(Dwayne)
I try to stride confidently into the changing rooms for afternoon practise, but the fear of facing Charlie for the first time since Adam's funeral instils a terrible fear in me. I tell myself I shouldn't be scared, but I know its stupid. Of course I should be scared, it'll be the only thing that'll help me get through the practise in one piece. At least my senses might be more alert…I hope.
With my head down I make my way to a bench at the far end of the locker room where I can change hidden from view, dumping my kit bag down and sitting to remove my trainers. It's surprisingly quiet, the usual chattering and laughing is absent. Instead everybody's talking in soft voices or just sitting on the benches listening to each other. I guess the memory of our friend's harder for them to banish than Fulton thinks.
A slight breeze writhes across my face and I turn to see Charlie sitting beside me. My stomach gives a sickening lurch and I sense my skin start to crawl. He gives his lazy, dark smile and I know there's going to be trouble.
"Afternoon cowboy." He hisses, the deep blackness of his eyes smothering any glint of humanity he may once have had. After glancing once around the room he stretches out his hand and runs it up my leg, his expression daring me to throw him off. Instead I lower my gaze, unable to stand up to him. I feel the burn of shame that only a coward knows. I don't have any will left, he's made sure of that. "I missed you." He mutters into my ear, his breath warm and moist, his pointed tongue brushing my cringing skin softly, like a drip of poison. I wonder briefly if anyone's watching, but know deep in my heart that they aren't. Charlie's too clever to get caught; I should know that by now. Inside I cry softly…I used to love it when he kissed me with the same mouth that's now pressed against my neck, but all I feel is hate and disgust, and a cold, creeping shiver. "Where's your new friend?" He whispers, his tone condemning, but his composure never once slipping. He's in charge, he always is, and he knows it. It's frightening how calm and blank he is…it's not a normal state of relaxation, it's a cold, dead silence from deep inside. I find myself curious as to how he became this cruel and dangerous.
"F-friend?" I stammer, losing control of my voice slightly. "What-" I clear my throat hesitantly. "Which one would that be?"
"You know" He gives a snake's smile, "Fulton. Your new boyfriend."
"I don't know what you mean…"
"Sure you do, sweet. All those late nights in his room, missing meals…sharing his bed…"
"For your information," States a cold, quiet voice very suddenly, "he's been sleeping on the floor." Relief floods through me in a wave of warmth, erasing the slimy coldness of a few moments before. Fulton gives me a quick glance of reassurance, then snaps his sparking gaze back to Charlie. The look on Conway's face is one of pure, undiluted hate. He usually saves that one for special occasions. I notice with some satisfaction that his cool, smooth composure's slipped, but a second later he hitches it back and slides up from the bench to stand nose to nose with Fulton.
"Has he now? I'll believe that when I see it." He gives me a contemptuous look. "I'd watch him if I were you, he might just start taking advantage of your hospitality…he doesn't expect much from a boyfriend."
"Evidently." Replies Fulton, raising an eyebrow and folding his arms across his chest. Charlie's at a loss for words. He opens his mouth to say something, but can't seem to formulate a decent reply, so he shoots me one last wink before slipping past Fulton, deliberately brushing his hand against his crotch. I see him shudder and close his eyes, turning unusually pale. Once Conway's gone, he collapses onto the bench, shaking violently, a fine mist of cold sweat glistening on his forehead. I reach out a shaking hand and touch his arm. He flinches, then opens his eyes and grins apologetically.
"Sorry, still caught in the moment…"
"It's okay, I understand."
"I was so scared Dwayne…I've never experienced that before. It's like…now I know what he can do, I feel so vulnerable. He just makes me feel…so…cheap and-"
"I know." Only two words, but a wealth of meaning. I know, I always did…and now, Fulton knows too. I'm no longer alone…it's the first time in my life that I truly wish I was the only one. I don't want Charlie to make other people feel the way I do…
I feel Fulton punch me lightly on the arm and I return to the present, back to reality and to my only friend.
"Come on man," He murmurs, "let's get changed."
Does he know, I wonder? Did he take Charlie seriously? Should I tell him myself?
Tell him what?
That he's more than a friend to me…
Could he ever accept me? Would he return my feelings, or throw them back in my face?
I just don't know. These questions keep chasing round and round inside my head, until it aches and I'm weary with asking myself over and over…
And there's always the other thought…the one telling me this isn't right…