A/N: Slight language in this chapter. Not bad, but I suppose I ought to forewarn.
Chapter 7: 'Two Steps Forward, One Step Back'(Dwayne)
I'm glad I agreed to come along… I never realised just how much I missed the others until now. We're all sitting in the small, brightly-lit diner just down the road from school, munching away on burgers and fries and drinking coke to our hearts' content. I'm trying to ignore the thunderous belches from my left…Portman challenged Fulton to a burping competition and Fulton being…well, Fulton, accepted. It's actually funny in a rather childish, disgusting way. I haven't had this much fun in weeks. And it's great to see the others all smiling again. Its made me realise that nothing I did could've stopped what happened to Adam, and I should just accept that he's gone, like the rest of the Ducks have, instead of dwelling on what would've happened if I'd never said anything to him about Charlie. I understand now that its not my fault and that I'm actually honouring Adam's memory by picking up the pieces, taping them together and carrying on with life as a tribute to him. All that time I was searching for redemption and it was right under my nose, in the form of eight wonderful people.
Charlie's missing though. He stayed behind at school with the excuse that he had homework to get done. The others teased him a bit, but eventually we got away and now we're considering what to do after we've eaten.
"Why don't we go see a movie?" Suggests Ken, his dark eyes scanning the local paper in front of him. I guess he's looking at the movie listings.
"What's on?" Asks Portman, flicking fries at Fulton.
"Hm…well, there's 'High School Heart Breaker'…"
"No chick flicks!" Cry Averman and Goldberg.
"Okay…how about 'Golden Gun 2'?"
"They've made a sequel? The first movie was bad enough."
"That'll be a no then. 'Bloodsucker By Nature'? That's just come out, but the reviews are good."
"Is that a horror?" Grins Julie, her eyes bright at the prospect.
"Yep, apparently the scariest one you'll ever see…" He glances up from the newspaper. "Who's up for it?" A chorus of 'I'm game' and 'Yeah, cool!' echoes round the table and Ken folds the paper resolutely. "Right then, that's settled. 'Bloodsucker By Nature it is!" Everybody cheers and we start gathering things together to leave. As I stand, I feel a hand at my elbow and Fulton's voice mumbles into my ear: "Can I sit with you? I hate scary movies."
At the movie theatre we all pool our money and send Portman to get the tickets and Connie and Guy to get the food and drink. We made Dean get the food once before and let's just say that we're not going to make that mistake again.
After a huge debate involving a condom and Guy's wallet (we're still teasing him and Connie about it, he still denies any knowledge of it), we finally sort ourselves out and make for screen 6, Connie and Guy blushing for all they're worth. I sit impatiently through the ads, waiting for the movie to start, and when it does, I turn at grin at Fulton, who gives a worried grimace in return. I laugh to myself and pat his shoulder.
"It'll be fine, you'll see."
"Fine? This would only be fine if we were sitting through a girlie movie. They're the only ones I can watch!" He sounds panicky, and I'm not sure if he's joking or not, but I laugh anyway.
Within minutes of the beginning we've been thrilled and spilled (I knew we shouldn't have got drinks) by what promises to be a very frightening three hour romp with vampires. But beside me I can feel Fulton start to shake and as I look over I see him sink into his seat, his hands over his eyes. I take pity on him and lean over, touching his arm lightly. He screams and jumps, making everyone else in the row jump too. I grin and shake him a little.
"Hey, Fulton…it's only me!" I whisper. His wide eyes are glistening in the meagre light and he smiles in mild relief.
"Sorry Dwayne. I told you I couldn't handle horror movies."
"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to be sorry. Even I'm scared."
"Really?" He sounds so young and defenceless. I feel my heart melt at his cuteness.
"Yeah. But don't worry…I'm here for you…" Taking a huge chance, I look around then place my hand on his thigh. It doesn't seem to register with him for a moment, but as I begin to smile and relax, he turns his gaze back on me, his expression horrified. Jumping up and scattering his popcorn he leaps away from me and strides from the screen room. My heart's pounding hard against my chest and I can feel tears forming in my eyes.
"Poor guy" mutters Portman from beside me, "he's always hated horror films. I'm surprised he lasted that long." He grins and I feel myself return with a weak smile, but I know that's not why Fulton just left.
What would Portman say if he knew what had really made his best friend leave so suddenly? I groan and cover my face with my hands. I've really messed up this time.
(Fulton)
I've gotta leave, gotta get out. I didn't…wasn't…what the hell just happened?
I knew Dwayne was…different, but I didn't think he would…I mean…I'm…straight…I don't…oh God, the look on his face when I ran out…what have I done to him?
It was just a reaction, a stupid reaction…but I what else could I do? Pretend it was okay for him to come onto me, just because I didn't want to hurt him? I mean, I like the guy as a friend and everything but…not…
I can't help the way I feel. I don't like him like that, I can't. It's not in me to be that way. But the pain of rejection in his eyes…
I'm aware of streets passing in a blur as I stride back to Eden Hall, desperate to get back to somewhere normal, somewhere where I can sort my head out. I can't think straight…I laugh slightly at that expression…of course I can. What I mean is, I can't think gay. Why would Dwayne come onto me? For one thing I thought he had better taste than that.
As I look up, in the middle of my thoughts, I see the gates of the school loom up in front of me, tall and cold, almost forbidding for some reason. Shaking my head, I carry on towards the dorms, my hands in my pockets, the cold of the late autumn seeping through my thin jacket. While passing the quad between the girls' and boys' dorms however, I hear a quiet sob. Halting immediately, my curiosity aroused, I make for the origin of the sound. Who on earth would be out at this time, and why are they so upset?
As I round the screening trees, I see a figure come into view, hunched on a bench, their knees tucked against their chest, supporting their head. I walk slowly towards the stranger, holding my hand out, my previous distress forgotten in the light of someone else's.
"Hello?" I call softly, not wanting to frighten whomever it is. The person before me jumps and swivels round suddenly, and I breathe in sharply.
"Linda?"
She stares at me for a moment as though she doesn't recognise me, then seems to dissolve, her shoulders slumping, her face caving in as more tears fall, soaking her face and making her sniffle.
"Hey, hey…what's wrong?" I'm surprised to find concern in my voice and I cross to the bench in three strides, straddling it to sit beside her and shake her gently. "Linda?" I say again, curiosity burning at me. A thought hits me so suddenly I can almost feel myself bend at the metaphorical collision. "Does this have something to do with Charlie?" There's a slight change in her choking sobs and she looks up once more to stare at me, still beautiful despite her tears. There's a look in her eyes, as though she's assessing me, then she gives a small nod and breaks down again. Charlie. I should've known. Who else could make so many people miserable in one day?
Murmuring comfort and care, I reach out and pull her to me, making incomprehensible noises that seem to ease her anguish. The tenseness in her back starts to ebb away and she slowly quietens, her fingers tangled in my shirt in a bid for security.
"So, are you going to tell me what this is all about, or am I going to have to go pound it outta Conway?" Normally that would make her laugh, (how many times have I had to offer to settle their arguments before?) but this time she just wipes her eyes and draws away from me again, seeming to shrink into herself. This time something's different. "Linda," my voice had become deadly serious, "what did he do to you?" But she just shakes her head.
"I…can't…" she stammers, her voice still clogged in her throat.
"Of course you can. You have before." I rub her shoulder gently. "Tell me. Maybe I can help."
"You can't…no one can."
This sounds pretty bad. All possible conclusions are going through my head at top speed, confusing me. Has he beaten her? Has she found out about Dwayne? About Adam? What has Charlie done?
"Come on Linda, give it a try. You never know, perhaps it's not as bad as you think." Possibly the worst thing I could've said. I realise that before she starts shouting, before she even turns to glare at me. So I know exactly what's coming next, because I would say it too.
"Not as bad as I think? Not as bad as…Who the hell do you think you are Fulton Reed? You march in here and butt in, trying to pry into me like some kind of-of psychotherapist, trying to get me to talk about what can't ever be said! What does it have to do with you anyway? Who gave you a diploma and elected you national head-doctor for the troubled? And what good would it do? None, that's what! You can't help me, no one can! This is the end of the road for me, I have nowhere else to go, Charlie Conway's made sure of that! He's ruined my life, and now you're trying to get me to talk about it? Well fuck you Fulton, because you're not the one who's got problems here! You're not the one who's pregnant and…" She stops, her hands flying to her mouth at what she's just said.
Maybe I didn't know what she was going to say after all.