Put a price on emotion
I'm looking for something to buy
You've got my devotion
But man, I can hate you sometimes

I don't want to fight you
And I don't wanna sleep in the dirt

We'll be a fine line

Fine Line – Harry Styles

Chapter 56: Closure

Brady

"I don't think whatever was between us is gone, Lexi. Not completely."

She stared at me, her golden eyes wide with surprise. Shit, even the way she looked when I said something completely stupid was the same. All these months I'd been talking myself into nightmares about what she would be like now, and the images I'd created to haunt myself couldn't have been further from the reality of the girl standing in front of me. She was still Lexi. I'd been terrified to come here tonight to face her, but I was glad I had. As afraid as I was to admit it, even my own stupid stubbornness couldn't deny that the girl I'd once loved wasn't completely gone after all.

She was standing right in front of me.

I hated to admit it, but Embry's little observation from the other night had made me think. He was right. When I'd seen Lexi before she'd left for Alaska, I'd been scared and sad and surprised at what I saw, but I wasn't repulsed. I didn't want to kill her or even really leave her side. Of course I'd been too involved in my little self-pitying depression slump to realize what he had been hinting to. Embry had not so subtly pointed that out to me after getting a front row seat to my thoughts, but he'd been gracious enough to tip-toe around my feelings enough to not point that out. Leave it to Embry to let me come to the realization on my own instead of bashing me over the head with it, I thought wryly.

And now here I was, six feet from my imprint and feeling better than I had in months. The clarity I suddenly felt was astonishing and only solidified my theory.

I felt better around her.

It felt like the noose that was around my neck since that fateful day was slowly loosening. I swallowed hard, staring at her.

"You don't?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't. All this time I avoided you because I thought it was long gone, that the imprint was broken. I thought that coming around you would just upset you and make all of this worse than it already was."

"I'm glad you did what you needed to do, then," she said, her tone businesslike. She stood still – too still – watching me.

"What?"

"Avoid me."

She stared at me, her golden gaze strange, but not unfamiliar. The topaz hue did little to hide the expressiveness that had always been one of Lexi's most prominent features. I watched the emotions shift through them as she thought. Blinking, she smoothed her hands down the vibrant gown she wore. It was an almost ridiculous scene, like something out of a fancy magazine or some shit – a beautiful, ethereal looking girl standing on a misty riverbank in a darkening spring evening, the tones of her silky looking gown standing out like a beacon in the scene. My eyes scanned the dress, taking in the purple that rose and faded into a shocking violet that offset her pale skin and silvery blonde hair. Well, she was certainly dressed like a Cullen.

But somehow, beneath all that – she was still Lexi. Her voice cut through my thoughts.

"Brady, I don't blame you for….for what happened."

My brain assaulted me with memories from that night. His vicious red eyes, taunting voice, and the way her screams had echoed from the tops of the trees. I shuddered.

I clenched my jaw. "It shouldn't have happened. I failed you as an imprint, I-"

"Stop," she insisted, holding up her hand. "It doesn't change it. It's done, and if there was a way to reverse it I would have found it by now, believe me," she looked pained as she spoke. "We can't keep punishing ourselves for it. It doesn't matter…what matters is that we're both here and well, that you're better."

She looked guiltily down at the rocky shore of the creek. "I was so worried about you. I hoped that you could move on and be fine and forget about me-"

"Forget about you?" I interrupted. "And how exactly was I supposed to just forget about my imprint?!"

"You think I know how?" she snapped back. "Everyone told me to forget you, to move on. I didn't know what else to do!"

"I know that," I sighed, feeling utterly defeated. "I thought it was gone and dead, trust me. But I don't hate you because of what you are. Far from it, Lex."

She blanched slightly at my old nickname for her, but nodded in understanding.

"I just want you to know that I couldn't hate you because of a mistake I made. What happened was…."I swallowed the lump in my throat, "A horrible, horrible accident. An accident that wasn't your fault. And for a long time I wanted you to…to move on and forget all this."

The memory of Rosalie showing up on my front porch came back. Her words had haunted me all day.

"Things didn't end well with you two, but she wishes you nothing but good things. She's…she's moved on."

I didn't see another guy here with her, but that didn't mean anything. The Cullens were always sneaky as hell and just because whoever she'd moved on with wasn't glued to her side, that didn't mean anything. But he must not care about her to let her go gallivanting in the woods with a shape shifter and sworn vampire enemy. I tucked the snide thought back and tried to remain in the present and not spoil my precious time with her.

Biting back my insane jealousy and pride, I spoke. "I came here tonight to see you, but also to tell you that I still want to be in your life. If you'll let me."

Lexi's arms slowly crossed, her jaw setting in the way it did before she said something defiant.

"So you only came back to ease your own pain then? Because being around me makes you feel better?"

"Of course not," I snapped.

"That's selfish!" she gasped.

"I know!" I shot back. Shit, this was not what I came here to do. I came to beg and plead for this girl to be in my life again, not insult her. I lowered my voice, trying to push my stupid ego aside and just talk.

"I wanted to see you and talk to you. I….when that…night happened we didn't get to…" I trailed off, my voice failing me. Of course, she knew what I was about to say.

"We never broke up. Not really," she muttered, her tone clearly showing her hurt. The pain of that day came roaring back. I'd felt like she'd died.

I nodded. That fact had been pointed out to me time and time again. Closure, they'd said. I'd never gotten any closure.

"No, we didn't. It just ended, so abrupt and then….then you had other things to focus on besides me."

"Right," she agreed, her voice suddenly tiny. The agony of that time in our lives seemed to hang over us in a dark cloud, and I didn't know what to say to make it better. I suddenly realized that I didn't want to talk about the past anymore – I wanted to finally move forward, and she appeared to as well. "Well, you're right about that. I wasn't exactly worried about you when that all happened. I was just, you know, worrying about how to not slaughter the entire town."

"I know that-"

"Well you act like you avoided me because I'd wronged you somehow. When I saw you before we left, you were so…so cold. And I get that our kinds aren't exactly besties, Brady, but come on! I was so afraid and so unsure of literally everything around me that it would have been nice to just have one kind word from you."

"I know," I said quietly.

Her voice was quiet again. "I already felt like a freak. I didn't need to be treated like one."

"There aren't enough 'sorry's in the world to make up for what happened, Lex," I offered. "And as usual, I handled this about as horribly as you'd expect. You left for Alaska and I uh….didn't do so hot."

Her eyes scanned me up and down, taking in my appearance. I didn't have time to get a tuxedo for the evening, and I didn't even own an iron. Embry had loaned me some dress pants, but the winkled white shirt was all my own doing. My clothes still hung off of me because of all the weight I'd lost, and the haircut Embry and I had done wasn't doing me any favors either. Sleeping for weeks hadn't seemed to help my appearance; I was pretty sure my skin looked weird and the dark circles around my eyes told the same story. In all certainty, I probably looked like hell.

Her lips twisted in the same way they always did when Lexi was preparing to say something she didn't want to say. "You look really rough, Brady. You haven't been taking care of yourself."

I laughed darkly. "Yeah, I guess you could say that," I snorted, kicking at another rock on the shore. Taking another step closer, I studied her face. "I didn't come here to try to prove anything, Lex. It's been a shitty couple of months – I know, nothing compared to what you've been facing, but I'm not going to lie to you and act like I took this all just fine. It's been hell. Being away from you has been….awful. But when I knew you were back, I didn't feel like I had any choice in the matter; I had to come and see you. It took some work to swallow my pride because I look like hell, but….I had to let you know that I still cared. I wanted to come, Lex."

She let out a little sigh of relief at my words, her face breaking into a tentative, tiny smile. Like she was afraid to be happy around me. My heart ached at the sight of her.

Our walk back to the house was a strange mixture of awkward and comfortable. Awkward because I know I was walking too close to her, but comfortable because I just felt better. I could no longer deny that being around Lexi made me feel like myself again, and she didn't seem to mind. If she did, she was too polite to say anything. We got a few curious looks from the others as we rejoined the makeshift prom, but no one said much. Taking our seats, I managed to grunt a thank you to Esme as she delicately placed a hot meal in front of me. It smelled good, but I was still too busy watching Lexi as she sat across from me. The Cullens had gone all out for this – music, lights, a place for dancing, and three little tables set up along the sides of the room. The other two couples had gone back to their dinners, leaving us to it.

We sat in an obstinate silence for a few minutes, not sure where to go from there. There were still a lot of feelings to work out between us; that was one thing I was certain of. I could tell she was a little pissed at me for being selfish and acting like an ass (at least that part was old and familiar) and I still wasn't sure how to ask her if she wanted to at least be friends. And that was a selfish motivation too – Please be my friend, Lexi. It hurts me to be away from you, and I'd rather not slide back into a self-deprecating stupor again. It would be a lot easier if we could hang out.

That would not go well.

But it wasn't just my own selfish need, was it? It all came back around to that 'closure' thing we'd never gotten. Looking at her now, I realized that not even the vampy stuff could make me fall completely out of love with her. She was still herself – the same spunky, smart, observant girl I'd fallen for. I still wanted her after everything. Badly.

But would she want me? Even as friend? I bit back a growl as I thought about what Rosalie had said about Lexi moving on. As beautiful as she was, with that personality and likeable way about her, of course she would have vampire guys falling all over her. I knew enough about their world to know that there were others out there – nomads, other clans, and families – there were surely single male vampires searching for mates. And why wouldn't they want someone like her? My stomach lurched and I suddenly wasn't hungry. Picking at my food, I heaved a sigh. What a mess.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Regan reached over and stabbed her fork into Seth's dessert, stealing a bite. They both laughed together, oblivious to our discomfort. And why should they feel weird? Their relationship was just taking off. It wasn't….stalled, like mine was. If that was even the right world to use.

Lexi gripped the white cup in front of her, twisting the straw. My stomach turned slightly when I realized what she was likely about to drink. Biting her lip, she looked at me from across the table and winced.

"Is this too weird?"

I shrugged, pretending it wasn't. "You gotta eat, don't you?"

"My throat is burning a little…"

A flash of something familiar shot through me - protectiveness. "Does it hurt a lot?

"Sometimes. I hunted a lot to….before today, because," she lowered her voice, discretely looking in Regan and Claire's direction. "I wanted to be safe. I mean, I'm not tempted. They're my friends, and I just don't….it's fine. But it's still hard to be around humans and get used to it all again. Being in the room with them just…it's uncomfortable," she admitted quietly. "Sometimes I think I have everything under control but I still don't even feel like this is my body all the time."

I shrugged, "Well, it's really not. You're like, invincible and shit now."

"Right," she rolled her eyes.

A worrisome thought entered my mind. "Does it hurt you to be around me? Earlier?"

She stopped fiddling with the cup in her hands, her eyes flashing up to mine with surprise. "What? Erm…no. Wolves don't smell like food. It burned a little, but not…you're not human, so…"

"So I didn't hurt to be around me?"

Her eyebrows rose slightly. "No…" she replied slowly. "You didn't hurt me."

Leaning back in the chair, I nodded to myself in satisfaction. "At least there's that."

Nodding slowly, she took the white cup and raised the straw to her lips, taking several long pulls of whatever the contents were. Relief seemed to flood her features as she licked her lips and placed it discretely back onto the table.

"You should eat," she said softly, motioning to the food in front of me.

I wasn't really hungry at the moment, and almost argued.

"Brady…you have to take care of yourself. I wasn't kidding out there by the river, you look….not like yourself. I…I don't want you to neglect yourself anymore, ok?"

She cared. Of course she did – this was Lexi, after all. I shouldn't have been surprised that her innate need to care for others was still prominent in her personality.

Smirking in her direction, I pointedly picked up my silverware and tore into the meal. I was sure Bella had a hand in helping Esme with the food, as she'd had to keep Renesmee fed all these years. She was still a decent cook, and the food did not disappoint. With everything that had happened that day, I'd forgotten to eat again and the savory dish of some sort of chicken in a creamy sauce went down easily. Lexi finished her drink, and I pushed the plate away from me with another pointed look.

"Happy?"

"Yes," she shot back. God, she sounded just like her old self. I couldn't help but grin to myself at the memory of those first few weeks with her when she hated me. Nothing but pure sass, my girl. Sighing, I reminded myself that she probably belonged to someone else now. She'd moved on to be with someone of her kind – could I blame her? She had forever now. Who would want to face that alone?

"What are you thinking about?" she asked softly, the sharp tone gone.

"Just….stuff," my pride wouldn't let me tell the truth.

Her shoulders drooped slightly as she heaved a sigh. "Brady, can you just be honest with me? For once? I….I asked you here because I wanted to know that you were okay. And….honestly, if you thought I looked like a freak or not…"

It was hard to not bristle at her words. "You look beautiful as hell, Lex. That's not what this is about," I shot back. "I'm trying here, okay? I'm trying to not be the selfish asshole for once and do what's best for you."

She frowned at me, obviously pissed at my standoffish behavior. Fuck my pride, I groaned internally. Why couldn't I just make this easier?

Around us, the music got louder and I barely registered as the other couples got up to dance. Heaving a sigh, I realized I was fucking this up ten times worse than I'd originally planned. Of course I knew the chances of me being a selfish prick were high, but I at least thought I could make it through an evening without royally fucking things up the way I had.

My eyes shifted to the dancefloor where Emmett was playfully twirling Regan around in some dance I didn't recognize – probably something from the time he was from, I realized. The reality of that thought struck me all the sudden. He was old. Like, really old. Somewhere in my memory I could recall Jake telling me he had been turned back in the thirties. With a jolt, I realized that Lexi would someday be really old. Lexi would live forever, and unless I kept phasing….I wouldn't. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I couldn't help but worry what she would think of me when she remembered me. I'd spent enough time with their kind to know their memories were steel traps, and I didn't want Lexi to look back at her memories of me and have them all filled with me being an asshole.

"Want to dance?"

She looked up in surprise. "Really?"

Shrugging, I looked at the dancefloor. The others were too busy laughing and clapping along to the music to pay any attention to us anyway.

"You didn't put on a dress like that to sit in a corner all night, did ya?" I tried to joke.

Lexi shook her head, her blonde waves dancing in the changing lights of the dancefloor. They flickered and moved with the beat of the up-tempo music with the running baseline from another time period. We stood, slowly ambling over to a darker corner of the Cullen living room, unsure of what to do first. This was so stupid – we'd touched a million times. We'd done more that touch when she was human, that was for sure. My neck felt immediately hot as I remembered what it was like to be with Lexi. Dangerous, traitorous thoughts I hadn't let myself have for months now.

Pausing, I carefully placed my hand on her hip, all while watching her expression. She didn't flinch, but her head dropped to watch my hand as it rested against her. I heard her swallow nervously as our hands raised, one of hers resting on my shoulder and the other reaching out to touch mine. Her hand was frozen in midair, mere centimeters from mine. I watched as trepidation filled her features; her eyes flicked to mine. Somewhere in the background the music changed tempo, something slower and easier to move to for someone like me, but I barely noticed. No, all of my focus was on Lexi as she stared at me, waiting to touch my hand.

I was tired of not knowing. I closed the gap between our hands, grasping her palm in mine. My hand still dwarfed hers, but that wasn't what I noticed – no, I couldn't help but notice the jolt of familiar energy run through my palm and up my arms and into my chest. Her hand was smooth and hard and cool to the touch, but it still felt like coming home.

I swallowed.

"Not so bad, right?"

Her features were blank. Her eyes darted to mine, suddenly wide with shock. I felt her start to grip my hand, testing it in hers. We stood there, poised and ready to dance but couldn't seem to move.

"Lex?"

Her eyes snapped to meet mine. "I….I think I need to go outside."

The connection was gone as soon as her hand dropped mine. The music had faded away and I all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears, pounding so loud I could barely think straight. Lexi brushed past a concerned Esme and Rosalie, who had stopped dancing to monitor her.

Rosalie held out an arm to slow her. "Lexi…"

"I'm…fine, just need fresh air…" she whispered, hurrying past. I met their curious eyes and shrugged, following her out onto the back deck. The makeshift prom was forgotten behind me as I followed her. The brightly dancing lights in the Cullen living room shone through the windows, bouncing off the trees and the bass beat pounded on inside as my pack brothers and their imprints enjoyed the evening. I had a feeling mine was just beginning.

"Lexi!" my voice sounded hollow in my head. The blood was still pounding in my ears and time felt like it was inching by.

"I…" she didn't finish. Instead, she vaulted over the railing of the deck and bolted across the lawn. Without thinking, I followed, launching myself off the deck with a quarter of the grace and speed she had. Landing on the grass with a hard thud, I swore under my breath and ignored whatever bones I'd heard pop in protest and took off after her. It would have been easier to phase, but I didn't want to scare the crap out of her if I didn't have to. She looked like she was in control but I knew we were technically mortal enemies now. Phasing would only complicate things. I heard the clink of Rosalie's hands hitting the steel of the railing, gripping it tightly.

"You watch it, mutt," she hissed under her breath. I heard her, but didn't care. My feet churned against the wet grass, hurtling me towards Lexi. My human senses were about a quarter of what they would be if I was in wolf form, but they still eventually led me to her. Wading through the ferns on the edge of the lawn, I wove through the greenery to discover first one, then a second bejeweled high heels in the thick undergrowth. I found her on the shore of the river again, pacing barefoot. The edges of her vibrant gown were muddied with sand and debris as she moved along the rocky shore, never even flinching at the jagged pebbles beneath her feet.

Watching her closely, I kept my distance and let her realize I was there.

She seemed to be slightly in denial.

"Doesn't make sense," she muttered, more to herself than to me, and kept pacing. The river raced behind her, babbling and oblivious to the turmoil Lexi brought with her. Reaching up, I thumbed at the top button of my dress shirt and unbuttoned it so I could breathe more. Despite the cool spring evening, my body was burning up.

"You felt that too," I stated, watching her closely.

She glanced at me, her eyes wild and searching. No answer.

"I didn't know it would still be like that," I admitted anyway, my mind going back to some of the first times I'd touched her as a human. The spark, the pull, the fireworks that went on in every nerve of my body every time we touched or brushed skin. It was a wonderful madness I'd grown so accustomed to when she was human and our imprint bond was strong. My heart pounded in my chest at the revelation that not only was our bond not broken – I did feel better in her presence – but was still practically buzzing beneath the surface when we'd touched. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry as I thought of the torture I'd put myself through the last couple of months. Had it been for nothing?

Lexi was still quiet, her eyes open but unseeing. She stopped pacing ten feet from me, giving me an apprehensive look.

"I didn't either, I…."

"What?"

"I didn't know…I thought everything would be…different. After what you said earlier about…about feeling better with me around I was thinking all night and I was prepared to just be here for you," she wailed, twisting her hands again. "All this time I thought everything was done. I thought it died, just like I did. And now that I know it didn't, where does that leave us?"

I got some really sweet reviews and messages reminding me of this story this week, so I wanted to post for you all :)

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