I rarely engage in politics, I think they're a nightmare and producer of arguments in almost all cases, but I do have some fundamental beliefs that will never change. I, a woman, believe I should have the right to make decisions regarding my own body. While I am grateful to live in England, where women still have the right to abortions, but the overturning of Roe vs Wade is taking several hundred steps backwards within medicine, freedom and human rights and will almost certainly have repercussions in many other countries.
For this reason, I wrote this chapter. You do not have to read it if my pro-choice stance is something you would be offended by. So if you do choose to read this chapter, try to remain open minded. Remember: you're making a choice to read so any hateful comments will be removed.
Also, I know I've changed my writing perspective for this chapter, I realised 700 words in and refuse to change this.
27th June 2022
Sobbing. She hears sobbing. Not just whimpers, or cries, but heart wrenching wails. Coming home to Amelia crying was something that Arizona had experienced before, but not like this. Not to this extent. As she makes her way to their bedroom, the incessant sobbing is replaced by a thud, and a crash, the shattering of glass. At this, Arizona's concern grew exponentially. She dropped her bags and rushed towards her distraught girlfriend.
Pausing at the door, Arizona knocks, wanting to know what it is safe to enter. She had heard sounds of violence, items being thrown and smashed and while she was concerned for Amelia's wellbeing, she did not want to be injured by airborne, dangerous items. At the knock, the apartment was silent. No more crying, no more screaming, just nothing. She is surrounded by quietness.
"Amelia, are you okay? Can I come in?" I ask softly, placing my forehead on the door and listening for any indication of a response.
After several uncomfortable and panicked moments, she hears a barely audible "Yes".
With slow movements, Arizona opens the bedroom door. The mirror that had previously adorned their bedroom wall is now scattered into many across the floor. The frame of the drawing Amelia and Sofia had done is cracked, and beside it a fist shaped hole in the wall. Immediately below, Amelia is sitting, her knees pulled up and her head resting between them. It does not escape Arizona's attention that her girlfriends hands are still held tight in fists, she can see her nails carving dents into the skin of the palm of her hands.
Upon first instinct, she wants to sit on the floor beside her girlfriend, yet when she looks down, glass slivers are located at all angles, and most likely under where her partner is sitting barefoot.
"Amelia, can you hear me?" She asks, knowing that amidst a panic attack, the neurosurgeon often doesn't have the capacity to listen to what is going on around her. Despite this, Amelia nods. She is with her, she is listening.
"There is glass everywhere, can you move to the bed? I don't want you to get hurt."
The brunette lifts her head and looks at her surroundings before nodding, holding out a hand for Arizona to pull her up. "Watch your step, nice and careful. You've got it" The blonde encourages, helping her girlfriend to the bed before leaving the room to collect a brush to sweep up the glass. Though it shouldn't be her main priority, Arizona can't help but be grateful for their wooden flooring rather than carpet. It makes cleaning up a whole lot easier than it would otherwise be.
When she re-enter the room, Amelia doesn't meet her gaze. She allows her girlfriend some time to compose herself by sweeping the shards and splinters from the floor before trying to uncover the events that had occurred prior to her arrival. Amelia had never had a break down like this, at least not since Arizona had known her. She had had emotional meltdowns of course, but nothing had ever reached this level of intensity.
Once the majority of the glass had been swept away and transported safely to the trashcan, Arizona approaches the bed, asking her girlfriends permission before sitting down beside her. She doesn't know what to say, or to do. She has never been put in a situation like this before. "I don't know what to do here, Amy. I can tell that you're hurting, clearly something has happened but I need to know what's going on. What if Sofia would have come in here with all that glass on the floor? Or even you, you could have been seriously injured."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened… I was just so angry and it just happened."
"I'm not a violent person, I never have been. I don't know what came over me." Amelia admits, her voice is shaky, almost as though she is scared of her own actions.
"Can I touch?" The blonde checks, awaiting a nod before she wraps her arms tightly around the neurosurgeon. "Amelia, your hand." Arizona gasps, taking her partners arm at the wrist and looking at her bleeding knuckles.
Amelia looks down at what her partner was referring to, opening her hand before re-clenching, hissing at the pain.
"I hadn't even noticed"
"I think you should get it x-rayed, if there are broken bones you need to see ortho ASAP, make sure your valuable neurosurgeon hands are safe."
"I uh, I don't know what I'd tell people… I look like I got into a fight." Amelia muses.
"I mean, you kinda did, but your opponent was a wall."
"Too soon, Az." Amelia complains with a groan, somewhere between a sob and a sigh.
"What triggered this?" The blonde asks, sensing that Amelia isn't shutting down, but rather her body language appears to express she is open to conversation.
"The country we live in is trying to take away our bodily autonomy, I have every right to be pissed." Amelia explains, her jaw clenched in anger.
"Roe vs Wade?"
"Precisely."
"I'm as pissed about it as the next pro-choice woman, but that doesn't explain why we have a hole in our wall." Arizona states calmly, prompting Amelia to go into more detail regarding the events that had occurred.
"When it was announced, I felt numb, y'know, like I do. But today, it hit me. And it was like a switch was flicked in my brain. But normally I get sad, today I got angry."
"Okay"
"I can't believe we like in a country that supposedly prioritises freedom, freedom is basically the entirety of our first amendment rights, and yet somehow, what should be one of the most protected rights is gone. Its just gone. Its unsafe, and it's unfair. How is it that a bunch of male politicians can force women to go through a pregnancy. Do they not know how dangerous that could be? Or do they just not care. I just, I don't understand why." Amelia rants, asking questions that Arizona is in now position to answer.
"I don't think there is a simple answer to that, Amelia. I agree that it's wrong, and I hate that there is nothing we can do to fix it, but we just have to be grateful we live in a state where our rights will remain the same. We are fortunate. Plus, I've never been so grateful to be gay in my life." It's strange, to appreciate being in a minority group that are often discriminated on, but in this occasion, its a valid thing to be feeling.
"But what about the other states? What about the children who are raped like I was. They're going to be going through hell. I uh, I don't know what I would have done if this would have happened 20 years ago."
"Amelia, what are you saying?" Arizona pauses, reading between the lines of Amelia's words. She can't be saying what she thinks she is saying, can she?
"That the asshole that raped me got me pregnant. And that if I didn't have access to planned parenthood, or to doctors who allowed me to have the procedure, I would most likely have killed myself."
"You told me the doctors said he used a condom, that they found evidence of it." Arizona states, attempting to get her head around this newly revealed information.
"I never lied about that. I guess it broke or something because 8 weeks later when I couldn't stop throwing up, the nightmare dawned on me."
"You never told me." Arizona can't help it, but she feels hurt. Amelia had told her there were things from her past she was unaware of, but the paediatric surgeon had never considered it could be things as life altering as this.
"I never thought I'd have to think of it again. I hated everything about it, and it's why I still have the implant despite being in a gay relationship."
"You told me it helped regulate your periods."
"Also true. But it also meant the rapists of this world can't get me pregnant again." She responds bluntly.
"I was scared, and alone. There were pro-life protesters outside the clinic calling me a murderer, but at least I was able to get help. If I were forced to carry that child I would have been forced to acknowledge what had happened to me and I couldn't do that." Amelia reveals, much to her girlfriends surprise. Arizona had expected her girlfriend to opt out of further conversation, but she didn't.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to go through any of that."
"I'm supporting Addison in forming a safe place, a charity of sorts. She doesn't know why, she doesn't need to. But it's important to me that I help."
"I would be willing to help too, if you'll let me." The blonde offers, squeezing Amelia's non-injured hand tightly to let her know she isn't alone.
"Addie will appreciate that."
"Is there anything I can do for you personally?" Arizona offers.
"Go on birth control. Protect yourself. I know that anything happening is extremely unlikely, and I hate that I'm asking you to medicate yourself, but if something were to happen, I don't want you to have to make that choice." Amelia instructs, half expecting Arizona to argue that she doesnt need to, but she doesn't. She agrees immediately.
"Because I have migraine with aura, I'm not allowed combined forms of contraception, but I'll make an appointment first thing tomorrow to discuss my options."
"I don't know how things are going to change in the future, but as Sof gets older, if things haven't changed, we are going to have to ask her to go on the pill, or patch or something too."
"I agree completely. But for now, we just have to protect her. She's too young."
"I know, I didn't mean now, I just, I keep thinking of you guys being in the situation that I was in back then and it hurts."
"The state of Washington are unlikely to change their rules in the near future, but if they do, then we go from there. As for now, we just need to do our part, and we, need to go get your hand x-rayed"
"Yeah. Okay."
So yeah, I'm pissed and I guess writing this short chapter helped me get it out.
Anyways, no proof reading has been done, I wrote this in the last hour to get my frustrations out so excuse any (and all) errors.
And if you got this far, I'm presuming you're not going to be leaving rude or offensive comments, but just a reminder that any such comments made will be taken down as soon as I see them.