a romantic gesture here and I was not giving him the reaction he wanted.

"It's really hard. Or, at least it was. Then you came along and….it was nice."

"Nice? I breathed, trying to read his features. He was so guarded; stoic, but handsome.

"I didn't feel so left out. You're easy to talk to."

"I kinda do most of the talking when we're together, so…"

He smiled softly, his voice quiet. "Yes, but I could listen to you talk forever. I enjoy your company."

He was so sincere. My dead heart seemed to ache in my chest as I picked mindlessly at a loose shingle. The colors continue to swirl and shift in the sky, but I'd lost interest in the magnificent show.

"About yesterday…" he started, visibly struggling for the words, "I didn't mean to catch you off guard. It's just that…I'm not the best at this, so I figured just maybe doing something might…be a good way to uh…" he rambled.

"It's okay," I shook my head, "I just wasn't….it sorta…came out of left field."

His eyebrows shot up and he looked slightly bewildered. "I thought I was obvious," he said, his hand twitching slightly. I always imagine he was fighting the urge to push the glasses up his nose that were no longer there. I smiled sadly.

"No. I just thought…we were friends."

Fred sighed, suddenly unable to look at me. "I want more, Lexi. I want…." He sighed in frustration. Turning to me, he shyly looked at me and I suddenly forgot how to blink. Here he was, putting himself out on a limb for me and I was just…feeling nothing. It felt so strange to sit there, almost like a bystander, like this was a movie…and listen to this perfectly imperfect other being spill his heart out to me.

"If we were together, Lexi, I could make you happy. I would do anything to make you content," he said softly. "We can be vegetarians together, a-and…live somewhere where we don't see any humans and we're never tempted and we can just…never feel alone, ever again."

"Fred-"

"-I'll protect you always…you know I can. I'll keep you safe from that other vampire like no one else can and….we can be together. Always. If you give me a chance, Lexi, I know I could be a good mate for you."

I looked away, startled. That was more words than I'd ever heard Fred utter. He was usually composed, dry, and tended to have a 'less is more' attitude when it came to talking. Now he was…pleading. Vulnerable.

The joke was that vampires were the living dead, that we were unfeeling with lifeless hearts in our chests, surrounded by stone and ice. I'd laughed it off of course because I still felt very much alive and not at all like a fossil, as Emmett had playfully called our kind.

But there, listening to Fred speak and knowing I could never return his feelings…I'd never felt more cold.

Fred had been my friend in those long, cold, Alaskan days and nights. He'd confided in me, and I in him, but did that make us mates? Did that mean love would eventually grow between us, slow and winding instead of striking me like lightning as it had the last time? Fred's affection for me felt like a timid spring day; Brady's love was like a tempest. It was a storm I almost didn't survive but had clung to with my bare hands to keep and I'd finally gotten it. So how could I dare compare the two? It felt blasphemous to even try.

And that was how I knew I had to let Fred go.

"I just want you to be happy. I'm glad you're home and things went well with Regan. I just know this place brings up a lot of memories for you. Painful memories."

"It does, but….I knew it would. I mean, I sorta prepared myself for that."

"Did you though? My heart just…sank when she brought him up," Rosalie sighed. I had to laugh internally at that – no matter how much time passed, I always knew Rosalie would think of Brady in a negative light, and not even for what happened between us. The mere idea of his DNA clearly repulsed her, and I'd learned over the months not to take it personally. To her, it was black and white: Brady had hurt me, so she hated him merely by associations. I'd come to slowly understand that she viewed her distaste for him as loyalty to me. I think somehow, forgiving Brady would be betraying me – in her eyes, anyway.

"I'd hoped the past could stay in the past if we came back."

"I think that's too much to ask for."

"I know. Are you alright though?"

Glancing around the familiar space, I nodded slowly. A part of me was still taking it all in, being back in Forks. My life in the sleepy, rainy little town, my relationship with Brady, my friendships with Claire and Regan…they had all been ripped away from me too soon so the setting was bittersweet, but that couldn't be helped.

"I….no," I admitted, looking down at the ipad. "But I think I will be. It's not east to be here, but I know I'll start to feel better. When I woke up like this I didn't think things would ever…be okay again. And they're not great, but…they're okay. And that's better than it was, so…I have to hope things will continue to look up."

The words were barely out of my mouth when we suddenly heard a little gasp from downstairs. A small pattering of feet moving so quickly they were barely touching the floors made both of our heads jerk to the doorway of the bedroom as Alice appeared, bright eyed and bouncing.

"Trouble," Rosalie muttered before Alice spoke.

"We'll do it here!"

The imaginary pieces of whatever puzzle she had worked out were flying around behind her bright, gold eyes. Glancing at Rosalie, she barely looked interested. I guess after more than half a century with her adopted sister she tended to get a tad less enthusiastic about things. Rosalie wasn't going to indulge her, so I did.

"Do what here?"

Alice pushed past the doorway, her eyes open but un-seeing in the eerie way they did when she had a vision. "Prom."

"Prom?" Rosalie and I echoed in unison.

Alice nodded, gracefully falling next to me on the bed. Her feet didn't touch the floor.

"Yes. It solves everything, really. The age differences, the mixed species….I need to make a list."

"You don't need a list," Rosalie chided, shooting her an exasperated look.

"I like to see it all crossed off at the end," Alice muttered, barely batting an eyelash at her sister. Rosalie gave a characteristic eye roll but didn't discourage her, I noticed. These two.

"The wolves can't go to the prom in Forks, they're too old. And you can't go because, well, that list is longer. So we'll host one here."

"Alice, you don't have to-"

"Shh!" she cut me off with a pleading look. "This isn't for you. It's for your friends. And you. But also sort of me," she rambled, her voice high and thoughtful. "But mostly for your friends. Regan and Clare aren't even going to their senior prom!" she whispered in horror, seemingly to herself. "I'll need a few things…we'll have to work quickly, but I think I can do it…"

"Regan and Clare aren't going to prom either? Not even stag?" I asked sadly.

"No," she lamented, shaking her head. She picked up the ipad I'd tossed on the bed and scanned her eyes over the pretty gown I'd been secretly drooling over before Rosalie had caught me. "But we can change that. It will just take some planning and some help," she said pointedly to Rosalie, who looked somewhat guilty.

"What?" She snapped at Alice, her tone indignant. "I only thought about it."

I was lost. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Alice said hurriedly, shaking her head. "Do you trust me?"

I stood in front of them, eyeing them suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

I watched as the two of them watch one other, seeming to have a private conversation. Rosalie chewed her lip and gave a little shrug of defeat when her sister nodded. I couldn't be sure, but a decision had been made. Alice didn't look terribly confident, but Rosalie did. Well this was a strange turn of events; that was certain.

Turning to look at me, Alice merely smiled. "Trust me."

Brady

I wasn't afraid of much, but opening my front door and seeing Rosalie Hale standing on the front door about made me piss my pants.

The early morning fog was still rolling across the yard behind her, creating an eerie backdrop. The dawn light was dim, but was just enough to catch the light and make her golden eyes almost glow. She stood confidently on the top step, her arms crossed and face daring me to make a snide comment. "Morning, dog."

I bit back a gasp and barely had time to scoff before she was uncrossing her arms and moving closer.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

She tossed her hair and narrowed her eyes at me. "Grouchy," she practically growled. "Up past your bedtime? Boozing it up again?" she tried to peek into the house, but I stepped onto the porch and slammed the door behind me before she could see anything. Not that there was anything to see – I hadn't had a drink since Embry had woken me up and Lexi had come back to Forks. Call me crazy, but randomly picking up her scent while I'd been on patrol with Embry that night had me shook. I wouldn't soon forget the first taste of her scent after months of nothing. The smell had been familiar but shockingly different; weirdly sweet but reminiscent. There wasn't a sense in my body not left raw by the unexpected discovery that night. It had left me with an unshaken feeling that I didn't even try to fix with booze this time.

"No, I haven't. How did you-"

"Alice can't always see you, but she keeps tabs on the people in town. The fact that you tried to drain the town of all its liquor every night didn't escape her grasp."

My months spent in a bleary, alcohol-induced haze were not a source of pride for me. In fact, one of the only things that kept me going sometimes was the fact that the stupid Cullens didn't know about it. Well, that was shot to shit now.

"I haven't had a drink in a while, not that it's any of your business," I barked. "How are you even allowed up here anyway? Does Jake know you just waltzed up to my doorstep? What happened to the tree line, Princess Leech? Aren't those your borders?" I snapped grouchily.

Her cool façade morphed into one of snotty self-assurance that only she could master. "Jake was actually the one who told me you'd be home and to come on over."

I let out a growl of frustration and slammed my fist against the front of the screen door was leaning on. I was trying to keep my body language casual, to let her know she wasn't bothering me, but it wasn't easy. Blondie just irked me.

Her gaze narrowed again as her golden gaze scanned me up and down. A flash of disappointment echoed on her otherwise stony features. "You don't look surprised to see me."

I glared off into the distance behind her shoulder, letting my eyes flick to hers. "I had patrol with Clearwater last night. I saw what happened with Regan and…"

I couldn't even say it, trailing off like a coward. For an experienced wolf, Seth sometimes had shit control when it came to thinking about his imprint. He would often let his mind wander when he ran and he would almost always think about Regan. Last night his thoughts had been memories of coming home to a house full of vampires again, and comforting Regan about Lexi. Of course the bastard hadn't let himself think directly about Lexi, which was almost as bad. His thoughts would skirt around her, never conjuring up her face enough so that I could see it. Sometimes it seemed like all he thought or cared about was Regan and her reactions to things. Lexi had merely been a character in the background as far as he was concerned. I was like a junkie in search of a fix, and Seth couldn't even be bothered to give it to me. Self-absorbed bastard.

"So you know she's back then," she stated. She didn't need to say her name.

I could barely nod. My uncaring, angry barrier had a chip in it at the thought of her.

"Yeah, I know," I muttered in defeat. "Is this how it's always going to be? You coming here to torture me? Listen, I know she's here. I picked up her scent in the woods."

A blonde eyebrow rose in interest. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. And no, I didn't catch him yet."

She seemed to know exactly who I was referring to without explanation – the vampire that had hunted and changed Lexi. I'd lost the trail but I wanted her to know that I hadn't given up – I would never give up. Ripping him to shreds and dancing in his ashes seemed like the least I could do for my former imprint.

"I know," she sighed, sounding almost as defeated as I felt.

My patience was wearing thin, not that it was particularly impenetrable in the first place. "Why are you here?"

She crossed her arms again and stared at me for a few moments. I hated it when she did that. A hundred years or whatever had given the girl a talent for two things: being a bitch, and doing that weird thing where she stares right through you. A shudder rippled through me and I once again realized I secretly feared her the most. Not Edward and his mindreading, not the creepy empath with the scars, and I would take on her bear-of-a-husband any day. Her? Hell no. I'd seen her fight before. Whatever her story was, and I could only guess it was awful, whatever horrible thing had happened to her in her past had made her a screaming hellcat on the battlefield. She encompassed and used her rage better than anyone I'd ever seen.

She shifted on the creaky porch, interrupting my memories of her in battle.

"Well…against my better judgement, I did come in peace."

I didn't even have a retort bitter enough to justify that. Scoffing, I shook my head and resisted the urge to jam a fist through her icy skull. A fight with Rosalie wouldn't help anything. Instead I settled for a biting retort.

"You make a shit peace-maker, FYI," I told her. "They won't be sendin' you in to end any wars."

She smirked. "So I can only deduce from your attitude that you wouldn't be interested in coming to our house this evening?"

That made me stop, my mouth dropping open slightly. Shit. She saw, her eyes flashing with victory. She'd gotten my attention and she knew it.

"We're hosting a special evening for the girls tonight and while I can't say I approve of the choice of company, I wasn't the one to make the guest list," she sighed, pulling primly at her jacket.

I was still gaping at her, trying to understand what she meant. I didn't speak quickly enough to suit her.

"It involves you, dog."

"What?"

"You. You're invited. To our house, tonight."

"For what?"

She smiled openly now, knowing she'd won our stupid little battle of wills. "Prom. Alice is hosting one for the girls since they'll miss their own. The whole vampire, shape shifter thing is apparently frowned upon in high school these days, so we're hosting our own for them. Just a little party to help lift some spirits."

"So what do you want me there for?" I grumbled, pretending not to feel the bitterly jealous pang that shot through my chest. Had it really only been a year ago that I'd crashed Lexi's prom? The memory of her in a sparkly gown rattled around in my brain, despite my attempts to dispel it. With a sickened feeling, I realized I'd rather live life with Lexi hating me than not having her here with me at all.

Rosalie sighed, her smirk disappearing making her look almost human for a moment. Her mouth opened and then snapped shut again as she visibly searched for the words.

"I…I don't really know," she admitted. She was quiet for a moment, her eyes flicking up to meet mine. "I never liked you, you know. Even when you were just a kid you had this cocky, snide way about you. I remember before that first battle, the one Sam didn't let you fight in. With the newborns? I remember him pulling you off to the side with that other boy and telling you that you weren't allowed to fight."

"I remember," I grumbled. The memory was still vivid in my mind. Newly phased, leggy, and ready for action back in those days. Having never killed a vampire before I remember being so sure I could take at least ten of them out myself. The need to join the fight against Riley and his newborn army had been thrumming in my veins for days; I'd been so excited at the idea of actually getting to use my freaky supernatural power for some good. When Sam had pulled me aside with Collin to tell us we wouldn't be joining the fray I'd been crushed. Crushed, and angry.

"That was the first time I saw an Alpha actually order one if his pack not to do something," she laughed darkly. "You were so angry, even then," she shook her head. "Imagine my surprise when I got to know Lexi. I wouldn't have put the two of you together in a million years."

Glaring at her, I clenched my fist and held her gaze.

"You might be the same angry dog you were back then, but she's good. She's…" she trailed off, shaking her head again, "She's nothing but good. Nothing. Not an ounce of her is like you…or me."

At that, I lifted my head and watched the blonde vampire in front of me as she looked suddenly sad. "Things didn't end well with you two, but she wishes you nothing but good things. She's…she's moved on."

My heart leaped in my chest. "What do you mean, 'moved on'?" I demanded, stepping closer to her. "She found someone else? Who is it?"

Rosalie blinked in surprise, a scattering of emotions reflecting across her face for a brief moment. Shock, confusion, and then….victory?

"She wants to be friends. This is a peace offering, Brady."

That was the first time the she-bitch had used my name. "She…she wants to be friends? After…" I could barely form words as my mind raced, picturing Lexi next to some other guy. The seething jealousy settled over my body, rattling my joints and waking every nerve ending up.

She couldn't be with anyone else.

She was mine.

The thought startled me. She wasn't mine. She couldn't be. I'd fought so hard to let her go and I thought that the booze and the sleeping and the running and hiding had done it. But here I was, right back where I started – an emotional mess, quaking at the thought of her not loving me but loving someone else. It was too much to bear.

"Who…uh….fuck," I growled, my hands rising up to tug at my hair. "How could she…"

Rosalie had grown silent, watching my torment with a strange look on her face. It was disbelief!

"Maybe you should come to the house tonight," she simpered and I'd never wanted to smack a girl so much in my life.

I let out a frustrated growl and turned to punch the doorframe. She snorted and shoved a little notecard into the pocket of the ripped t-shirt I wore before I could blink.

"Seven o'clock! Use the card. And take a shower," she wrinkled her nose as she effortlessly stepped backwards off the porch. The second her foot hit the ground, she was off running before I could talk. I didn't have the energy to chase her. I was still reeling at the idea of Lexi with someone else.

Of course I knew vampires had mates – the only thing worse than spending eternity as a treacherous leech was doing it alone. It was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, to expect Lexi to face this cruel world on her own. A family wasn't enough – she needed a companion.

A million thoughts raced through my mind, but there were two that kept coming back to the front of my mind. I couldn't be sure what thought I hated more – the part of me that was already planning to kill whoever the bastard was, or…

…the part of me that just wanted her to be finally be happy.

If you read 'Love This Pain' I purposefully wrote Lexi and Brady's 'prom' storyline vaguely, so that it wouldn't spoil anything for this story! So excited to finally share it with you (up next!).

Thanks to the readers, new and old! :)